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Love and Madness
Tuesday, 12 February 2008
I'm A Simple Man, Really
My goals have never been lofty.  I’m a simple man, really.  However, I would like to share my dream with you.  It isn’t an overly important dream, sure…  But just as significant as any other.  It is my goal to one day find a deodorant, body wash and shampoo that are all the same product.

To be more specific, I’d like to have, say…  The three are all Suave… Old Spice.  I don’t mean just made by them (For a while I used Dial body wash and Right Guard, which is made by Dial), I mean that they are exactly the same.  Even down to the scent.  Such as Old Spice RED ZONE “ After Hours.” Which is the one I am trying next.  Although, I’m a little hesitant.  The name reminds me a little too much of the Axe products (Which I am trying to avoid with all my soul).

So there you have it…  I’m a loser.  However, just like my on-going search for the perfect deodorant, shampoo and body wash combination, I am also concerned with breakfast cereals.  Yes, breakfast…  The most important meal of the day, right?  That ought to be important, right?  I’m always trying different cereals (My only cereal used to be Cinnamon Life, but the bastards had to go and had more cinnamon to it.  Sons of Bitches!).  But recently I got to thinking…  What would happen if you started not only trying different cereals…  But different cereal combinations!

Did I just blow your mind?  Yeah, I know.  The more and more I think about the possibilities (Sidenote:  I think that the word: “Possibilities” could possibly have the most “I’s” packed that closely together in one word) the more overwhelmed I become!  It’s madness!  I can even imagine to what magical worlds this experiment could take me…

That's where you come in.  I can’t do this on my own.  That’s why I have created the new, and bound to be a hit, blog “Cereal Combinations: 2008.”  I want you, the reader, to decide what combination of cereals I try.  I’m going to set up this blog so you can add as many cereal combination as you, your friends, acquaintances and loved ones can come up with!  Together we can make this happen now!  Thank you…  And good night.

Love and Madness,
D. Bradford

p.s. – to learn more please go to https://dbradford05.angelfire.com/cereal


Posted by Inrideo at 6:42 PM PST
Updated: Tuesday, 12 February 2008 7:09 PM PST
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Wednesday, 30 January 2008
Lives Flash Before Eyes At Sundance '04

This last weekend I had the chance to attend the ’08 Sundance Film Festival.  It was me, Jareth and my cousin (And student of the coveted “Corruption” program, wherein I warp the growing minds of youngsters) Ein.  It was actually sort of an accident, really.  I never had any intention of going to Sundance this year.  I was just looking up the release date of the film “Be Kind Rewind”, the new Michel Gondry picture show that I was looking forward to.  I found that it would be playing at the Tower Theater downtown only once this upcoming Saturday.  I was excited until I realized (Or rather, Jareth brought to my attention) that it was probably playing there as a part of Sundance.  Damn.  You have to get those tickets some 3 months in advance!

Ein was coming up to visit that weekend (In fact there was a miscommunication and Ein arrived at 2:00 in the morning, finding Jareth’s house locked tight.  So he called yours truly, waking me from a wonderful dream involving Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon star Ziyi Zhang) and I knew that he was also interested in seeing the movie.  I told him that I saw it was playing downtown and he beamed with joy.  He now had no other purpose in life other than seeing “Be Kind Rewind.”  

“Okay,” I said, “But you understand that this is a Sundance film, right?  We’ll have to get on a wait list and even then who knows if we’ll get in.”   But there was no detouring him.  You know how young boys are. “If worst comes to worst,” said Jareth, “We can always do a blow.”  “What?”  “You know…  You just find an alley somewhere and there you’ll find a dirty old man and he’ll say: ‘I’ll give you these tickets to “Be Kind Rewind” if you do some of this blow.’”  “I don’t think you know what that means.”  I said.  “Sure I do.  What’s not to understand?”  “Well,” I began, “Let’s start with grammar.”  A lengthy and completely asinine argument about the meaning of the term “Do a blow.”  I won’t bore you with the details.

So we headed up there and had just a lovely time.  We were able to get into the movie and get a meal (At the both memorable and forgettable “Barbacoa”) out of it too.  I couldn’t help but be reminded of me and Jareth’s first Sundance encounter…  Where lives flashed before eyes.  The reason we didn’t go again until 3 years later.

It was Sundance ’04.  First off, the last time and the year before the movies we’ve seen have all been playing downtown.  This is a good thing.  Seeing a movie in Park City itself?  Not so good.  Think of a Toyota Corolla, then add a snowstorm and mountain slopes.  That isn’t a good combination.

The movie we got tickets too (What was the only thing left available) was a collection of short films, brilliantly dubbed “Shorts Program VI.”  Hey, look…  I still have the ticket on my wall.  I’m sorry whether to be proud of that or ashamed.  Anyways…  The films were all highly disturbing.  They ranged from sickly man dying to strange avant-garde cruises to an urban form of jiggling one’s body called “Krumping” to Heroin addicts (Including overdoses and homo-erotic servitude).  Lovely, just lovely.

That isn’t the worst part though.  The worst part was the drive back home.  The snowstorm had gotten worse.  Jareth, who was driving, said that it was so bad you couldn’t see the cars in front of you.  I fell asleep (Mind you that the movies started at midnight, so all this occurred some time between 2:30 and 3:00) so all I remember is Jareth suddenly saying: “Hold on!” and I awoke to find that we had lost control and were spinning around in circles.  After what seemed like forever (But what must have, in actuality, been a few seconds) the car came out of it’s spin, heading straight for the cement divider.  The brakes final found solid ground and stopped us a foot before we hit.

I don’t remember what happened after that.  I’m sure that I laughed and Jareth shot me a sharp look.  Anyways, it just goes to show yah…  Don’t go to Park City during Sundance!!!

Love and Madness,
D. Bradford

p.s.-


Posted by Inrideo at 4:21 PM PST
Updated: Tuesday, 12 February 2008 7:11 PM PST
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Friday, 25 January 2008
Average American Asshole

I am an average American asshole.  At least…  For a night I was.  Wait,  let me back up…  I somehow got it in my head a while back that it would be an interesting experiment to go out to the movies on Friday the same way every other American asshole does.  I wanted to experience what the average, everyday consumer experiences when he or she goes to the movies on a Friday night.

If you know me, then you know that I usually pick my movies carefully.  See, I enjoy film as a form of art…  Not entertainment (Yeah, I know the lines can be blurred.  Shut up and listen!)  The point I’m trying to make is I don’t really know what it’s like to just consume the stuff like it was funeral potatoes.  Well, I guess I’m just a glutton for punishment ‘cause that’s exactly what I did.

The idea was to pick a Friday night, (Friday is important…  A “Date” night, as it were.  Well…  more specifically an “Out” date night.  Saturday seems like more of an “In” date night to me.  But hey…  I’ve never been on a real date before, so…  What do I know?) then find out which movie was at the very top of the box office that week and just go!  Roll up my sleeves and reach my hand into that American pie.  Elbow deep in sweet, sweet Americana!  There were other rules too…  I had to buy popcorn, soda and candy with my movie.  I needed to do everything.  I needed to buy my shit, smile like a jackass and sit in my seat like a proper asshole.

Now, I feel that I should be truthful and straight forward about this because, well…  I feel like we’ve developed a nice little rapport.  I feel like I can tell you people anything and you won’t judge me…  Will you?  Anyways, I don’t care.  What I’m trying to say is I didn’t run off and do this right away.  I just couldn’t go through with it.  Everything that people were going to was shit!  Pure shit!  It was National Treasure for a while there, but I'd already been dragged to that Christmas day.  Sure, I could’ve gone to see the movie that was coming in second…  But that just seemed like a betrayal of the goal (Besides, the movie in second was Alvin and the Chipmunks – Shivers up spine)!  I even almost went to see The Bucket List!  I know!  What’s wrong with me, right?  I told my lover Jareth about the experiment and he finally convinced me to go the weekend Cloverfield was number one (And pulling in a hefty 40 million, mind you).

So that’s what we did.  I was fine for a while…  I was just find until I finished paying for my so called food product, placed it all on Larry H. Miller’s clever little feed trays and headed for the ticket taker.  It was then that an enormous weight came down on me.  I suddenly saw myself through the eyes of my ancestors (Much in the same way a Bene Gesserit becomes a Reverend Mother by taking the water of life and in doing so, gains the knowledge and experiences of their fore comers.)  I saw what I was in that terrible moment:  An average American asshole.  There I was…  Shuffling up the theater steps (Which, by the way, I’ve always suspected were specifically designed for huge assholes.  Now I knew for sure.  Who takes those massive two-foot steps?) and squeezing into my seat.  I told Jareth that if he hadn’t have been there I would never have made it this far.  I would have dropped everything I was holding on the ground, yelled:  “What’s wrong with you people!?” and stormed out in a rage.

Anyways… The movie was a pain in the ass, the popcorn was stale, I don’t think I even touched the soda and I got sour patch kids powder all over myself.  All in all…  A delightful evening.  As we were leaving, Jareth asked me:  “So, what does it feel like to be a true American?”  The answer didn’t take much thought:  “Horrible.”

Love and Madness,
D. Bradford

p.s. – Although the movie was awful, I did enjoy those weird little squid creatures that were scurrying around during it.  They reminded me of the Lobstrosities from Stephen King’s The Dark Tower II:  The Drawing Of the Three.  I swear they even made the noise:  “Dod-a-Chock?”


Posted by Inrideo at 11:20 PM PST
Updated: Friday, 25 January 2008 11:29 PM PST
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Monday, 7 January 2008
Why Auld Lang Syne, Of Course!
Wow…  Another year down the drain, huh?  What do you think we should discuss?  New Year’s resolutions?  The impending death of broadband television in 2009?  No…  Why Auld Lang Syne, of course!  You know what I’m talking about.  Everyone knows it or at least knows of it.  It’s that song that everyone sings at the stroke of midnight on New Years Eve.  It’s good song…  I think.  There’s something about that melody that puts you in a certain mood.  A reflective mood.  However, every single year all I’m able to do is sort of hum along and throw in a guess at a word here and there…  Because I don’t know the words.  In fact…  I don’t think I know a single person who really knows them. There was awhile, I think, in which I was convinced the words were “In gaze of old man’s eyes” but that as much as I thought I knew.  Ask people…  See if they know.  I betcha they won’t and if they say they do?  Well…  They’re filthy liars.  This year was going to be different, though.  I had a mission.  I was going to see to it that I knew everything there was to know about Auld Lang Syne…  Even if it was going to kill me.

“Kill me” is a little dramatic.  And the truth is there really isn’t much to know about Auld Lang Syne.  But thanks to Wikipedia I have it all here for you!  Would you like to hear about it?  Too bad, you don’t have a choice.  In case you couldn’t tell, it’s an old Scottish drinking song, meant to be sung only in a smoky Scottish pub and only by the very drunk. “Auld lang syne” is translated literally into modern English as “old long since” or “days gone by” and I’m informed that Matthew Fitt, in his retelling of Scottish fairy tales, uses the phrase “In the days of auld lang syne” the same as we might use “Once upon a time”

The song was written by a Robert Burns sometime between 1759-1796.  But that’s not really the case.  Although it’s credited to Burns, the same phrase appears in poem by Robert Ayton, Allan Ramsay and James Watson (As well as older folk songs written before Burns’ time).

Apparently, there was an Irish rock band, by the delightful name of AER used the song as the intro and hook to their own song “Time Goes By.”  The songwriter for the band supposedly got the idea thinking, “What can we do that Jimi Hendrix didn’t?”  What they didn’t know was that Jimi Hendrix played Auld Lang Syne as the opening of his second set at Fillmore, East December 31, 1969-January 1, 1970.  But it was made famous by  1920’s bandleader Guy Lombardo who is often credited with getting the song associated with New Year’s Eve.  His used the song in his radio and television broadcasts starting in 1929.

On New Year’s Eve I looked all this information up online and then set the computer to sleep mode, waiting so that I might have the song’s lyrics in their entirety at my disposal once it came time.  But when midnight finally rolled around the computer remained in sleep mode while I was downstairs playing God Of War II.  Happy New Year…

Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And auld lang syne?
 
Love and Madness,
D. Bradford 

p.s. - It’s funny, I always thought that the last line was “In days of old lang syne?”  Isn’t that how everyone sings it?  I guess it doesn’t matter…  We’ve all replaced “Auld” with “Old” anyways, a change so minuscule it defies logic.

p.p.s. – I beat God Of War II…  If anyone was interested.

Posted by Inrideo at 6:16 PM PST
Updated: Wednesday, 30 January 2008 4:32 PM PST
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Thursday, 27 December 2007
The Greatest Invention In The History Of Everything

Indulge me, won’t you?  Imagine for a moment that you are enormously bored (Yeah, I know it isn’t difficult and is the precise reason you visited this site in the first place).  Now, imagine that quite suddenly two small pigs, about the size of dice, appear before you.  Are you surprised?  Perhaps even…  Intrigued?  I knew you would be!  “Pass the Pigs, old boy!” one the delightful swine shouts out to you.  Go ahead…  Do it.  You take up the pigs in your hands and give them a good toss.  Incredibly amused now, aren’t you?

Welcome to the wonderful world that is Pass the Pigs, a charming, highly entertaining and remotely educational children’s game from Winning Moves Games.  Prepare to be amazed!  I never thought I could be so easily amused by a simple game…  But I am!  Pass the Pigs is the greatest invention in the history of everything!  If you aren’t familiar with it then please, allow me to illuminate your dark, joyless world and blow your mind!  Pass the Pigs is a game in which the player tosses two pig-shaped dice and obtains a score based on the combination the pigs landed in (Some combinations include, but are not limited to: the “trotter”, the “razorback” and my personal favorite, the “leaning jowler”).  At the end of the game the person with the highest score (Or the first to reach 100) is the winner.

There is even a barrel of laughs enchanting and obviously true history behind the inventors of the game, Jack and Hugh Pigfellow.  Apparently, the two brothers were growing tired of being tossed about and set themselves to the task of created little wooden dice in their likeness.  “Whilst pork scratching a scoreboard on an old piece of fence posting, Hugh shouted “Oink, Pass the Pigs, Jack!” and so the first version was invented,” as the story goes.  The Pigfellow brothers went on to become, what the story refers to as “a phenomenal success” in their homeland of Pigalonia.

The truth is Pass the Pigs is not something altogether new to me.  It was given to me by my grandparents, as a while elephant gift I’m sure, although I can’t fully recall.  What I do remember, however, is the obscene amount of time I and my good friend Kade Christopher wasted away playing Pass the Pigs at school (Instead of attending class, mind you).  But alas…  The game was lost to time.  That was the end of all happiness.  But this Christmas (Which I’m sure will go down in history as the greatest Christmas ever) found Pass the Pigs and joy in my hands again.  Kade found the game and has given happiness a long deserved renewal.

For more information on Pass the Pigs or to order a set of your own, please visit: www.winning-moves.com

Love and Madness,
D. Bradford



p.s. –
It should be noted that Jack and Hugh Pigfellow always appear in tuxedos.  Therefore, anything said by them (Including “Pass the Pigs”) should be uttered with an air of snobby arrogance.  Kade and I find this highly amusing.


Posted by Inrideo at 7:16 PM PST
Updated: Tuesday, 1 January 2008 1:03 AM PST
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Saturday, 8 December 2007
Another Great Day Being Me
I thought that it might be an interesting experiment to ignore my instincts for a couple of weeks and NOT immediately empty the junk mail in my yahoo e-mail account.  What wonders would steadily build up there?  What could possibly be in store for me?  A free camera maybe?  Or how ‘bout porn?  Everybody likes porn!  This was my plan and this is what became of it:

I don’t want to be too forthright, but…  It appears as if someone has a crush on me…  Someone from “Crush Mail” is waiting for me.  I just have to “Click Here”.  That, and someone calling himself “Juicy” has offered of my to view “Pics of hot singles!” and I don’t even need to give my credit card number!  Also, I’ve been invited to view some of the many black singles available on blacksingles.com!  Oh my, how exciting!  

Wow!  Congratulations, it says…  I’ve been picked to fill out surveys for cash!  Businesses need my help and are willing to pay for it!  Hey, I’ve just received a notice regarding my $1500 deposit.  I can have $1500 is my bank account in 10 minutes!  I’m quitting my job and getting rich!

“Scholarships! Scholarships! Scholarships!”  All I have to do is register now and I’m moments away from a wonderful scholarship!

Oh joy, a J.C. Penny gift card worth $500 dollars?  Just for me?

Finally, my eBay success kit has arrived!  I didn’t even know I ordered one!

Have I ever dreamed about being a police officer?  Or getting my forensics degree?  No…  But I'm starting to right now!

In a 3-week period I accumulated well over 300 e-mails from online dating sites, banks (whether real or not…  I’m not sure) online shopping sites (eBay, Kmart, etc.) and random, miscellaneous places with strange names like “Hey!!!” or “GoFishBob”.  So, in the end… What have I learned?  Nothing, really…  My original plan was to set up a new e-mail account and then see how much junk I would get.  Then I would come here and write some groundbreaking, world-changing epic about the corruption inherent in our money dominated, capitalist system that would shake the establishment to its very foundation!

However, the new e-mail (some_jerk@yahoo.com) didn’t get a single piece of junk mail.  While my real account was stuffed full of them.  What does that prove?  Absolutely nothing.  Status of experiment: failed…  Another great day being me.

Love and Madness,
D. Bradford

Posted by Inrideo at 10:01 PM PST
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Monday, 3 December 2007
Things That Really Bother Me, Part Two

The staggering inconsistency of public restrooms.  It may not seem like an issue worth of your precious time, but I assure you that the facilities in which you leave behind your body’s waste are of the utmost importance.  The topic I’d like to address specifically regarding the bathroom is the unpredictability of the design, maintenance and overall feeling of sanctuary in public restrooms.

 

Firstly, defecation and urination were never meant to be held in any sort of public forum.  Sure, the roman’s had their public baths.  Even in some parts of Asia there are bath houses still in regular operation.  This is still no excuse.  Just because the Romans and Chinese bathe together, doesn’t mean that their also pissin’ and shittin’ all over the place while they’re doing it.  Releasing of one’s bowels is a private matter, intended for the privacy of the home (Or an outhouse if you are so inclined).

 

However, should the mood strike you…  If you’re scarf shopping at the local strip mall or Cruising down town parks in your wood-paneled station wagon and you suddenly feel a stirring in your nether regions that could only be dealt with immediately…  You have no choice.  You have to use the state provided lavatory.

 

But every one of them is different, aren’t they?  Have you ever noticed that?  Public restrooms (In this country, at least) range in cleanliness and luxury from the lowliest gas stations closet space to the- I can’t think of the nicest restroom I’ve ever been in.  For the sake of argument, let us say the lobby of the Airport Hilton.  Differences include (but are certainly not limited too) faucets (Which can be levers, knobs or the always highly entertaining motion sensor), stalls (The variants in the stalls at the SLCC campus are terribly fascinating, but more so… frustrating.  There are stall doors here that won’t open because the door hits the bar attached to the wall.  There are stalls so short that if you are standing to pee into the bowl you can easily glance over into the next stall and get a fantastic view of the activities of your pee-neighbor) and drying materials (By this I mean what you use to dry your hands after washing.  This can include paper towels (by means of multiple types of dispensers), the ever reliable air-blower (Which take three times as long, but hey…  We saved some trees.  Sidenote:  At SLCC the paper towel dispensers have a sensor that only lets a certain amount of paper out at a time.  An obstacle easily circumvented by the use of both hands on two different dispensers!  Clever, right?  That’s why I’m at a community college!), and my personal favorite… The long loop of towel.  The one that was one continuous circle of material that supposedly ‘cleaned its self’ every time it was pulled).  I don’t even want to go into the frightening state of sanitation in most public restrooms.  Most should have been declared a bio-hazard years ago.

 

So what does this mean for us as purveyors of these faculties?  Does it mean holding in unwanted surplus until we’re home?  Even if it means poisoning our body’s delicate balance of systems?  I think so…  It’s a small price to release in peace.

 

Love and Madness,

D. Bradford

 

p.s. – The writing on the stalls in public restrooms is equally as interesting and worthy of a story in and of its self.  At SLCC I’ve followed the messages of a particular bathroom…  Artist, if you will…  Who calls himself “Fart Eater” and has dubbed this summer the “Summer Of Sex!” and I don’t disagree.


Posted by Inrideo at 12:48 PM PST
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Wednesday, 28 November 2007
Hitting The Moon With A Multi-Million Dollar Rock

I’ve always had an interest in space travel.  I’m just fascinated by the history and technology.  Space travel technology is just all so primitive, really.  The shuttles, satellites and suits all seem so fragile.  It makes me think of some kind or alternate, Flash Gordon like universe of undersea adventure.  Whenever I see a space suit it makes me think of those old deep sea diving suits.  The huge, bulky ones with the rusty metal dome helmets complete with that swinging gate in the front.

 

I particularly like the early years, the U.S.S.R. stuff (No, I’m not a commie red.  I’m as blue-blooded as the next American).  It seems an absolute miracle to me that we ever made it to the moon first.  Since the beginning of the space race it was the Soviets all over the place, ahead of us at every turn.

 

The U.S.S.R.’s Lunar Program was the one that was kicking our capitalist asses.  But of the infamous Lunar satellites (Which include many ‘firsts’ like: first lunar flyby (Luna 1), first photographs from the dark side of the moon (Luna 3) and first deployment of a lunar rover and analysis of lunar soil (Luna 17)) it’s Luna 2 that I find most fascinating.

 

Fascinating probably isn’t that right word, though.  Let’s try…  “Humorous”.  I say that because Luna 2 was the first man made artifact to strike the moon.  The emphasis being “strike”.  It struck the moon.  That was its purpose.  It didn’t quietly drop down onto the surface like a downy feather, full of sunshine rainbows (the first “successful” soft landing on the lunar surface didn’t come about until Luna 13.  That’s 11 Luna’s later) It literally struck it.  The goal of Luna 2 was simply to hit the moon.  “We know it’s there… We flew by it…  Let’s see if we can hit it!".  I just love the idea that for thousands of years there's complete silence on the lunar surface and then all of a sudden...  BAM!  And this pointed, metal ball slams into it.

 

It’s a goal that goes back to cave man days when Neanderthals used to throw rocks at the moon in a vain attempt to bring it down (So they could possess its demonic powers, of course).  And you can’t tell me that the people who were alive during the short time that the moon was believed to be made of cheese didn’t occasionally desire to strike it down and fest on the sweet reward.  So now, thousands of years later, we’ve finally reached our goal…  We’ve finally accomplished hitting the moon with a multi-million dollar rock.

 

Love and Madness,

D. Bradford

 

p.s. - I forgot to mention...  It was on Sept. 14, 1959 that Luna 2 hit the moon.  I know you were dying to know!


Posted by Inrideo at 12:30 PM PST
Updated: Wednesday, 28 November 2007 12:47 PM PST
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Monday, 26 November 2007
Geocaching... Is It Real? I'm Afraid So...

For those who don’t know what I’m taking about… Let me enlighten you.  Geocaching is a delightful little pass time that, as Craig Dilger of the Daily Herald said in his article “New-age Treasure Hunts”, “Combines technology with the outdoors” (Dilger).  Specifically, the participant looks up locations of “Geocaches” on the internet, and then loads the latitude and longitude into a GPS device.  Then, they go to the site and dig up some sort of box or bag and admire the…  “Treasures” inside, hidden by another “Geocacher” as they’re apparently called.  Hard to believe, But it’s actually a big hobby.  Yeah…  People do it.

 

Not only that…  They enjoy it too!  In the article from the Daily Herald, Dilger tells us about a young couple (Jacob and Helen Barlow) who met…  While Geocaching.  It was a Geocaching blind date, no less.  How lovely!  The two hit it off, of course (No huge nerd can resist another huge nerd) and met up several times after that (to go Geocaching, obviously).  Once, even, at an actual, honest Geocaching event.  Now they’re married and they go out Geocaching every day, according to the article.  Between the two of them they’ve found over 4,400 Geocaches. “My favorite part about Geocaching is that it is a hobby that we share together” said Mr. Barlow.  Whether he was referring to his newly wedded wife or the entire human race I can’t say for sure.

 

Lovely…  Just lovely.  If that isn’t alarming enough…  Apparently there are 487,460 active caches worldwide, 37,749 Geocachers registered on the web and 9,688 Geocaches hidden in Utah alone.  It makes you wonder what exactly we’re all doing with our short time here on this little planet.

 

Love and Madness,

D. Bradford

 

p.s. – Be sure to visit www.geocaching.com...  Loser.


Posted by Inrideo at 1:16 PM PST
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Sunday, 25 November 2007
Things That Really Bother Me, Part One

People who drive around in old police cars.  I don’t know where they’re getting them or why, but they’re annoying.  I always see them driving behind me in the rear view mirror and think that some cop is tailing me.  So I slow down a bit…  I make sure I’m doing everything just right…  Then they get upset that I’m going so slowly and they pull around me.  That’s when I see that they’re not cops at all.  Dammit!  Why?

It’s particularly irritating when they still have that little spot light attached to the side there.  And when they have a bike rack or something on top.  They look exactly like a police car then.  Especially at night or in the dark of the morning, when I’m driving to work.

Where do they get these cars anyways?  Police auctions?  I’ve heard of police auctions but I’ve never known anyone to actually go to one.  There must be some kind of strange counter-culture of people who scavange police auctions.  "You wouldn't believe the deals you can get! I mean...  Just look at this car!  I had get rid of the CB radio, the shotgun holder and clean some blood off the seats...  But hey! I got it at a police auction!  Retail is for suckers!"  I wonder at the kind of mentality that thinks that driving around in an old cop car or repossessed crack van is "the thing to do."

Love and Madness,
D. Bradford


Posted by Inrideo at 11:00 AM PST
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