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At the age of 27 I married a man who was the man of my dreams. We were married drunk and his two best friends were guess? Alcohol, and drugs. We were the drunkest newlyweds you could ever see. He loved what I loved. He did what I did, alcohol, drugs and sex. I was addicted to him. He worked where I worked so we really had fun. We met and worked at a restaurant. I think back and wonder how we were able to live with each other. I was a mess had a loud mouth and he was too, I was louder then he was. We both liked to beat each other up. However, he was stronger than I. So I felt the beatings harder. It was sick. I was beaten everyday. If a day went by and I did not get hit, choked, or hit with a wooden board, then I was thanking God and saying he loves me he did not hit me today. That was how insane my thinking and the marriage had become.

I stayed married to him for two years. I also was living with him a year before we got married and he beat me then I still married him, that shows where my head was at. I was a mess, my drinking and drugging took me places where I did not have to go to. I lowered my standards and did things I would not want anyone to experience. I managed to work through the whole time of my drinking career. At the end, I was in an accident and could not work anymore. I got hurt in a black out and I was in a hospital with knee and leg injuries. I still have problems with my knees today. It goes to show how I created a lifestyle that I still am living the consequences of my actions. The blessing is I am reminded every day of how it used to be because of my knees and it helps me to be reminded of how awful my life was, so I do not repeat those actions.

God has been blessing me. I had a lot of work to do on myself but in time I have been able to get some peace. I have a wonderful man in my life today. That was something I never dreamed of because of my choices I made in my past with men. I had a broken picker and would choose men who were abusive so I did not have to abuse myself any more. I had someone to do it for me. The pain in the inside hurt so much that it felt better to be hurt on the outside. Now life is different I do not hurt myself anymore and I have a peace that I never dreamed I would have. I am thankful for God in my life for walking with me and loving me even when I was not allowing His love in. He loved me anyway. For that I am grateful. Thank you God.

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