The Legend of Esmerelda |
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| Narrator: A long time ago in a land long forgotten, there was a beautiful princess named Esmerelda who simply could not stay awake. (Esmerelda yawns and falls asleep.) Narrator: She had been cursed by an evil wizard named Banon! With the princess constantly asleep, Banon could kidnap her in the night for his own nefarious yet unclear purposes! (Banon laughs and strokes his moustache.) Narrator: On the night Banon kidnapped Princess Esmerelda, there was but one witness. A young adventurer named Dink...
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(At some point early in the exposition, Dink charges out and gives his first line.) Narrator: I wasn't done yet. Dink: Sorry! (Dink walks back offstage. The Narrator continues.) |
(Banon is carrying Esmerelda off as she snores loudly. Dink confronts them.) Dink: Hey, you! What are you doing with the princess?! Banon: Quiet, boy! Let us pass or I will send you to your maker! Dink: I'm afraid I can't do that. |
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(Dink draws his sword.) Narrator: But Dink did not realize the extent of Banon's evil powers! He quickly fell prey to the wizard's mighty spells. (Banon uses a Twinkle Shower.) Narrator: Ahem. He quickly fell prey to the evil wizard's MIGHTY SPELLS. Banon: Oh. Right. (Banon uses a Cracker. Dink falls over, Banon exits.) |
Banon and the narrator might want to argue over what exactly constitutes a 'mighty spell'. |
Narrator: And so, that is the end or our-- Dink: I'm not dead yet! |
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Narrator: Yes you are. We all saw him blow you up, now hush. Dink: SCRIPT! (An assistant runs out and hands Dink a script. Dink looks it over.) Dink: Says right here, "The heroic youth struggles to his feet." Narrator: You don't look very heroic to me. (Dink glares at the Narrator.) Narrator: Alright, alright then. Carry on. |
It might be an amusing running joke if the actors constantly argue with the narrator. This is up to each person's preference. |
(Dink stands.) Dink: I have got to rescue the princess and defeat that evil wizard... But how? All I have is my sword, my flute, a loaf of bread... And the power of true love! Hey, you! The talky one. Any ideas? Narrator: No, I can't think of anything. Perhaps you should ask the Lady of Honor in the audience. Dink: Ah! Good idea! What path should I take? By force, by flute, by food, or by... 'ffection? Narrator: You're trying a little too hard. Dink: Quiet and let the lady choose! Muirnin makes her choice. Narrator: And so Dink left for Banon's castle, his passage as swift as a cloud against the night sky. Dink: Whoosh! From here, we will skip to whichever path Muirnin chooses. |
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BY FORCE Dink: By force, aye? Very well... I suppose I'll need your help, though. Hey, maybe you could distract him for me while I run him through. Hey, here he comes. (Banon enters.) Banon: So we meet again! There is nothing you can do to defeat me! Mwahahaha! Dink: Oh? Think again! Banon: How cute! This should be fun. Mwahahaha! At this point, Muirnin will (hopefully) be calling out, trying to distract Banon, who will turn. Dink will stab Banon. Banon: Oooh! (Banon falls to one knee.) This... is the end, isn't it? You know... I never wanted to be an evil wizard... I always wanted to be a bard... But looking at myself, now, I think it's safe to say... Life... well... spent... (Banon dies) (Esmerelda enters.) Esmerelda: (Yawns) What's all this racket? Dink: The curse has been broken! Princess Esmerelda, you have been saved! Esmerelda: (She stretches.) Curse? What curse? Dink: Why, the sleeping curse, of course! Esmerelda: I never had a sleeping curse on me. I'm a narco-(She falls asleep.) Dink: You're a... Hey! Chatty Cathy over there! You said she had a curse on her! Narrator: (Shrugs) Don't look at me, I'm just reading what's written down... Well, it looks like that's the end. Dink: Some ending... Banon: I'm not dead yet! Narrator: *sigh* Can't anyone in this play die properly? Banon gets to his feet. Skip to ending choice. |
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BY FLUTE Dink: Really? By flute? Okay, then. I'll play my flute and you can clap the beat. Hey! Here they come! (Banon enters) Banon: Ah, Dink, it's you. Are you prepared? Dink: Prepared for what? Banon: Are you prepared... TO DIE?! MWAHAHAHA! Dink: No! I have THIS! (Dink brandishes his flute.) Banon: Mwahahaha! You foolish fool! That foolish flute is a foolishly futile weapon, used only by fools! How can it possibly hurt me? Dink: With the purity of music! Ready? (Dink nods to Muirnin and plays his flute.) (Esmerelda enters.) Esmerelda: That music... It's broken the curse! I'm awake! Banon: Curses! Foiled again! Skip to ending choice. |
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BY FOOD Dink: Hm... You're right. I'm sure we can discuss our differences over a nice loaf of bread. I'll just head over to Banon's and we can discuss this like reasonable people. (Banon enters.) Banon: Hahaha! Dink, you spoony bard! Get ready to die! Dink: Hold it! Can't we discuss this over a loaf of bread? Banon: ... What? Dink: We're both adults here. Let's put aside this childish fighting and work out our difference in an engaging and thoughtful dialogue. Banon: Hmm... Very well. I will indulge you. (Dink and Banon sit. Esmerelda enters, weilding a club and knocks out Banon.) Dink: PRINCESS! YOU KILLED HIM! Esmerelda: That was the plan, wasn't it? You distract him, and I deal with him? Dink: What?! No! Esmerelda: I didn't hit him that hard anyway. Banon: Ooh, my head... Esmeralda: See? Skip to ending choice. |
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True Love Dink: True love? Well, I guess they say 'love conquers all'. Let's give it a shot. (Banon enters.) Banon: So you've come! I hope you've said your prayers! Dink: You can't frighten me, Banon! I have something you never will! Banon: A complete lack of common sense? Dink: No! TRUE LOVE! Banon: Mwahaha! And what can simple emotion do against me? (Both stare at each other for a few moments. Dink holds out his arms for a hug.) Dink: C'mere, sugarbear. Banon: What?! S-stay back! Dink: Gimme a hug! Banon: Nooo! (Banon flees, Dink pursues. The two run circles around the stage, shouting, until Esmerelda walks onstage and yawns.) Esmerelda: How is a princess supposed to sleep with you two making such a racket? Banon: ...The curse is broken! Dink: Hurray! Narrator: And so the evil wizard was defeated by the power of true love. Banon: I was? (Dink reaches for his sword.) Dink: I can defeat you with this if you'd rather. Banon: No no, true love is fine, thank you. Skip to ending choice. |
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After Banon is defeated: Esmerelda: Hey, why did you kidnap me, anyway? Banon: Well, you see I-- ... I don't remember. It was either for ransom, because I was captivated by your beauty, or because it was all an elaborate practical joke. Narrator: Perhaps the Lady of Honor can remind him! Muirnin makes a choice, which leads to:
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RANSOM Banon: I was going to hold her for ransom for... One MILLION gil! Esmerelda: That won't buy you very much nowadays. Banon looks crestfallen. Banon: Alright then... One BILLION gil! Esmerelda: You fiend! Dink: Her ransom is over NINE THOUSAAAAND?! Esmerelda and Banon: Quiet, Dink. Dink: Sorry. Esmerelda: There are other, more honest ways to make money you know. Banon: Hmmm. You know... I've always been fond of music. Maybe it's time I turn over a new leaf. I've been an evil wizard for far too long... Perhaps I should follow by boyhood dream and become a bard! Dink: Yes! It's not too late! Esmerelda: I'm sure you have a lovely voice! Come, let us hear it! Banon: Do you really want to hear me sing? I mean... really? Everyone: YES! (Dink plays his flute, Banon sings, and Esmerelda and the Narrator encourage the audience to clap.) Narrator: And so, everyone live happily ever after. The end. (Everyone takes a bow.) |
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BEAUTY Banon stammeringly admits he finds the princess very attractive, then makes a pass at her. She considers this for a moment, then begins flirting. The flirting escalates and they begin to walk offstage, leaving a very flustered Dink. He tries and fails to interject as they ignore him. Narrator: And everyone lived happily ever after. Dink: Hey! Narrator: Except for Dink. |
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JOKE Narrator: Unbeknownst to Dink, the whole affair had been a practical
joke, played on him by Esmerelda and Banon. |
