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War quotes homepage

"Do not touch anything unnecessarily. Beware of pretty girls in dance halls and parks who may be spies, as well as bicycles, revolvers, uniforms, arms, dead horses, and men lying on roads -- they are not there accidentally."
Soviet infantry manual, issued in the 1930's

One of the serious problems in planning the fight against American doctrine, is that the Americans do not read their manuals, nor do they feel any obligation to follow their doctrine...
- From a Soviet Junior Lt's Notebook

"The best tank terrain is that without anti-tank weapons." 
-Russian military doctrine.

"The reason the American Army does so well in wartime, is that war is chaos, and the American Army practices it on a daily basis."
- from a post-war debriefing of a German General

 The best armor is staying out of gun-shot. 
-Italian proverb

Pearl Harbor Radio Operator: "Is there anything that we can provide?"
Response from Marine Commander on Wake Island: "Send us more Japs!"
.... Said to be one of the last radio transmissions received from the Marines on Wake Island before it fell to the Japanese, 1941.

In 1836, the Creek and Seminole Indian tribes in Georgia and Florida were waging war against the United States. The U. S. Army had its hands full. The Fifth Commandant of the Marine Corps offered the services of a regiment of Marines for duty with the Army. Henderson placed himself in command and, taking virtually the entire available strength of the Corps, left for the extended campaign after tacking a terse message on his office door which read:
"Have gone to Florida to fight Indians.
Will be back when War is over.

A. Henderson
Col. Commandant"

 "Better you than me."
-Animal Mother (Full Metal Jacket)

 Funny Quotes about Air planes and Aircrafts

"Airplanes can barely keep themselves in the air. How can they then carry any kind of load?"
- William Pickering, Astronomer (1908)

"Airplanes suffers from so many technical faults that it is only a matter of time before any reasonable man realizes that they are useless!"
- Scientific American (1910)

"No flying machine will ever fly from New York to Paris." 
- Orville Wright.

"Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value."
- Marshal Ferdinand Foch [Professor of Strategy, Cole Superieure de Guerre] (circa 1911)
He was Supreme Commander of Allied forces, 1918

"Aviation is good for sport, but for the Army it is useless!"
- Marshal Ferdinand Foch

"To throw bombs from an airplane will do as much damage as throwing bags of flour. It will be my pleasure to stand on the bridge of any ship while it is attacked by airplanes."
- Newton Baker, US minister of defense (1921)

Funny Submarine quotes

 

"Yes, it is possible!"
-William Bourne, English inventor. (1578) He also points out that submarines can be an effective weapon in wartime.

"The only thing that will happen is that the vessel will sink, and suffocate the crew"
- H. G. Wells, English writer(1902) (Submarines had been used since ca. 1850)

"Even if a submarine should work by a miracle, it will never be used. No country in this world would ever use such a vicious and petty form of warfare!"
- William Henderson, British admiral(1914)

Funny Quotes about Radio communication

"If two people can't see each other, then it's impossible to communicate"
- Unknown roman warfare expert (63 ad.)

"Samuel Morse most have lost his mind if he believes in this idea himself!"
- Senator Oliver Hampton Smith, (1842) after having seen a demonstration of Morse's new invention.

"It is only righteous that Joshua Coppersmiths, who has tried to find investors to finance the development of a so-called telephone, is arrested for fraud!"
- An article in the Boston Post (1865)

"The radio has no future!"
- Lord Kelvin, British Mathematician(1897) 

"Use your time on something useful. All radios this country will ever need can easily fit on my desk!"
- W.W. Dean, director of the American phone company "W.W. Dean"(1907), to Lee DeForrest (one of radios first pioneers) 

"Radio is just a fashion contrivance that will soon die out. It is obvious that there never will be invented a proper receiver!"
- Thomas Edison

"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?" 
- David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s

Funny Quotes, Alphabetically listed

"The Lord God is my Armour!"
- Gustavus Adolphus, refusing the steel body armour offered by his aides. 
At the Battle of Lützen (where he was killed), 16. September 1632.
 The reason he didn't want to wear armour is that he had been wounded in Dirschau, Poland,
and couldn't wear armour because of that wound
.
He refused to stay in camp despite that he couldn't wear armour.

"We trained very hard, but it seemed that every time we were beginning to form into teams we would be reorganized. I was to learn in this life that we tend to meet any situation by reorganizing. And a wonderful method it can be for creating the illusion of progress while producing confusion, inefficiency, and demoralization." 
-Wrongly attributed to Petronius Arbiter, Roman hedonist, about 60 A.D.
It is not found anywhere in his works. The earliest known occurrence seems to be in the British occupation force in Germany after WWII. The quote is believed to be a fabrication from this time.

"I'd rather go down the river with seven studs than with a hundred shitheads"
- Colonel Charlie Beckwith

"War is God's way of teaching Americans geography."
 - Ambrose Bierce

"I do not like this word "bomb." It is not a bomb. It is a device that is exploding."
French ambassador to New Zealand Jacques le Blanc, regarding press coverage of France's nuclear weapons tests in the Pacific

"Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait. "
-A. Whitney Brown

"We have gained a valuable insight into the Russian soul.
It will be most educational - if we don't die of it"
- King Charles of Sweden said while seeing the Russian countryside burning all around his army (and right before Poltava)

"My only fear is that the Zulu will not fight"
- Lieutenant-General Lord Chelmsford, commanding British forces, just before the invasion of Zululand.

"Gentlemen, we are being killed on the beaches. Lets go inland and be killed."
- General Norman Cota: Omaha Beach, 1944

"We are outnumbered, there is only one thing to do. We must attack!"
- Admiral Andrew Cunningham, 11 November 1940. 
Before attacking the Italian fleet at Taranto

"Army: A body of men assembled to rectify the mistakes of the diplomats."
- Josephus Daniels

"Onward we stagger, and if the tanks come, may God help the tanks."
- Col. William O. Darby, U.S. Rangers

"We are going to find a solution to the Middle East conflict as soon as the Arabs agrees with us.."
- Moshe Dayan, Israeli Minister of Defense during the Six Say War (1967)

"If your bayonet breaks, strike with the stock. If the stock gives way, hit him with your fists. If your fists are hurt, bite him with your teeth"
- General Mikhail I. Dragomirov, "Notes for soldiers" 1890.
(Monty Python, "The Black Knight" anyone?? :)

"Hard pressed on my right; my left is in retreat. My center is yielding. Impossible to maneuver. Situation excellent. I am attacking. Attaquez!"
   - General Ferdinand Foch (to General Joffre during Battle of the Marne)
 

"It take 15,000 casualties to train a major general.
- Ferdinand Foch

"When you men get home and face an anti-war protester, look him in the eyes and shake his hand. Then, wink at his girlfriend, because she knows she's dating a pussy."
- Attributed to General Tommy Franks

"The Ruhr will not be a subject to a single bomb. If an enemy bomber reaches the Ruhr, my name is not Herman Goering; you can call me Meier!"
- Reichsmarshal Herman Goering, 9 august 1939.

"Which brings me to perception. Some of you may remember Commander General Conway's speech before we left Kuwait, he mentioned those who don't support us. To quote him he said: ‘Piss on them'."
- Lieutenant Colonel Piers Hankinson, commander of the 2nd Royal Tank Regiment

"The day of parachute troops is over"
- Adolf Hitler, after the heavy losses suffered by the airborne units on Crete in 1941

"The people in the Navy look on motherhood as being compatible with being a woman."
Rear Admiral James R. Hogg

"The Iraqi people are capable of fighting to the victorious end which God wants... the blood of our martyrs will burn you!"
- Saddam Hussein, August 1990.

A member of Lee's staff rode in to harpers ferry after Jackson had taken it for the second time. The rider jumped from his mount and said "General, General McClellan and the army of the Potomac is 15 miles away, and it would be advisable for you to cross into Maryland, and meet up with the main body at Sharpsburg." Jackson, not looking up from the ground, did not acknowledge the rider. The rider re-mounted, and turned to leave when Jackson, still not looking up from the ground asked "Is there a train and a herd of cattle following them?" The rider replied "YES sir." Then Jackson said "I can whip any army with a herd of cattle following them."

"Once you have them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow"
- Lyndon B. Johnson

"The atom bomb will never go off, and I speak as an expert in explosives."
- Admiral William Leahy to President Truman before the first atomic bomb was dropped on Hiroshima.

"My rule is: If you meet the weakest vessel, attack; if it is a vessel equal to yours, attack; and if it is stronger than yours, also attack…"
- Admiral Stepan O. Makarov (1849-1904)

"All you have to do is go down to the bottom of your swimming pool and hold your breath."
David Miller, US DOE spokesperson, on protecting yourself from nuclear radiation

"This is the epitaph I want on my tomb: "Here lies one of the most intelligent animals who ever appeared on the face of the earth."
- Benito Mussolini

"Why should Irishmen stand with their arms folded and their hands in their pockets when England called for aid?"
Sir Thomas Myles in Dublin, regarding the Boer War

"You're planning to make a ship sail against wind and tide by lighting a fire below deck?? I don't have time to listen to that kind of nonsense!"
- Napoleon, about Robert Fultons plans to make a Steamboat.

"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version."
Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony 

"Paper-work will ruin any military force"
- Lieutenant-General Lewis B. "Chesty" Puller

"Just drive down that road, until you get blown up"
- General George Patton, about reconnaissance troops

"I'd rather have a German Division in front of me than a French one behind."
- General George S. Patton

"Why in hell can't the Army do it if the Marines can. They are the same kind of men; why can't they be like Marines. "
- Gen. John J. "Black Jack" Pershing, US Army; 12 February 1918

"We're surrounded. That simplifies the problem."
- Lewis B. "Chesty" Puller, USMC
(I have found three versions of this one)

"All right, they're on our left, they're on our right, they're in front of us, they're behind us...they can't get away this time"
- Lewis B. "Chesty" Puller, USMC

"They are in front of us, behind us, and we are flanked on both sides by an enemy that outnumbers us 29:1. They can't get away from us now!"
- Lewis B. "Chesty" Puller, USMC
When the Marines were cut off behind enemy lines and the Army had written the 1st Marine Division off as being lost because they were surrounded by 22 enemy divisions. The Marines made it out inflicting the highest casualty ratio on an enemy in history and destroying 7 entire enemy divisions in the process. An enemy division is 16500+ men while a Marine division is 12500 men.

"The Libyan army is capable of destroying America and breaking its nose."
Muammar Qaddafi

"My fellow Americans. I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes."
President Reagan, before a scheduled radio broadcast, unaware that the microphone was already on

"We should declare war on North Vietnam. . . .We could pave the whole country and put parking strips on it, and still be home by Christmas."
-Ronald Reagan, 1965

"Never underestimate the power of world domination!"
- 1. Lt. Rekve's solution to all the problems in the world.

"Men are basically smart or dumb and lazy or ambitious. The dumb and ambitious ones are dangerous and I get rid of them.  The dumb and lazy ones I give mundane duties.  The smart ambitious ones I put on my staff. The smart and lazy ones I make my commanders."
- Attributed to Field Marshal Erwin Rommel, on how he selects officers for staff and command.

"We’re not running out of [fixed] targets. Afghanistan is.”
-Donald Rumsfeld, Oct. 9, 2001.

"They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist...."
- Major-General John Sedgwick, 9 may 1864.
Killed by a sniper during the battle of Spotsylvania.

"When the military man approaches, the world locks up its spoons and packs off its womankind." 
-George Bernard Shaw

"The Pope! how many divisions has he got?"
- Stalin
In 1935, a French visitor asked Soviet leader Josef Stalin if he thought Pope Pius XI might prove to be an ally.

"Tell my son Josef that he will meet my divisions in eternity."
- Reply from the Pope when he heard the story years later.

"In war I would deal with the Devil and his grandmother"
- Joseph Stalin

"There is no room in war for delicate machinery." 
-Archibald Wavell, British general

"If we come to a minefield, our infantry attacks exactly as it were not there."
- Marshall Geogi Zhukov to General Eisenhower, 1945

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