Where do I begin? As a teenager I always had a lot of friends, was involved in a lot of things in and out of school, and has far as my parents knew - I was an Angel. I was involved in a lot of sports, played on the school basketball team, was helping to coach young girls in gymnastics, played in a netball team on the weekends and was also involved in Venture’s – part of the scout movement.
Well, at the age of 13 till about the age of 18, I was continually binge drinking almost every weekend and getting myself in some into awkward situations.
At the age of 18 I left home to live with my boyfriend, not really what my mother wanted, but she did nothing to try and stop me. On my 20th birthday we got engaged, why then I do not know, I know it was not what I wanted at the time. Things were not right in our relationship.
Outward appearances seemed like we were the perfect couple, but behind closed doors it was a different story and according to a close friend of both of ours, he wanted to have an affair with a close friend of ours. In fact, apparently they had even arranged to meet one day, but she could not go through with it…till this day I am still not sure what the truth is. Anyway, one day I got up enough courage to leave him, I still loved him, but I could not see myself spending the rest of my life with him.
The following 2 years I was involved with two other men…one of whom turned out to be very domineering and violent, the other a drug dealer. The first one was an Italian, who’s family refused to even acknowledge that I even existed. But, I continued to stay with him for a year while he treated me like dirt and slept around. When we eventually broke up, I was devastated, and I tried to commit suicide (my mother does not even know about this), but I know even then, before I believed that God existed, He had his hand on me then. After a couple of months of getting over him, nearly having a nervous breakdown and almost loosing my job, I meet the drug dealer.
After we had been seeing each other for a couple of months he told me that he wanted to end the relationship. He never wanted to care for me the way he did, and if I continued to be with him, then he would only bring me down to his level and that I was too good for that. He told me that there was something else and someone else in life for me and while I was with him, then I would never reach what was out there for me. We were suppose to go on a boat cruise that night with some friends and he wanted me to still come with him, but I couldn’t so I left confused and hurt…once again! That night, all my friends were arrested for bring drunk and disorderly.
I went home that night and really cried out to God. I said that if He was real, then why was I always getting hurt, and all these things keep happening to me. I basically challenged God, I ask Him to prove Himself to me. "If you are real God, then show me! I cannot believe in something or someone who cannot reveal themselves to me"
I was drinking a lot at this stage, going out to night clubs with girlfriends and getting drunk, doing some stupid things, and even driving home way over the alcohol limit. After about 3 months of this, I rang up a friend who I knew was a Christian, and asked her if I could come to church with her on that Sunday. Well, of course she said yes.
I continued to go for a couple of months, observing and searching for God there, then one day, I just knew that He was real, and I asked Him to come into my life.
I have been a Christian for more than 13 years now and while the road has had its ups and downs, My God has never let me down. It has taken many years for the Lord to heal my pain, but in His timing my past has been dealt with and I have been able to forgive those who have hurt me. However, the Lord’s work in me is not yet finished with many rough edges for the Lord to smooth out, but I have confidence in My God, that He knows what is always best for me.
The following is a poem that has comforted me and continues to remind me that God has not finished the work that he has began in me. Life still has it’s up and downs, it’s bright and it’s dark times, it’s gladness and it’s sorrows, BUT one thing is for sure, God is still King and HE remains on the Throne.