World’s Funniest Crap

A look at some of the unhealthy crap on T.V.

• By Nate Jonsson

The latest craze in America today is something that we like to call “America’s funniest....” where we showcase people doing really stupid things and then proceed to laugh our ass off. At first I didn’t want to do an article on it (I wanted to write an article about something relevant about the transference of the aids virus through booby-traps set up at places like movie theaters, but no.....) but then was talked into it. So now here I am talking about that piece of crap television show about children being hit by shovels, sat on, kicked, punched, thrown off of bikes, swing sets, tables and chairs. It’s organized and encouraged child abuse and it’s shown on national television! Hey, let’s beat our kids and send in a video tape of it. Does that mean I can grab my brother, beat the living crap out of him and then get on T.V.? Let’s outline the bad things about this: Can’t parents now say “Hey, I want to get on T.V. Hmmm...... I can beat my kids and get on T.V.! Junior, come here for a minute. Honey, get me that old rusty shovel.” AHHHH! What ever happened to society? Is this what the future will be like? In that case, I’m getting a gun, putting on a helmet and digging a very deep hole and waiting out the end of the world. Or maybe I’ll head up to a cabin with my dog and a shotgun, and I’ll sit and watch movies until the end of the world, and anyone with half a brain will join me.

And it isn’t just children on this show. There are funniest pets, as well, where they do the same things they do to kids, except with dogs, cats, goldfish and other cuddly pets. How do they get away with that crap? Why the hell isn’t Greenpeace busting open the doors and cracking some heads with some nightsticks? The host James Brown may have been a football player or some crap like that but he isn’t a match for a tank, which would be my weapon of choice. I think a new tradition should be started. How about “World’s funniest television hosts” where we can take all hosts of shows that glorify violence like James Brown, Bob Saget, Jerry Springer and anyone on Hard Copy, Inside edition, and Real T.V. and put them in little 8mm torture chambers with large dogs and several weapons, and then take some of those injured kids and put them in another room with the buttons that operate the weapons and say “Hey kids, wanna see something really cool? Push those buttons.” and let the fun begin. Television has become too reliant on violence, and it has to stop.

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