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Finally. You've been ushered into the room, assured that she'll be right in. In a nervous wreck, you clumsily bump into a circular wooden desk piled with pages and pages of who-knows-what.
The pages spill across the floor. You notice some are torn, making a few parts unreadable, and you notice many blank. You bend down to pick them up. But yet, you can't help yourself and your eyes begin to wander across the pages...
Lying Beside You
True, it may be early to feel this way
To know of feelings so true
To be wrapped up in euphoric bliss
But it's nothing I ever knew!
Oh but young, such fools
Or at least that's what they say
Wreckless and spontaneous
How others cannot relate
Is it wrong to hear your heartbeat?
If so, let me be!
If I am to be punished for this
I'll be glad for the penalty
With nothing but the sheets I feel
Your arms shielding me whole
To feel alive and alive again
There's nothing I'd want more
Whisper sweet-nothings as I lie
As you speak I close my eyes
Sailing on a boat of dreams
I'd rather be with you, I realize
Remember when you kissed my hand
I looked at you so long
But I was trying to list and think
How to tell you how deep is my love
Fall asleep, my dear
I'll be safe when you awake
Oh to stay in your arms forever
I'd do whatever it takes
As to my list, I've yet to complete
Lieing next to you in splendor awake
Hearing you breathe, and your heart and heat
There's just too much to elucidate
Girls Night Out
Who cares how you look
Casual attire, messy hair
Or sexy clothes to catch some stares
But as long as you smile
Or laugh, or both is grand
You're welcome here
For good times are to be had!
Reminisce about wonder years
Old jokes still ripe with glee
Giggles and chuckles
So hard and abundant
Your body aches with pleasure
As you simply try to breathe
Amidst the old memories
Of "Oh my gosh, remember that??"
New ones are to be created
As the lady nightcrawlers
Roam the street in a pack
With intent of good, good times!
Who needs a drink or puff or what
When you've got wild girls
WIth which to have some fun?
So high on life, exciting as ever
Friendship can last and grow
And survive whateverv
Let's go now, don't be late
Take your purse and head on out
All you need is to bring yourself
And pack lots and lots of laughs
We'll be intoxicated tonight!
But just from our energies within
Hurry, c'mon, allright!
To many more nights to come
Hurrah!
Misunderstand
Misunderstand me
For that is what they all do
When they believe me weak
Or have no faith in me.
Misunderstand me
Simply disregard me
Do things, don't think of me
I'm used to it anyway.
Misunderstand me
Look down upon my head
I am just a little girl
What do I know?
Misunderstand me
Raise your eyebrows
Maybe I am not "normal"
Being confusing is who I am.
Misunderstand me
I am just misunderstood
But behind your misconceptions
At least I know who I am
Who are you?
Running Away
Run run, run away
Go ahead, I cannot stop you
Shackle you
Threaten you
Fly away to another day
Past the horizon you'll be
Will always be
Never will be
No backtracking
Here to stay
Run run, I said
Run straight away
If you're going to leave
Just do not delay.
Look look, back to us
Behind your shoulder there
Here we're there
Problems are there
Turn away, enough's enough
Forget us all, leave us now
Go just now
No goodbyes now
No tiptoeing
Fast and sudden
Fly fly, I said before
Else it's all for nothing
If you're going to fly
Straight face, no blushing.
Run, fly, out of the way
You're no prisoner
We do want you to stay
But if your mind's made up
There's not much we can say
But however far you stray
We'll always be here
Always in your way.
Death and Life
There are so many ways to die...
Sleeping and not waking up
In the blissful dream forever
Line of reality and dreams begone
Lost in sheets yet to know gone cold
Endless coma, fields of gold
Damning all with every step
Cursing everything in your grasp
Looking at life through a little black mask
Nothing but darkness upon the walls
You're trapped in a corner
Slowly dying, all your own fault
Bleeding somewhere, a little, a lot
Pain, oh the pain, nothing but that
No one deserveth the pain that you catch
Whether slow or instant
Not much one can do
When the grim reeper comes
And points his finger at you
Like I said, there are many ways to die
But sometimes death can deceive the eye
Bed ridden, tubes everywhere
Family ones all around
White walls are so bare
Hope, my friend, is all you have
But you look at the daffodils by your bed
And see such beauty within all of them
Poor man, poor woman, no penny to spare
Living on the streets
Torn rags, torn dreams, seen doomed by many
But hope, my friend, is all they have
But they look at the city and the people within
And see such opportunity to begin again
No, oh no, those people are not dying
They are living, simply because they are trying
Death surely will take us all
But it is those who truly live
With every breath that they take
Who will not feel the cold fingers
And in life they partake
You are Beautiful
Beyond the wall you put up so high
The one always broken, crumbling
Covering the pain and the reflection
Of a face you do not want to claim "It's mine"
I see something else hidden inside
Beside the girl who doesn't believe
That the world is a playground full of life
Only a battlefield where it's all ugly
There's a heart so beautiful, there it resides
And you don't want to look at yourself
You don't want to admit to the goodness
The rest of the world is just so perfect
And you don't think you're part of it
But I see hope where you see dark
There is a way when you do not find
No matter what you think or what they say
I know you're beautiful and quite alive
Behind your eyes so dead with pain
Hiding behind the walls you put up
You're secretly waiting for the walls to break
But you're scared of what is the world beyond
--To this I say, do not fret
The world is like a mirror, it reflects
Whatever it is you want to see
And if, my dear, you believe
Then the world can reflect your beauty.
Trapped.
It's so quiet in here.
It's so cold in here.
The cold wind whispers
Right through the metal bars
My body is exposed, all my flaws
and my scars.
The lack of noise
Echoes through my ears
Shivers my spine, releases my fears.
I feel so trapped in here.
It's so dark in here.
It's so small in here.
There is black in that corner,
Black in the next
Darkness surrounding
my heart in my chest.
Take one step and you're at the end
Take another and you're back again.
Bars to the right, bars to the left,
The cage gets smaller than my tears.
I feel so trapped in here.
It's so lonely in here.
It's so tiring in here.
This nightmare is real,
Everyone here to ignore my screams
To haunt me with blankness
And frighten my dreams.
This life seems forever
My sentence is life, the verdict chosen
So exhausted and so outspoken
Running for a million years.
I feel so trapped in here.
Is there a key to fit the lock?
Reach for the Stars.
Reaching for the stars is the only way to live.
Otherwise, you're stuck on the ground,
Dreaming of what it feels like
To just get off your feet.
Boldly jumping into the dark
Where monsters and perils
Are sure to lurk,
Seem less scary once you just leap.
Close your eyes and begin anew
With a brand new day there is
A brand new night,
With the everchanging black sky
There are ever-heightened stars
For which you may seek.
Reach out your hands,
As high as you possibly can,
For the world can sink deeper still
And your reach will seem farther
The darkness more deep.
Never fret, never stop dreaming,
Never forget that life's meaning
Is only what you make of it,
So reach for those stars, every little one,
And one day your fingertips and the stars
Will finally meet.
Walking Away.
To suffer by your hand,
It's the pain I'm able to take
As long as you are okay,
As long as you are safe.
From what?
From me, my emotions
And I'll take the twisting
Of the now crimson sword
I'll take the lashes
Oh I will take much more.
I would rather cry a river
Than to see you shed a tear,
That's why I have to turn away
And leave you standing here.
I can't pretend or play this part
I'm afraid it will never be the same.
Untitled.
You know I love you, right?
You know I'd do anything for you
And would be willing to rest forever,
Lying in the ground, flowers scattered on stone
knowing that you're alive and safe,
Knowing you're not lonely or alone
Right?
But that's why it's hard for me
To let you go, to watch you walk away,
Or rather, push you away.
It's the hardest thing to close the door
And know that you're hand is in the way.
I know you'll fight for me
Because you always do, always will,
You'll climb the mountains, swim the oceans,
To the depths of hell.
Secretly I want you to chase me.
But my love, don't. Don't do this to me,
I've waited a lifetime for you
And nobody will take you away from me
--except myself Just kiss me and live.
Untitled.
It's not my place to feel
This way I do about you
And sadly, that's all too true
But it doesn't change
The fact still remains
And I'll take it past the heavens
A million eternities away.
Don't you find it funny
How we ended up like this?
If we hadn't met,
How the world would be a mess!
We've done nothing
But shape each other's lives
And our lives to come
How lucky I am for that
For people like you,
Who give shape to this
Cruel and shapeless abyss.
Here's to many years to come
And to many more duplicates!
Untitled.
You're always in my dreams
Letting me drift into an ocean of bliss
You're always in my thoughts
Taking me away if just for a bit
And though people don't believe
I'll always have faith in you
Because I know you're out there
I'm here because of you
You are my existence, plain and simple.
Even just the thought of being able to
Love you that much
And you the same,
To hold out my hands,
To feel your endless touch
Is enough for me to soldier on.
I will step through the depths
Of hell and back and beyond
Just to hold you in my arms
Even if for just one minute
And that'll be it, I could die.
You seem so close, yet miles apart,
I feel your breath, yet no face attached,
But it doesn't matter anymore.
The thought of you keeps me alive
Truly and always and forever.
But please come soon,
After all, I'm only human,
I dont' know how much more
My heart can take
Before it finally swells and breaks.
Untitled
There once was a little girl,
Who had hopes and dreams she had to unfurl.
Everyday she would smile with all her might,
In hopes that it would make everything right.
She lived her life on top of the world,
This happy person, this little girl.
Then one day, everything changed,
Suddenly her mother became severely deranged.
For whatever reason inside her head,
She wanted the girl killed, she wanted her dead.
After shouts of terror and pure madness,
The world dealt with a whole lot of sadness.
It is things like that that make us wonder,
How could anyone think of such plunder,
To take a life that is not yours,
To make them suffer and make others mourn.
With so much of that in this world,
Why don't we let the opposite unfurl.
Love each other, be kind together,
Kindness always lasts forever.
*Author's Note* I wrote that when I heard about a little girl being killed by her mother, and it was near my area, and I felt sympathy and was kind of touched, so I wrote that, trying to get a message across.
L.O.V.E.
Living is only truly living unless you are in this world too.
One day does not go by that I don't think of you.
Vying for your affection is no more; The fact you're mine we can't hide
Everybody dreams of experiencing life with you by their side.
Love Ain't Perfect.
You can't fall for someone who
You think that you can change them to
Something that you want them to be
Because that's not what you really see
You can never change who people are
You can never expect to anyway
So you can't love because you want
Them to change from the thing you don't
You love them for who they are
Regardless of what it may be
Because that is what you truly see
And I don't regret people I've passed
Because I know I couldn't change them
And I know my life would rearrange then
But I still love them for who they are
Even if they weren't perfect by far
But who is anyway?
Don't Ever Change
I've said it before and I'll say it again
And I'm doing this because I am your friend
You're a beautiful person inside and out
And it's fun to know what you're about
You make me smile
You make me laugh
You make life worth while
You are a great friend to have
If you ever doubt yourself another time
I'll tell you this again to give you peace of mind
I know you look around and see
Everyone holding hands and being happy
But you know what's great about you?
You share yourself with the whole world, that's what you do!
If they don't like you, it's their loss
Because who wouldn't like you a lot?
Faith And The World
I know I may be strange
I know I may be a fool
But who is not insane
And who does not break rules?
I know that I may frown
Or take my anger out on you
But who has not felt down
And who isn't ever mad too?
I know I do things wrong
I know I'm not always right
But we all try to get along
Living all our lives
I know I'm only human
That's all that I can be
There's nothing we can do then
You are you and I am me
*Authors Note* This is a very special one for me, because it's the first time I got huge recognition; it's published now, in a book called, "The Solace of Night" by the International Library of Poetry, and received the "Editor's Choice Award". I hope it can be a start to a future career.
The Mask You Wear
I can't quite understand
That little mask you wear
Even when you put out your hand
I'm not sure if you're there
When I look in your eyes
Is it really you I see?
I am beginning to despise
What it's doing to me
Making me wonder
Think of the past
Making me ponder
If it really was that
Please take off your mask
Let me touch your true face
Stop hiding beneath it
Becuase you don't need it
I will not laugh at you
I will not run away
You can trust me if not others
I don't know those games people play
Take off your mask, if just for yourself
Do it for you and nobody else
I want to see your true beauty and grace
Will I ever touch your real face?
For Him
I swear I've seen you once before,
And everytime I do, I just want more.
You grace me with your presence,
You grace me with your light.
You give me remembrance,
That everything will be allright.
One of these days, you and me,
That is how it shall be.
Your words have chased away the clouds,
By showing me what friendship is about.
I've been waiting for someone like you,
To live my life with through and through.
And if you are not the one,
I know that it'll be okay.
Because I know that there is someone,
That I will fall for someday.
And if you are not my love,
I know that it's allright.
Because you're still my angel up above,
You're still my soul mate for life.
Thank you for making my day,
Thank you for making my years,
Thank you for saying what you say,
Thank you for just simply being here.
I swear I've seen you once upon a time,
But I guess I'll have to wait,
To see if you're truly mine.
Circles
I'm going in circles
My flashlight went out
I'm feeling the walls
And the trees and the brush
Feeling my tears on my hands
From my eyes on my face
It hurts to the core, too much
Too much disgrace.
I lost my map
I lost my heart
I lost it all, though I had
Nothing from the start.
I'm going in circles
Can't find my way darling
Then I realize it's all in my head.
My imagination tied me up.
Why
Why do I let you go
Only to grab you back again?
Why do I hate you so
Only to love you to no end?
Why do I feel this way
After I've felt the opposite?
Why do I live this way
After I've dealt with all this?
Why do I think of you
Knowing good and well it's wrong?
Why do you do this to me
Knowing good and well all along?
But most importantly
Why do I ask why
When I already know and realize
That the answers are all here
And my answer is, "No, no, no".
Untitled
Please listen to these words
Forget about what you think
Don't dicern between realities
Just look straight at me
And remember here and now.
Listen with your eyes
See the hurt from what I drink
From all the suffering
That I had to swallow
That came from what I found.
Please don't wait up for me
Just go on with yourself
Allow me to be free, just free
And allow me to let go, and rest.
If destiny is truly real
It doesn't matter here and now
Just please listen to me
And let me go somehow.
Untitled
I'm bending, I'm breaking
I'm down on my knees shaking
I'm praying and hoping
And collapsing and taking
Deep breaths to soothe myself
But nobody sees me, nobody else.
My stomach is churning
Twisting in knots
And I want to throw up
But nothing comes out
I'm crying, I'm bleeding
I'm on the floor kneeling
I'm looking and staring
And feeling and baring
All my emotions on my shoulder.
I've been waiting for so long
For somebody to save me
But everyone sees only themself
In the mirror, seeing their flaws
And they don't see me, shaking my head
In the background
Making no sound
As I lay there dead.
Untitled
"Make a Wish" he said
And I replied, I'd rather not
He repeated it again and again
And I looked away, not wanting to
He smiled the silly way he did
The little smirk,
The mocking one,
The understanding one,
With matching eyes glistening
Well, he took my shoulders gently
And whispered "Make a Wish"
But this time I didn't say no
Instead I actually did wish
I repeated it in my head
Surprisingly he bent to take a kiss
And I wondered how he did it:
How he granted my wish right then.
Untitled
So exactly who are you?
Are you an angel or not?
You claim to be something else
But so far I'm still lost
I'm tired and scared
Scared of losing something
Yet I already have it.
I know you hear me crying
Because you're the reason
And I hate that I do because
you're the only thing keeping me going.
Why are you never here?
And at the same time you're everywhere
....Whoever you are
Just make it stop.
I don't know why it's like this
And why I can't stop it.
But I know I need your hand
Although it scares me most.
I'm scared of reaching out
And grasping ony air
I'm scared of holdong on
To something that's not there.
"Excuse me?" she inquires. Taken aback, you attempt to stand up and accidently bump your head on the desk above you.
"Haha. It's no problem, don't worry." With a wave of her hands, the papers magically float up to her desk, organizing themselves as if it was their duty. "Well, that's solved now, isn't it? And just so you know, that's not all of it."
You look at her with a dumb look stamped on your face. She laughs. "You know...the poetry. There's pages and pages elsewhere." She points to her head. "And also here."
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