My name is Gina, I'm 19 years old, and from NJ. I have gone through depression and anxiety. I would like to share my story with you.
In September of ’98 my grandmother died. I was upset at the time, but I kept a lot of my feelings inside. I didn’t want to cry because I thought it was a sign of weakness. I’ve come to learn that that’s far from the truth. Anyway, a few weeks went by and those feelings of sadness had left. I was just so busy with school that I really didn’t think about my grandma that much. Eight Months after my grandma had died the feelings of sadness came back.
I could just be watching TV and I’d think of my grandma and cry. I’d be alone and I’d start crying. It didn’t matter where I was or what I was doing I would just cry out of nowhere. I had trouble sleeping and concentrating in school that my grades began to slip. I was always use to getting A’s and B’s, but when I started to see C’s and D’s I became worried. I thought I wasn’t smart enough. All these stresses caused so much worry that I couldn’t eat. I was lucky if I could eat one meal a day. I lost a lot of weight and became very scared. I didn’t know what was wrong with me.
I went to the doctors and had many tests done, but they all said I was fine, except for the fact that I wasn’t eating and if I didn’t start eating I would end up in the hospital. The thought of going to the hospital scared me so much. I eventually went to a counselor and was diagnosed with depression.
It was now summer so I no longer had school to worry about, but there were still problems. That summer I never wanted to go out with or even talk to my friends. I even stopped going to youth group functions, which I use to love. I just wanted to sit home and feel sorry for myself. I lost interest in everything and I began to lose hope. Eventually, I started writing in a journal to express what I was feeling. After writing it felt like a burden was taken off of my shoulders. Even if I didn’t tell anyone what I was feeling I still was able to get my true feelings out. Writing in a journal helped me through each day.
Besides journal writing I also read scriptures. One day my mom told me to read a passage in the Bible. She said whenever I felt overwhelmed with worry or stress this passage would make me feel better. She was right. The passage is Matthew 6: 25-34: “So I tell you, don’t worry about everyday life-whether you have enough food, drink, and clothes. Doesn’t life consist of more than food and clothing? Look at the birds. They don’t need to plant of harvest or put food in barns because your heavenly Father feeds them. And you are far more valuable to Him than they are. Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? Of course not. And why worry about your clothes? Look at the lilies and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they. And if God cares so wonderfully for flowers that are here today and gone tomorrow, won’t He more surely care for you? You have so little faith! So don’t worry about having enough food, drink, or clothing. Why be like the pagans who are so deeply concerned about those things? Your heavenly Father already knows all you needs, and He will give you all you need from day to day if you live for Him and make the Kingdom of God your primary concern. So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.”
Prayer is another good way to deal with life’s struggles. I didn’t know at the time but my mom prayed for me through a group called Silent Unity. The next day I found this book at the store called E-mail from God. This book is filled with inspiring messages that help to comfort me. It made me realize that God was with me every step of the way. I knew He was going to help me through my depression.
The summer was almost over and I began to worry about going back to school. I was afraid of what people would say. None of my friends knew what I was going through and I didn’t want to tell them. I knew everyone would be asking me questions like, Did you lose weight? Where were you over the summer? We didn’t get to see you. I forced myself back to school and it was hard. At first I had trouble concentrating on work, but that got better. I didn’t get involved in many activities though. I still didn’t want to go out with my friends. Occasionally, I would go to youth group, but not often. I was still depressed.
One day I was doing my homework and this bookmark fell out of one of my schoolbooks. It says “With Wings and Eagles…If I will wait upon the Lord, He’ll give me strength each day. He’ll lift my soul on wings of faith and lead me all the way.” One the back it has a verse from Isaiah 40:31 “They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles’ they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk and not faint.” All through sophomore year I carried this bookmark with me. If at anytime during the day I felt down or stressed I would take this out and read it. This phrase always lifted my spirit. I knew that I wasn’t fighting anything alone. God was fighting for me too.
A few months into sophomore year I became more involved. I joined clubs, went out with my friends, and even went back to youth group. After going through depression I realize that I can handle and even appreciate the ever day struggles we all go through. God only wants to challenge us so we become stronger. I know that I have become spiritually stronger because of all the trials I have overcome. I thank God for all the challenges He has given me. He has shown me what I am capable of accomplishing with Him and He has helped me to figure out my purpose in life. I want to become a counselor so that I may help people with their problems. God wants us to realize that we can handle anything that comes out way. He’s on our side. All we have to do is ask Him for help. He’s just waiting to hear from us.