Law of Cat Inertia
A cat at rest will tend to remain at
rest, unless acted upon by some outside force
- such as the opening of cat food, or a
nearby scurrying mouse.
Law of Cat Motion
A cat will move in a straight line,
unless there is a really good reason to
change direction.
Law of Cat Magnetis
All blue blazers and black sweaters
attract cat hair in direct proportion to the
darkness
of the fabric.
Law of Cat Thermodynamics
Heat flows from a warmer to a
cooler body, except in th ecase of a cat, in which
case all heat flows to the cat.
Law of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch to a distance
proportional to the length of the nap just
taken.
Law of Cat Sleeping
All cats must sleep with people
whenever possible, in a position as
uncomfortable for the
people involved as is possible for the cat.
Law of Cat Elongation
A cat can make her body long enough
to reach just about any counter top that has
anything remotely interesting on it.
Law of Cat Acceleration
A cat will accelerate at a constant
rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.
Law of Dinner Table Attendance
Cats must attend all meals when
anything good is served.
Law of Rug Configuration
No rug may remain in its naturally
flat state for very long.
Law of Obedience Resistance
A cat's resistance varies in
proportion to a human's desire for her to do
something.
First Law of Energy Conservation
Cats know that energy can
neither be created nor destroyed and will,
therefore, use as little energy as possible.
Second Law of Energy
Conservation
Cats also know that energy
can only be stored by a lot of napping.
Law of Refrigerator Observation
If a cat watches a refrigerator long
enough, someone will come along and take out
something good to eat.
Law of Electric Blanket
Attraction
Turn on an electric blanket
and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of
light.
Law of Random Comfort Seeking
A cat will always seek, and usually
take over, the most comfortable spot in any
given room.
Law of Bag / Box Occupancy
All bags and boxes in a given room
must contain a cat within the earliest
possible nanosecond.
Law of Cat Embarrassment
A cat's irritation rises in direct
proportion to her embarrassment times the
amount of human laughter.
Law of Milk Consumption
A cat will drink his weight in milk,
squared, just to show you he can.
Law of Furniture Replacement
A cat's desire to scratch furniture
is directly proportional to the cost of the
furniture.
Law of Cat Landing
A cat will always land in the
softest place possible.
Law of Fluid Displacement
A cat immersed in milk will displace
her own volume, minus the amount of milk
consumed.
Law of Cat Disinterest
A cat's interest level will vary in
inverse proportion to the amount of effort a
human expends in trying to interest him.
Law of Pill Rejection
Any pill given to a cat has the
potential energy to reach escape velocity.
Law of Cat Composition
A cat is composed of Matter +
Anti-Matter + It Doesn't
Matter.
August 25, 2001