Something New
She looked over her class of students with a friendly smile. "Do you guys want to hear a story?" she asked in a pleasantly musical tone. Many of the students nodded vigorously and she nodded back. "Okay." She pulled up a chair and sat it backwards toward the students as they crowded on the floor in front of her. She rested her elbows on the back of the chair and set her cheeks in her hands. She glanced around the class at the students before beginning.
I had the idea (she began) to type about an epiphany I had. ("Now," she interrupted the story for a moment, "remember, this isn't about me, it just sounds better this way.") Well, my computer started being amazingly slow so I went to search for some gummy dinosaurs. My original plan had been to type and end with, "And now I'm going to hunt down some gummy dinos." But instead I decided that my computer would be to the right screen by the time I got back so I went out and, since I couldn't find gummy dinosaurs, I ended up with gummy worms. But anyway, the original intent.
I remember not so long ago when I walked by a mirror and when I glanced in it I just sighed and shrugged. I never had a high opinion of my looks. I was one of those people that only felt confident in my car or my brother's car. Now I can walk by a mirror in any outfit and actually nod. Yes, on occasion there are times when I think that something could be improved but for the most part I can actually smile just a little bit. I know who it is that I have to thank for this gradual but big change, too. It started way back in freshman year where I first met Amelia. She has always been there and I believe she always will be there for me. We've had so much fun and she has always been there to tell me that "yes, you are beautiful." and we've been through so much together, the good and the bad, and we are so alike that I've learned a lot from her. She taught me that not everything is going to go right and when something does go wrong its not the end of the world and though I may get hurt I will heal and its no reason to shut myself off from the world. Yes, there have been many many times where I have been so jealous that I wished I never met her but thats just the way I am and everyone knows I never mean it. Jealousy is simply admiration by someone who is insecure. I miss this girl a lot and I appreciate so much how she has helped me figure out my life and go from a kid to an adult in the 3 years I've known her. Between the constant "I love you"s and the hugs and all the tears, I can't imagine life without her.
Another person I know I have to thank is someone I never knew I would be friends with. Someone I knew only vaugely for years and if it weren't for a few incidents, one that scared the everliving daylights out of me and the other that made me laugh, I don't think I would know this person. I suppose its time to give this person a name, so I will. Andrew. He started out as a friend of my brothers and ended up as a very good friend of mine. He's the one that convinced me that it is okay to like what I like and it is okay to work on cars even though I was told by my brother, who has lightened up, that there was no way he was going to let his sister take auto or work on cars. He also taught me that beauty isn't exactly what I thought it was. He's been there almost as much as Amelia, and considering that he and I haven't been close for nearly as long, thats amazing. Even though things are rough sometimes, he helped continue the lesson that Amelia started that just because things go wrong is no reason to conceal myself from the world. A lot of our conversations are very serious, and a lot of the time its about things I don't really want to discuss but we do anyway and it turns out just fine. I actually talk now instead of just write and hide it away. Not that there aren't still times I don't pull out the old notebook and pen and just write until there's nothing left to write about. Just like Amelia, Andrew has been there for me and I know he will be there when I need him.
Another person, one previously mentioned, is my brother. When we were little he was just a pain who got me in trouble but I now realize what that has taught me. I wouldn't be the person I am today if he hadn't done all the things he did. The times he did let me hang out, but then again the times he didn't, it depended on what they were doin. I now know that a lot of the times he didn't let me hang out were to protect me or himself and I appreciate that. There are a lot of things you see as you get older and look back as compared to the way you thought then. I'm kind of glad he gave me a hard time, I wouldn't be the punk-ass I am now. I wouldn't know how to deal the way I do, and I really appreciate all he's done for me. He has lightened up quite a bit and his manner showed that he did notice how much I've grown up when he showed me how to change oil a few weeks ago. I also noticed how much he's learned from being with his girlfriend Molly, who was inside at the time. She has changed him a lot and I have to admit it is for the better. As much as I resent having my brother "taken away" I realize that she isn't taking him away she is only being part of what we have and I'm a good girl I learned how to share. Especially recently, I've gotten over being jealous, I realize that people have other friends than me and that their lives don't revolve around me. (Yeah, this is a Ryan lesson, I"ve heard it many times.) So I've learned to share my brother and I know that since he is my brother he's not going to just disappear off the face of the earth. I know that Ryan will continue to learn and to teach, especially as I get out of high school and pick a career, and I have to admit I'm looking forward to playing some pong with him in college, because he promised I could come hang out and don't you think I'm going to let him forget it. So yeah, I love Ryan, and I know he's going to be there as a brother and eventually as a friend.
The most surprising person out of all of this is someone I just met recently. Though I know mentioning him will put up a lot of controversy it doesn't really matter. When I first met Kevin we had talked a little bit over text and it was always very playful conversation. When I first ran by him, looked up at him, I paused for a moment because the second we made eye contact I felt a click. Since I was running almost full out I couldn't completely stop and stare but I did pause in stride. Since then we've talked more and our conversations, though usually playful, have become more serious. There's always a good morning and a good night, and a lot of words in between. He's another that doesn't go a day without a "beautiful" or "gorgeous", "baby", "sexy", or countless other terms including my favorite "punk" that never fail to make me smile. While the others have worked on mental status and thought processes, this is the guy who really has emphasized that yes I am beautiful and not just a personality. That sounds superficial but if you think about it its something that a girl needs to hear.
Its because of these people I can walk by a mirror and smile and nod instead of just shrug and I know life wouldn't be as good without them.
She clasped her hands and looked about the class. "And?" she asked. She got several smiles in return. As she picked up her bag and slipped it over her shoulder she flipped her hair and smiled. Her heels clicked lightly as she walked out the door.
down
sad
not sure