tico torres

-Jon Bon Jovi, every fucking show they've ever played

Tico Torres, the unsung hero of the band, the small dude behind the drum kit that not many people ever see. The photo above doesn't do him justice, Tico is an absolute midget...

And that's next to Jon, who isn't exactly Goliath himself.

But for such a small man, Tico can sure wack those drums. Jon doesn't call it the "big beat" night after night for no reason. Amongst fans, Tico has become known as the "King of Hitmen".

There isn't actually all that much to say about the man because he never gets to say much. He just sits back and breaks his drums song after song. There is no solo album for me to talk about, obviously, although after David Bryan's keyboard tirade an entire drum album couldn't be any worse.

When he was a kid, his ambition was to be a worldwide idol for his guitar and singing skills...

Basically, he wanted to be what Richie is. However, then he hit puberty, and his voice did what Jon's and David's obviously didn't.

It deepened. His voice is now deeper than the Grand Canyon, and I'd go as far as to say almost too low for human hearing. I heard him sing Waltzing Matilda, and my Mum called from the next room asking me to turn down the bass and up the treble.

Don't get me wrong, for a deep voice it's not too bad, but as a major rock star? Well, lets just say Tico made the right decision in turning to the drums.

The new Bon Jovi stuff doesn't give Tico the chance to show off what he can do. However, if you have WinMX or a similar, download Mr.Sambo. Now THAT is how you play drums.

During times when the band has taken breaks, Tico has turned his attention to painting and sculpturing, and apparently has received a lot of praise from the art community for it. Now, I've seen his pictures (mostly of naked women...I'm not complaining), and they were nothing ground breaking, so I suspect that his acclaim was slightly hindered by the fact that he's a famous drummer.

But hey, in a world where a weirdo like Picasso can be hailed as a legend, who's to judge?

So if you ever go to a Bon Jovi concert, save our ears and don't hold up a banner requesting Tico sings a song. Just watch the symbols fly and listen out for the famous call of "TICO! GIMME THE BIG BEAT BABY!"