"It's been nearly two years since any of you guys have seen me. Then all of a sudden, I show up in an XWF ring and decide to drop RICKY BLAZE like a bad habit with a sick DDT. Most of you, right this very damn second, are still wondering why I'm back. And you'll find out...right now, when I explain it to you. If I recall, and, believe me, I don't think I'd forget something like this, my final match was a Gallows Match against JUGGALO, in which I lost and was hung. Well, c'mon guys. This is XWF. If MISS KITTEN can come back from being hung, so the hell can I. And I just proved it all over your faces.
And now that I'm back, there are a few dozen burning questions. What the hell happened to those I came to know so well? JUGGALO is gone. O'BRADY is gone. DR. BADD is gone, thank God."
"PSYKOTIC" JOSH CARTER appears from seemingly out of nowhere, with a single light hanging from the ceiling, shining down on him. He looks great. His hair is a little longer than it used to be, and he looks a lot more buff. Somebody has been working out. He is wearing a dark suit with a white button-up shirt and a nice dark red and black pinstripe tie. His hands are tucked in his jacket pockets as he takes a couple of steps toward the camera.
"PSYKOTIC is back, baby! Stylin' and profilin'! A lot of your jaws are probably on the floor, saying shit like 'This is nothing like the original, the great, Psy Kotic.' Others still are bitching because 'This is an even further step from Psy Kotic than he was before he left XWF!' Well, you know what? Say what you will. A name, a persona, a gimmick even, doesn't win you any matches. No, all it does is, or at least tries to, give your audience an opinion of you. Honestly, I don't give a damn about your opinion of me. Unless it's positive and admiring. In which case I'd be glad to let you kiss my ass. I'll be the first to tell you that I cast off haters and embrace fans. You only wish you knew the feeling running through my veins when the fans started chanting my name on Saturday. It was amazing. I was surprised ANY of them knew who I was. There must have been some hardcore XWF fans there that night. But let's get this shit talking started!
HAWNKY LAT-HOWS. If that is how you say your name. Listen, pal. You don't intimidate me a damn bit. When's the last time you've won a match? Dude, when is the last time you showed up to a match you were booked for? Face it dude, you're going to get verbally and physically abused this week. I can't even find enough footage of you in the XWF to talk shit, because you hardly ever show up!
Let's switch gears for just a second, and talk about a certain 'rising star' on Impact. RYOU BAKARI ITEMRI. Isn't that a kind of japanese soup, I think? Listen, kid, I'm just going to tell you plain and simple that if you think you're going to overshadow the return of PSYKOTIC JOSH CARTER by doing what you've been doing, you've got another few things coming. Those things are known as repeated hits from my fists, bucko. Do not, I repeat, do not get in my way, or you will get hurt. From what I've seen and heard, you're just like DR. BADD was back in his prime: Obnoxious and stupid. You rank right up there with MUNGBEAN as one of the most infamous jobbers of all time, I believe. Sure, you're on the upswing recently, with a couple of wins on Impact, but LOOK WHO YOU FACED, LITTLE MAN. NOBODIES. I am NOT a nobody. I'll let you know up front that you won't get anywhere by trying to take me down. I'm not saying you will, because, quite frankly, I don't think you're that stupid. I'm just forewarning you."
JOSH removes his pockets from his jacket and slips his jacket over his arms and lets it fall back onto the floor. He chuckles loudly and for no reason. The lights in the room cut on, and PSYKOTIC is in a nice office with a white desk behind him. On the desk is a computer, some pictures, a cup of pencils, everything you'd expect to see. In the background is a large poster with a picture of JOSH CARTER himself. PSYKOTIC backs up and plants his butt on the desk.
"This is the office I worked at during my two year tenure as a businessman. I worked a little in marketing. Let me tell you, that is some of the most boring shit you could ever hope to deal with. A bunch of number crunching that in the end doesn't affect you in the slightest. Think of it as Lord of the Ring, and you're not one of the participants. It's a bunch of hype, a bunch of working out, doing stuff three times as hard as normal. But as an outsider, it's like "Why?" You can't help but wonder. And think about those that worked their asses off and were the first to go? Imagine how they feel. Poor JASON MUDD, who gave it his everything and ended up getting owned by SOUL BEARER in an extremely controversial fashion. I've been keeping tabs on the XWF for about the past month, eyeing it for my return. As for why exactly I decided to come back, I think it's just the state of the XWF at the moment. New folks are transitioning in, old folks are making their way out. I figured it was my time to jump back in and see what I can't make out of one more run with the XWF. Hopefully this time I can do something with myself. Hopefully, this time, I can get off of this newbie show, Impact, and make a deep impression on Anarchy. But first, I've got to get through HONKEY LIGHTHOUSE, which, I assure you, will be no sort of problem.
PSYKOTIC JOSH CARTER walks forward, grabbing his jacket and picking it up. He slings it over his shoulder and brushes a few strands of hair back from his face, walking from the camera's view without saying a word. As the camera fades to black, one quick frame is inserted that says "PSYKOTIC def. HONKEY" with a picture of JOSH CARTER giving a cheesy grin and a thumbs up.
