Coming Into The world
My mom was with a man, left him, and got married. While her husband was away, she cheated on him with her ex and got pregnant. Her husband came back and the ex went away. The marriage didn't last long, by the time I was two years old, My mom married again. This marriage lasted almost 30 years.



Childhood At Home
This time My mom married for money. She thought that she was doing the right thing by marrying a man that would be a good provider. Yes, he was a good provider. I never went hungry, always had clothes on My back, a roof over My head, and I got practically every thing that I ever wanted. But what I wanted more than thing's was love. Love? Hell, I would've settled for just a small sign that he liked Me. But alas, all I ever got was torment. No matter what I did, or how hard I tried, it was never good enough. I never received a single word of praise. All I ever heard from him was how I was no good and that I'd never amount to anything. Not only was he emotionally abusive, but physically as well. There were too many times to count that he would pick Me up by My neck and bounce Me off of walls.

I hid the physical abuse from My mom. I hid it because I thought that she loved him, thought that she was happy with him, and I didn't want to do anything to hurt her. For the longest time, My mom was My best friend, and I was allowing Myself to be hurt in order to keep her safe. I knew what she'd do if she knew that My stepfather was beating Me that way. She would have attacked him like a wild beast. I was afraid of what he'd do to her if she went at him. I knew that if she found out, it would hurt her emotionally and I was afraid of what might happen to her physically. So I kept My mouth shut, took My beatings, and protected My mom from emotional, and possibly physical, harm. I finally told My mom about the abuse when I was in My mid 30's, after she had left him.



Childhood In School
My time in school wasn't much better than My home life. I was THE outcast in school. Everybody remembers that one kid in school that nobody liked. Well, I was that kid! I was beaten up, teased, and tormented on a regular basis. Hell, they even set My hair on fire once! In high school, I became completely fed up with the entire world and finally started fighting back. The other kids learned that I was more than capable of defending Myself and soon began to leave Me alone. I learned that if I allowed Myself to be used as a doormat, everybody would wipe their feet on Me. But if I was bold and fought back, I was accepted by some and feared by the rest. I didn't care if they feared Me or not, so long as they left Me alone.



Childhood Love Life
My love life as a child was nonexistent. Every time I broke down My internal barriers and asked a girl out, I was rejected. Rejected? That's a weak word to describe the reactions I received. I was laughed at, spit on, smacked, and a few times the girl's big brother would beat Me up (just to make sure I never even looked at his sister again).



Life As An Adult
Adult Love Life
My girlfriends were few and far between. It seemed that I was always attracted to girls that were the quiet and shy types. The few that agreed to go out with Me soon broke out of their shells, cheated on Me and then left. I was certain that I would spend My life alone.



Life At Work
I had a hard time holding a job. It would always go the same way, I'd start calling in sick, then I'd start staying home without even bothering to call in. During this time, I'd stay home, isolating Myself from the world. The only job that I was able to hold was as a donut maker. I lost that job because My boss and his wife got a divorce and closed the shop. I tried working at others but I soon reverted back to My isolating ways. I began to think that My stepfather was right, I was worthless. It wasn't until My mid-twenties that I found out what the problem was.



Diagnosed And Hospitalized
I hit a point in My mid-twenties where I spent several months isolating Myself as much as humanly possible. My mom finally intervened and took Me to the hospital. I was diagnosed with Bipolar II and hospitalized. This was when I realized that My problems had a name. I realized that I had been fighting the Bipolar II My entire life. It was then that I figured out why I was able to hold My job at the donut shop as long as I did... I worked the graveyard shift completely alone. The only contact I had was with My boss for 5 minutes every night when he'd drop off the orders. When the depression kicked in, I could work and still be isolated from the world at the same time.



Dawning Of A New Life
I met a girl online and we became friends. The friendship grew into something I never expected. That's when she informed Me that she was into D/s BDSM. I was turned on by the fact that she was submissive, but I had never really thought about the rest of it. W/we started talking about the way she liked to play. I was almost shocked to discover that things like bondage and spanking turned Me on. Hell, nothing had ever had My motor running so hard before. It was then that I realized why I had always been attracted to the quiet and shy girls. I had always thought that I was attracted to them because they seemed innocent, but I was wrong. I was attracted to them because they were submissive. This relationship only lasted a couple of weeks. she told Me that she found another Dom that she was very attracted to. I let her go and went on My way. I never really thought that it would last anyway.

I then began spending My time reading about the lifestyle. The more I read, the more I knew I had found a place that I belonged. I decided that I was going to stick with this lifestyle. I soon began visiting D/s BDSM channels on IRC. I found one where I felt at home and I became a regular there. I soon met the most wonderful girl I had ever met. she and I became very close, very fast, W/we fell in love. Within a month I collared her and W/we began planning the rest of O/our lives together. W/we planned on getting married and living a long happy life together. Finding her was the first time in My life that I truly knew what it felt like to be happy.

I was head over heels, madly in love with her and I proposed just days after first meeting her in person. I thought that I finally knew what it meant to be happy. In the beginning, I was happy… very, VERY, VERY happy. That happiness quickly began to fade away, and there didn’t seem to be much that I could do about it.

O/our troubles began shortly after W/we were together as a C/couple (before W/we were actually married). Every time I would get on the computer to hang out and chat with friends, she would get upset and start crying. she thought that I was using the computer to try to replace her. All I was actually doing was hanging out and chatting with friends. Some of which were friends that introduced U/us to each other. In order to try to calm her fears, I gave up all of My online friends. I completely stopped chatting all together.

After W/we were married… at least once a week, she would accuse Me of cheating on her. Then she would threaten to leave Me. The threats stopped when I got fed up and told her that I’d help her pack and said I’d even call her mom to come pick her up. The accusations of adultery kept right on coming however. I was accused so often that I actually began considering doing it.

My wife began having cyber and phone sex with other guys, as well as calling another man Master. she also used the computer and phone at work to talk to these guys, leading to her losing her job. I fought to keep what was Mine in every way I could think of. The fighting ranged from installing a key logger on her computer and giving her the ultimatum (them or Me) to My buying flowers and covering O/our bed with them. O/our fights became longer, louder and more frequent. Most of the time these fights found her screaming that she wanted a divorce. I always said the same thing, that she was only saying it because she was angry and wanting to hurt Me. I told her that if she really wanted a divorce, she would have to say it during a time when she was calm and thinking clearly.

One day, without any warning, she told that Me she wanted a divorce. I spent the next several hours trying to change her mind. Then I just gave up and gave her what she wanted. After being together as Dom/sub for 10 years (married for 8), it was over.

To My amazement, within 48 hours, I met another girl. This new girl would go on to become My best friend, My confidant, My lover, My wife, and My slave. she was My most treasured possession and I loved her with every fiber of My being. I can honestly say that I’d never loved that strongly before.

But alas, once again, My trust was betrayed and I was asked for a divorce. This time W/we were together for 3 years (married for 2).