It was a hell of ride, these last years .

I don’t know how you ever managed it. None of us do.

I know it wasn’t the money, the recognition, the celebrity. It never  was.

I think I always knew that.

How many times did you prove it to me? How many times did I accept that proof as the way it should  be, when I really knew just how exceptional it really was?

Do you know how hard the  years have been for me?

At first there was the relief of knowing that everything would be normal again.

No cameras in my face, no back-talking criminals, no review of past cases.

There was the joy of being able to spring the job surprise on you. Knowing you would always be my partner, by my side.

But then... I had to live with you and work with you.

I saw everyday that you had exchanged yourself for me, knowing you knew it when you did it.

You knew, when you gave away your credibility, what would happen. I watched as at every turn in your life you came up against the consequences of your sacrifice.

You did go to the academy.

Why didn’t it occur to me that only our small group knew that you had never lied? Why shouldn’t your instructors and fellow students regard you  as the fraud you told the world you were?

You never flinched.

But I did.

The cameras left me and followed you.

Even the criminals tried to treat you as one of themselves. The Great Liar.

Your case reports had to be better. Your cases had to be tighter. Even the DA made you perform to a higher standard than the rest of us. You had, after all, given away your credibility.
 

If you ever regretted your actions you never let me see it.

What kind of strength did that take?

More than I have.

God, Chief. Do you have any idea how hard it is to accept a gift like that? To day after day allow someone to sacrifice for you?

I thought the fanfare would die down. I thought it had.

Until  you came home from the academy and I saw the bruises.  Until I saw the low scores assigned to your work. Until I saw how much harder you had to work than anyone else, just to prove yourself.

Did you know when you did it, that you would have to live a lie for the rest of your life? Accept all the crap, because you couldn’t deny the actions that seemed to justify it being handed out to you?  I think you did.

Every time I remembered why you were doing it I lost a little bit more of myself. You seemed to grow, somehow. No, that’s not true. It was if you were somehow reduced  to the essential you.  It sure confused the hell out of the people around you. If they knew you long enough they couldn’t reconcile what they thought they knew with what you actually were.

You never corrected them.

There were times I wanted to hate you. I think you knew that.
You just accepted it as part of our life together. The ups and downs of a  friendship with a bit of baggage. And if you did, how could I not?

Being the recipient of that kind of sacrifice, that kind of love, is a heavy burden. You either accept it arrogantly as your due; are crushed beneath it; or you become worthy of it.

I hope I’m finally worthy of it, Chief.

And I hope you somehow  know, and approve, of what I have done. It’s been a long time coming. I knew I could never do this while you were with me. I ...couldn’t take that away from you.

I just want you to know, Chief, I loved you. And I thank you for all those years you gave me.

I’m going to the graduation ceremony at Ranier this afternoon. Stephen's Amy is graduating. She’s getting her bachelor’s degree in anthropology.

I’m picking up a degree, too. I’m receiving your PhD. Your work has finally been validated, Chief. I corroborated all of your test results, explained to the  Board of Regents about the whole fiasco. Of course, it didn’t hurt that most of the money from the sale of your thesis is endowing a Chair for Sentinel Studies.

Your work is being vindicated, Chief.

I just wish...you were here.

Go to Vindicated
Back to The Vindication Series
Back to Home Page