Application for Partnership

Foreword

This little application form originally started off as a bit of fun; a way of seeing what I wanted in terms of a ‘mate’, if in actual fact, I wanted a mate. But! When I was finished with my little piece of soul searching I decided why not make it into an actual application and save myself some initial bother with trial and error of new partners. This application is to be taken in good humour! If you do actually apply, even as a laugh – and do specify if it’s a laugh, will you? – you can do so anonymously. I won’t rip the piss in public unless you specify its just a joke – you have full confidentiality.

Essential criteria

You must meet all of the criteria below to continue to be eligible:

• You must own something to wear to a formal reception
• You must be free of STDs.
• You must own at least two coloured dress shirts.
• You must be taller than me or only miss out by an inch or so (5 foot, 3 inches).
• You must live within the greater Glasgow area.
• You must be able to speak the Queen’s English when required.
• You must: a. have a full time job, or apprenticeship, with prospects, or b. be in full time education.
• You must like food and alcohol and are prepared to try new and wonderful concoctions of each.
• You must have own interests and friends and spend at least a 1/3 of your freetime with them.
• You must not be a religious fanatic.
• You must be aware of what a ‘book’ actually is.

Basic Details – All applicants

Name:

Sex:

Age:

Preferred contact:

Why are you filling out this form?

What is your viewpoint on sex?

Anything else you feel I should know?

Do you have any questions for me?

Tell me one thing that’s odd or interesting about you?

Status

Are you applying for the position of:

Sex buddy (booty call – just sex and careless fun. No loyalty or couple stuff.) – See section A

Casual partner (boy/girlfriend with the license to pursue others but formally with me. Will not consider persons already in a committed relationship – that’s just cheap people!) – See section B

Partner – See section C

The Section Section

Section A

How often would you desire sex?

Do you have a history of STDs?

How far is too far?

Favourite turn ons?

Given the option to upgrade to partner or casual partner would you consider? Give reasons.

Section B

How often would you desire sex?

Describe a good night out.

Describe a good night in.

What’s your opinion on lazy days and lie-ins?

Would you be honest about your other partners?

How many partners do you entertain at one time

Or

Are they more just casual acquaintances?

Are you of a jealous disposition?

Would you be comfortable as a couple whilst in company?

Given the option to upgrade to partner would you consider? Give opinions either way.

Section C

What was the length of your longest previous relationship?

Why did it fail?

Were you faithful?

Did you lie?

What’s your opinion on lazy days and lie-ins?

Is there anything you can’t tolerate in a girlfriend?

Why a partner and not a fuck buddy/casual partner?

Describe a perfect night?

Would you eventually be comfortable with my mental family?

Are you terrified I’d embarrass you in front of your family?

Opinion of animals?

Do you have long-term ambitions or hopes?

Extra Information

Please answer yes or no.

Got a car?

Your own place?

Good sense of humour?

Tattoos?

Piercings?

Books?

Do you read more than 2 books (for pleasure) a month?

Play console games?

Dance?

Love alcohol?

Use any illegal substance more than 2 times a week regularly?

Get on well with your family?

Have slept with more than 9 people?

Have a few solid good friends?

Smoke?

Do you have kids?

Cook?

Work out?

Mental illness?

Been in love?

Applications to melissa@ryan-net.com