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The scene opens up into a dark underground club. Only the corners of this club are highlighted with electrical lighting. Inside this Club, no one is dancing; instead everyone is sat down on chairs, each surrounding a large table with a bunch of flowers on it. They all seem to facing one way which is towards the stage. On the stage is a man with a microphone. Behind him are a pair of red curtains. Everyone watching seems to have a smile on their face, some are laughing and some are crying. From the entrance of the club, by a downward spiral staircase, two people come down them. One is a bit taller than the other. The taller one is wearing a black leather jacket with a hood covering his face while the other guy is wearing a tuxedo. They are revealed as Cerberus and Bob Faraway. Bob seems to keep adjusting his little bow-tie. They both then spot a vacant table and sit down. Bob has a nervous look on his face. Cerberus notices this and begins to speak...
Cerberus: What’s wrong?
Bob: I’m nervous because of what I’m going to do tonight...
Cerberus: And what is that?
Bob: Well...
Bob is interrupted by the man on stage.
Announcer: Right everyone; let’s get on with this great SINGING CONTEST!!!
Everyone in the club cheers loudly. Cerberus laughs and looks at Bob who is now sweating heavily.
Cerberus: So you entered a singing contest huh?
Bob: Yeah...
Cerberus: What are you gonna sing?
Bob: It’s a surprise!
Cerberus: Ok then, what’s the prize?
Bob: Well, it’s not 1, not 2, but 3...
Cerberus: Tickets to see Metallica?
Bob: Nope
Cerberus: To disneyland?
Bob: Nope, first prize is THREE TRIFLES!!!
Cerberus: Did you say three rifles or three trifles?
Bob: Trifles.
Cerberus: Oh, cause if it was three rifles, then I’d use one of them to shoot myself.
Bob: Why?
Cerberus: Because I know how terrible your singing voice is!
Bob: Hey, I have a lovely singing voice!
Cerberus: Yea sure, I’ve heard you singing in the shower…
Bob: Pavarotti aint got nothing on me!
Cerberus: Heh heh, you sure got that right...
Bob: Hey shut up, i’m not that fat, let me rephrase that then, I’ve got a better singing voice than him...
Cerberus: Then how comes Pavarotti is known throughout the entire world and your not then?
Bob: Because everyone on this earth is stupid and they don’t know how great at singing I am!
Cerberus: I thought you were a comedian?
Bob: I am, I can do anything?
Cerberus: Ok, I bet you if you somehow win this competition, you’ll eat the three trifles within 12 hours...
Bob: Hey, I’m not that greedy!
Cerberus: Yeah, that’s why I only have a dozen eggs left in my fridge then huh?
Bob: I hate eggs, they come from a chickens ass!
Cerberus: But you eat chickens breasts though.
Bob: Yeah, because breasts are so yummy, like women’s breasts!
Cerberus: And like you’d know what a woman’s breast taste like.
Bob: Shutup, of course I know what they taste like!
Cerberus: Yeah you probably do actually, that’s why you can’t get a girlfriend!
Bob: See, told you I know what women’s breasts tasted like!
Cerberus: Yeah ok, sure sure, I think they are starting the contest now...
A fat woman walks up on stage and takes the mic...
Woman: She Was More Like A Beauty Queen From A Movie Scene I Said Don't Mind, But What Do You Mean I Am The One Who Will Dance On The Floor In The Round She Said I Am The One Who Will Dance On The Floor In The Round
She Told Me Her Name Was Billie Jean, As She Caused A Scene Then Every Head Turned With Eyes That Dreamed Of Being The One Who Will Dance On The Floor In The Round
People Always Told Me Be Careful Of What You Do And Don't Go Around Breaking Young Girls' Hearts And Mother Always Told Me Be Careful Of Who You Love And Be Careful Of What You Do 'Cause The Lie Becomes The Truth
Billie Jean Is Not My Lover She's Just A Girl Who Claims That I Am The One But The Kid Is Not My Son She Says I Am The One, But The Kid Is Not My Son
For Forty Days And Forty Nights The Law Was On Her Side But Who Can Stand When She's In Demand Her Schemes And Plans 'Cause We Danced On The Floor In The Round So Take My Strong Advice, Just Remember To Always Think Twice (Do Think Twice)
She Told My Baby That's A Threat As She Looked At Me Then Showed A Photo Of A Baby Cries Eyes Would Like Mine Go On Dance On The Floor In The Round, Baby
People Always Told Me Be Careful Of What You Do And Don't Go Around Breaking Young Girls' Hearts She Came And Stood Right By Me Then The Smell Of Sweet Perfume This Happened Much Too Soon She Called Me To Her Room
Billie Jean Is Not My Lover She's Just A Girl Who Claims That I Am The One But The Kid Is Not My Son Billie Jean Is Not My Lover She's Just A Girl Who Claims That I Am The One But The Kid Is Not My Son She Says I Am The One, But The Kid Is Not My Son She Says I Am The One, But The Kid Is Not My Son Billie Jean Is Not My Lover
She's Just A Girl Who Claims That I Am The One But The Kid Is Not My Son She Says I Am The One, But The Kid Is Not My Son She Says I Am The One, She Says He Is My Son She Says I Am The One
Billie Jean Is Not My Lover Billie Jean Is Not My Lover Billie Jean Is Not My Lover Billie Jean Is Not My Lover Billie Jean Is Not My Lover Billie Jean Is Not My Lover
The crowd gives a slight cheer, mostly are boos and sarcastic cheers...
Bob: You see that fat woman go! She was sooooo funny!
Cerberus: Her moonwalk was so class!
Bob: Yeah, because her legs were to chubby to move and do it hahhahaha!
Cerberus: Exactly!
Next on the stage comes a rather slim man dressed up all nicely. He takes the mic rather shyly and begins to sing...
Man: Look into my eyes - you will see What you mean to me Search your heart - search your soul And when you find me there you'll search no more Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for You know it's true Everything I do - I do it for you
Look into my heart - you will find There's nothin' there to hide Take me as I am - take my life I would give it all I would sacrifice Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for I can't help it there's nothin' I want more Ya know it's true Everything I do - I do it for you
There's no love - like your love And no other - could give more love There's nowhere - unless you're there All the time - all the way
Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for I can't help it there's nothin' I want more I would fight for you - I'd lie for you Walk the wire for you - Ya I'd die for you
Ya know it's true Everything I do - I do it for you
Everyone in the club goes wild. The man shyly goes back to his seat. Cerberus claps while Bob is in a huff with his arms tightly folded.
Cerberus: Fuck, that man was good, i’d like to see you try and beat him...
Bob: I can beat him easily, he had no passion in his singing at all, he truly]# doesn’t want those trifles as much as I do!
Cerberus: Bob, he was rubbing himself rather sexually and he had his tongue out looking at the trifles nearly the entire time!
Bob: Well, um...errr, um...errr, well, errr...SHUTUP!!!
A spotlight from the ceiling suddenly shines on Bob. He hides his eyes away from the bright light, flinching with his little eyes.
Cerberus: I think it’s your turn Bob heh heh.
Bob: Bugger...
Bob gets up from his seat. The other people in the club give him a cheer. He then gets up on the stage and bows. He then points at the trifles making out that they will be his. He then grabs the microphone and begins to sing...
Bob: I'm going out tonight-I'm feelin' alright Gonna let it all hang out Wanna make some noise-really raise my voice Yeah, I wanna scream and shout No inhibitions-make no conditions Get a little outta line I ain't gonna act politically correct I only wanna have a good time The best thing about being a woman Is the prerogative to have a little fun and...
Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy-forget I'm a lady Men's shirts-short skirts Oh, oh, oh, really go wild-yeah, doin' it in style Oh, oh, oh, get in the action-feel the attraction Color my hair-do what I dare Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I feel Man! I feel like a woman!
The girls need a break-tonight we're gonna take The chance to get out on the town We don't need romance-we only wanna dance We're gonna let our hair hang down The best thing about being a woman Is the prerogative to have a little fun and... Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy-forget I'm a lady Men's shirts-short skirts
Oh, oh, oh, really go wild-yeah, doin' it in style Oh, oh, oh, get in the action-feel the attraction Color my hair-do what I dare Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I feel Man! I feel like a woman!
The best thing about being a woman Is the prerogative to have a little fun and... Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy-forget I'm a lady Men's shirts-short skirts
Oh, oh, oh, really go wild-yeah, doin' it in style Oh, oh, oh, get in the action-feel the attraction Color my hair-do what I dare Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I feel Man! I feel like a woman!
I get totally crazy Can you feel it Come, come, come on baby I feel like a woman
Bob has a big smile on his face. Everyone in the club is silent, but then they all burst out into laughter. Some bang their fists on the table in joy. As Bob hangs his head low and walks back to his seat, people give him pats on his back. Bob is now all red as he sits next to Cerberus again...
Cerberus: Well, they all loved you.
Bob: Oh shutup!
The announcer walks up on the stage with the mic in his hands and announces the winner.
Announcer: The winner of this contest by far is Jeremy Duncan with that great song by brian adams!
Everyone cheers as the shy man goes up on stage. He is then presented with the three trifles. He then gets tucked in and begins to eat all the trifles...
Cerberus: Well Bob, I think I have finally found someone who is more hungrier than you!
Bob: Really? Wow, I thought that’d never happen!
Cerberus: Heh heh come on, let’s get in some drinks!
Cerberus and Bob leave their table and head up towards the bar. People are still cheering for the man that one who is now almost finished the trifles. As Bob walks past people they give him a pat on the back again. In the end Bob laughs about it as he begins downing his drink...
Fade Out...