Xel: Yare, Yare. Li-chan and I were talking over IM and our conversation mimiced a Fic. So after playing around with it for a little while, here it is. Bad Xelloss, BAD!!
Warnings:: Bad words, bad Xelloss, people doing bad things.
Some names were changed to protect the not-so-innocent. Some things were invented by the oh so smart Nightfall-san and Harukami-san.
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Over at nagha's house, Xelloss is spending the day enjoying annoying the heck out of her just because she's sick and can't do anything. The phone rings and Xelloss Answers.
Xel: Hello. Slayers Brothel, head prick speaking.
Lina: What!? Who are you and where's Nahga!?!?
Xel: I killed her and buried her in the back yard.
Lina: ...... you didn't.
Xel: I did.
Lina: You better be lying or I'll...
Xel: Okay! Okay!.. I'm lying. ^_^;;;
Lina: Good. Now can I talk to her.
Xel: No can do, I gagged her.
Lina: Xell....
Xel: She's sick and can't come to the phone.
Lina: *sigh* So why are you there?
Xel: To bug hell into her, what else?
Lina: Whatever. I got to go home, but I dun wanna walk. I was gonna ask if I could come over to her house,......and maybe, pick me up?
Xel: awww... poor baby, sure you can come over, but it's quite a distance. Why don't you teleport?
Lina: ......
Xel: oops forgot, Humans can't teleport. Silly animals they are
Lina: ............ well, I'm sure if you'd pick me up, It'd take no time at all.
Just as she was finishing her sentance, she heard a click and knew that Xelloss had hung up on her. Grumbling she put the reciever back into the cradle and screamed as two arms wraped around her.
Opening her eyes, Lina was released by the arms restraining her. Looking back at her captor, she sees Xelloss' smiling face.
Lina: Warn me next time.
Xel: Yare Yare, Lina-chan. It's just not as fun when you know!
Sitting down to Nagha's computer, Lina plays around with the machine while Xel diggs through the kitchen on a quest for Iced Tea and Oreo's.
Lina: damn, my teach already replied my email!
Xel: wow, what does s/he say? (continue's to look for da ellusive Oreo cookie)
Lina: .......it's about how I can contact the gay artist ^_^
Xel: really? and what are you contacting him/her for? (da ellusive Oreo has been found! Now poke it, piss it off, and EAT IT!!)
Lina: ...... dunno? yet? (she laughs at herself)
Xel: *shrug* (chomps down the Oreo before it can chomp him down)
Lina: cupid@earthpink.net, now ain't THAT GAY?! LOL
Xel: hmmm... Nope. This is (He grabs a semi-wandering Zel and goes down on him)
Lina looks at the two and laughs.
Xel: (looks up from what he's doing) So what have you been up to?
Lina: if these humans would leave me alone, I'd be working on *insert such and such project here*. But so far I've been talking ONLY.
Xel: Aahh.. (he feigns understanding)
Lina: (she nodds acepting his feigned understanding) I got so much work to do, but... (she notices Xel and Zel grinding against each other on the floor)
Zel: aaaaahhhh
Lina: just SCREW him already!
Xel: But this is so much more fun ^_^v
Lina: ..... alright.... (she softly snickers at the sight)
Xel: Nahga says her ass hurts -_-;;
Lina: what did YOU do, Xel-bastard?
Xel: she ran backwards into the edge of a cabnet this morning. (he's still doing unmetionable... well mentionable but I won't things to Zel)
Lina: Ouch.
Xel: poked a good size hole in the side of her ass. I laughed my ass off at the sight.
Lina: sure you did.
Xel: Nah.. she was running to the bathroom trying to dodge stuff And not doing a very good job at it
Lina: should've asked for your help, ne?
Xel: Nope, it was too fun to watch her yell and curse and dance around like a buffoon. I wouldn't have helped her for anything.
Lina: ne, I have 63 refs to wangs. I want more, Help?
Val: A fucking Prick! (Val stomps into the room)
Lina: fucking prick? (laughs at Val)
Xel: Now now, Val chan that's no way to speak.
Val: Fuck you, fruitcake! You ate the last of the Fucking Oreo's!!
Lina: .... I didn't know they could do that.
Xel: Really now? Would you like to do it right now or later?
Val: Fuck off you fucking pyscho!
Xel: No.
Lina: O_o;;; DAAAAMN. LHAO
Zel: They have so much fun just talking to themselves.
Lina: ne, how come you're talking all of a sudden?
Zel: hn *drinks his coffee which magically came from nowhere, yet somewhere*
Xel & Val: -_-;;;;;;
Lina: ....... ne, Zel, can you sing Heero's characters songs? LOL
Zel: Don't even think about it Ojou-san.
Xel: Oh come on. I bet you want to take that Duo dude for ride, or let him take you for a ride ^_~
Lina: .....
Zel: *glares at Xel* I think not.
Lina: oh, I think you do, zel...
Xel: na, who could've thought, Lina Inverse is a yaoi fan. LOL
Lina: Of course. Did you know the only reason I hang out with Nahga so much is that She's good in bed.
Val: *Somehow gets over to look at the computer screen* Crayon Porn??
Zel: *growls* you did not see that
Lina:
Xel: Lemme see!!
Lina: gives me ideas for the wang list tho.
Xel: *snickers* At least it isn't of you and your grandpa, Zel.
Zel: *fumes*
Lina: (laughs) DAMN, how fucked up is this conversation?!
Val: That old man is one fucking sick pervert
Lina: like you? (snickers)
Val: ONNA!!! Shut the Fuck up!!
Lina: YOU shut up, asshole.
Xel: *smacks Val* be nice
Val: Make me you fucking freak!
Xel: *pins Val to the ground and sits on him*
Lina:
Zel: Do what?
Xel: Strip?? *begs and pleads*
Val: LEMME GO!!!
Lina: YES< ZEL! STRIP!
Zel: Uh huh.. no way..
Xel: Zel. You look a lil thirsty, here drink this.
Lina:
Zel: *drinks the drink that Xel gives him* OOOoooOOOooohhh...
Val: *almost crying* NO!! you WON'T do that to ME!!!!
Lina:
Zel: Is it hot in here or is it just me?
Xel: Yes Zel. It is hot in here. Why don't you take some of those clothes off and cool off.
Lina: it IS damned hot. Need me to make an air hole?
Val: *whimpers*
Xel: Depends. Whose clothes?
Zel: *slowly removes clothes* Itsh sho hot...
Lina:
Xel: *snickers* Take 'em off, Take 'em off, WAAAYY off!!
Lina: didn't know you're like THAT, xel....LOL
Val: Ooh great. All we fucking need is the fruitcake to do one of his cheerleading scene's and it'll be an official fanfic
Lina: (Laughs at Val's comment)
Xel: You really want me to?
Lina : Can you ask Nahga a question for me?
Xel: Sure.
Lina: ask her if she can find me an either SENSUAL SENSUAL, or controversial, OR sensational picture of herself. It's for her author's profile of fanfic.net ^_^;;;
Xel: I think she has one in her bedroom.
Lina: that's COOL! I need a REALLY, REALLY "BAD" one
Xel: I shall make Zel go on an infultration mission.
Zel: *looks up when he hears his name* huh?
Xel: Nothing, just go back to rubbing against Val.
Zel: mmkay. *Rubs against Val while taking off Val's clothes*
Lina: infiltration mission? DAMN
Xel: Her room is like an OZ fortress. *suddenly in a purple cheerleader's outfit* Val, Val he's our man! If he gets naked, we all can! YAAAAAAAAAAY VAL!!!
Lina: (Laughs) O_o;;;;
Val: *shoots Xel a nasty glare* Fuckin' idgit!
Xel: *Glomps Lina-chan* Want me to do another!?
Lina: YES! YES! that was Marvelous, Xellos, just marvelous!
Xel: *waving his pom-poms around* Zel, Zel, he's got nothin' to hide! Get him nekkid and take a ride! YAAAAAAAYYYY Zelly!
Zel: *ignores Xel and continues trying to get into Val's pants*
Lina: Zel's a real gay, isn't he?
Xel: Yup, just takes a lil Mazoku liquid fire to get it out of him.
Val & Zel: *humps each other like there's no tomarrow*
Lina: >.< DAAAAMN. Wish it's you instead of val, tho, xel...
Xel: Ah. I'll get my turn. *scootches a lil closer to Lina*
Lina: Huh? What are you up to now?
Xel: Nothing, nothing at all...
Lina: Bad Zelly. Your lying again.
Xel: You got me. (pounces and makes hot wild monkey love with her)