I, Alex Armando Colindres Hernandez, declare under penalties of perjury that the following information is to the best of my knowledge true and correct:
1. My name is Alex Armando Colindres Hernandez. I was born on November 1, 1991 in La Masica Atlantida, Honduras and am 17 years old. I lived in La Masica Atlantida until I left Honduras to travel to the United States in July 2007.
2. I am gay. I am not ashamed of being gay – I know that it’s is simply who I am, and no-one can change that, not even me. I have known that I was gay since I was very young, but I could not tell anyone in Honduras. It is only now, since coming to the United States, that I have become comfortable with myself and being open about being gay.
3. In Honduras, my whole family, along with my friends and neighbors, suspected that I was gay. I know they suspected because they asked me if I was gay all the time. I could never tell my family that I was gay, though. They would never have accepted me if they knew. My family is very religious and believes that being gay is a sin, something shameful. They don’t understand that a person doesn’t choose to be gay; it’s just who you are.
4. I have suffered from abuse my whole life. My dad was very abusive to my mom as well as my younger brother and me. He abused my mom physically, sexually, and mentally. Before I was born my mom worked as a prostitute. This is how she met my father. In Honduras they have bars where you go to meet prostitutes and my father met my mother at one of these bars. My father is a very jealous person. He was jealous of my mom's past and the men she had been with. Although she was never with anyone else after she married my father, he was still jealous. In fact, he was so controlling and jealous of my mother's past that he made her give up my half-brother, Franklin Zapata, who she had with another man before she met my father. She gave him to my father's sister, my paternal aunt. He wanted my mom "new." My mom does not see Franklin anymore. I know Franklin, but I don't have a good relationship with him and I never saw him regularly when I was younger.
5. The abuse continued throughout their whole marriage. My dad would frequently hit my mom, pull her hair, drag her into a room and lock her there. He would make her bend over and kick her. He often hit her with a bare fist or belts. In addition, there was lots of yelling in my house. The abuse was so bad that my paternal grandmother removed my younger brother, Carlos Orlando, and myself from the home when I was three-years-old and my younger brother was one-year-old. She thought the abuse was detrimental to our well-being.
6. My father abused my brother and me as well. We would try to stop him from hurting my mom and when we got in the middle he would hit us. Even though we had gone to live with my grandmother, we lived in the same village as my parents and our houses were close together. My father would come to my grandma's house frequently. Sometimes he would come every day. When he came, he would invent reasons to be upset with my younger brother and me so that he had a reason to abuse us. He would say that we were misbehaving when we were in fact behaving well. Or he would get mad at us because we did not say hello to him. Almost every time he came to the house he would hurt us. The abuse was similar to how he abused my mom. He would hit us with his fists or belt, or he would kick us. If he was going to hit us with an object he would just use what was closest. Sometimes he would use a cable which would cut into our skin. My dad hit me more than he hit my younger brother because he did not think that I was his child. He singled me out because of this. I have scars on my body from the abuse I suffered at the hands of my father.
7. My father also abused me more than my brother because I was gay. He made it very clear to me that he did not approve of homosexuality. For instance, there was one openly gay person in my village, a transvestite, and my father made fun of him constantly. He even told me he didn’t want to imagine life with a gay son.
8. My mom eventually left my father. I was eight when she left. My father actually wanted to kick her out at the time because he was having a relationship with another woman. He planned to kick her out. I lived in a town where it is dark a lot of the time and there is little electricity. My father woke up my mother and told her to go get him some water. At their house you had to go across the street to get water and she was scared to go alone in the middle of the night, so she refused. Because she refused he beat her badly. She went across the street and slept on the porch of a neighbor. After this she left my father. She did not take me or my brother with her because she did not think it was in our best interest to live with her. She did not think she could provide as good of a home for us as my grandmother did. She moved to San Pedro which is about an eight to twelve hour bus ride from La Masica Atlantida. My brother and I continued to live with my grandmother after my mother left. My father said I could go live with him but I was too scared of the abuse to live with him. I would never tell him to his face that I am scared to live with him, but I have told my grandmother. I have a good relationship with my paternal grandmother.
9. At first my mother came back several times to visit my brother and me at my grandma's house. After a while she stopped coming. My grandmother and father wouldn't let my mom visit me. My grandmother did not like my mom. She hated the fact that my mom used to be a prostitute and that is how my mom and dad met. Also, my mom told me that another reason she did not visit me is because she was remarried and her new husband did not want her near my dad. Sometimes my dad would abuse my mom on behalf of my grandmother. She would send cards every once in a while or tell friends to tell us she loves us. I communicate with her very little now. I visited her a month before I came to the United States, and the last time I talked to her was months ago on Mother's Day. I was hoping to keep up a relationship with her but I don't think she or her new husband is interested.
10. My father has since remarried and has two younger children that are about six and four years-old. My dad punished my younger half-siblings when they misbehave, but he does not abuse them like he abused my brother Carlos Orlando and me.
11. In Honduras I completed primary school. I went to five months of middle school in 2005 and six months of middle school in 2006. I wasn't able to finish the school years because I had to work. My father did not want me in school, he wanted me to work. I worked in construction off an on from 2005 through 2007, usually when I wasn't in school. Sometimes I worked with my dad, and sometimes with my uncles. I sometimes used the money I earned to pay for school, but often I gave it to my grandmother to help her with our expenses.
12. I came to the United States in August of 2007 but I don't remember the exact date. I had to come because I feared for my well-being and I was no longer able to work to support my grandmother in Honduras. In July of 2007 my father attacked a man with a machete. My father went into hiding and because I am the oldest child of my father, the family of the man he attacked began threatening me. I was riding my bike with my father (he would often go to and from work with my brother and me). It was dark out and a dog started barking. The dog started chasing my father and he got into an argument with the owner of the dog. The next day my dad approached the owner with a machete and attacked him. My dad went into hiding because of what he did. The family of the man who my father attacked, however, started threatening me because I my father's oldest child. They were trying to get revenge. Where I come from it is all about revenge. They sent me about seventeen anonymous notes. The notes were written with letters cut out from the newspapers. They would say things like "This is the last day of your life" and "Do you want to feel like you have been cut up by a machete." They would pay someone to deliver the notes to me. I realized it was that family who was sending the threats because once I followed the deliverer back to their house. They then admitted to my face that they were the ones sending the notes. After they admitted they were the ones sending the notes they would come to my work to look for me. My uncles had to escort me to and from work for my safety. Eventually I had to stop working. I left Honduras with my cousin who had planned to travel to the United States. My father has since been caught and incarcerated for life. The threats did not stop. My family has told me that the threats continued even after I left.
13. My cousin and I traveled to the United States alone. We planned to live in Miami when we got to the United States. My cousin had lived there before. We did not use a coyote or pay anyone to help us. We had thought about using a coyote, but ended up deciding not to. When I arrived here I was planning to work to make money to send back to my grandmother in Honduras. My cousin had told me I needed to earn a lot of money to pay for the journey, but in the end, my cousin paid for all of the expenses.
14. While on my trip to the United States I started having psychological problems. I began hearing voices and seeing imaginary people. I don't remember what happened very well. I started talking to imaginary people. I have never had these problems before I traveled to the United States. The first time I can remember was during my trip here. I was on the train with my cousin and I needed to use the bathroom. It was about three or four in the morning. I saw a lady outside the train I could hear her talking to me. I went towards her. I moved closer to her and fainted. I then fell off the train. I couldn't scream or anything. I didn't know if I was dead. I think I was passed out for about three hours because when I woke up it was light outside. I had scrapes on my elbows, knees, and a cut on my hip from the fall. I was alone and lost. I was near Matamoras, Mexico.
15. I walked and walked until I got to a house. A man came and asked me what was going on. He said he would help me so I went to his house to stay with him. I was there by myself. He didn't want me to leave. He tried to make me stay. He wanted me to stay with him. He said I would regret leaving all my life. He threatened what would happen to me in the future. He said he was going to control me. He abused me sexually. The abuse is really hard for me to talk about and I do not feel comfortable talking about it yet. These events occurred in Mexico, but near Brownsville, Texas.
16. One day this man went into town and I was able to escape. I crossed the border. While walking by myself in the United States near Brownsville, Texas I was again assaulted. Three men tried to rape me. I have a hard time talking about this as well.
17. I called my house in Honduras and was fortunate that my cousin had called and left a number where I could reach him if I happened to call. I called the given number and my cousin came to get me in Texas. When I met back up with my cousin, I didn't tell him what happened with the man in Mexico. After that I continued having hallucinations. When I slept I would have nightmares and scream or talk out loud to myself I started scaring my cousin and questioned why I was talking to myself.
18. I entered the United States in Brownsville, Texas in early August 2007. I don't remember the exact date but I know that it was in the first week. I was arrested by immigration a few weeks later in Ramonville, Texas. From Ramonville they took me to a detention center in Harlingenn, Texas. I spent about a month there but because I was sick (I hadn't eaten in 2 days, and if I ate, then I would throw up. I also fainted. I told staff that I didn't feel well and hadn't been feeling well for two days) they put me in a hospital in Harlingen for about one-and-a-half weeks. Also, because I was having psychological problems I was then taken to a children's rehabilitation center in Corpus Christi. Finally they placed me in the Hector Garza rehabilitation center in San Antonio, Texas. I spent about three months at the Hector Garza center. After about three months at Hector Garza I was placed in the care of my cousin, Maria Ivet Amaja in Berwyn, Illinois.
19. At the Hector Garza treatment center they ran many tests on me. They would often tie my hands to the bed. I was out of control. I tried to commit suicide when I was at Hector Garza. My father has epilepsy and they thought I might have epilepsy as well. The doctors decided it wasn't epilepsy and thought it might be schizophrenia. I was given medication to take. The medication makes me very sleepy but it helps me. I stopped taking the medicine about three months after I arrived at my cousin Maria Ivet and her husband Luis's house because I thought I was better. When I stopped taking the medication I again started hearing voices and seeing things that aren't there. I also felt dizzy a lot. Because of this I began taking the medication again. Luckily there was a counselor at the Hector Garza center who I trusted and told my whole life story to. She has since left Hector Garza and I don't know where she went.
20. I disliked living with my cousin Maria Ivet and her family in Berwyn. I did not feel welcome in their home. I wanted to go to school to get an education, but my cousin would not let me. Instead, I had to work. My cousin and her family were having great financial difficulties when I came to live with them. They could not pay the rent and had been told that their house would be foreclosed soon. Because they did not have enough money, all the __ kids [how many?] in the house over the age of 15, including me, were required to work and contribute $200 a month towards expenses. After I left, my cousin’s house in Berwyn was foreclosed. [Ryan – would Alex use the word “foreclosed”?] My cousin and her family now have to move. They also lost both of their cars because they could not make the payments.
21. While I was living with my cousin, I continued to hear voices and see people. My mental disorder was worst when I was with other people. I took the medications that I was given in Texas – Zyprexa and Fluoxetine – off and on. At the time, I didn’t know if I needed the medications anymore, but I did know that I wanted to see a doctor to help me get better. My cousin never took me to see a doctor. She thought I was possessed because of my hallucinations and took me to church instead. I remember being at church and suddenly realizing that everyone was staring at me and praying for me. Then, I remember people grabbing me and holding me tightly. I do not remember anything that happened after that. But the next day, my whole body would be sore and it would hurt to move. There would be new cuts or bruises on my body that hadn’t been there before. I have scars on my body from these incidents. My cousin told me that the church was performing an exorcism on me because of my hallucinations.
22. I did not attend court on February 7, 2008 in San Antonio, Texas because my cousin Maria Ivet and her husband said I was not going to go. I did not know the exact date of the court date, but I did know that I had to go to court. There wasn't any discussion about it, they just said I was not going. I had seen a lawyer when I was in San Antonio, and this lawyer said that she wouldn't be able to help me. My guardians said that if she could not help me than no lawyer would help me and therefore, I was not going to court. I did what they said. I didn't know any better. I didn't have a lawyer. I didn't know why my court date was in San Antonio if I was living in Chicago. I had no idea that I needed to change the court to Chicago.
23. I got in contact with a Peace Corps volunteer I had met while I was still in Honduras, Ryan Rappa. When I told him that I did not go to court he said that was very bad. He told me that I should have gone to court. He said I needed to find an attorney to help me with my case. Ryan took me to the National Immigrant Justice Center in Chicago to meet with an attorney. He has been there to support me through the process. I now have an attorney to help me with my case.
24. Ryan has also been helping me get the medical help and education I know I need. Since I have been living with Ryan, I have been going to a psychologist and psychiatrist and taking medication for my mental disorder. I feel much better now that I am taking medicine and seeing doctors. I don’t have as many hallucinations and I feel happier than I did before. Ryan takes me to all of my doctor’s appointments and makes sure I am taking my medication. He also talks to the doctors when the medicine they give me is not working. Also, now that I live with Ryan, I am taking English classes five days a week in order to improve my English enough to enroll in classes for a GED. In my ideal life I would stay in the United States and go to school. I really want to be a doctor one day, perhaps a surgeon.
25. I am scared that if I had to return to Honduras I would be badly hurt or killed by the family of the man my father attacked. In Honduras, people kill each other all the time for revenge. I am also scared that if my father gets out of prison, he will abuse me and hurt me again.
26. I am also scared of going back to Honduras because I am gay. In Honduras, gay people are threatened all the time. They are also beaten and raped. There is a lot of violence towards people who are gay. I know this first-hand, because I was the victim of abuse – when I was only ten years old, a man who found out that I was gay physically abused me. When I was a little older, I remember having secret sexual encounters with men and being terrified that someone would find out. If I returned to Honduras, it would be dangerous for me to simply walk down the street because I am gay. I would be scared to be out in public on my own in Honduras, just because I am gay.
27. It would be very hard for me to return to Honduras because I have experienced what it’s like to be able to live freely here in the United States. I am afraid of going back to a country where gay people are treated so badly. I feel happier and my mental disorder is better now because I do not have to be afraid all the time that someone will hurt me because I am gay. I do not have to try so hard anymore to hide the fact that I am gay. If I had to return to Honduras, all the stress and fear would come back. I would have to hide who I am again, and I would have to worry all the time about being hurt.
28. I am afraid too that I would get sicker if I went back to Honduras. In Honduras, there is no one who could take care of me. My father is in prison. My mother and her new husband do not want me to live with them. My grandmother is 76 years old, and she is very sick. She had a stroke that left her face partly paralyzed and she has diabetes. My grandmother also is very poor and does not have enough money. I feel like I am getting better now because I am seeing doctors and taking my medication. In Honduras I would not be able to see any doctors or get any medication. I am scared that this would make me very sick again.
