Jokes
| What powerful
reptile is found in the Sydney opera house ? The Lizard of Oz ! |
| What's the
definition of a nervous breakdown ? A chameleon on a tartan rug ! |
| How do frogs
manage to lay so many eggs ? They sit eggsaminations ! |
| What kind of tiles
can't you stick on walls ? Reptiles ! |
| What do you call a
rich frog ? A golf blooded reptile ! |
| What do
headmasters and bullfrogs have in common ? Both have big heads that consist mostly of mouth ! |
| What kind of bull
doesn't have horns ? A bullfrog ! |
| What jumps up and
down in front of a car ? Froglights ! |
| Where do frogs
keep their money ? In a river bank ! |
| What happened when
a frog joined the cricket team ? He bowled long hops ! |
| Why did the toad
become a lighthouse keeper ? He had his own frog horn ! |
| What did the bus
conductor ay to the frog ? Hop on ! |
| What do you say to
a hitchhiking frog ? Hop in ! |
| What do you get if
you cross a frog with a ferry ? A hoppercraft ! |
| What do you call a
frog who wants to be a cowboy ? Hoppalong Cassidy ! |
| When is a car like
a frog ? When it's becing toad ! |
| Why do frogs have
webbed feet ? To stamp out forest fires ! |
| What do you say if
you meet a toad ? Wart's new ! |
| Whats green and
can jump a mile a minute ? A frog with hiccups ! |
| Why did the lizard
go on a diet ? It weighed too much for its scales ! |
| Whats green and
goes round and round at 100 miles an hour ? A frog in a blender ! |
| Whats yellow and
goes round and round at 100 miles an hour ? A mouldy frog in a blender ! |
| Why was the frog
down in the mouth ? He was un hoppy ! |
| How do frogs die ? They kermit suidide ! |
| What's a frogs
favourite flower ? A croakus ! |
| Whats a frogs
favourite game ? It's croak-et ! |
| What do you get if
you cross a frog and a dog ? A croaker spaniel ! |
| What do you get if
cross a science fiction film with a toad ? Star Warts ! |
| What kind of shoes
to frogs like ? Open toad sandals ! |
| What do you call
the English Toad Prize giving cermony ? The Brit Awarts ! |
| Why doesn't Kermit
the Frog like elephants ? They always want to play leap frog with him ! |
| Why is a frog
luckier than a cat ? Because a frog croaks all the time but a cat only gets to croak nine times ! |
| What's a toad's
favourite ballet ? Swamp Lake ! |
| What do toads
drink ? Croaka-cola ! |
| What do frogs
drink ? Hot croako ! |
| What's green a
slimy and found at the North Pole ? A lost frog ! |
| Where do frogs
keep their treasure ? In a croak of gold at the end of the rainbow ! |
| What do you call a
100 year old frog ? An old croak ! |
| What do you get if
cross a frog with some mist ? Kermit the Fog ! |
| What's a toads
favourite sweet ? Lollihops ! |
| What do you call a
frog spy ? A croak and dagger agent ! |
| What do you call a
girl with a frog in her hair ? Lily ! |
| What do Scottish
toads play ? Hop-scotch ! |
| How did the toad
die ? He simply croaked ! |
| What goes
dot-dot-croak, dot-dash-croak ? Morse toad ! |
| Whats the world
weakest animal ? A toad, he croaks if you even touch him ! |
| Whats white on the
outside, green on the inside and comes with relish and onions ? A hot frog ! |
| What happens if
you eat a hot frog ? You'll croak in no time ! |
| Where do frogs
leave their hats and coats ? In the croakroom ! |
| What's green and
tough ? A toad with a machine gun ! |
riddles
| A man was driving
a black truck. His lights were not on. The moon was not out. A lady was
crossing the street. How did the man see her? It was a bright, sunny day. |
| Can you read the
following? Yy u r yy u b I c u r yy 4 me. Too wise you are, too wise you be, I see you are too wise for me. |
| Do you say,
"Nine and five is thirteen," or "Nine and five are
thirteen" ? Neither. Nine and five are fourteen. |
| How can you tell
the difference between a can of chicken soup and a can of tomato soup? Read the label. |
| How can you tell
twin witches apart? It's not easy to tell which witch is which. |
| How did the man
feel when he got a big bill from the electric company? He was shocked. |
| How do pigs write? With a pigpen. |
| How does a boat
show affection? It hugs the shore. |
| How many animals
did Moses take on the ark? Moses didn't take anything on the ark. Noah did! |
| If a boy is spanked by his mother and his father, who hurts the most? |
| If a fifty cent
piece and a quarter were on the Empire State Building, which would jump
off first? The quarter, because it has less sense (cents). |
| If a man were born
in Greece, raised in Spain, came to America, and died in San Francisco,
what is he? Dead. |
| If cows talked all
at once, what would they say? Nothing. Cows can't talk. |
| If six children
and two dogs were under an umbrella, how come none of them got wet? Because it wasn't raining. |
| If you want to get
rich, why should you keep your mouth shut? Because silence is golden. |
| On what kind of
ships do students study? Scholarships. |
| Spell
"pound" in two letters. Lb. |
| What always comes
into a house through the keyhole? A key. |
| What animal
doesn't believe anything? Sheep. They always say, "Bah! Bah!" |
| What animal makes
the most of its food? The giraffe. It makes a little go a long way. |
