Rewritten:
'It happened again...
I was laying on my bed just waking up and I saw what looked like a person in the room. It was looking straight at me, with dead eyes. This time it was a woman. She was wearing a long, dark green dress, her hair was long and brown, she was thin. It reminded me or a Virgin Mary painting I saw once. I closed my eyes, pretending I didn't see anything, hoping it will go away, but they never do.
Its so hard to explain. One can "feel" they are not real, even if one's eyes say different.
Sitting there, eyes closed, fearing, hoping.. I felt a presence next to me, bending over me, then sort of falling through my body. When that happens, the body suddenly feels 3 times heavier and it tenses up. At that point control over your body is lost to you. And once again I cant move, all the pain and the "scared to death" feeling in your bones, sweating starts, then shaking. At this point only the scared feeling of being to tense to move is present, except for "it." Half dream, half reality.
When it is done with you there is nothing left but the same scared familiar feeling. Like a rape victim, confused, scared, used, shocked. The sick feeling in my stomach, the wet sheets, still shaking under my blanket. This is not what I asked for.
All the noises, shadows, smells, in the surroundings become 5 times more obvious, like a deer sensing a wolf near by. The furniture pops worse than any popcorn I have ever made, footsteps on the walls, shadows moving back and forth, that feeling that you are not alone.
Slowly there is light coming in from the window, and all the bad things seam to fade away with the dark. But its a false feeling, they are always there, and tomorrow they will be back.
I get up from my bed an hour later, go to my desk and start writing:
"Night fears
As I Stand over your cold, bloody body I think of all you have done to me. From the first day I met you. I remember all your insults and hurtful things that you told me. Then I think of my dream...
(The Dream) I was walking in a dark hall, dressed all in white. A nightgown that was dirty, bare foot. I felt so lost. I started running and yelling out your name. I saw a shadow walk past me and stopped. When I turned around, I was in a forest and a big 2 headed dog was in front of me. Growling ... I froze and the dog kept coming at me. It looked hungry. I tried to run but I couldn't and I started to cry and call for help. There was no soul in sight. I tripped and woke up on my bed. Thought to myself good thing, it was a dream. When I looked up the dog was still coming at me. I covered my face and fell back on the bed. Then I woke up again scared and sweaty, cold sweat, I was shivering. I tried to get out of my bed but my room was gray and it seamed like there were dry black plants growing on my walls. I went for the door slowly, and tried to open it but the knob was rusty and it wouldn't turn. So I jumped out the window back into the forest. I started walking around slowly looking for something. The forest was so dark and no colors around just death in the air. A dead rat on the side of the road got my attention. It had his guts cut open, looked squashed. Then his eyes turned bright red and glowing. It got up and ran away. I put my back against a tree and curled up against it. I hear a scream in the far "Help me! Someone! Please!" I get up and start running toward the voice. The voice was of a child, she looked at me and said "Mommy!" When I looked down my night gown was bloody and it looked like I gave birth. I kneeled and held the little girls. She bit my neck. And I asked her: " Why did you do that, my baby?" she growled and showed yellow fangs, "Because you left me mommy." I tried to tell her of the love I felt, but she wouldn't listen. And she tried to grab me then started to follow me as I was backing away. She said how she loved me and I left her. I tried to explain I don't remember anything but she said I tried to kill her before she was born. She looked dead, cold eyes with no color, wet hair long and black, wearing a night gown just like mine. I woke up again. I didn't get up I was just sitting in my bed hoping I am awake for real this time, crying and being scared. I grabbed my knife from under my bed and got under the blanket....
(The murder) You came in because you heard me screaming, asking if I was ok. You tried to take the blanket from over me and I stabbed you in terror. I stabbed you 15,000 times over. You never saw it coming. Now I stand here over your body thinking you deserved it. Someone knows and when they saw me over your body they called THEM. As THEY take me away I feel your sticky blood on my being and I want to wash it off, I have started scratching it off with my nails but more blood comes out. It looks fresh, maybe its mine. I killed you.
(The Doctors) Why are you asking me all these questions? I don't want to talk to you, white robe man. Leave me alone. I can't talk its like I can't find my voice, so I pick up the pen off the table and throw it at you. I am sorry, I didn't mean it. I get under the table, hiding. Now you put me in the padded room. I want to bang my head against the walls so I wouldn't feel like my head is full of ballast. But I can't, its useless. In the white room it gets dark at night and my little girl is always there in the corner laughing at me. I want to die, someone please turn the light on! Anyone?
(The End) Since I have been such a nice little girl, they are letting me paint. I hid the paint brush in my sleeve and took it to my room. Why, oh why, my little girl? Why do you want me to die? I want to be with you too, will you forgive me if I do it? Will you? So I did it. I killed myself. By the time they found my body, I was cold. Now I am in a place of eternal darkness. All alone... I don't even see my little girl anymore. What was real and what was not? I don't even know anymore..."
Without feeling there is no creation. Is this really what I asked for?...'