there she goes again
Now Playing: ani difranco: swandive
Topic: starting over
hi , i'm sara and i'm 21 years old, 320 pounds and 5 feet eight inches tall. my bmi is 48.8. ugh..well this is the heavyest i've ever been . i've never been thin , i was around 170 in the fourth grade! The problem is I've never "Felt" fat mentally, i think i am just so used to it . but I don't let people treat me different and i stand up for myself . i am a strong woman , i want to be able to do the things with my body that i never have, like climb a hill ,,WALK MY DOGS, go hiking,mosh at concerts,even dance!...i can't do these things without resting several times..I feel like it's time for my body to catch up with my mind..i need to lose this weight .. i've tried several diets, i've even tried being a vegitarian..i don't eat much different from my sisters and they've always been thin. I have been reasearching WLS for a year , finding out all the different types and risks, i have a refferal from my PCP to go to the bariatric surgery center at uc davis medical center.i'm so excited ! i'm ready to make a lifestyle change and finally be able to do the things i want like any other 21 yr old! i have problems with my feet , joints and back. i also have asthma and high blood pressure. my sister is diabetic and i worry about becoming one soon. I shouldn't have to worry about these things at my age!! i'm looking to talk to other people around my age about how WLS has affected their lives, the good and the bad . this is the final stage in my reasearch besides going to a few suppourt meetings . feel free to talk to me any time!
June 18th 2005,
okay so i've sent a letter to my PCP twice via email, asking her to reffer me to a surgeon , this is the letter.
Dear Dr. P :
I am writing you regarding my request for a refferal to have Weight loss surgery. I know that I have not been
in your care for very long and you do not know my history very well, but I assure you that if you request my medical history
from Kaiser you will see what a terrible effect my weight has had on my health. I have been researching WLS for over a year ,
I have weighed the risks and benefits and thought long and hard about this surgery . I am a member of obesityhelp.com
and plan to go to WLS support meetings. The reason that I need this surgery so badly is because I fear for my life, I have
tried so many diets in the past and have even become a vegitarian , to no avail. I excercise as often as I can , but find that I
can barely breathe and have an increased heart rate just walking across a room! My weight just keeps going up! My BMI is a
dangerous 49.1, And I can not even do simple tasks anymore like walking my dogs ,swimming or dancing. I know that WLS
is not a "miracle " or a quick fix it , it is a last resort! I've researched it so long I am ready to explode with information on it . I
would truly appreciate your refferal to the U.C. Davis Bariatric center, so that I can remain within in the UCD system and
because I have researched the Doctors there. As you may or may not know my Comorbiditys include: fatigue,
depression, hypertension, pain on weight- bearing joints, excercise induced asthma, borderline sleep apnea, severe back
problems, feet problems: including stress fractures, gastric reflux and ulcers. I also fear becoming diabetic like my sister.
With my BMI as high as it is , all of my problems , and all my previous failed attempts at losing weight; I think you can see
that I am an excellent candidate for WLS . I already have an "angel" or a freind who has already had the surgery who is
counseling and supporting me , and I am also in the process of trying to get a permanent counselor or therapist. I just want
to have a normal healthy life , I would greatly appreciate any effort you could make in reffering me for WLS . Thank you
I am so half assing this, i have no idea what i'm suppoused to do first as far as the chain of command thing , who i talk to first and such, but i figure my pCP has to oaky things first right ? and i think she sends a refferal to a surgeon, who then sends something my insurance..i have no effing clue and as much as i'm reading up , i cant seem to find someone who can explain this.?????????????? o well okay .breathe.. somehow i lost 10 pounds and am now at 305 i think..(the scale was off alittle) i've been telling all my family and freinds about getting the WLS and they all seem very supourtive, except my grandma who is convinced i'm going to die...I told my mom " well if im gonna die at least i will die trying to do something positive that will change my life" I careem from feeling like i can handle the pain easy, to feeling pretty scared after reading someones bad experience.. I finally figured out how to find people my age on here , in the teen forum..which is cool..becuz they can see things sort of in my persepctive you know? my spelling sux right now argh!! PLEASE GOD let my doctor answer tomorrow a phone call an e-mail anything...there is so much to do before i even get a date!!! i am obsessed with this site..it's been so helpful..I need to take my mind of the surgery for awhile ...maybe party alot this week idon't know but time is passing so slowly ...anyway ill update when i talk to my pcp
June 21 , 2005
YES YES YES YES !!! woo hooo!!!! i finally recieved an e-mail back from Dr. Perez...SHE IS GOING TO REFFER ME !!!!!!! no questions asked !! I prayed for this ...two of my prayers were answered today!!, my Dr. is going to reffer and my brother felt better today than yesterday!!! Dr, P. just said yes right away!! turns out she was out of the office , that's why it took so long ...THIS IS THE FIRST STEP!!! i should have an appt. with her by the end of the week YAYAYAYAYAYAY!..here's what she wrote back to my mom on her account:
~It sounds like she is a candidate for bariatric surgery. I would like to see her in clinic so I can document the diet and exercise programs she has tried /is trying. I would like to review medications, and lab tests she has done, and make the referral with her at clinic.
Sincerely, Pauline Perez, MD ~~
COOLNESS ! i hope working with the insurance and the surgeon are this easy ..I know this is just the beginning and it's not that big of deal ..but I am psyched!!! I HAVE NO PATIENCE THOUGH , I can't even wait for my new glasses perscription with out calling 500 times aday..( the little things excite me)HOW AM I GONNA WAIT FOR A DATE?
well I better get used to it eh?
Okay so I have an appt with dr. p on tuesday, to write out my refferal to both the surgeon and insurance company (then the following tuesday, I have an appt with a dietician, which was a shceduling mistake , but since i'm going to have to go to one anyway in the long run , they said i could just keep the appointment, so i ended up being ahead in the game!! yeah booooy!!!! so yeah, yesterday i was really freaked out about the surgery , today i'm fine , I just keep getting waves of emotion ..I'm really glad I found this site becuz , there's so much information and so many resources, but the best resources are the people who are so suppourtive on here !! THANK YOU!!! anyways , i will update after my appt tuesday !
June 26th 2005
MY SISTER HAD HER BABY YESTERDAY!! it's a long story but my mom had to deliver her!!! i was right there! will tell more later! gotta go see the baby !
p.s. it was at the hospital where i am to have my surgery...
i wanted to check out the bariatric center but it was closed , i'm not so scared anymore , if my sister can handle that pain i can handle anything !
plus + patty is going to spruce up my profile soon ! yay! thanks patty !!
June 28, 2005
today I have my dr.s appt. and i cant sleep, so i called my insurance ...they said that is up to my medical group to decide if they should cover it ? I'm like ,WTF? everyone else on here is always talking about there dr. says it's okay and then they run into troubles with qualifying for the insurance ...i'm just anxious for the appt. if they decide ....gosh..please let it be this easy ...will continue later..
OKAY!!! i just got back ...I am now in waiting mode..waiting for approval that is , and my surgeon consult , i can;t belive i'm actually moving forward with this ! i got my bloodwork and unrine sample done, now i just need my upper GI , xrays, psych eval, pulmonary, and sleep study!!! blalalalal thats alot, owell, plus if my insurance won't approve me , i have to do a 6th month supervised diet, which i started today, and i lost 3 pounds , which counts towards the 10% i have to lose , surgeons requirement.
ya boy! Plus check out this weirdness...the medical assistant who took me back had thining hair and looked smaller than her id pic, so i wanted to ask her if she had recently had WLS , but i thought it would be rude...then she says oh i just had this surgery !! same doc same med center ...everything!!!!!!!it was like a sign from god that i asked for ,she explained all the questions that i had , like about waking up and all , it was so great ...and get this today is her 6 month anniversary!! weird huh? plus dr. perez is totally pro WLS !! she had one patient who was 16 !! that she got approved Oh by the way I lost 3 pounds i'm now 316,I can't believe I thought I was 305 ..wayyyy off...so, she told me that meridia and xenical are basically CRAP!!! so she didnt even bother with them , she just put me on a easy ass diet that will count towards my 6 mos. I treid to stick to it today and i almost did, I had a salad with chicken , low fat ranch , a diet coke ( can you belive it ?) but i messed up and had pasta for dinner...I will get better , plus i had a glass of water , and i barely drink water ..I CAN DO THIS !!!
okay that's all for now ..
june 29th 2005, I AM APPROVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! whut whut!!! after less than 24 hours ....I am in shock....okay so i call my insurance to ask if they had approved me yet ...on a whim, I did'nt think anything of it , I'm just impatient....so they say , "it's up to your medical group to authorize it." I still don't understand , so i call my doctors office , they weren't sure what that meant, so they send a message to my doc , who's not there till next week, WELL, i'm still not satisfyed, so I call healthnet back , and ask them to explain it , she says" as long as your medical group authorizes it we will pay for it , call and ask for the medical group, not your doctors office"
oaky so finally i understand, I call and ask for the authorization dept, there isn't one so she asks what i'm looking for , I ask if my surgery was authorized By the medical group, AND YES IT WAS < YESTERDAY, Ok i am in shock , i call back healthnet and double check and say my med group authorized it are they sure ??? that is the only requirement!!! no diet , no wait no nothing!!!! so i should be getting a letter from the surgeon in two weeks !!! THANK YOU GOD!!!!!! I PRAYED FOR THIS SO HARD !! PLEASE LET THE REST OF THIS GO SMOOTHLY AND QUICKLY!!! I love this site it kept me well informed enough to ask the right questions..thanks to all !!
bored bored, sooooooo tired of waiting. and it hasn't even been a very long time yet. I'm trying to stick to my diet but , yesterday i messed up and had taco bell. it's hard becuz you know fast foods R so easy, OH yeah ! i can barely get this site to open w/o an error message popping up and closing it ! this is the first time i've been able to get on !!! in a week!! which i guess was prolly a good thing, becuz i stopped obbsessing so much. well , the surgery , refferal coordinator, is suppoused to be back from vaction wed, I guess like the whole process shuts down when shes not there, which is ridiculous. Can't someone else lick and seal a damn envelope?? but nooo
the letter wont even be SENT untill she gets back!! I'm nervous about school, if i get a surg date soon , i'm just gonna withdraw my classes , so I'd rather find out sooner than later. Plus , my sister made me feel like even more of a loser for being online all the time , than i already do...I told her, I don't have a perfect b/f and life like you do , i don't have any real freinds or , cheerleading practice, so this is what i do ! to me it's like TV but i learn something in the process...but yesh i am a loser . I'm just really down . I'm praying that something will come in the mail soon and that the lady at doctor Ali's office was wrong.. I guess all i can do it wait.
Okay...sooo. I'm 317 !i've gained a freaking pound!!! WTF?? doctor perez said i might becuz of all the water + gaining muscle , but god , that's still really depressing to see. I went to my dietician DR. West, she's sooooo sweet!! she did not make me feel uncomfortable at all , I am now on a 1600 calorie a day diet.. she was so understanding and kind and helpful ! can you tell i liked her?, heheh. she said i CAN have carbs , thank you god , lol, I AM SO GLAD to have some sort of STRUCTURE, as long as i have a strict plan ;I can stick to it , I am one of those kids in class who hates it when the teacher says " just do your project on whatever" i'm like wait wait , I need some guidelines here, which usually makes the rest of the class roll there eyes, but hey! i need structure! so I'm glad, I feel like I can actually follow this plan, I can have a certain amount of each food group, and I just check it off when i've had it , and then i can't have it anymore. I know that the dietican at the surgeons office will change the plan somewhat, but at least I can go in and say " look , i've started already" one less hoop to jump thru, I'm trying to get all preop done before I even walk into that office ! they will not know what hit them ! Im gonna be the most prepared pre-op ever! hahah, I always over do things but, I want this friggin ball rolling! okay so i've started taking oMEGA 3 fish oil, and TOTAL multivitamin, it's by the company that makes the cereal, Oh BTW i totally should have gotten total instead of friggin SPECIAL K low carb, can we say DISGUSTING!!! I could barely choke down 5 bites in ten minutes,ugh! but it did give me experience chewing thouroghly , which i have to get used to anyway so... I've noticed that food is no longer soothing and pleasurable to me , it's just a neccasary function, which kind of sux, things taste different to me now becuz of all the splenda and low carb low fat stuff, which IVE NEVER EATEN IN MY LIFE!! sigh* anyways ,i guess my mind is trying to fill up that addiction space with something, well , it's definatly not drinking, I treid that last night and BOY HOWDY! never again!! evil evil , hangover, lol.. I think i may have replaced it with computer time which sux, I am drawn to the computer, I look forward to it when i'm away..I have to force myself off of it, I try and hide the fact that i'm on so much from my family by logging on as many hours as i can while everyones away. It's not that i'm nesscarily DOING anything much on here, I just like to look at people journals and pictures, 4 some reason , I guess i like to live vicariously thru other people or something..can we say pathetic? well now i'm going to replace it with excercise, so that should be good I guess. damnnnnnnnnn i've typed hella !! okay I'm done.