» reality «
» the beautiful «
» magnum «
» hope «

does it scare you?does it scare you to know that the person you are now will soon die only to make room for a more jackass like victim of society?does that simple fact put you at the pains to run.it does.but you're still here...im not! nor have i ever been... my existance is not one of truth! i am not a flesh and bone carbon based life form as yourself... im the next step in the ladder! and yet i am bound by a world that can not comprehend the extremities at which it puts me to keep from going mad!.do you have fear?i don't.do you have the guts to kill?i do.and will!assasin for hire.on the run from the government, a federal body that dosen't know the fact staring them dead in the face... a federal body that knows not what its going up aginst.the sad misshapen miracle of it all... the bold truth. the simple facts of the "life" we have that stare us in the face even as we sleep. those terrifying memories of those we hurt, those we kill, and those we turn away from...in the blink of an eye it can all change. all we strive to make. all we do to break the competition. everything gone. and in that single blink that all life changes, is a ray of human hope. that one misinterpreted ray, it looks like hope... but its not! that ray that you humans have is defeat! in all the sorrow and all the hatred you have you block out your one ray of hope! and its only there for the duration of that one blink.is it a pain that you agree? with me it seems so. all that they work for kills them! thoes disgruntled people, the economic overlords. they have all failed! in life & in hope. for to risk that blink at any moment is to mislead that ray. that ray of misinformed & mislabeled hope.for the most part?if not all then none! you thought differently... for a moment. that ray was then pure for you.but not anymore. if you can not see that i speak the truth then you must be one of them."in pain? NO." can't you see? it is all in pain! nothing that they do is not in pain, nor vain! every one of their actions is stimulated by something they often dont want to do!it all in pain. the death of friends, family, pets. anything. you name it there is an unquencheable void that the pain of everyones life rushes into! like the noise called a thunder clap as the air rushes back into the void caused by the lightening bolt ripping the atmosphere apart.its all in pain!"i see" you say...but in pain we are all blind. even the most ruthless killers from Penov IV. they are all blind in pain! so no you donot see! the universe is blind! i am you are! we are all blind in pain. but at the same stimulatory reaction of the initial fear is the move. yes the move. they are all pawns in a checker chess like game. that game: life. or so its called! more like torture! to have a drunk ass bitch father, or an overworked mother.siblings that you could kill with the most simple sinapse. can you do that? i can. but that does not matter. not in their game.and that there is the simple reality of it all.those bold blinks people take in which their life can simply STOP! but no one cares. not a single person, for in the game no one has an opinion except thoes that play.but for them to care would take too much.for the simple effort it would take for the players to have an emotion could kill.and that would be your blink.does it scare you?

the darkest light. the brightest void. what caliber? what shell? a clip? a spool? the ignition is there. you can feel it! the trigger. the finger. the reflex. KICK BACK. there it is... a darker evil you shall now see, than imaginable by me. the instinct to kill, and the ability to carry out that instinct. the darkest light... is the instinct. the brightest void... is the minute vapor trail your weapon has made to its target. and that must scare you? belive it! the most hardened killers are scared after that pull. and why? what stimulates you to put that instinct into action? accusations are most common. they cause alot! "What avout wars! Accusations don't cause most wars!", you say. well... those are wars! prejduce at its finest! the pull isn't prejduce! its the kill in the game. when the kniged bishop cuts across the board, and makes the kill. can you see my evils? too great they are! All beings have a darker side. and all darker sides have weapons. and some have the magnums. couger. raptor. what else? the darkest light and the brightest void... charge it up, blow it out, light 'em up.
all gone. all gone.

... a darker evil you have now seen ...

at what point does thought become a force aginst normal function? (if that sounds confusing, don't worry... you'll soon understand.) I really don't know, I cannot remember.
It's been too long since I crossed that line, far too long.
but once crossed can one ever go back? or are they stuck in a world where their mind is no longer containable. a world where they amass so much stress, so much that joints pop with every movement, in a single day.
is it the same point at which peacefulness is corupted by the inner evils of the mind? if so, are these two points so intertwined that when one is reached that the other follows immedately?when is it that the luminosity of inner peace, reason, and enlightenment succomb to the darkness of uncontrolled thought, uncopable stress, and enlightenment?

wait, that's puzzling, isn't it?
enlightenment is both luminous and the consuming darkness all at once. it really is true. the theory of yin and yang. one cannot exist without the internal presance of the other. paradox... a beautiful torment.

is that the point, the paradox?
or is the paradox the point?

in my experience, it's both.

yin and yang again.
simple, huh? and yet dangerously complex.

simplicity is complex, you know. think about it. sorry, but that won't be followed by any reasons, I actually want you to think about it.

maby that's it, thought. yes, thats the point. you see, thought is consuming and luminous all at once. but just how much thought is enlightenment, and when does enlightenment spiral out of control?

is it ever really under control?

in my opinion, no.

... no. now I've got it! the point is reality. ... no wait, ... it's all three. that's it.

reality is the point, and all three are reality. the darkness just got a little brighter, and a little darker.

I guess what this is really all about is life. my complexly simple life, in my reality.

no, I'm wrong to say that. it's about all life. in THE reality. does that make any sense to you? I find thit I have trouble writing, and talking, in a way which is easy to understand. I'm sorry... about everything! I never should have started all this. it was all a mistake.

it wasn't supposed to
happen like this. I'm sorry. I shouldn't
have told you any of
this...

my tears are running now,
I am so sorry...
this is all my fault, I let this happen...

...does it scare you?