Kantayra's Blogs
from January-February 2003
If you just love this blog, send an e-mail to
getfreechocolate@youreabeautifulperson.com.
If you hate this blog, send an e-mail to kissmyass@upyours.com.
Just kidding. My real e-mail is kantayra@hotmail.com.
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February 21, 2003 College is a strange, strange experience. It's full of people that quite probably should be in various mental institutions that you get to see practically naked in the bathroom every morning. And, unfortunately, they're not cute people that should be in mental institutions. Because that would just be too cool. So, I've been trapped in a dorm for four years now, and by now you can't
do anything that will shock me anymore. Like, cannabalism and bot
fly are favorite conversations at the dinner table, and I don't even lose
my appetite anymore. (For those of you who don't know, the bot fly is the
fly that gets into your ear as a larvae and then, as it grows, drills a
whole through your brain so that it finally comes out through your eye.
Don't worry; they only live in one of those weird tropical places where
everything
will kill you. And, how many conversations can you actually have about
such a disgusting creature? You don't even want to know...) But
my current source of amusement is stuff people send me on-line. This has
the added advantage that you all (if I were in the South, I'd be required
to say 'yawl') can see how funny/strange/psychotic some of this stuff is
for yourselves. (Don't worry, I'm not putting up the really gross stuff.
~_^)
Internet Oddities That People In The Dorm Have Sent Me In The Last Week:
Googlism - This site does a google search on your name (or other things, too; there's a whole list of options you can pick from) and comes up with sentences based on those results. For example, I ran 'Kantayra' and got only one response: kantayra is a goddess Now, I'm the only Kantayra on-line so there aren't a lot of sentences about me, but that pretty much shows you what the site does. Here's a sample of what I got when I ran my real name 'Mary': mary is unbelieving; makes aquaintance with the fairy
- o.O! OK, yeah...
So, yeah, that was somewhat entertaining. And you should all run your
own names. But only if you're very, very bored. ^_^
The English-to-12-Year-Old-AOLer Translator - Having trouble communicating with the younger people on the Internet nowadays? Well, here's your answer. This translator will take clear, concise sentences and turn them into that bizarre, annoyingly perky garbledy-gook language that seems to be taking over the Internet lately. Here's the sentence I asked to be translated: My name is Kantayra. I actually have coherent grammar, indicating that I am *not* a twelve year old AOLer. This sentence is obviously flawed. Why, any reader of English can comprehend it! Quick, I'll run it through the translator to get: MAH NM3 IS KANTAYRA1!!1! WTF LOL I ACTUALY HAEV O GRMMAR INDICATNG TAHT IM *NOT* A TWALVA YEAR OLD AOL3R1!1!1!1 OMG WTF LOL Whew! All better now. That correct spelling, use of capitalization,
and punctuation outside of cheery exclamation marks was making that message
far
to readable. And I believe that added 'OMG WTF LOL' at the end accurately
and concisely describes both the mood and the content of the message. Now,
if they could only find a way to translate the 12-year-old-AOLer back into
English... ~_^
Kitty Porn - Uh-oh. You may have gotten through 'Double Spiked' unscathed, but can you handle the extreme lewdness that is Kitty Porn? All those innocent looking kitties, just lying there on their backs in suggestive poses... And to think that children could see this sort of thing from their beloved house pet! It's inexcusable! So, just in case anyone out there is freaked out thinking this is shots from the section of the Discovery Channel programs we all pretend not to watch, let me set your mind at ease. The site's entirely cute, normal pictures of cats but with really funny captions that make it seem nasty. Nevertheless, it's sparked a lively movement in my house: "Stop Kitty Porn Now!" (Closely related were the incredibly amusing signs around the dorm that
said "Every time you masturbate, god kills a kitten." Oops, there goes
the entire cat population of the world... ~_^)
A Really, Really Strange
Comic - I don't even know what to say about this one. It's just this
short little comic strip, but it's so on crack that I don't even know where
to begin. You should go read it and be thoroughly, thoroughly baffled...
All Your Base Are Belong To Us - Did you somehow manage to miss the huge Internet craze a couple years back? Well, in case you did, here's how it goes. There was this Japanese video game, just your general spaceship battle type thing. What made it really special was how completely horribly it was dubbed. Here's the (in)famous opening scene: In A.D. 2101
Is that the worst dubbing you've ever seen? Well, me too. It's pretty damn hilarious. You know what's even more hilarious? A whole bunch of people who were: 1) Completely entertained by the crappy line "All your base are belong to us", and 2) Had waaaaay too much freetime on their hands, decided to create an "All your base are belong to us" video. That's right. They took the opening scene as is in the video game (which is entertaining enough in itself) and then did an amazing amount of photo-manipulation to get the words "All your base are belong to us" in all sorts on wacky places. (Written on the moon, on various street signs, on political placards, and on a space shuttle pop instantly to mind.) And it's not remotely half-assed. Like, it's some of the best photo-editing I've ever seen on-line. And did they just leave it at that? Oh no. They created an "All your base are belong to us" soundtrack to go with the video. Like, they clipped sound-bites from the dorky dialogue together with the video game music to create this annoyingly catchy tune. Such an extreme amount of effort went into this that I can't even begin to imagine the logistics of getting it done. I think there were 20+ artists alone. And, really, the only way to keep this joke that funny for so long is to take it to the most ridiculous extreme imaginable. This is quite possibly the most impressive thing I will ever see on the Internet. You want to see the video, too? Well, just click here. Sure, I'd already seen this back when it came out, but it was so damn
funny, I just had to post it again.
So, in conclusion, the Internet is a strange, strange place. And, after all that, can anyone honestly disagree with me? ~_^ Next time: People who like things are scary. Especially when they like really boring things. |
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February 14, 2003 Yeah, for some reason, there's this unspoken law that all single people must hate Valentine's Day. Now, personally, I've been single for every single Valentine's Day of my life, so I should really hate it, huh? Well, actually, the answer is 'no' since I've never, y'know, done anything on Valentine's Day, so it's pretty much a non-event for me. But, still, I'm required by law to bitch, so here I go. ~_^ OK, so my Valentine's Day starts late last night at study break. "Why last night?" you may well ask. Well, because technically it was after midnight, and I think it nicely exemplifies just how not romantic this day was. ^_^ So, we're having a Hostess study break (you know, Twinkies, Ho-hos, Ding-Dongs, etc.) because my RA can't cook and gets compensated by the school for everything he buys for study break. (Sweet gig, huh?) So, he's taken the lazy way out of providing food for us again, and just produced all these boxes of Hostess treats. Not that we're complaining, mind you; in fact, we're all pretty much stuffing our faces. A lively debate breaks out about what lives longer, a Twinkie or a tortoise? So, anyway, alcohol gets added to the mix somehow, and thus someone decides it's a really good idea to dare The Guy Who Will Eat Anything (every house has one of these; I think it's, like, a requirement) to deep throat a Twinkie. Now, keep in mind that this is the guy who managed to deep throat a 12 inch hotdog earlier in the year for five bucks. Having missed the hotdog incident and only heard about it later, I foolishly decide to stick around. I mean, honestly, how often do you get to see guys deep throating things? So, yeah, this guy manages to deep throat the Twinkie, like he has no gag reflex. Our RA tried it, but no way in hell could he do it. So, yeah, that was kind of entertaining. But then someone dares The Guy Who Will Eat Anything to fit three Hostess products in his mouth all at the same time. Now, even he's not crazy enough to try this without compensation, but he's cheap and easy. ~_^ Two cans of Dr. Pepper go to whoever can fit three Hostess products in their mouth at once. So The Guy Who Will Eat Anything and our RA try this, and our RA's eyes start bugging out after two and he runs for the bathroom. Right about now, I'm starting to realize that I have way surpassed my 'eww!' factor for the night. I felt obliged to watch a drunk guy shove Hostess item number three into The Guy Who Will Eat Anything's mouth, though. He actually fit three Hostess products in his mouth. I fled before the inevitable result of sticking three Hostess products all in your mouth at the same time appeared all over our RA's carpet. So, yeah, the romantic highlight of my Valentine's Day was watching guys deep throating Twinkies. The really scary thing is that that's the romantic highlight of my year so far. So I'm definitely not in a lovey-dovey mood. Anyway, I only have to get up by 11:30 this morning because my Egyptian prof cancelled class. I think that was probably the most romantic gesture ever. Like, I would totally marry him just for that. And he's not even cute. ~_^ So, I get to wake up late. Unfortunately that means I leave for class right as the mailman's arriving at our dorm. This is bad, why? Well, because I got to see the about 800 flowers that were delivered this morning to pretty much everyone who's not me. Ah, the bitterness runs deep... So, I go to my music class but to get there I have to go up the Cigarette Stairwell Of Doom. The Cigarette Stairwell Of Doom is the stairwell between the Classics and music buildings. See, there's this little outdoor balcony on the second floor, so everyone goes there to smoke since you're not allowed to smoke inside. So, decades upon decades of smoke has built up and funneled through the stairway to the point where it smells like you're inhaling the contents of an ashtray. Like, my dad's a chain smoker, so you can pretty much blow smoke right in my face and I won't even blink. But even I have to hold my nose while I climb the Cigarette Stairwell Of Doom. It's just that nasty. So, I get to music class. In my music class is (joy, joy) my Riley-like Ex. Riley-like Ex was this guy who was my friend and last year decided he wanted to be more. Unfortunately, like Riley, he was dull as toast, and I had to give him the brush-off. Unfortunately, I couldn't adequitely explain why I was giving him the brush-off because I didn't want to say "You're dull as toast and you kiss like a squid" because that would be mean. This resulted in him not getting the message and much subsequent nastiness. It was pretty ugly. Well, anyway, we're back happily (for me, at least) in the 'just friends' stage. However, I sooo didn't need the reminder of my ex on Valentine's Day. At least he had the decency not to try anything. So, after my one class (isn't the college life rough? ~_^) I come back home to write the lovely chapter of 'Blue Horizons' I just put out. Yup, that's right; the reason I've been writing that story non-stop all this week was solely so that I could write Elizabeth and Spike's first time on Valentine's Day. Hell, it's the only thing I've done all day that's put me in the spirit... ~_^ Of course, there's the still the bitterness that Cute Spike-like Guy in my house now has a girlfriend (Grr! Argh!), but...mih, I'm used to all the cute guys ignoring me by now. (As I said, the bitterness runs deep.) They had chocolate and strawberries at the dinning hall for dinner, though, in honor of Valentine's Day. And, we all know that chocolate makes everything better. ^_^ So, in summary: avoid your exes on Valentine's Day, kill the girlfriend of the cute guy you're interested in, and when in doubt you can always go for the guy who does really disgusting things with food. ~_^ Ta! Next time: I'll just rant. I mean, duh! That's what I always do! ^_^ |
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February 8, 2003 I regret to say it, but for once this blog is going to be serious because the issue I'm discussing has been bothering me a lot lately, as well as having hurt me personally. I should be back to normal by next time. Promise. OK, I first entered the world of fanfiction back two years ago, not knowing whether I sucked as a writer or what. For a long time I wrote only in the Ronin Warriors genre and kept everything ultra-strictly PG13. And all the response I got on my RW stuff was encouraging. Yeah, people would give me advice and such, but it was always polite and always at least amidst "yeah, you've got talent/I like the story/here's what I like/etc. but here's one thing I think you could do better." After all, this is the point of posting stories online. It's nearly impossible to write in a vacuum, and writers need encouragement and advice. I think the RW world was a particularly good place to start as a writer because it's a kid's show and thus the people who give you feedback have in the back of their mind "hey, this could be a kid, so I'd better not be too rude." So, eventually I got out of the kiddie thing and came over to Buffy because it was fast becoming my favorite show. Again, I started with PG13 and I got enough positive responses from people, including several of my favorite NC17 writers, that I decided to share an NC17 story of mine for the first time. Keep in mind that this was hugely scary for me at first. Hell, I even freaked out the first time I posted feedback on an NC17 story where other people could read it because, yeah, a lot of people will just automatically hate you because you tolerate NC17 stuff. But I was really surprised at the response I got. It was almost six months before I got flamed for the first time, and that was pretty obviously just one of those generic "you suck" messages that were obviously typed in just because of the rating and the flamer never even bothered to read the story. (They also flamed me for a PG chapter of the story, which I thought was particularly hilarious at the time.) But it still hurt, yeah. It's kind of pathetic to admit it, but that one person who just ran around posting "you suck" messages on every NC17 story they could find hurt me. I figured out pretty quickly that laughing it off was the best way to handle these things. So, yeah, I developed a bit of a thicker skin. I've gotten maybe a dozen or so "I hate your very existence, you deserve to die because you're a horrible person" messages since, and I've gotten more used to them. I still don't like getting them. In fact, I absolutely hate it, but there's not really much I can do to avoid it and still write. However, over time, things have gotten a lot more personal. There are now people who read at ff.net and intentionally track down my stories in order to flame them. This is, of course, a direct result of ff.net's no NC17 policy. By validating the viewpoint that NC17 fiction is wrong by forbidding it, ff.net unintentionally gave all the immature people out there proof that they were justified in hating NC17 fiction, writers, and readers all along. I don't think I'm just flattering myself when I say that I'm known for writing NC17 fiction, even though many of my stories are perfectly suitable for minors. And I know for a fact that some of the readers at ff.net still know this since I now get flames on my PG13 stories, saying that I'm a bad person for writing NC17. Like, the only way these people could even know that I also write NC17 stories is that they either recognize my name or track down my stuff elsewhere. They then proceed to flame stories that are perfectly suitable for everyone (take "The Morning News" for example) because I'm "obscene". Now, this isn't just a mad flamer that runs down a list of stories and puts nasty comments about them all. This is personal. These people know who I am online and intentionally seek me out for the sole purpose of trying to hurt me. And I've got to say... What the hell?! Can't you come up with anything better to do with your time? And, while it started out with the NC17 thing, it's spread to different areas as well. We Buffy fans are a strong-willed lot. We know exactly what we want from the characters, and a lot of people are very intolerent of other viewpoints/ships/etc. Hell, I'm this way, too. Like, personally, I just cannot enjoy reading Buffy/Angel fiction. I don't care if it was written by Shakespeare, I just don't want to read about Buffy and Angel as a couple. So, yeah, I get flamed for writing B/S fiction for this reason, and it's pretty much like the general "you suck" messages because I know these people didn't actually read my story. The problem is lately becoming fans within the Spuffy genre. I mean, let's face it, there are a lot of B/S fans out there, so there's no way we're all going to see eye-to-eye. There are fans of the Big Bad Spike, and fans of Spike being redeemed without the soul, and then those that just love the whole soul thing. Now, personally, I like my Spike with a bit of an edge to him. I tend to range from the still-'evil'-but-a-good-guy-at-heart to souless-and-bad-ass-but-chipped-and-sweet-at-the-same-time and I write stories pretty much all along this spectrum. I don't like the souled Spike plot, so I don't write souled Spike stories. As simple as that, right? Oh no. There has been a disturbing tendency lately of people who actually read my work to instantly go out and flame it just because it doesn't conform to their view of Spuffiness. Now, I'm not talking about all you people who send me e-mails saying "I like this and this and this and I think you could work on this." This statement is directed at people who post feedback which is entirely "how can you write stories that don't have Spike as ___? It makes you a horrible person/writer." And, yes, I have gotten these. And not just at ff.net. There's been an increasing trend in flames at places like, say, LD. These people have come to LD specifically to read my stories (and the other four authors there, of course). Some of the people who have flamed some of my stories have mentioned that they like others, which is quite reasonable given that I write a wide range of stories. Hell, I do angst, fluff, romance, humor, all ratings from hardcore smut to plotful with a side of sex to perfectly PG. So, I can completely get that a lot of my readers would only like some of my stuff. I mean, everyone out there doesn't think exactly like me, so they're not going to have exactly the same tastes as me, right? I pretty clearly post in my summaries as well as in my author's notes what the reader can expect from the story. I say whether it's PWP or angsty or whatever. And this obviously indicates that it was my intention to make the story the way it is. So saying "I hate it because it was dark" or "I hate it because it was all about the sex" is not feedback! These are flames, even if the people who write them don't realize it. The difference isn't so hard to see. Like, if I've labeled a story 'PWP', does it really help me as a writer in any way to say "I hate PWPs"? Obviously not. This is just condemning whatever I've written simply because the reader doesn't like the genre. Would you, for example, go over to ff.net, find all the Smurfs stories there and write "I hate Smurfs" on all of them? Whoever did would be - yes, that's right - a flamer. Or would you go track down all my Ronin Warriors now and say "You shouldn't write RW because I don't like it. You should only write BtVS"? These comments aren't helpful in the slightest. Just like "Spike doesn't have a soul in this one so it sucks" isn't helpful. These people aren't asking me to improve my writing; they're trying to force their opinions on me by making me feel bad, and I'm sorry but my opinions are just as valid as the next person's. Hell, I read tons of stories that don't fit my view of the BtVS universe. Even my most favoritist of favorite authors write stories that I have fundamental disagreements with - not because the story is any worse than their others, but because the story expresses a view that I don't share with the author. So what do I do in these situations? Why, I don't give feedback because I'm not going to order other authors to write things that agree with my opinions. This is a pointless waste of both our time. And I'm not saying it's not all right to disagree with me. In fact, I'd be surprised if everyone out there didn't at least disagree with me on one aspect of the BtVS universe. And I'm perfectly OK with "I don't usually read so-and-so type stories, but this and this were good and this needed work." That's just fine. What's really starting to get to me are the people who just write the bad, with none of the good, because this essentially is flaming. And I'm sorry but there's no way I can make my stories comply with every reader out there. I've literally got "I hate this story because Spike's too good" and "I hate this story because Spike's souless and therefore evil" notes on the same day FOR THE SAME STORY. Having gotten a particularly unusual number of nasty comments just yesterday, I thought for the first time "Woah, is this even worth it anymore?" Thankfully, I quickly wised up to all the nice feedback I've gotten and realized that to me it still is. But I find it disturbing just how much common courtesy has deteriorated in the Spuffy genre just in the nine or so months I've been writing for it. Like, a few months ago I would've been shocked to have gotten something so flamelike at a personal site such as LD. Now, the less insulting flames barely even stand out anymore. Now, a lot of the feedback I get that includes negative comments is anonymous, which I can perfectly understand. When I actually think I have a legitimate critique of a story of an author I know personally, I tend to leave anonymous reviews, too. But keep in mind that if the anonymous review only has the bad stuff in it, it looks like a flame. It's quite possible that some of the 'flames' I've gotten have been from people who have given me positive reviews before, but I can't tell this. If it's left anonymous, it looks to me like someone just hates all my stuff and left the comment to be nasty. So, in the few cases, where I have left anonymous reviews, I make extra sure to preface it with "yes, I actually do like your stories, and this isn't any slight against you as an author." And, also, I make sure that I phrase my advice nicely. Like, I know that the author might have an intention in the story that I haven't seen yet (especially with WIPs). Saying things like "I like this and this, but this didn't quite work for me. Maybe you should explain Buffy's motivations for doing this a bit more in later chapters" is useful. This kind of feedback is good because it a) indicates clearly that the author does write good things, b) suggests an improvement that it is actually feasible for the author to make, and c) phrases the whole thing politely. I get lots of feedback like this, and my stories would be nowhere near as good as they are without it. Now, take this actual feedback I've gotten: "your characters have no depth and all your sex is dull and uninspired, you should stick to humorous dialogue since that's the only thing you can write." Yes, that is word-for-word feedback that I've gotten. Now, this person has obviously read my works, presumably likes at least some things about them (the humor), but has chosen to respond in a way that reads exactly like a flame. This isn't feedback or advice; it's this person ordering me to do they want and insulting everything else I write in order to try to force me into the mold that they're interested in. This is not only offensive to me, but it also doesn't encourage me to keep up what the reviewer liked. If anything, it makes me want to not write all together, because it reads pretty much like a "you suck" letter, and this one is personal. If I'd gotten something like "wow, I really like your comedy stories! they're my favorites and you should definitely write more," we both would've gotten what we wanted. I wouldn't be ultra-pissed off writing this blog because I feel like I'm being personally attacked, and I'd probably be going "oh, wow, I'm going to make this chapter extra humorous because people seem to really like that" and go write the funny story that the reviewer wanted. It's all a matter of phrasing things in a helpful and polite way. And I'm hoping that's just what a lot of this is. Because I'm kind of an optimist, and I don't want to think that people who have enjoyed some of my stories are just out there intentionally trying to make me feel miserable. I've tried to be pretty open about my ideas and interests in my stories, as well as here in my blog, and I think that a lot of people have enjoyed it. However, just because I'm willing to listen to other ideas does not mean that I want to be attacked. It doesn't mean that my feelings can't be hurt just as easily as the next person's. It's really important to think about how what you're saying will sound just out by itself. I spend at least twice as long agonizing over the perfect wording for suggestions as I do for feedback on stories that I just love. Hell, even some brief positive comment right and the beginning and/or the end of the suggestion helps. Even putting in a little smiley face helps because then at least there's some cue that the message isn't meant to be malicious. And 99.99% of the people who send me feedback send me things that just brighten my day, even if they offer constructive criticisms as well. I guess I'm just hoping that I haven't somehow managed to inspire hateful malice out there. I'm hoping that people out there really don't have any intention of hurting me. Because otherwise I don't know how long it will be worth it. I do not have to put up with this behavior, and I'm not a "whiny baby" for not wanting to be attacked. A little thought and courtesy is really all it takes... Next time: My blog returns to its usual self. Goofiness shall reign. ~_^ |
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February 2, 2003 OK, yeah, so this is going to be this really pointless rant. Ah well, hopefully I'll get really pissed off and say ridiculous stuff that you can blackmail me for later. Or maybe not... But, anyway, I want you to scroll up to the top of this page. Go ahead. Right now. I said now! This blog isn't going anywhere, you know... So, did you look? What did you see up there? Pretty much the same thing you see at the top of every Internet page out there: an annoying add. Now, I hate those stupid adds. Even worse are the damn pop-up ones. Some sites have, like, four or five of those things, and you have to scramble to close them all in time so your browser doesn't crash. That's why I chose to have the little add at the top of the page. Sure, it's intrusive and offensive half the time, but hopefully my site's not crashing anyone's computer. See, Angelfire gave me this little option when I signed on - I could either have the pop-up or the on-page one. But, because the one add wasn't anywhere near ugly enough, Angelfire now sticks on two adds occasionally. Yes, that's right! Every so often a lucky site visitor will get two adds for the price of one! The ugly on-screen one and a pop-up! And for those people who chose the 'pop-up' option with Angelfire - yes, that's right - two pop-up adds are assaulting their site visitors! It's all very shady. But the really annoying thing about the add at the top of this page is that 99.99% of the time it's something that I would never ever endorse. In fact, it's probably something I hate. I can think of a few odd exceptions - Barnes&Noble, Lord of the Rings... It was even doing Darkness Falls for a while which was actually kind of cool, since I got the Anya picture right next to my little shirtless Spikey...but still. I mean, the occasional halfway decent add in no way compensates for all the irritating 'J-Lo's Newest Video' ones. And, no, they don't give me any choice about my obligatory sponsorship. I'm half expecting one of those damn 'Make your penis grow three inches!' spams to appear up there some day. That's how damn tacky things are getting. "But Angelfire's offering you free hosting!" you may well say. "Therefore, they have a right to advertise on your site!" And I would say: "Uh, NO!" See, to me the most infuriating thing is how accepting people are nowadays about the constant barrage of advertising they're subjected to. See, a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, some advertising genius managed to brainwash capitalist society into believing that "freedom of speech" means "freedom for advertisers to constantly harass everyone." Like, here's a fun fact I bet you didn't know: When TV first came out, there had to be an actual congressional decision about whether or not to allow comercials. And the vote was really close. Like, a few more votes one way, and we wouldn't have any comercials on TV. It would all be government funded. Don't remember that one? Well, I don't since I wasn't born yet, but my parents still do. Here's one that's nearer to memory, however: highway billboards. Yes, that's right, those ugly billboards were made illegal for a while. Like, recently. The law's just been hacked at in the past decade or so. Because highways used to be nonstop billboards the entire way until someone finally had the common sense to say: "Hey! This is ugly! We don't have to put up with this anymore!" And, as in so many other situations, the Internet is just the latest step in an ongoing social issue. See, the simple fact is this: the Internet was not designed for comercial purposes. Did all you ultra-capalists faint from that? Take a deep breath, drink a glass of water, and steal yourself up. OK? Here we go again... The Internet was not designed for comercial purposes. The Internet was originally a scientific and military tool. It then increased in popularity among the scientific community as a means of communication and...viola! There's the Internet we know and love. But even in my memory (and I'm only 22) there was a time when the Internet was very much not comercial. It was still a means of entertainment, but it was not, I repeat not, a capitalist tool. The psychotic invasion of shopping, comercials, pop-up adds, and the like is a recent phenomenon. And it's getting worse all the time. But the really scary thing is how much everyone buys into this "constant advertising is necessary for society" crap. Like, when I'm at home, I always mute all the comercials on TV. Because comercials are loud and annoying and they're not what I want to watch. Since I can't very well stop all the television stations I watch from showing comercials, I found my salvation in a little button called 'MUTE'. Seriously, back at home, every time we have to buy a new remote, it's because we've all worn the muting button out. Well, guess what happened when I came to college, sat down in our house lounge during orientation week, and hit the muting button during comercials? Everyone yelled at me. See, they all wanted to be subjected to the advertising. They weren't watching it; they just talked right through the comercials. But the idea of having a conversation during comercial breaks without the TV's irritating chatter in the background literally had these people squirming in their seats. And I'm not going to Hollywood Upstairs Medical College here, but an internationally acclaimed university. With real academics. Who actually trying to argue to me that it was our duty as Americans to have the annoying adds playing in the background. Does anyone else find this perverse? And this kind of view just makes matters worse and worse. Like, how about movie previews? There used to be, like, one. Or maybe two. (Actually, I'm pretty damned sure at one time there were none, but I won't claim this since I don't know it for fact.) And this was within my lifetime. Like, when I started watching videos (in the VCR kind of videos) there were no previews/adds before the movie itself. And now we have to put up with 10+ minutes of previews, including adds which are looking suspiciously more and more like comercials... ARGH! And now TV programs do this. See, they don't have enough time for comercials apparently (even though the amount of show per hour has been cut down from 54 minutes to 42 just since the 1960s), so they now show adds on the bottom of the screen DURING the show! So far, it's usually just adds for other shows on the station, but they're getting larger and larger - sometimes the little 'effects' that accompany them extend halfway into the screen. And how long is it going to be before other advertisers start wanting their stuff shown during the show itself? Just think of it: two years from now, shots of Spike's gorgeous naked chest could be obscured by a giant Pepsi logo! Hell, that's prime advertising space right here. Horrified yet? And the thing that really irks me is how damn pointless this stuff all is on me. Like, I have never bought anything because of a comercial/add. Never. Not once. The only way adds have ever affected me is to make me not buy the product later if I found the comercial particularly offensive. Like, I have a whole list of brand names I won't buy if the need for such an item arises because their comercials made my life miserable at some point in time and I don't want to encourage that sort of behavior. And, let's face it, if I needed any of the garbage that's constantly being shoved in my face, I would've gone out to store and actively sought it out. Since I didn't do this, it automatically implies that I do not need this stuff and thus will not buy it. And this does not mean that I'm not a capitalist or am un-American (even if those statements may be true). Assaulting everyone with constant advertisements is not necessary for a market economy. It's tacky. It's ugly. And I'm sick of it invading my home, dammit! (And, next time, I promise to be funny again. I swear. ~_^) Next time: Bwahaha! I will subject you all to my bizarre cult-ish obsessions! (While simultaneously griping about other people's. ~_^) |
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January 29, 2003 OK, now I obviously spend an obscene amount of time on the Internet. So I pick up a whole bunch of sites I frequent and people whose stuff I read, etc, etc. So you know what really annoys me? Will someone please tell me where it's written that in order for your site to be 'cool', it has to change locations at least once a month? Like, there are sites I visit that literally have a trail of five "This site has moved" notices before you actually get to the damn thing. And some sites don't even bother with this. They just kind of vanish only to reappear elsewhere several months later with a crappier layout. And that's the other thing that bugs me: sites that change their layout every week. There are an obscene number of websites out there right now with "I'm not updating because I'm busy redesigning the site" messages on them. And then, you finally see the new design and it's some picture of Buffy looking like a crack-whore with green and red striped background and little vampire smiley faces and you're all "WTF?! That's what I waited a month for?!" (OK, yes, I'm exsaggerating.) Now, I can understand why my fellow webmistresses and webmasters would do both of these things in moderation. I mean, if your current server isn't giving you enough bandwidth or storage space or you want to get your own domain name so people can find you easier, then yeah sure, it's a good idea. (Provided you actually give a link where people can find you.) And I myself have drastically retoodled my original site design (which was this ultra-ghetto-looking thing where underlining was the most exciting graphic feature I had. Oh yeah. It was sweet. ~_^). But does anyone really need to redesign their site every month? Especially when it completely detracts from the site content. Like, I would actually visit the Buffy-crack-whore site I described above as long as it updates regularly. Because, in all fairness, unless a site is so glaring to the eye that I get a migraine from trying to look at it, I don't really care that much about the layout. I might go "Oh, pretty..." or "Buffy looks like a crack-whore in that picture" (on a side note, why does SMG look like a crack-whore in so many of her publicity shots?) but then I just go right on and check out the content. And, if that doesn't please me, then no amount of web design skill is going to keep me on the page for long. And you think I'm kidding when I say some site designs give me a migraine, don't you? Well, you'd be wrong. I once came across a (thankfully non-Buffy) site which had a red background and neon green letters. It was like Christmas on pixelated steriods! And the site didn't even have a Christmas theme! It just was they way because the webmaster thought it was good. My personal theory is that he was color blind - you know, that kind where you can't tell the difference between red and green. Although, in that case, he wouldn't have even been able to distinguish between the background and text... And that's the other thing I encounter way too often. The site background will be white, and then the text will be off-white, and you can't read a damn thing. Like, I get that it's all pretty and pastel but... There's no way I'm going to be able to read anything there! And sites with black backgrounds (like about 90% of Buffy sites are) are the worst offenders. Because a lot of people choose a text color that has just enough contrast on their own computer, but on mine I can't see jack squat and have to select the whole damn story just to read it. And don't even get me started on sites with 'hidden menus' that don't show up on some browsers... But even this isn't anywhere near as annoying as sites with music/videos that will not stop. Like, I don't even have the speakers for my computer plugged in anymore because I've encountered so many grievous offenders. I have no idea how you do the 'have music start playing the instant someone visits the site' thing, but it's truly an abomination. Especially if there's no obvious off button. And all the songs are always the most godawful bland pop things... Look, I don't subject you to my weird tastes in music, so you don't subject me to your flat, formulaic ones, OK? Grrr... Videos aren't quite as annoying, although it bothersome when they're in the frame so you've got this image moving around at the corner of your vision the entire time you're trying to read something... But the worst by far? (Also a non-Buffy site, btw...) This person actually got the site menu to be part of his animation. That meant that you had to chase the site feature you wanted to visit around with the mouse while it moved across the screen. And it wasn't a smoothly-flowing graphic, either. It was, like, all the items in the menu switch places every second. And, no, it wasn't at http://www.PissMeOff.com. So what's the basic problem here? People are spending too damn much time trying to be fancy and not anywhere near enough time being practical. I mean, I'm sure I could drop all my WIPs for the next month and spend the time creating a little animation of a vampire that moons you all and then farts...but that's probably not the best use of my time. (Ha! Scared you for a minute, didn't I? ^_^) Or how about spending three months creating a photo gallery which coincidentally turns out to be exactly the same as spikespotting.com? Or maybe I should find the lamest boyband I can think of, record all their songs/interviews/concerts, and then splice the words together so that their voices read out loud to you every chapter... Or maybe I'll just stick with writing because that's what people come here for, after all... Next time: See that annoying little pop-up add at the top of this page? That thing's going down next time, baby... ~_^ |
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January 24, 2003 Yeah, I didn't feel like coming up with a coherent topic, so I'm just
throwing more amusing, random shit your way. Hopefully at least some
of it will be entertaining...
All y'all have heard of the Bulwer-Lytton contest, right? Well, if you haven't, here's the description and the winners. 'Tis usually quite amusing... These are the 10 winners of this year's Bulwer-Lytton contest (run by the English Dept of San Jose State University), wherein one writes only the first line of a bad novel. Bulwer-Lytton wrote The Last Days of Pompeii, which opens with the famous line "It was a dark and stormy night." Hence the contest. 10) "As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the echo chamber he would never hear the end of it." 9) "Just beyond the Narrows the river widens." 8) "With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned, unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied description." 7) "Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept along the East wall: 'Andre creep...Andre creep...Andre creep.'" 6) "Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of narcissism, was about to give his body and soul to a back alley sex-change surgeon to become the woman he loved." 5) "Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep her from eeking out a living at a local pet store." 4) "Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins often do." 3) "Like an over-ripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor." 2) "Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the meaning
of the word 'fear'; a man who could
AND THE WINNER IS... 1) "The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her, disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming madly, 'You lied!'" And you call should visit The
Bulwer-Lytton Contest 'cause it's cool and all that...
More of 'For Those Who Take Life Too Seriously'. Top ten of the day: 10. I drive way to fast to worry about cholesterol.
Funny Lodoss War quote of the day (you remember that anime show I mocked a few blogs back, right?): Parn (the Aragorn-esque hero) is going off to battle the next day and is discussing it with Deed (the slutty she-elf): Parn: You cannot come to battle with me.
And, given what a mega-slut you've been so far, Deed, you're probably the top of the list of people who want to 'get' at Parn 'from behind'. ~_^ Now, hopefully you're all so amused that you haven't realized that I did jack shit for this blog. It didn't work? Ah well, it wasn't really all that funny anyway...not that my normal blogs are, either. ~_^ Next time: Mih. Maybe a topic. Maybe not. Maybe a rabid platypus will suddenly appear in my tomorrow only to explode in a neon orange spangle...or not. |
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January 22, 2003 Uh, yeah, sorry about that. School's been sucking more than usual lately (at least from the work taking away from quality Internet time perspective) so I've been updating less often. Like, only every other day! The horrors... ~_^ Mih, so what should I blog about? Hey, I could do a non-spoiler Buffy blog. Yup, that's what I'll do. OK, so every week I sneak off to the dorm TV since everyone just watches their house TVs, 'cause those are closer and all. Given that the obnoxious people in my house all want to watch crap like 'Jackass', I have to find Spuffy refuge elsewhere. Hence me going to the somewhat-hidden dorm lounge. So, I'm sitting there last night, having gotten there two hours early to make sure I get the TV, when suddenly at 6:55, all these people show up at the door. And they're all like "Are you watching something at 7?" And I'm like "Yes, and I'll fight to the death to keep the TV!" There was major danger of this war breaking out, and then this one girl has the presense of mind to ask me what I'm watching, and I kinda embarrassed admit that it's Buffy. And they're all like "What the shit?! That's what we wanna watch, too!" So, it turns out that this group of, like, fifteen people in my dorm have started a Buffy RSO (Resident Student Organization), and I'm sitting here going "Holy shit! I've got my own Buffy fan club!" And they're like "What? We thought we were the only ones!" And I'm all "Me too!" There was much bondage...er, bonding and tears. It was beautiful. It was pretty fucking hilarious. And very, very cool. So now I've got this whole club of Buffy people to watch with. I knew there was a reason people in my house sucked... But doesn't that story just warm your heart? *sniff, sniff* Dozens of people all being brought together, across lines of house conflict, to ogle Spike's sexy body... Truly an inspirational story for the ages. ~_^ Next time: Oh, I don't know. Do you honestly believe I think that far in advance? ^_^ |
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January 11, 2003 OK, our house has anime night every Wednesday because...well, because a lot of people like to watch anime in our house. Including me. Yeah, the animation's craptacular and the characters are one-dimensional...but at least it's not homework, right? So, anyway, we started this new series this week called Lodoss War. I will now proceed to mock it for your amusement. ~_^ The whole thing is (intentionally) ripped off from Lord of the Rings. So, you've got the group of heroes on a great quest, a bunch of whom are boring common people, one hero with a disgraced ancestor, one magician, a dwarf, and an elf. This sounding familiar yet? Like, the only difference is that they made the elf a girl. And that was only so the guys could fantasize about the cute elves...which is so unfair! How come the guys always get a cute character to ogle in cartoons and not the women? I wanna ogle, dammit! But, anyway, we're set in a suspiciously LotR world. And if you don't believe me... OK, so we're all laughing at how ripped off this thing is, and suddenly the dwarf appears for the first time and it turns out his name is Ghim. And we're all, like, "Any similarities between the name's Gimli and Ghim are complete and utter plagarism." It was pretty funny. You know what's even funnier? OK, this fantasy world has a God of Light and a God of Darkness who are duking it out. (Creative and original idea, huh?) So, guess what the God of Light's name is? Go on, pick something really hilarious... Yes, it's the great God of Light Falis! (And, yes, Falis is pronounced exactly like 'phallus'. We had to check the box to make sure that the name wasn't spelled p-h-a-l-l-u-s as well. There was much hysteria for a while.) Of course, this show's Japanese, so they didn't know about the huge faux pas they were making. So, we're watching this thing, and everytime the name Falis comes up, we're all thinking 'Phallus'. Here's a list of actual lines from the show that were really fucking hilarious with the word 'Phallus': "I bow before the might of Phallus, the Supreme!" At which point we're all screaming "It's the Supreme Phallus!" and rolling around on the floor with snorting laughter just like the juvenile adolescents we all try to pretend we're not. Afterwards, whenever anyone got bored with the lame plot, they'd just cry that out. "As an initiate, I have been well-taught in the ways of Phallus." Uh-huh, I bet you have. And we thought the Catholic priests started that thing with the altar boys... "I have studied the ways of Phallus for long enough. The only way I can learn now is through experience." Well, I suppose there's no arguing with that. "Oh, Phallus, fill me with your power!" Better than Viagra... "Phallus is strong in him. Release him at once!" OK, that's just perverse... There are others, too, I'm sure that I've forgotten. I couldn't possibly remember them all because I was laughing so damn hard. See? Anime's a great form of entertainment. Next time: Another entertaining and witty topic...either that or I'll gripe about the patheticness that is my existence again. ~_^ And, yes, this blog is short. Live with it. =P |
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January 8, 2003 Yeah, I'm a lazy slug and don't really feel like writing anything clever
and original today, so I'm just compiling a list of amusing things other
people have sent me over the years (some of them as old as 1998. Scary
that I've still got this stuff, huh?). I figured if the people who wrote
these originally put them in a chain letter, that pretty much removes any
copyright they ever could have had. This blog should in no way be taken
as a clever way for me to clean out all the old messages in my e-mail account.
~_^
Ten unanswerable questions of the day: 10. Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called
a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
Lines from Star Wars (the original trilogy, of course) that can be improved if you substitute the word "Pants". Top five of the day: 5. She must have hidden the plans in her pants. Send a detachment down
to retrieve them. See to it personally, Commander.
Have any of you heard of Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey? This is supposedly from a newspaper contest where they got kids to write imitation deep thoughts. They are funnier than some of the real ones. Top five of the day: 5. I once heard the voice of God. It said "Vrrrrmmmmm." Unless it was
just a lawn mower. Age 11
For those who take life too seriously: 10. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted,
then used against you.
Top ten oxymorons of the day: 10. Act naturally
"Scientific Jargon" by Dyrk Schingman, Oregon State University. After several years of studying and hard work, I have finally learned scientific jargon. The following list of phrases and their definitions will help you to understand that mysterious language of science and medicine. "IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN":
It's scary how many of those can be applied to the humanities as well... And, congratulations, you've just wasted a chuck of your life, and I didn't even have to write anything. ~_^ Plus, my e-mail account's in a lot less danger of overflowing now... So, no, this blog isn't an endorsement for you all to send me 20,000 chain letters. ~_^ Next time: A real topic. This time I swear. ^_^ |
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January 7, 2003 Yeah, I've been doing so much crap lately what with downloading all my files onto my computer, and then converting formats, and then re-doing about half this site... So, no coherent topic today. Just what I feel like rambling about. The *%@#$*% airport stole my luggage tag! Like, I had this really cool UofC luggage tag on my bag so that I could identify it at the baggage claim, and it finally comes out and...poof! No tag! In fact, the only way I could identify the stupid bag (which is wisely that same black as every single frickin' bag out there) was because it still had half of the previous luggage tags on it. Yup, that's right. I've now got the remains of three separate luggage tags on my bags, all of which have been ripped off during the flight. Grr-Argh! (See, told you I wouldn't be coherent and/or intelligent. ~_^) The dinning hall pizza sucks! Dude, it's like rancid or something. And all the cakes were stale today. How can they possibly be stale yet? It's the first day the dinning hall opened! One year, we came back from winter break to discover that all the milk was sour. Yup, that's right, they'd left the same milk in the dispensers the entire month we were gone. Damn, was that foul... I left my comb and brush at home! Do you have idea how debilitating this is? Especially since my hair's waist-length. (Or is was until my mom hacked about six inches off. Grrr...) And no one has extras because, hey, you only need one, right? Finally managed to find someone who had one I could borrow. Whew. Thankfully, the comb and brush I've come to know and love are being sent to me by my delightful father who did not hack off half my hair... Tip of the day: Mom's have no fashion sense. Never let them cut your hair. Bleach. I have to write the other half of my BA paper this quarter. That's 15 pages. Plus, I'm taking another class that has two 5-10 page papers. And, of course, that means you write 10 if you want a good grade. That's 35 pages total just this quarter! Ack! (Of course, my fics are much longer than this. The Seventh Slayer clocked in at 200+ pages single-spaced and in a smaller font size...but still! 35 pages?!) My Riley-like ex isn't annoying me so much this quarter. Huh. I guess it's because my crush on cute-Spike-like guy is so strong that I don't give a rat's ass what Riley-like ex does. There was definite 'accidental' rubbing between me and Spike-like guy at movie night. Things are good. I'm in love with my Egyptian prof...although, in an intellectual way, not in a I-want-to-have-sex-with-him way. After all, he's a prof, not Spike or even Spike-like guy. We spent all class mocking pop culture depictions of Egyptian religion today. It was beautiful. Then he criticized the Judeo-Christiam perspective of analyzing ancient religions... *sigh* It was so dreamy... And well worth the two 10 page papers I'll have to write. (Yes, I am a freak of nature.) I have class every day of the week this quarter. WTF's up with that?! No more Tuesdays and Thursdays off?! Why did I pick this crappy schedule?! Oh yeah, because the Egyptian prof I love's class is on Tuesday/Thursday... I got a leather jacket for Christmas. It's really, really cool. Black too, of course. More Buffy-style than Spike-style, but I still adore it. Mmm, soft leather... (The closet dominatrix emerges. ~_^) Yay, there's a new Buffy episode tonight! And I'll actually write a review of it so that there are no more spoilers in this blog that people might try to avoid. Maybe I can get Riley-like ex to watch it with me. Since he's not pissing me off lately and all... There's more snow in Chicago than there is in Minneapolis. How fucked up is that? And I've got this one friend in the dorm who's from Maine, and they had 30 inches! I'm like "Hey! You stole our snow!" You can spell 'fish' G-H-O-T-I. I've known this for quite some time, but it came up at the dinner table the other night and it never ceases to amuse me. The G-H is from 'rough', the O is from 'women', and the T-I is from 'function'. There you go! Ghoti = fish. My resident heads' cat is soft. And has really bad breath. I think my brain is dying. I'll stop now. Next time: Topic? What is this 'topic' you speak of? (Just kidding. There'll be one, I promise...) |