Life Of A Typical Malay - September 1999

Monday 13/9/1999

What a XXX crap day I had today. It started off fine and ended pretty reasonably but the stuff between was crap. Really.

I suppossed I should start from the beginning really, and that would be around 10-30 am. I got up, showered, had breakfast at Section 9 before driving to Maybank for some banking transactions.

Little did I know there was a gathering by UMNO members at UMNO Building, the new building next to Radisson Hotel. After making a few rounds looking for parking space, I managed to squeeze my car right between 2 BMWs, somewhere just outside the bank.

About 2 hours later (I was on the phone with Ariffin for quite some time) when walking towards the place where I parked my car, I sensed something wrong. First, my car was not there. Second, I saw one of the BMW owners talking to a police with his hand pointing at his car. I approached the 2 guys and politely asked them if the knew what happened to my car.

"Our cars, the 3 cars here, were hit by a trailer."

"Where's my car then?"

"There, they are towing it to the Police Station."

I dashed to the Police Station (Section 11) and left angrily a few hours later. RM 300-00 poorer. I was slapped with a summon for parking at the wrong spot, it was meant for VIPS, my car had no sticker.

I did not even realize a small dent on the left side of my car. Wonder if they did that on purpose.

Left for work a bit early, it rained again, took me almost an hour to reach KL. Went to Sungai Wang Plaza, did not buy anything, just window shopping.

Zack called me and Dominic to his room, wanting to know why we did not do any transactions the past few weeks. I did not answer him, deep down I knew it something fishy was going to happen. He gave us until Wednesday, either to do some business transactions and/or open a new account or have our accounts closed.

We left without saying a word.

Went to Estana to see Kumar at his workplace. He was shocked and advised us to get our butts out of that stinking place as soon as possible.

"Obviously they are only after our money. No transactions means no commissions for them." he said.

Managed to speak to Andrew just before he left home. Asked him if Zack told him the same thing. He said no, much to my surprise.

"Strange, why only the 2 of us, why only me and Dominic?"

"They cannot do that, that's not fair."

"Yeah, that's not at all fair, but I know Zack wants to get rid of us for a long time."

"Because you guys know too much."

"But I can't just drop everything and go, can I? I still have 2 positions, liquidating them means I have to accept loss. I don't want to accept loss. No."

"Why don't you talk to En Fadhil then?"

"Yeah, I'm going to call him tomorrow. By the way, did you know that they have no licence to trade "futures"? We are trading "spot market" based on "futures". I just found out this a few days ago."

"What?"

 Went to Estana again and had drinks with Dominic and Kumar until 4-00 am, we joked around trying hard not to discuss about the things at the office.

Decided that I was going to bed rather early (5-00 am), as I'm gonna have a busy day tomorrow but as usual, my plan went to pot. I ended up installing a few programs and reading latest issue of .net magazine which I bought last night.

Tuesday 14/9/1999

Called En Fadhil this evening, just wanted to know what was going on.

Zack called us, me and Dominic, last night.....Is it true?

Not quite, but I advise both of you to close your accounts.

That's not a good advice. Not at all good. What did we do wrong actually?

Look Zainal, I think you know well what's going on at the office now, business has been bad and we can't afford to have you guys coming to the office and not doing any transactions. That gives a very bad impressions to new traders, some of the Managers are going for a massive recruitment drives next month and I don't want our prospects to think that we are just some kind of fly-by-night establishments. We are professional people.

But you don't act "professional", Sir. You can't simply ask us Traders to close our accounts. I have 2 positions, I can't simply liquidate them all, market is not good now. You know it well.

That's the thing, you can't just depend on one or two accounts, you have to go look for new investors.

I see, so you expect us to bring in new investment every month?

No, not every month. I heard one of you went to see Shukri...

No, not me. Not Dominic either. We don't even know his number, I last spoke with him about a month ago. That was it.

He's the source of all problems.....

Ok then, in that case I'm going to ask Zul to be my Broker and I will instruct him to do transactions on behalf of me. I won't be coming back to the office, not until I have a new account. Obviously some people just don't want me to be there.

blah...blah...blah...

Blimey, what am I to do now? I can't just leave like that....besides, many people there still owe me money. Tony, Zack, Lynn, Hamli .....and one or 2 other. And who the heck fabricating all those stories? Must be him, that guy....

Hmmm...who has been reading my journal?.......No, can't be them, no one except Hamli knows about my homepage.

Went to that new brokerage house in Subang Jaya, called Agnes, Chris etc and told them about that "good" news.... Coffee tumbled again, news about rainfall in Brazilian coffee growing areas dampened the market. Left for KL at about midnight, just after checking some reports.

Dominic and Kumar were playing snooker when I arrived. They are not quite my closest friends, but they are without a doubt the second (and third..?..*LOL*) closest . They know me inside out, which is not always a good thing. Hmmm..... It still amazes me how there are certain people who can see right through you and know the way your mind works, who know instinctively what you are feeling and the things you need to hear.

Being with them (chatting, joking, drinking etc) has always felt comfortable, whether we talk incessantly or sit musing in silence. We may not live in each other's pockets, but we are always there for one another and there is never any awkwardness between us.

Had a little discussion with Zul at the office, yeah, I went up to Level 14 (for the last time perhaps) to collect something. A bit scared knowing the fact my USD 25 K is now in his hands.

Wednesday 15/9/1999

- entry will be uploaded Sunday night -

Thursday 16/9/1999

Came across one article in The Star today, about a seminar at Legend Hotel (tonight, 7-30 pm) so I called and registered my name. Couldn't wait until the second one (next week) so I made some arrangements, called Zul and the office in Subang Jaya.

Went to Meda's office, official opening of En Ngah's restaurant, Delapan Cafe. Had lunch there, together with Kamal and a few of his friends and former students. Looks like I will be having my lunch there on a regular basis, just to give some kind of support, after all En Ngah is my former lecturer and I used to visit him and his family when we were in Scotland. Me, in Glasgow and En Ngah in Edinburgh.

Went to Subang Jaya to get some more of JET Coupons for my Jaring account, the only WyWy shop there at Parkson was closed. Heck.

I spent 193 hours on the 'net in August, 191 in July and 120 in June. My September record showed about 55 hours as at 15/9/1999.

Left for KL at 5-30 pm, took commuter train to Putra instead. Since I had about 45 mins of free time, I took the opportunity to go to The Mall, managed to buy some JET Coupons (RM 450-00), then took a look around. On my way to level 3 to say my Maghrib, I saw Dato' Samy Vellu. He was walking up and down with no real aim. Maybe he was looking for something, but he was all alone. No bodyguard, no nothing. Just like ordinary people, except that he was in expensive but doesn't-look-at-all-good-on him coat. I saw him entering Body Shop but left after a few minutes. Now, what was he doing there? I mean, Samy Vellu....

The Seminar was ok except that the speaker (from Hong Kong) laughed too much the first 45 mins or so. He was under immense pressure during the second session, questions upon questions being asked. Internet Business is such a new thing here in Malaysia (Americans have been doing this for years now), let alone the program he was trying to introduce, Internet Referral Program. To me it was such an eye-opener, I learned some good things, he even asked me to come back on Monday to discuss further.

Friday 17/9/1999

I seem to be dreaming a lot lately. Or rather, remembering my dreams. And with the way things have been going at work, everytime I sat down to write about one, something would happen, and *poof* no journal entry that day.

p.s Entries for Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday were uploaded today actually.

I received a few e-mails and messages today, mostly from my journal readers, nothing much, just saying hello and stuff. I think I have replied them all, I'm so bad at e-mailing, probably because I don't usually receive that many emails and I don't expect any personal/private mails everytime I check my mail boxes ( I have a few ).

Maintaining my journal is quite an effort as it is, and I'm trying to avoid any additional writing if at all possible.

What I want to stress here is that part of the point of journalling is to discover that stuff about yourself that you can't see. Sure it's obvious to everyone else--but we tell ourselves little lies and we go on. Eventually it comes clear, and, for me, that's part of the point. Don't ridicule me because I'm missing something basic. I'm sure you are, too.

The only reason I don't know about it is that you haven't written about your life online.

Had my lunch at Delapan Cafe again, En Ngah wasn't around so I did not spend much time there.

Evening I went to Night Market (Pasar Malam), Section 6. Bought laksam and some local fruits, watermelon and longan among others.

Since I arrived a bit early, said my Isyak at Subang Jaya USJ Mosque. There was a weekly gathering or something there so I said my prayer alone.

Dominic called at about 10-00 pm, we decided to go to KL so after watching the market for a few minutes I drove to Puchong to pick him up.

Did not go up to the office, called Zul but he had already left. To Estana and chatted with Kumar, he asked Dominic to help him out and he agreed. So, from next Monday Dominic won't be free in the evening anymore.

Decided to go to Philleo Building at Jalan Yap Kwan seng but we ended up at Philleo Promenade, had drinks at one of many trendy bars there. Not really my kind of place.

Saturday 18/9/1999
Didn't get up till around 1:30 pm. It's hell to get old and have to pee so often.

Chu, my auntie, called this morning asking me to be in Raub tomorrow.

"I want to introduce you to someone, I'm sure you gonna like her"

"But I've already made plans for tomorrow. Besides, I need to send my car for service. Mak for sure will be surprise to see me back home again this weekend"

It's never that easy to get thru' to you

Some other time perhaps. By the way, does she read URTV? I don't like girls that read that magazine. Seriously. thinking hard to make some other excuses.

Patethic. Bloody patethic.

They really want to see me settle down.As far as the rest of my life, I don't exactly know how to describe what is going on. Like relationships... being the "adventurous" type kind of gives you a handicap in regards to dealing with other people: sometimes people just don't get your ego-centric point of view.

I think fear of getting hurt or fear of rejection are the main reasons that I'm lacking on the relationship front, I find it very difficult to let people get close to me. A friend of mine once said that I don't take enough chances and he's probably right, as soon as I see someone I like the look of I've already worked out in my head the worse case scenario.

I have trouble with making small talk with strangers in a social context. I'm a different person with people who know me, a bit of an extrovert and maybe even an attention seeker but with people I don't know I just clam up. The thing is at work I can talk to anyone about anything. I am pretty good at friendship, I have a lot of people in my life who I have friendship love for... but when it comes to a "life partner".....ahhhh...

I have a list of about 100 characteristics that I want in an ideal woman...*LOL*....I guess this is a little excessive, but I know many of the characteristics that I want in a woman that I could spend the rest of my life with to possess. So when I have evaluated all of the girls I have ever known (well, not that many), there has only been 1 (one) to receive a passing grade!! Kind of sad!

I think I have committed to the fact that I may spend the rest of my life alone. It's not that big of deal to me anymore. It was a major deal two or three years ago.

Maybe I'm too wise now, knowing the fact having a ring on my finger does not necessarily make my life complete.

The same plans, the same binary thinking. Is it a strategy to sweep away all that I've said, all that even myself is not ready to hear? This remains a mystery I do not want to solve.




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