Mood:  celebratory

I didn't think it could happen.  Fifteen months ago Ted and I talked about it at length and I was sure America wasn't ready.  Thought and said they will vote for a white woman over a black man.  Thought it was a mistake...he was ill advised...he should of waited, I said.  The history is still to recent...it has only been 44 years.  The wounds too fresh...middle amercia, northwest, southwest too many prejudices still exist, inherit racism is still alive...folks consciousness still asleep. 

An awareness within the majority that remains dorminant because race is not something that they claim they see.  I mean according to many of them they are color blind.  Race is not something that is suppose to be spoken about. And at the end of the day Race is not something they live with and are reminded of every minute of everyday.  So, in my mind gender over color would win the nomination.  In my mind, the legacy of a white political power house regardless of the scandels that surrounded them would win over the legacy of race that exist within this country, over a black man with a white mother whose name is a constant reminder of a sunny cloudless day in September.  

Today history was made a Black man by the name of Barack Hussein Obama with a blood line that extends two continents has won the nomination for Democratic Presidental Candidate.  How proud am I as a Brown woman having recently moved to homogenous state where I am experiencing my Color everyday to e able to pick up the paper tomorrow with the headlines highlighting a Black man not because he killed, robbed, raped or pushes but because he, after 15 months of speeches, defending himself and promoting Change he is now Americas Democratic nominee for President.  What a moment to be able to speak about for the rest of my life.  For this I am proud to be a woman of Color in America .  2008-06-03

Mood:  chatty

Stella D'Oro Cookies...if you grew up in the New York Metro area you are probably putting your coat on right now to go to the bodega and pick some up. 

Well, that's no longer the case for me...living in Portland, OR there are no bachata blaring dominican owned bodegas, no pan de manteca that you can dip into your Bustelo or Pilon coffee and there sure ain't no Stella D'Oro cookies. 

My life has gone from accessiblity of all things yummy to having to experiment with too many damn things natural.  I used to be able to sit and eat my cuban freshly baked pan de manteca with some pre-packaged Italian Stella D'Oro cookies all made that much tastier with a cup of Puerto Rican Bustelo coffee.   To think of the days when I would stuff my face and create a melting pot of deliciousness on my palette and even better I was able to buy everything within a one block radius of where I lived...because the bodega sits adjacent to the cuban bakery on the corner which is two doors down from the liquor store and the laundromat of my block.  Hey, I never said the melting pot of deliciousness I was creating was one that would keep me sober. A girl's gotta make good use of her time...hit up the bodega, bakery and liquor store all while you are washing clothes on a Saturday or Sunday morning.  Jesus had his bread w/ wine too...

Now a days however, I have to settle for Starshmuck coffee, driving 10 mins. to a "market" and waiting for my brother to come visit me every Feb. so I can have a taste of all things goods...Pastelillos de Guyaba, tornillos de crema the ones with the white polbo on top...what's known to the Americano's as confectionate sugar....and just added to the list Swiss Fudge, Breakfast Treats, and Margharite Stella D'Oro cookies.  I gotta get my order completely fullfilled porque tengo que esperar another year before I can place otra orden.

So how will I satisfy my craving for Swiss Fudge Stella D'Oro cookies I've been thinking about desde Tuesday night....ueno, I'll settle for Keebler fudge stripes and call my brother to see if he feels sorry enough to ship me some before his next trip.

Mood:  loud

I need to chew my food?!?!  Get Cancer?!?!?  What the hell?!?!? 

So my baby calls me to tell me about his day in KC, MO.  He went to see that exhibit that he didn't want to see when it was in town and  tells me that it was EXCELLENT...and that he learned a few things...like I NEED TO CHEW MY FOOD....he gonna call me to share his new found knowledge...and scare me half to death about my fast assed eating habits.  Can I enjoy my Saturday...he proceeds to share with me that the consequences of not chewing my food and taking my time eating equals cancer...ain't that some nonsense! 

GREAT, now I have to add eating slowly to avoid cancer to the list of my worries.  Wasn't I just talking about too many things in my brain to think about now this brother gonna add one more....

Mood:  a-ok

Haven't spoken to anyone today.  Been cleaning and just thinking about "what next?"  What next for me professionally more than anything.  A lot of things on my plate right now possible job change, again! Wanting to write again.  What does GOD have up his sleeve for me right now?  I mean seriously I feel like I'm entering an early 30's professional crisis. 

 Don't know if I still have "it" writing I mean, haven't done it in so long.  My brain is everywhere...when do we get to a place in our lives where we find peace.  Peace with past, able to embrace the present and welcoming of the future.  At almost 31 I have a better sense of who I am although there are still many roads to travel many lessons to learn.  But I feel less obliged to please others, is that a part of entering your 30's.  Caring ess about what people think and more about how I feel and want.  Focusing more on a sense of family...being surrounded by those I love and care about, making sure the one person in my life is someone I think of as my king and regards me as his queen.  I beleive I closer to that than I sometimes care to admit to but only time will tell.

Mood:  happy

I'm speaking with my honey he is visiting his daughter in KC, MO.  She is in a play that he is absolutely raving about.  I love when he spends time with his girls.  He is filled with so much love and happiness it is wonderful to feel his energy even over the phone.

You ever been in place in your life when your happiness derives from those around you?  Their happiness fills you up with such joy that it doesn't matter how you were feeling a minute ago.  That is what he just did for me.  I feel blessed to be in his life right now because moments like this fill me up with such pleasure. 

Mood:  chillin'

Ok so this is take two for me on this blog business spent the last hour writing, inspired and just feeling sassy because I'm about to publish my first piece, for the first time mind you, on a blog...so I hit "publish" and like a child I wait with anticipation to see my first blog posting live and nothing so I wait some mo' and nothing again.  So I thought let me log out and maybe it will appear like magic...HELL NO it doesn't appear all I see is blank space waiting to be filled up with characters that make up words...but nothing appears.  So you'll know I'm pissed off...everything I wrote gone...what a deflating feeling to have poored your soul into words and have nothing but blank space looking back at you. 

How disappointing especially for me since I have not written in over a year...my biggest disappointment is just that when you write you can't get back all that you felt in that hour and put into words as it is gone and can never be retrieved.  Sure I can rewrite it but i will never capture it quite like I did then.  The ideas I can certainly capture but the exact words that manifest that emotion I felt in that very minute can never captured again.