~ Literary Thing of the Week ~
You know you're AsIaN if...
1. Your mother has a short-haired, curly perm.
2. Your dad is some sort of engineer.
3. Your parents still tried to get you into places half-price saying you were 12 when you were really 15.
4. You ask your parents help on one math problem and 2 hours later they're still lecturing.
5. You have a 40 lb. bag of rice in your pantry.
6. You shop at Walmart or K-mart.
7. Everyone thinks you're "Chinese" no matter what part of Asia your ancestors were from.
8. You've had a bowl haircut at one point in your life.
9. Your parents enjoy comparing you to their friends' kids.
10. You've had to sit through karaoke videos with scantily clad, ugly Asian women attempting to dance and walk
around a temple, forest or library.
11. Your parents say, "Don't forget your heritage."
12. You drive mostly Japanese cars.
13. You've learned to keep bargaining even if the prices are rock bottom.
14. You've had to eat parts of animals they don't even put in hot dogs.
15. At least once, you've started a joke with "Confucius say . . . "
16. You know what bok choy is.
17. You've gotten little red envelopes around February.
18. Piles of shoes tend to make it hard to open the front, back and closet doors.
19. You hear (your name + eee (optional) + yah!) every time someone calls you. (e.g., Jean- ee - yah! or Mary -
yah!).
20. You have NO eye lids.
21. Idiot people try to impress you with pathetic imitation Asian languages, like the ever-so-popular: ching chong
woo bok chi, etc ...
22. Your parents say leaving rice in your bowl is a sin.
23. The Bio lectures on marine life (seaweed, sea cucumbers, octopii) was last night's dinner.
24. Your ancestors 1000 generations back invented the back scratcher.
25. At least one family member wears black wire/plastic frame glasses.
26. Your parents hover over your tired, caffeine-drugged body at 12 midnight to say, "In Korea (or other native
country), we studied even more."
27. Your parents expect you'll be best friends with any one off the street in any given area as long as they are
Asian.
28. An Asian woman comes on campus and people ask: "Is that your mother? Well then, is it your sister?"
29. Your relatives' houses smell like incense, mothballs or both.
30. Your parents say, "Calculus? I took calculus in 8th grade!!"
31. Everyone thinks you're good at math.
32. Your parents' vocabulary is filled with "Ai-yahs and Wah's"
33. You like $1.75 movies.
34. You like $1.50 movies even more.
35. Your aunts and uncles bring you back adorable clothing from Asia with fuzzy bunnies, vinyl ducks and
English words that make no sense, in great colors like yellow, pink, magenta, orange and the ever popular lime
green.
36. Your parents insist you marry within your race.
37. You never order chop suey, sweet and sour pork, or any other imitation oriental food.
38. You either really, really want to go to UCI or really, really want to stay away from it.
39. Your parents have never kissed you.
40. Your parents have never kissed each other.
41. You learned about the birds and the bees from someone other than your parents.
42. "You want a stereo!" When I was your age, I didn't even have shoes!!"
43. People see a bunch of scribbles on a chopstick and ask you to translate.
44. You have to call just about all your parent's friends "Auntie and Uncle."
45. You have 12+ aunts and uncles.
46. At expensive restaurants, you order a delicious glass of water for your beverage and NEVER order dessert.
47. Your parents simply cut the green/black part off the bread and say "Eat it anyway. It's still good."
48. The vast majority of the people related to you wear glasses. Thick glasses.
49. You will most likely be taller than your parents.
50. Your parents have either made you play the piano, the violin or both.
51. You get nothing if you do well in school, but crapped on if you don't.
52. When going to other peoples' houses, you always have to bring a gift.
53. Your dad still pulls his socks up to his knees, you know, the ones with the blue and pink stripes at the top.
54. Your family owns a tennis racquet, golf clubs, or both.
55. Your family always cheers for the Asian athlete on TV (i.e., Michael Chang)
56. The furniture in your house never matches the wallpaper, the carpet, the decorations or any of the rest of the
furniture.
57. You have rocks, sticks, leaves and strange-smelling, unknown substances in your pantry for use as medicine.
58. You own a rice cooker or two.
59. You buy soy sauce by the gallon.
60. Your family owns butcher knives bigger than your head.
61. Your parents tell you about how long it took for them to get to school, how horrible the weather was in their
native country, and how much they still appreciated going.
62. Your parents buy you clothes and shoes many sizes too big so you can "grow into it" and "wear it for years to
come."
63. You or your parents drive either a Honda, Toyota, Lexus, or an Acura.
64. YoU lYkE tO wRiTe iN DiS uP aNd DoWn WrYtInG.
65. You live in a huge house.
66. Money is no object when it comes to showing off to your friends or your kids' friends.
67. You only go see Asian doctors.
68. You have a cell phone or a pager even if you don't need it.
69. You only have Asian friends.
70. You have peroxided or bleached hair.
71. You live and die for Sanrio stuff.
You know You're Japanese if...
1. You're obsessed with you hair, your car, and your clothes.
2. You want to marry a Korean American or Chinese American woman (males); or you want to marry a white guy (females).
3. You're afraid of black people.
4. You know you are superior to all other Asians.
You know you're Korean if...
1. You smoke and drink too much.
2. You're actually sorry that Margaret Cho's sitcom was canceled.
3. If you're a girl, you've had at least one eye job.
4. You have puffy eyes.
5. Your last name is either "Park", "Kim", "Lim", "Seung", or "Pak".
6. You're afraid of black people.
7. You know you are superior to all other Asians.
You know you're Chinese if...
1. You think you're the smartest people in the world.
2. You have a pager and cellular phone with you at all times.
3. Today's steamed rice is tomorrow's fried rice.
4. You're afraid of black people.
5. You know you are superior to all other Asians.
You know you're Cambodian if...
1. You own, have relative who owns, or know someone who owns a DONUT SHOP!!!
2. You have a life time job at a donut shop.
3. You still work at a donut shop on weekends even if you have a full time job outside.
4. You HATE Donuts!!
5. You can't live without steamed rice.
6. You want other Asians to stop meddling in your country.
You know you're Vietnamese if...
1. You've gotta have fish sauce with every meal.
2. You eat at a restaurant that has "Pho."
3. You have some relative who is Chinese.
4. You or one of your relatives own a convenience store in the States.
5. Your last is either "Tran", "Pham", or "Nguyen".
6. You're afraid of black people.
7. You know you are superior to all other Asians.
You know you're Filipino if...
1. You want to be a dancer, a singer, or an actor, even though you have a day job as a nurse, a security guard, or an accountant.
2. A member of your family back home is a politician or a movie star.
3. You're not afraid of black people; in fact, you wish you were black.
4. You don't care if you are superior to all other Asians or not, because being Filipino is just cool in itself.
You know you are Thai if...
1. No matter what you eat, it's not greasy or spicy enough.
2. You have a relative that is Cambodian.
3. If you're a girl, you're really pretty.
4. But if you're a guy, you're butt ugly.
5. You are Buddhist, and if you're a guy, you've been a monk for at least a day.
6. You're not afraid of black people, because in some cases you're just as dark as they are.
7. You know you will never be superior to all other Asians, but you've learned to live with it.
~ Back ~
