Give others the benefit of the doubt and enjoy a good life
Eric sold homes for a living. This past month business was slow. He was worried he might not have enough money to pay for the costly vacation he and his wife had booked. Coming home from work, Laura, his wife, asked him to vacuum the carpet. Eric turned and walked away. Angry, Laura called him lazy, slammed the door and stormed off. Had Laura asked Eric if he was feeling okay, he could have told her about his fears of not having enough money for the trip. Then she would have understood that he was overwhelmed with worry and why he didn’t feel like vacuuming.
Eric already felt inadequate, due to not having enough money to pay for his family’s vacation. When Laura called him "lazy," it just added to his misery and made him more depressed. Had Laura spent some time talking with Eric, it could have turned into a moment of closeness for the two of them, rather than one of anger, rejection, and hurt. What Eric needed in that moment was his wife's understanding, support, and comfort. Not her negative judgment. Negative assumptions and unfavorable judgments are the causes of much anger and hurt feelings.
Most people are good and try their best, even if they do occasionally slip and make mistakes. Knowing this, you should always try to judge everyone favorably. Besides being the correct way to live, it is also a practical way to increase the likelihood of getting what you want. Simply, we like to help people we like. On the other hand, people resist someone who is angry. It is just human nature to do so, and there is nothing you could do about it. When you are positive with someone, and you judge him or her favorably, he or she is more likely to like you and want to help you. When you are angry with someone, they will probably fear you, resent you, and resist whatever you want even when it is reasonable.
Here are five points to keep in mind that will help you judge others favorably:
1. Don't judge since you may not know the full story.
2. There may be a misunderstanding.
3. When you judge someone favorably, you increase the likelihood that they in turn will then judge you favorably.
4. Your judgment may be skewed leading to a mistake in evaluating someone else.
5. Not judging favorably injures your relationship with someone important in your life that could then lead to permanent relationship breakdown.
If you are not sure if anger is fueling negative judgments take an anger management test. Know yourself, and if you find anger a problem in your life, you need to take care of it so you're not injured along with your relationships.