100 Things Restaurant Staffers Should Never Do (Part 1)
By Bruce Buschel Herewith is a modest list of dos and don’ts for servers at the seafood restaurant I am building. Veteran waiters, moonlighting actresses, libertarians and baristas will no doubt protest some or most of what follows. They will claim it homogenizes them or stifles their true nature. And yet, if 100 different actors play Hamlet, hitting all the same marks, reciting all the same lines, cannot each one bring something unique to that role?
1. Do not let anyone enter the restaurant without a warm greeting.
2. Do not make a singleton feel bad. Do not say, “Are you waiting for someone?” Ask for a reservation. Ask if he or she would like to sit at the bar.
3. Never refuse to seat three guests because a fourth has not yet arrived.
4. If a table is not ready within a reasonable length of time, offer a free drink and/or amuse-bouche. The guests may be tired and hungry and thirsty, and they did everything right.
5. Tables should be level without anyone asking. Fix it before guests are seated.
6. Do not lead the witness with, “Bottled water or just tap?” Both are fine. Remain neutral.
7. Do not announce your name. No jokes, no flirting, no cuteness.
8. Do not interrupt a conversation. For any reason. Especially not to recite specials. Wait for the right moment.
9. Do not recite the specials too fast or robotically or dramatically. It is not a soliloquy. This is not an audition.
10. Do not inject your personal favorites when explaining the specials.
11. Do not hustle the lobsters. That is, do not say, “We only have two lobsters left.” Even if there are only two lobsters left.
12. Do not touch the rim of a water glass. Or any other glass.
13. Handle wine glasses by their stems and silverware by the handles.
14. When you ask, “How’s everything?” or “How was the meal?” listen to the answer and fix whatever is not right.
15. Never say “I don’t know” to any question without following with, “I’ll find out.”
16. If someone requests more sauce or gravy or cheese, bring a side dish of same. No pouring. Let them help themselves.
17. Do not take an empty plate from one guest while others are still eating the same course. Wait, wait, wait.
18. Know before approaching a table who has ordered what. Do not ask, “Who’s having the shrimp?”
19. Offer guests butter and/or olive oil with their bread.
20. Never refuse to substitute one vegetable for another.
21. Never serve anything that looks creepy or runny or wrong.
22. If someone is unsure about a wine choice, help him. That might mean sending someone else to the table or offering a taste or two.
23. If someone likes a wine, steam the label off the bottle and give it to the guest with the bill. It has the year, the vintner, the importer, etc.
24. Never use the same glass for a second drink.
25. Make sure the glasses are clean. Inspect them before placing them on the table.
26. Never assume people want their white wine in an ice bucket. Inquire.
27. For red wine, ask if the guests want to pour their own or prefer the waiter to pour.
28. Do not put your hands all over the spout of a wine bottle while removing the cork.
29. Do not pop a champagne cork. Remove it quietly, gracefully. The less noise the better.
30. Never let the wine bottle touch the glass into which you are pouring. No one wants to drink the dust or dirt from the bottle.
31. Never remove a plate full of food without asking what went wrong. Obviously, something went wrong.
32. Never touch a customer. No excuses. Do not do it. Do not brush them, move them, wipe them or dust them.
33. Do not bang into chairs or tables when passing by.
34. Do not have a personal conversation with another server within earshot of customers.
35. Do not eat or drink in plain view of guests.
36. Never reek from perfume or cigarettes. People want to smell the food and beverage.
37. Do not drink alcohol on the job, even if invited by the guests. “Not when I’m on duty” will suffice.
38.Do not call a guy a “dude.”
39. Do not call a woman “lady.”
40. Never say, “Good choice,” implying that other choices are bad.
41. Saying, “No problem” is a problem. It has a tone of insincerity or sarcasm. “My pleasure” or “You’re welcome” will do.
42. Do not compliment a guest’s attire or hairdo or makeup. You are insulting someone else.
43. Never mention what your favorite dessert is. It’s irrelevant.
44. Do not discuss your own eating habits, be you vegan or lactose intolerant or diabetic.
45. Do not curse, no matter how young or hip the guests.
46. Never acknowledge any one guest over and above any other. All guests are equal.
47. Do not gossip about co-workers or guests within earshot of guests.
48. Do not ask what someone is eating or drinking when they ask for more; remember or consult the order.
49. Never mention the tip, unless asked.
50. Do not turn on the charm when it’s tip time. Be consistent throughout.
82 Truths?!
1. Last beverage→ Milk
2. Last phone call→ JC
3. Last text message→ PB
4. Last song you listened to → Madonna - Like a Virgin
5. Last time you cried→ I don't remember exactly when I cried but I did remembered I cried after watching an emotional film with few of my friends.
SIX HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Dated someone twice → ???
7. Been cheated on? → Nope and cross my finger that it wouldn't ever happen to me.
8. Kissed someone & regretted it? → Yup
9. Lost someone special?→ Yeah, I lost my hero
10. Been depressed?→ Nope
11. Been drunk and threw up? → Never been drunk before =)
LIST FOUR FAVORITE COLORS:
12. Yellow (Spring/Summer Colours)
13. Pink (Depends on my mood)
14. Blue (Think of it as serene and peace)
15. Black (Easy to match and mix)
HAVE YOU:
16. Made new friends → Of course!
17. Fallen out of love → For sure!
18. Laughed until you cried → Yup
19. Met someone who changed you → A few times in my life. I will never forget that person.
20. Found out who your true friends were → Yup.. and still working on it =)
21. Found out someone was talking about you → Yes, and it was all good because it was for my own sake and not any bad gossip =)
22. Kissed anyone on your friend's list→ uh-hmmm
23. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life → Everyone. I never add people who I don't know or who I called "strangers" on my friends list.
24. How many kids do you want to have→ I am open. Anyways, it all depends on both my partner and I. Two would be better than one so no kid will be a loner.
25. Do you have any pets → Used to have a rabbit but then he died :(
26. Do you want to change your name→ Nope, not at all. I like my name and the way it is. Thanks to my parents for naming my name =)
27. What did you do for your last birthday→ Went out with my friends for dinner and then they drag me to clubbing but it was a whole lot of fun =)
28. What time did you wake up today → 7:10 a.m. My alarm kept turning off but I ignored it and finally woke up and got to the office on time =)
29. What were you doing at midnight last night? Dancing & had a wicked dream. Thanks to my friends for showing me the moves =)
30. Name something you CANNOT wait for → Going canoeing with friends in mid or end of August. Haven't decided on an exact date yet.
31. Last time you saw your father→ Everyday.
32. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life → That is a good question. There are many things I would like to change and improve on but I won't mention it in this thread :P
33. What are you listening to right now → Radio Station: 680 News.
34. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom → Yup, I know two Toms. One in Vancouver and other in Toronto.
35. What's getting on your nerves right now? → Nothing which means a good thing and makes me a relaxing person.
36. Most visited web pages → Toronto Star, Work related articles, ... to name a few
FIRSTS :
37. First surgery → A long time ago when I was a baby, I got my finger sewed. Good thing it was not noticeable until you really look closely at my finger.
38. First piercing → 2nd year of University.
39. First best friends → In elementary school
40. First sport you joined → Swimming
41. First pet → Rabbit
42. First vacation → Southern China
43. First concert → I think it was Sammi
44. First crush → The guy who drew a picture of me and sits next to me in art class. I think I was in grade 7. I find him sweet. At that time, I wish I have asked him for his artwork because the picture/sketch of me was so real. He is such a good artist =)
RIGHT NOW:
45. Eating → Just finished lunch.
46. Drinking → Water
47. I'm about to → Go back to work
48. Listening to → The Radio FM 98.1
49. Waiting for → School to start in the fall
YOUR FUTURE :
50. Want kids? → Yup
51. Want to get married? → Yup
52. Careers in mind? → I already got a full time job. I am just thinking of starting my own part time business in another company that my friend recently introduced me to.
WHICH ARE YOU LOOKING FOR IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?
53. Lips or eyes → Eyes & lips
54. Hugs or kisses → Hugs & Kisses
55. Shorter or taller → Taller
56. Older or Younger → Older or relatively the same age, doesn't matter as long as we are both compatible and get along with each other.
57. Romantic or spontaneous → Both.
58. Nice stomach or nice arms → Nice stomach.
59. Sensitive or loud → Not too sensitive and not too loud.
60. Hook-up or relationship → First have to get to know him better then hopefully a good long term relationship. Not looking for a short term relationship.
61. Trouble maker or hesitant → None of the choices.
HAVE YOU EVER :
62. Kissed a stranger → No of course not!
63. Drank hard liquor → No.
64. Lost glasses/contacts → No.
65. Sex on first date → DEFINITELY Noo
66. Broken someone's heart → Perhaps
67. Had your own heart broken→ Perhaps
68. Been arrested → Nope.
69. Turned someone down → Ummm..maybe
70. Cried when someone died → Yes
71. Liked a friend that is a girl? → Yes because she is interesting and I like talking to her. So that is why she is called my unforgettable best friend. =)
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
72. Yourself → Yup, of course.
73. Miracles → Yes.
74. Love at first sight → No, I wouldn't call it "Love" but maybe "Lust", "Infatuation" or "Strong Attraction"
75. Heaven → Yup definitely.
76. Santa Clause → Nooo.
77. Kiss on the first date? → um... depends how the date went.
78. Angels → Nope. I don't even believe in tooth fairies.
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
79. Is there one person you want to be with right now? → Yup
80. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? → Nope, too much to handle
81. Had a pregnancy scare? → No
82. Posting this as 82 Truths? → Guess???
