POEMS
Darkness
Feelings
kept bottled up, sometimes need to let go
Asking yourself questions, you just don't always know
Wondering if you're the only one that feels the way you do
Questioning why no one else will ever stick it through
Asking yourself, "Am I the one, is it me that's wrong?"
Hating someone you love so much, these feeling are too strong
Wishing you could get away, find a completely different life
Knowing you could end it all with the sharp blade of a knife
Listening to everything and hating every word that's said
Turning into what they want, preferring to be dead
Lost when talking to yourself and nobody's home
You've been told you can't fool yourself, you came in this world alone
Wanting a straight road, on one that curves and bends
I could sleep until the morning but this nightmare never ends
I try and feel the sun's rays, everyone brings the rain
They push and hold me down with all of their pain
Lost inside my own world, reality never came
Not knowing but I'm playing and losing at my own game
I wish the world would go away and just leave me behind
So I could rediscover who I am, and see what I could find
I wish life could stand still and I could step back and see what's here
Wanting so much to rid this pain, and gain control of my fear
Death
There’s absolutely nothing that can take away my pain
Waiting for the sunshine but forever getting rain
I’m beaten and I’m torn apart and getting tired fast
I should have known that anything so perfect wouldn’t last
Despite all of the warnings I gave all I had to give
Then suddenly there’s no reason for me to continue to live
At the end of the path you look back and see what you have done
You count the worthwhile deeds but when I look I see none
Like I’ve lived my life but never done anything to note
Like I’m useless, extra weight for the world to tote
I feel like I’m a burden to all those around me
When I look for comfort, troubles seem to surround me
Desperately grasping, trying to breathe
I lose all my will and I fall to my knees
Drowning in tears, suffocating in sorrow
Never again will I see a tomorrow
Darkness surrounds me I can no longer see
I hope nobody goes through whats happening to me
My lungs ache for air but I can give it none
Because I’ve given up, I’m through, I’m done
I’m leaving the pain as I breathe my last breath
Now my only consolation is the cold touch of death
Doubting Love
Listening to your heart,
I no longer feel alone.
You've done so much for me, with the love you have shown.
Your presence in my life came so suddenly, so fast.
I feel I'm in a trance, into a curse I have been cast.
The stars in the sky now seem brighter in the night.
The twinkle in my eyes I never noticed now shines bright.
But question sticks strong in my mind, "Is this really true?"
Does destiny have it in the stars that I was meant for you?
Or am I setting something up in my heart just for it to be torn down,
And the smile I carry on my face, will it be turned to a frown?
Will all the words you have told me , someday just be erased?
And all the fears I have inside, someday have to be faced?
And do you really mean it when you tell me, "I love you."
Or are you just saying it so that I will stay true?
I don't know if I should give this everything I have inside.
I wonder if you've been straight with me or if you have ever lied.
I just want things to be the way they are in a song.
Where the guy gets the girl and nothing ever does go wrong.
Maybe I'm just wishing for everything under the sun.
Maybe I should just end this and everything could just be done.
But my heart is too involved, so I'll just pray to up above,
That this isn't just a game, that it's more, that it's love.
Quotes
~A beautiful girl can make you dizzy, like you've been drinkin Jask & Coke all morning. She can make you feel high full of the single greatest commodity known to man--promise. Promise of a better day. Promise of a new tomorrow. This particular aura can be found in the gaze of a beautiful girl. In her smile, in her soul, the way she makes every rotten little thing about life seem like it's going to be ok~
girls = time X money
time = money
girls = money x money = money squared
money = the square route of evil
girls = the square route of evil squared
girls = evil
"We
all want to fall in love. Why?
Because that experience makes us feel completely alive.
Where every sense is heightened,
every emotion is magnified,
our everyday reality is shattered
and we are flying into the heavens.
It may only last a moment, an hour, an afternoon.
But that doesn't diminish its value.
Because we are left with memories"
that we treasure for the rest of our lives.
"It's a 106 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a packet of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses. Hit it."
“If his
unpleasant wounding has in some way enlightened the rest of you as the grim
finish below the glossy veneer of criminal life, and inspired you to change your
ways, then his injuries carry with him an inherent nobility, and a supreme
glory. We should all be so
fortunate you say ‘poor Toby,’ I say ‘poor us.’”
"Bücken Sie sich über"
Random Thoughts
What is it that gives me this feeling like I’m drowning? Like I’m suspended underwater forever doomed to try time and time again to surface and breathe fresh air but never succeed. I’m slowly suffocating, I need to escape this place. It’s terrible to feel such overwhelming monotony that you have to have pure adrenaline in your veins just to escape it. That very same something haunts my dreams now, the one thing that I used to be able to do to escape everything is now also invaded by this feeling. Sleep no longer offers me any refuge from the barrage of thoughts that I face now on a daily basis. Concentration has become foreign to me now. Things seem so trivial, and then I think maybe I’m just overanalyzing things, but then I see that I’m probably not. I don’t understand things anymore, things have changed seemingly overnight. I go from being totally in control of everything to not even knowing where I am anymore, who I am anymore… I simply don’t understand… I always have the answers, now I don’t have any. Painstaking hours are now spent at night laying quietly desperately trying to sleep, and instead I end up pondering what has changed, and how to fix it. When I need answers, none present themselves to me. Many nights I’ve lain and silently cried because it pains me to go through what I go through… I see myself changing for the worse and it honestly scares me. Change IS good, but only if you see it coming… If you are suddenly uncomfortable in your own home, around your loved ones, your friends, that’s more than change… Just a thought
