My name is Emerald. I am 43 years old and the mother of four wonderful daughters and the Grandmother (Gigi) of one perfect granddaughter, Serenity.
I have Dissociative identity disorder and the picture above represents all of us, although there is someone missing and only because I couldn't find a picture that he was happy with. Dissociative identity disorder is not at all what they make it out to be in the movies or Television shows. I supposed some may have alters that are dangerous to other people but I don't think most do and I know I don't. Most of my alters are children. I have a group called "the men", they are the only ones I would consider dangerous but only to me. They are my persecutors but I have learned how to fight back so they aren't as strong as they once were.
People have asked how I have managed my life up to now. Well, I did fine until the end of 2001. I had voices in my head since I was 17 but it was like a ballgame..very far off, not close and nothing was clear. The end of 2001...well, my life fell apart and the voice became strong, overwhelming strong. They took over basically. I woke up in places I didn't go. I found clothes I didn't buy in my house, beer ...german beer, yet, that I don't drink, in my fridge. I was mess for years and it wasn't until I found a Dr that specialized in DID that I found relief. It's been over 5 years now and FINALLY I can say I am doing better and there is a light in my future. I have been completely disabled since the end of 2001 but hopefully with the next few years I can try to work again. I still tend to "switch" when stress gets high and I am dealing with fears I never had before 2001, such as being in being in public with more than one or two people in the same area I am in. I have an intense fear of being trapped and I never felt that before 2001. I have a huge...huge...huge...mistrust for people. I never really trusted very much but now, I can't get close to anyone other than my children and granddaughter, I just can't open up.
I've closed myself off from everyone and have no friends and it's lonely, but I'm safe this way. I would much rather be safe than hurt. I have had enough hurt in my life. LOL...I should have been a monk. :)
I love being Gigi! Being Gigi was the best thing to ever since becoming a mother. I was there when Miss Serenity entered this world and I will never, ever forget it! What a blessing to be there and watch the birth of my grandbaby! Such a sweet little thing and I was soooo proud of my little girl, she was so calm and just put her mind and body into having her baby. I will never forget the look on her face the minute she held her daughter for the first time..she just glowed. She is such a good mommy, even with Serenity going through her terrible two's stage early.
Serenity always has a way of bringing a smile to my face, every day she comes to visit and every day she does something to make me laugh. She is growing up so fast already and I am loving every stage of it.
Reniboo, Gigi loves you!
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