My Name is Bruce

This is how I became a Muslim...

When I was a young teen, I was a unholy terror. I would smoke (marijuana and cigarettes), do drugs, drink alcohol, and of course, I rejected any idea of a divine being. Not only that, I was a notorious thief. I commited grand larceny at stores, robbed from old people's houses, and used the earnings to buy drugs. At 14, I was no longer a virgin, and had commited every kind of zina with boys and girls.

I often wonder why Allah picked me out of all the people in the world to be Muslim. I did not deserve his graces, but in all honesty, who does?

It was during the summer of 1996 that I first became aware of Allah(swt) and his Prophet(pbuh). I had heard the name Muhammad before, but just thought it was a silly name that Arabs used. Interested in finding out about the religion, I absorbed all the books I could find on the subject. My lifestyle, however, did not leave room for morality, so I shelved it and tried to ignore it. I could not, however. Allah had chosen me, and who was I to resist? That year, November 11th, I said the Shahada in front of my newfound brothers and sisters. As I mouthed the Arab words after the Imam, I watched in fascination as tears rolled down the cheeks of full-grown Muslim men. What manner of religion had I joined, I wondered, that it meant so much to it's adherents?

All praise is due to Allah, as time passed, I managed to quit the drugs, to quit cigarettes and booze, and also dating. I do not even consider taking what I have not earned now. I deserved to be punished for what I did in the past, but I was not, and all my sins were expiated when I became a Muslim. Allah guides me tenderly on his path, even though I am as stubborn as a mule.

Like all converts, I immediately became sectarian, and wanted to submerge myself in "Islamic culture" by dressing in thoub, kufi, and arguing points of Islamic fiqh (jurisprudence), even though I did not know the first thing about it. With time and the mercy of Allah, I finally saw past all this, hamdullah, and realized that I know ZILCH! It is only by grace that I am still a Muslim today. Nothing that I ever did helped. It was always Allah(swt). As the months passed, my love for my brothers and sisters became thicker than blood. It is a love peculiar to Islam, an almost unspeakable love that tugs at the heart. When you give yourself in submission to Allah, Islam becomes more than just religion. It becomes life!

At first, it was hard to pray five times a day, and like a lot of Muslims, I would skip one or more of them every day. This was because I had an immature understanding of Ihsan, and very little taqwa(love for Allah(swt)).

In 1999, I was diagnosed with Leukemia, and then I had to really struggle with my beliefs. Hamdullah, just recently the whole ordeal ended, and I am on the fast track to normal health again. However, in that space of time I transformed, and learned to really love and fear Allah(swt). My ihsan deepened, and I became much more aware of the reality of Allah's existence. I see now the true and everlasting miracle from Allah contained in his Qur'an, and out of awe it is no longer hard for me to pray five times a day without fail.

I know that this was supposed to be a conversion story, but Islam does not end after Shahada. Islam is a beginning that keeps on beginning. For me it provides a fresh new surprise around every turn. I hope that those who read this will feel the same way, and that they will embrace Islam, excited at the wonderful prospects it has to offer them. It is not just the best of the next world, but also this one. I pray that I will die pleasing in Allah's sight. I pray also that all my brothers and sisters will too.

May Allah pour his blessings on all of you.

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