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[My Thoughts..]
Freedom...is a state of mind...
[10.10.03] Hey guys, how's it going? Wow, it's been too long since I've looked at this page. I really need to update my life. Well check out what I've done and I hope u like it. -Jessica
[2.14.03] I just wanted to say Happy Valentines Day to my sweetheart Tuyen. I dedicate this song to you:
Never believed in love at first sight, but I believe what I'm feeling tonight. Cause when I saw you across the room, I feel my heart going boom boom boom.
You know I'm falling for you because .. one look in your eyes.. I knew we would always be together. So say those 3 little words, I wanna hear, I love you.
[1.23.03] Did you know I always wanted to be a mermaid in my afterlife. Anyway, I added a lot of pictures to my site. Check it out. If you want your picture up there, you gottah sign my guessbook and then send me your picture. Then i'll think about if your special enough to have your picture on my site. =) j/p
[12.25.02] Can you guys tell I dont' like doing journals? It's been like 4 months since i've last touched this thing.. lol.. anyway.. Want to know whats new in my life?? .. Hmm.. nothing much.. It's christmas but it doesn't seem like it at all.. Merry christmas anyway.. =)
[8.8.02] life is all about moving forward. never regret anything u did in life cause that will just bring a burden..be happy, enjoy life, and appreciate everything that life will bring ur way..because sometimes it can just be a one time thing-and things that last for a little time can be the best thing...
[8.6.02]
Damn.. I'm so bored..you must be even more bored bc ur sitting here reading my journal entries! =) either that or u just love me! Well Tommorow is 1st day of school. and imma be a senior! Wow been waiting 11 years for this day! Its finally my turn! Ah wells.. Today i went to work at 12-9:30! That is a record for me! well i'll be goin now bye..-jessica
PLEASE LISTEN TO WHAT I'M NOT SAYING
Don't be fooled by me. Don't be fooled by the face I wear. For I wear a mask, I wear a thousand masks, masks that I'm afraid to take off; and none of them are me.
I give you the impression that I'm secure, that confidence is my name and coolness is my game, that the water's calm and I'm in command, and that I need no one. But don't believe me. Please.
My surface may seem smooth... beneath I dwell in confusion, in fear, in aloneness, but I hide this. I panic at the thought of my weakness and fear of being exposed. That's why I frantically create a mood to hide behind, a nonchalant sophisticated facade to shield me from the glance that knows. But such a glance is my salvation. And I know it.
It's the only thing that can assure me of acceptance and love. I'm afraid that you'll think less of me, that you'll laugh. To laugh would kill me.
So, I play my game, with a facade of assurance without--and a trembling child within. And so my life becomes a front. I only chatter to you in the suave surface tones... I tell you everything that's nothing, and nothing of what's everything, of what's crying within me. For when I go into my routine do not be fooled by what I'm saying. Please listen carefully to what I'm NOT saying.
I dislike the superficial, phony game I'm playing. I'd like to be genuine and spontaneous, and me. You've got to hold out your hand even when it seems to be the last thing I seem to want or need. Only you can call me into aliveness. Each time you're kind and gentle and encouraging, each time you try to understand because you really care, my heart begins to grow wings, very feeble wings.
I want you to know how important you are to me, how you can be a creator of the person that is me, if you choose to. But it will not be easy for you. A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.
The nearer you approach me the blinder I strike back. It is irrational, but despite what the books say about man, I am irrational. I fight the very things I cry out for. But I am told that love is stonger than walls, and therein lies my hope. Please try to beat down those walls, but with gentle hands- for a child is very sensitive.
Who am I, you may wonder? I am someone you know very well. I am every man and woman you meet.
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