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Tuesday, 29 April 2008
Addictive Relationships
Mood:  down

As I seek for some answers to some questions, I came across this article that I think will enlightened the minds of those people who are in the midst of confusion towards their current situation. I admit, I'm one of those addicted to this kind of relationship. I don't know what to do next after reading this but I'm convinced I have to do something.

This article maybe too long and very boring to read for some. But for those who are interested to know more about a different way of addiction.....read on!

It is often very hard to end a love relationship even when you know it is bad for you. A "bad" relationship is not the kind that is going through the usual periods of disagreement and disenchantment that are inevitable when two separate people come together. A bad relationship is one that involves continual frustration; the relationship seems to have potential but that potential is always just out of reach. In fact, the attachment in such relationships is to someone who is "unattainable" in the sense that he or she is committed to someone else, doesn't want a committed relationship, or is incapable of one. Bad relationships are chronically lacking in what one or both partners need. Such relationships can destroy self-esteem and prevent those involved from moving on in their careers or personal lives. They are often fertile breeding grounds for loneliness, rage, and despair. In bad relationships the two partners are often on such different wavelengths that there is little common ground, little significant communication, and little enjoyment of each other.

Remaining in a bad relationship not only causes continual stress but may even be physically harmful. An obvious harm is the physical abuse that is often a part of such relationships. In a less obvious way, however, the tensions and chemical changes caused by the constant stress can drain energy and lower resistance to physical illness. Continuing in such bad relationships can lead to unhealthy escapes such as alcohol or drug abuse and can even lead to suicide attempts.

In such relationships, individuals are robbed of several essential freedoms: the freedom to be their best selves in the relationship, the freedom to love the other person through choice rather than through dependency, and the freedom to leave a situation that is destructive.

Despite the pain of these relationships, many rational and practical people find that they are unable to leave, even though they know the relationship is bad for them. One part of them wants out but a seemingly stronger part refuses or feels helpless to take any action. It is in this sense that the relationships are "addictive."


Are You Addicted?

Listed below are several signs of addiction. Consider whether they apply to you:


*Even though you know the relationship is bad for you (and perhaps others have told you this), you take no effective steps to end it.

*You give yourself reasons for staying in the relationship that are not really accurate or that are not strong enough to counteract the harmful aspects of the relationship.

*When you think about ending the relationship, you feel terrible anxiety and fear which make you cling to it even more.

*When you take steps to end the relationship, you suffer painful withdrawal symptoms, including physical discomfort, that is only relieved by reestablishing contact.

If most of these signs apply to you, you are probably in an addictive relationship and have lost the capacity to direct your own life. To move toward recovery, your first steps must be to recognize that you are "hooked" and then to try to understand the basis of your addiction. In this way, you can gain the perspective to determine whether, in reality, the relationship can be improved or whether you need to leave it.


The Basis of Addiction

There are several factors that can influence your decision to remain in a bad relationship. At the most superficial level are practical considerations such as financial entanglement, shared living quarters, potential impact on children, feared disapproval from others, and possible disruption in academic performance or career plans.

At a deeper level are the beliefs you hold about relationships in general, about this specific relationship, and about yourself. These beliefs may take the form of learned societal messages such as "Love is forever," "You are a failure if you end a relationship," "Being alone is terrible," and "You should never hurt anyone." Also relevant are beliefs about yourself such as "I'll never find anyone else," "I'm not attractive or interesting enough," or "If I work hard enough I should be able to save this relationship."

At the deepest level are unconscious feelings which can keep you stuck. These feelings develop early in childhood, often operate without your awareness, and can exert considerable influence on your life. Children need to be loved, nurtured, and encouraged in their independence. To the extent that parents are successful in doing this, their children will be able to feel secure as adults in moving in and out of relationships. To the extent that these needs are not met their children may be left feeling "needy" as adults and may thus be more vulnerable to dependent relationships.


Strategies for Overcoming Relationship Addictions

Robin Norwood, in her excellent book Women Who Love Too Much outlines a ten step plan for overcoming relationship addiction. While this book is directed toward women, its principles are equally valid for men. Stated here (reordered and sometimes paraphrased), Norwood suggests the following:

*Make your "recovery" the first priority in your life.

*Become "selfish," i.e., focus on getting your own needs met more effectively.

*Courageously face your own problems and shortcomings.

*Cultivate whatever needs to be developed in yourself, i.e., fill in gaps that have made you feel undeserving or bad about yourself.

*Learn to stop managing and controlling others; by being more focused on your own needs, you will no longer need to seek security by trying to make others change.

*Develop your "spiritual" side, i.e., find out what brings you peace and serenity and commit some time, at least half an hour daily, to that endeavor.

*Learn not to get "hooked" into the games of relationships; avoid dangerous roles you tend to fall into, e.g., "rescuer" (helper), "persecutor" (blamer), "victim" (helpless one).

*Find a support group of friends who understand.

*Share with others what you have experienced and learned.

*Consider getting professional help.

****


 


Posted by abycuttie at 1:36 AM EDT
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Monday, 28 April 2008
so confused
Mood:  down

Why?

This is the question that keeps on boggling my mind for the past days.  I tried to understand his situation knowing he is so caught up with tons of work.  Last week, he broke the silence that separates us.  That time I was trying to relive my life without him.  He said so many things that melted my heart...I thought we came up with an agreement that we will remain friends despite everything that had happened between us.  Then last Friday, all his replies to my texts were so cold. As if he does not want to recieve any text messages from me.  I wanted to tell him so great news that happened to me that day.  I thought I can all of them to him since he is my friend.  But with the manner of his responses to me...I got his message not to bother him for a while. 

This morning, as I headed for work, I did the usual thing.  I texted him.  I even tried calling him despite the limited amount of prepaid credits.  I heard a ring from the other line...but my call was diverted to another number.  Why did he have to do that?  What have I done again this time that made him divert my call to another number? 

I got hurt.  Why is he mad at me again?  We exchanged texts messages...I told him what I feel.  And his replies were so cold again as if he is blaming me over something.  I really cannot understand him. 

I opened another of chapter of my life with him.  I wanted to start anew without blaming anyone with my current dilemmas.  I just needed a friend or should I say...trusted friends with me right now.  I do not want to lose them both even if I know they are not totally mine.

Why can't he understand that? I already accepted the fact that we cannot be together due to lots of complications on his side as well as mine.  I already set him free from loving or even staying with me as his another woman.  All I am requesting now from him is to be a very understanding friend.  Why can't he be one right now?

I am so deeply hurt.  I hate myself for being so weak. 

 

 

 


Posted by abycuttie at 12:01 AM EDT
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Tuesday, 22 April 2008
my best life NOW...
Mood:  happy

Just recently, I experienced a very lonely and troubled life.  I really do not know how to make a new start.  I am convinced I lost everything.  Trying to find strength and confidence again, I decided to read a book sent by my aunt who is based in Jersey.   Oh by the way, this aunt will be coming back here in Manila after 6 years by May...can't wait to see her and thank her for sending me the book that truly changed my perspective in life.  As I browse the headings and chapter titles...I told myself "Gosh, this is what I need."  And as I start reading it...I heard myself saying..."This is me!" 

I want to change my vision in my life.  I really have to change my ways of thinking so that I can achieve my goals and dreams.  I know they are just within my reach.  I just have to believe I can make it and trust in HIM. 

YOUR BEST LIFE NOW

by Joel Osteen  

Chapter 1:  Enlarging Your Vision

I heard a story about a man on vacation in Hawaii with his wife. He was a good man who had achieved a modest measure of success, but he was coasting along, thinking that he’d already reached his limits in life. One day, a friend was driving the couple around the island, showing them the sights. They stopped to admire a gorgeous house set high on a hill. The property was replete with beautiful palm trees and lush green gardens in a picturesque, peaceful setting with a panoramic view overlooking the ocean.

As the man gazed at the magnificent home, he commented to his wife and friend, “I can’t even imagine living in a place like that.”

Right there, something inside him said, Don’t worry. You won’t. You will never live in a great place like that.

Startled at his own thoughts, he asked himself, What do you mean?

As long as you can’t imagine it, as long as you can’t see it, then it is not going to happen for you. The man correctly realized that his own thoughts and attitudes were condemning him to mediocrity. He determined then and there to start believing better of himself, and believing better of God.

It’s the same way with us. We have to conceive it on the inside before we’re ever going to receive it on the outside. If you don’t think you can have something good, then you never will. The barrier is in your mind. It’s not God’s lack of resources or your lack of talent that prevents you from prospering. Your own wrong thinking can keep you from God’s best.

 

Your own wrong thinking can keep you from God’s best.

 

 

You, too, may have assumed that you’ve already peaked, that you’ve reached your limits in life, that you will never be more successful. I’ll never achieve significance, do something meaningful, or enjoy the good things in life that I’ve seen others enjoy.

Sad to say, you are exactly right . . . unless you are willing to change your thinking. That’s why the first step to living at your full potential is to enlarge your vision. To live your best life now, you must start looking at life through eyes of faith, seeing yourself rising to new levels. See your business taking off. See your marriage restored. See your family prospering. See your dreams coming to pass. You must conceive it and believe it is possible if you ever hope to experience it.

To conceive it, you must have an image on the inside of the life you want to live on the outside. This image has to become a part of you, in your thoughts, your conversation, deep down in your subconscious mind, in your actions, in every part of your being.

Envision Your Success

From the time she was a little girl, Tara Holland dreamed of becoming Miss America. In 1994, she entered the Miss Florida pageant and won the title of first runner-up. She decided to try again the following year. She entered the same contest, and once again, won the prize as first runner-up. Tara was tempted to get down and discouraged, but she didn’t do that. She stayed focused on her goal.

She decided she needed to change her environment, so she moved to Kansas, and in 1997, she entered the Miss Kansas pageant and won the title. That same year, she went on to be crowned Miss America. Tara Holland saw her dream come to pass.

In an interview after the pageant, someone asked Tara the secret to her success. She admitted that after she had lost twice in a row at the state-level competitions, she had been tempted to give up, but instead she went out and rented dozens of videos of local pageants, state pageants, Miss Teen, Miss Universe, Miss World—whatever she could find. She rented hundreds of videos of various pageants and watched them over and over again.

As Tara watched each young woman crowned a winner, she pictured herself in that situation. She pictured herself receiving the crown. She pictured herself walking down the runway in victory. Time and time again she envisioned herself winning. Seeing herself as a winner, said Tara, was the key to her success.

Another reporter asked her if she was nervous walking down the runway in front of millions of people watching on television and with the announcer singing the famous Miss America song.

Tara’s response was interesting. “No, I wasn’t nervous at all,” she said. “You see, I had walked down that runway thousands of times before.”

Have you ever walked down that runway? Have you ever seen yourself accomplishing your dreams? Do you keep that vision of victory in front of you? Tara Holland knew she would never be a winner until she first saw herself as a winner. She had to reprogram her mind, to rid herself as much as possible of the hurtful memories of losing. She had to replace that vision in her mind of herself as Miss Runner-up. She had to develop a can-do attitude. She saw herself stepping onto the winner’s platform. She saw herself walking down that runway in victory. She created an environment of faith and success.

What you keep before your eyes will affect you. You will produce what you’re continually seeing in your mind. If you foster an image of defeat and failure, then you’re going to live that kind of life. But if you develop an image of victory, success, health, abundance, joy, peace, and happiness, nothing on earth will be able to hold those things from you.

Too many times we get stuck in a rut, thinking we’ve reached our limits. We don’t really stretch our faith; we don’t believe for anything bigger. But God wants us to constantly be increasing, to be rising to new heights. He wants to increase you in His wisdom and help you to make better decisions. God wants to increase you financially, by giving you promotions, fresh ideas, and creativity.

The Scripture says that God wants to pour out “His far and beyond favor.”1 God wants this to be the best time of your life. But if you are going to receive this favor, you must enlarge your vision. You can’t go around thinking negative, defeated, limiting thoughts. Well, I’ve gone as far as my education will allow. Or, I’ve had this sickness for years. I guess it’s my lot in life.

To experience this immeasurable favor, you must rid yourself of that small-minded thinking and start expecting God’s blessings, start anticipating promotion and supernatural increase. You must conceive it in your heart and mind before you can receive it. In other words, you must make room for increase in your own thinking, then God will bring those things to pass. Until you learn how to enlarge your vision, seeing the future through your eyes of faith, your own wrong thinking will prevent good things from happening in your life. God will not pour fresh, creative ideas and blessings into old attitudes.

 

You must conceive it in your heart and mind before you can receive it.

 

Get Rid of Those Old Wineskins

Centuries ago, wine was stored in leather wineskins rather than bottles. Animal skins were dried and cured until the leather could be shaped into containers to hold the wine. When the wineskins were new, they were soft and pliable, but as they aged, they often lost their elasticity; they wouldn’t give anymore. They would become hardened and set, and they couldn’t expand. If a person poured new wine in an old wineskin, the container would burst and the wine would be lost.

Interestingly, when Jesus wanted to encourage His followers to enlarge their visions, He reminded them, “You can’t put new wine into old wineskins.”2 Jesus was saying that you cannot have a larger life with restricted attitudes. That lesson is still relevant today. We are set in our ways, bound by our perspectives, and stuck in our thinking. God is trying to do something new, but unless we’re willing to change, unless we’re willing to expand and enlarge our vision, we’ll miss His opportunities for us.

The fact that you are reading this book, however, says that you are ready to go to a higher level; you want to reach your full potential. The good news is, God wants to show you His incredible favor. He wants to fill your life with “new wine,” but are you willing to get rid of your old wineskins? Will you start thinking bigger? Will you enlarge your vision and get rid of those old negative mind-sets that hold you back?

One fellow whose marriage was on the verge of dissolution told me, “Joel, I’ve been this way for a long time. Nothing good ever happens to me. I don’t see how my marriage could be restored. We’ve always had these problems.”

“That kind of thinking will keep you from receiving the good things God wants to pour out in your life,” I told him. “Those wrong attitudes will block the flow. You must stop dwelling on negative, destructive thoughts that keep you in a rut. Your life is not going to change until you first change your thinking.”

Early in our marriage, Victoria and I were out walking through our neighborhood one day when we came upon a beautiful new home in the final stages of construction. The doors were open, so we stepped inside and looked around. It was a fabulous home, much prettier than any of the other homes in that community. Most of the other homes around us were one-story, ranch-style homes that were forty to fifty years old, but this house was a large two-story home, with high ceilings and oversized windows providing an appealing view of the backyard. It was a lovely, inspiring place.

When we came out of the house, Victoria was excited. She turned around, looked back at the home, and said, “Joel, one day we’re going to live in a beautiful home just like that!” At the time, we were living in an extremely old house that had experienced some foundation problems, preventing all of our doors on the inside from closing properly. We had stretched our faith and spent everything we had just to buy that home and get into that neighborhood. Thinking of our bank account, and my income at the time, it seemed impossible to me that we’d ever work our way up to a home like the one we had toured.

Being the “great man of faith” that I am, I said, “Victoria, that home is so far beyond our reach, I don’t see how we could ever afford something like that.”

But Victoria had much more faith than I did, and she would not give up. We stood out in front of that house for thirty minutes and debated. She told me all the reasons why it could happen. I told her all the reasons why I doubted.

She said, “No, Joel; I feel it deep inside. It is going to happen.”

She was so filled with joy, I didn’t want to burst her bubble, so I let the matter drop. But Victoria didn’t! Over the next several months, she kept speaking words of faith and victory, and she finally talked me into it. She convinced me that we could live in an elegant home like the one we saw. I got rid of my limited thinking and I started agreeing with her. I started believing that somehow, some way, God could bring it to pass. We kept on believing it, seeing it, and speaking it.

Several years later, we sold our property, and through another real estate deal, we were able to build a house just like the one we had viewed. We saw it come to pass. But I don’t believe it ever would have happened had we not first conceived it on the inside. I don’t believe it would have happened if Victoria had not talked me into enlarging my vision.

God has so much more in store for you, too. Start making room for it in your thinking. Conceive it on the inside. Start seeing yourself rising to a new level, doing something of significance, living in that home of your dreams. If you want to see God’s “far and beyond” favor, then you must replace those old wineskins.

“I’ve gone as far as my parents were able to go,” Steve said to me. “I’ve gone as far as anybody else in my family. That’s good enough, isn’t it?”

“No,” I told him. “You don’t have to be bound by the barriers of the past. God wants you to go further than your parents. I’m sure your parents were fine, hardworking people, but don’t fall into that trap of just sitting back and accepting the status quo. You need to make a decision that you are not going to live an average, mediocre life. When you get up in the morning you need to have the attitude of: I’m going to do something great. I’m going to excel in my career. I’m going to enthusiastically serve other people. I’m going to break out of this mold and rise to new heights.

I tell my children all the time, “You’re going to go much further than Daddy. You have so much potential. You’re going to accomplish great things!”

I’m not simply trying to instill pride in our children; I want them to have a big vision. I want them to conceive great possibilities at an early age. I want them to grow up expecting God’s favor, expecting to be leaders, expecting to excel in whatever they do. And I know they must have it on the inside before God can ever bring it to pass on the outside.

One day, I was driving through Houston with my eight-year-old son, Jonathan. As we drove down the freeway we came upon the Compaq Center, the sixteen-thousand-seat arena that was the former home of the Houston Rockets professional basketball team, and soon to be the home of Lakewood Church. I slowed down and pointed. “Jonathan, look over there. One day, that’s where you’re going to be preaching.”

He said, “Oh, no, Daddy. When I get old enough, I’m going to preach in Reliant Stadium!” (Reliant Stadium is Houston’s seventy-thousand-seat home of the Houston Texans football team.)

I thought, I like the fact that he’s got a big dream. When I first told that story at Lakewood several years ago, after the service a lady came up and handed Jonathan a check for one hundred dollars toward that new stadium. He was so excited. He said, “Daddy, I wish you’d talk about me more often in your sermons!”

Even if you come from an extremely successful family, God still wants you to go further. My own father accomplished great things in his lifetime. He inspired people all over the world. But I’m not going to be satisfied to do merely what Daddy did. I don’t want to simply hold my ground and maintain. No, I want to press on toward new heights.

If you look carefully, you will see that God has been trying to encourage you. He’s allowed people to cross your path who are far more successful than you are, who have much stronger marriages, who are enjoying His favor in marvelous ways. When you see or hear about other people succeeding or doing what you want to do, be encouraged rather than jealous. Don’t say, “That could never happen to me. I’m not that talented. I’ll never get those kind of breaks. I’ll never have that much money.”

Get rid of those old wineskins. Change your thinking. Get beyond the barriers of the past and start expecting God to do great things in your life.

“Do You Not Perceive It?”

Understand, God is constantly trying to plant new seeds in your heart. He’s constantly trying to get you to conceive, to give up antiquated ideas and spawn new bursts of creativity within. The key is to believe, to let the seed take root so it can grow.

What if Victoria had acquiesced concerning that new house, and said, “Yes, Joel; you’re right. We’re just young people. We’ll never afford this. That house is way out of reach.”

We’d probably still be living in our original crooked house. Thankfully, she enlarged her vision and conceived what God was saying to her. Perhaps, God has been speaking to you, as well, trying to move you to a new level. He’s put people in your life as examples to inspire you. When you see their accomplishments, their joys, their victories, something inside you should say, “Yes, God! I know You can bless me in a similar way. I know I can have a great marriage. I know I can be that happy. I know I can go to those new heights.”

There is a seed within you trying to take root. That’s God trying to get you to conceive. He’s trying to fill you with so much hope and expectancy that the seed will grow and bring forth a tremendous harvest. It’s your time. You may have been sick for a long time, but this is your time to get well. You may be bound by all kinds of addictions, all kinds of bad habits, but this is the time to be set free. You may be struggling financially, in all kinds of debt, but this is the time for promotion. This is your time for increase. Friend, if you will get in agreement with God, this can be the greatest time of your life. This can be the time that God pours out His immeasurable, far and beyond favor.

God says, “Behold, I am doing a new thing. Do you not perceive it?”3 Notice, God is always ready to do new things in our lives. He’s trying to promote us, to increase us, to give us more. Yet, it’s interesting that God asked the question “Do you not perceive it?” In other words, are you making room for it in your own thinking? Are you believing for increase? Are you believing to excel at your job? Are you believing to be a more effective leader, or a better parent?

It’s time to enlarge your vision.

Maybe God wants to improve your marriage, restore your family, or promote you at work. But that seed of opportunity can’t take root because of your doubts.

“How could my business ever take off and begin to flourish? I’ve got so many obstacles. It’s just impossible.”

God is saying to you something similar to what He told the Virgin Mary and others throughout Scripture. It’s not going to be by your might. It’s not going to be by your power. God said it’s going to be by His Spirit. The power of the Most High God shall come upon you and cause it to happen. With God on your side, you cannot possibly lose. He can make a way when it looks as though there is no way. He can open doors that no man can shut. He can cause you to be at the right place, at the right time. He can supernaturally turn your life around. Jesus said, “If you believe, then all things are possible.”4

My question to you is: Will you believe? Will you allow that seed to take root? The angel told Mary that she would conceive without knowing a man. In other words, God was saying it could happen through supernatural means. It can happen without the bank loaning you the money. It can happen without having the right education. It can happen in spite of your past. It can happen despite what the critics are telling you. With God, all things are possible.

When we got the news that the Compaq Center might be coming available, some of my initial thoughts were similar to Mary’s. How could this be? How could we ever get that facility? It’s going to be too expensive. The city will never let a church use that. It’s much too prominent. But this time, I expanded my vision. I let the seed take root. I conceived it on the inside. I began to “see” our congregation worshiping God in the Compaq Center in the heart of Houston.

Over the next few months, plenty of people told members of our congregation, staff, and me, “It’s never going to happen. You don’t have a chance. You’re wasting your time.”

That didn’t matter. The seed was growing on the inside. When it looked impossible, and we faced all kinds of challenges, I just said, “Father, I thank You that You are fighting our battles for us. I thank You that You’re going to show us some of that immeasurable, far and beyond favor.” The seed kept growing, getting stronger and stronger. Sure enough, three and a half years later, against strong adversity, God turned the situation around, and He brought us out with the victory.

God wants to do big things in your life, as well. Don’t settle for a small view of God. We serve the God that created the universe. We’ve got to eliminate this barely-get-by mentality. “God, if You’ll just give me a fifty-cent raise, I think I’ll make it this year.” “God, if You’ll just help me endure this marriage . . .” “God, all I want is a little happiness.”

Get rid of those old wineskins. Get rid of that small-minded thinking and start thinking as God thinks. Think big. Think increase. Think abundance. Think more than enough.

Years ago, a famous golfer was invited by the king of Saudi Arabia to play in a golf tournament. He accepted the invitation, and the king flew his private jet over to the United States to pick up the pro. They played golf for several days, and enjoyed a good time. As the golfer was getting on the plane to return to the United States, the king stopped him and said, “I want to give you a gift for coming all this way and making this time so special. Anything you want. What could I get you?”

Ever the gentleman, the golfer replied, “Oh, please; don’t get me anything. You’ve been a gracious host. I’ve had a wonderful time. I couldn’t ask for anything more.”

The king was adamant. He said, “No, I insist on giving you something so you will always remember your journey to our country.”

When the golfer realized that the king was resolute, he said, “Okay, fine. I collect golf clubs. Why don’t you give me a golf club?”

He boarded the plane, and on his flight back home, he couldn’t help wondering what kind of golf club the king might give him. He imagined that it might be a solid gold putter with his name engraved on it. Or maybe it would be a sand wedge studded with diamonds and jewels. After all, this would be a gift from the oil-rich king of Saudi Arabia.

When the golfer got home, he watched the mail and the delivery services every day, to see if his golf club had come yet. Finally, several weeks later, he received a certified letter from the king of Saudi Arabia. The U.S. professional thought that rather strange. Where’s my golf club? he wondered. He opened the envelope, and to his surprise, inside he discovered a deed to a five-hundred-acre golf course in America.

Sometimes kings think differently than you and I think. And friend, we serve the King of kings. We serve the Most High God, and His dream for your life is so much bigger and better than you can even imagine. It’s time to enlarge your vision!

 

Copyright © 2004 by Joel Osteen


Posted by abycuttie at 8:47 PM EDT
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Sunday, 20 April 2008
Closing Cylces
Mood:  blue
Closing Cycles
By Paolo Coelho

One always has to know
when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.

Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.
Did you lose your job?
Has a loving relationship come to an end?
Did you leave your parents' house?
Gone to live abroad?
Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden?

You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won't take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into
dust, just like that.

But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a
standstill.

None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passed will not return: we cannot for ever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back.

Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away. That is why it is so important (however painful it maybe!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.

Let things go.
Release them.
Detach yourself from them.
Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose.
Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.

Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the ideal moment.
Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back.
Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person.
Nothing is irreplaceable.
A habit is not a need.
This may sound so obvious,
it may even be difficult,
but it is very important.

Closing cycles.
Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but
simply because that no longer fits your life.
Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust.
Stop being who you were,and change into who you are. 

Posted by abycuttie at 10:57 PM EDT
Updated: Sunday, 20 April 2008 11:17 PM EDT
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