Life Of A Typical Malay - September 1999

Tuesday 7/9/1999

I had breakfast in bed today, kind of lazy, watched CNN International - news about civil unrest in East Timor. Before I knew it, my watch already showed 10-05 am and I quickly checked-out, wanted to buy some souvenirs and stuff but most shops were still closed. Besides, the guy called several times and wanted to know where I was, asked him to wait somewhere near the hospital, just outside town. He did not bring any bags.....strange... I didn't ask him, I just kept quiet. About 10 mins later he said,

"Actually, my bags are still at the left-luggage centre."

"Well, I'm in a hurry to get to Raub, my brothers, my sisters, they are waiting for me. Some of them are leaving this afternoon, so I better be there ..."

"So, what am I to do now? I only have RM 1-00 and I don't know Kuantan much."

"Take this RM 30-00 and go take a cab back to Kuantan. Then if you really want to go to KL, just take the express bus, the fare doesn't cost much, less than RM 10-00 I think."

But I...

You are on your own now, just give me a call if you think I can be of help to you."

Stopped in Mentakab for a cup of iced-lemon tea. Ngah called and asked me to buy some petai, jering etc".

Reached Ulu Gali (by way of Mempaga) at 2-05 pm. Not even one asked me about my trips. Ani and her family arrived (from Kota Bharu, visiting Zainal's relatives) about the same time. Long and the family about half an hour later.

my parents' house, Ulu Gali, Raub, PahangThe house was so noisy with kids (and big kids too...*LOL*...) running around. Took them, the 3 of them, Wazi,Iqa and Iwan to the town, wanted to withdraw some money but HSBC was having Y2K testing, the ATMs were all closed. Spent the next hour at Jaya Supermarket, bought toys etc for them.

I noticed Mak looked a bit tense, so was Akak The, Ngah was cheerful as usual. Pui and Noor seemed ok. I offered them a lift to KL. They agreed, much to Ngah's objection.

Why is everyone looking so tense?" I whispered to Ngah.

"It's about Pui, it's about Pui and Noor."

"What about him? What about them?"

"I'll tell you some other time.

Wazi cried non-stop when we were about to leave. He wanted to follow me home.

"Ok,ok, I won't be going to the office tonight, market for sure will be slow after that long holiday. I'll spend the night at yours." I said to Ngah. That put a big smile on Wazi Boy's face. Hmmm....didn't I tell you I'm their favourite uncle?...*LOL*...

with iwan,ayum, ika We left Raub for KL at 5-30 pm, it rained all the way from Bentong to Gombak. Abang The was nowhere in sight, what a fast driver he was.

Reached Le Jardin Condo at 8-30 pm and dropped Pui and Noor there at the guard house. Took me about 45 mins to get to Ngah's at Bandar Country Homes, Rawang. Together with Abang Ngah and Wazi we went to the town to buy some fried rice and satay for dinner, Ngah was a bit tired to cook.

Spent the rest of the evening watching Home Alone 3 with Wazi, his favourite movie.

Wednesday 8/9/1999

I had a long talk with Ngah this morning, it was about Pui and Noor. About Pui and Noor's family actually. A bit complicated, almost exactly similar to Mat's story. Told Ngah to let Pui knows that we are all behind him. True, we are from a poor family but that doesn't mean they must treat my little brother like a slave. They even slapped and kicked him. Twice. I know my brother quite well, he's the quiet type, the one that just keep everything inside him. He's suffering in silence now.

We have to do something, we all have to keep our eyes on them, it breaks my heart to know the truth about their marriage. I just wish Pui to be strong, patience and more open, with us and with that family.

God will help you my little brother.

Ngah even joked and asked me not to marry a rich Kelantanese.

Left Rawang without taking breakfast, too sad to hear all those stories. How could I eat? Was in bed until 5-00 pm, totally exhausted. Wanted to send my car for service but it was kind of late. Huh, my car clocked more than 1000 km over the weekend.

Had dinner with Dominic at MacDonald's, discussed about possibility of doing pooling account with him and Kumar. Market was down again, the 2 guys lost their shirts when coffee crashed. They still have their underwears on. Not for long I guess. Tomorrow looks certain it will tumble again, I don't think I will be coming to the office. Dominic won't be in tomorrow.

There were a few accidents on Federal Highway tonight, I saw a few blood-covered bodies on the road. Dead bodies I presumed. Driving home from work sometimes scares the hell out of me, it's like driving on some kind of racing tracks. I do 100 km/hr and to me that's considered fast. But not to some.

Thursday 9/9/1999

I really can't think of much to say about today. I reluctantly got out of bed at 12-00 noon and made my way to Maybank. Subra called and we agreed to go for lunch together.

Hey, what happened? You look so thin, dark and old...?

I just laughed.

We just talked about this and that and he told me about how he was very interested in psychology. I asked if he thought he was a good judge of character. He said he thought he was a good judge of someone's character so I challenged him to sum up my character.

As he said all these things about me I found it spooky correct. He even picked up on some of my bad points but mostly highlighted my good points. I don't know how I felt about it all but in a way I was pleasantly surprised that my true character does in fact come across well. I used to think I was a very different person (at work, with friends, etc...) to what I am outside but I guess that isn't the case.

He said something about me being very secretive, too ambitious, not at all easy to understand, stubborn, not a typical Malay kind of guy, caring and that I would make someone very happy. Blah blah blah...

I was a little bit embarrassed.

"And you are a little emotional at times..." he concluded.

No, I'm not. What's wrong with being a little emotional?

Well, men mostly have a hard time dealing with emotions and expressing them. It sounds too easy to say that it is just the way they we are brought up but I believe that is true for the most part. We are brought up in a culture where we are taught to repress our feelings and to take the hard knocks of life without so much as a flinch. The more one adheres to this unwritten rule, the more one is thought of as a real man.

I did not go to the office tonight, instead I went to another brokerage house at Taipan, Subang Jaya, operated by ex-staff of the brokerage house I'm doing my trading at. I'm thinking of opening a new account there, the only problem is that they are not doing other counters. They only trade coffee. What a dangerous counter it is.

Coffee nose-dived to a new-contract low tonight, 88-70. Weather forecasts are calling for rains to enter the Parana and western Sao Paulo, Brazil growing areas by Friday or Saturday. Rainfall of 5 to 15 millimeters is expected, but nearly all of the precipitation will fall in Parana and Sao Paulo leaving Minas Gerais crop areas still very dry. However, mostly dry conditions are expected to remain in eastern Sao Paulo and Minas Gerais.

Scattered rains with no follow-through could be the worst to happen during the flowering season because those scattered rains could induce flowering but as they are discontinued, flowering is aborted and the harvest is lost.

There could be a second flowering in October but it would be smaller and if dryness continues until then, trees could be permanently damaged, as was the case in 1986, an agronomist said.

Friday 10/9/1999

Sometimes there's nothing meaningful to write in a journal entry and sometimes my mind just doesn't want to do all the unecessary work of making me think and ponder the great questions of life.

Today is one of those days and I am sure there will be more so *I* can expect another *uneventful* entry in the future.

Saturday 11/9/1999
Spent the whole day relaxing. Almost. Did some laundry and cleaning up. And stuff. I am honestly trying to become a very organized and better homeowner, but it will take awhile I guess. I'm gotten into a pretty deep rut now that I don't have that someone to take care of.

Ahh, I can take care of myself better than anyone. Problem is I'm getting older.

Now I understand how older people can become senile. There is almost nothing to keep their brain or bodies busy. After so many years of taking care of everyone else, you sort of forget how to take care of yourself. You feel like you're worthless, no longer needed, no longer welcomed. So you quit. Quit getting out of bed, quit eating, quit going out, quit living. Quit everything. And the sad part is they don't even realize doing it.

It just happens.

Managed to watched The Mask (video) this afternoon. I don't like Jim Carrey that much. His acting. Glad I didn't spend money to go to the movies to see it when it was first shown here years ago. I have a great sense of humor, but that one's just dumb. Dumber than Dumb And Dumber. I don't like movies that treat you like a moron. Thrill me, chill me, and make me laugh or cry, but don't treat me like an idiot. I have a brain and love using it. If I wanted to watch something that didn't need a brain, I'd watch wrestling.

Evening was spent infront of the telly, I sat and had dinner then watched live telecast of English FA Premier League, Arsenal vs Aston Villa followed by a movie titled Paparazzi and consumed some strawberry-flavoured ice cream among other things.

Sunday 12/9/1999
Didn't go to bed until 6-30 am because I was farting around online. No, not chatting, just surfing some cool websites. What a little sad life I lead.

Subra called at 10 something asking me to get ready, heck, we made a plan of going for lunch together last Thursday. Waited for him at the carpark until 12-45 pm, he was late as usual, I did not complain because he was with his wife, a Filipino. His wife wanted to buy that teddy-like stuff at MacDonald's so we ended up having meals there. Ahhh...second time in a week.

Zainal, I think you need to find a life-partner, it's time to build a home. You can't go on living like this, at your age you don't need that many friends, what you need is someone to look after you. Someone to share your life with, someone to kick you from the back. People will think that you are a failure.

Oh no, not again. Puhleeeez...A failure? Yes, i am. Deal with it !

It's so hard to find and keep friends as you go through adult life. Not so when you're a child. Things are so much simpler. You're less judgmental, you forgive very easily, you are less competitive in ways that matter and you have time on your side.

As I am getting older I find it very hard to make friendships that count and last. I found a couple with people I met online probably because people are more open and less judgmental online.

Finding the right friends is almost as hard as finding the right partner and indeed in my opinion finding the right friend is a pre-requisite for finding the right partner (although sometimes they happen in unison).

Why am I talking about this? I don't know.... It' just something I was thinking of. I've made some friends recently, and I've had people drift in and out of my life. It just got me thinking, that's all.

A failure?

Whatever.

I've got a roof over my head, barely enough money to live comfortably, lots of idiots to annoy me, a working laptop which I carry everywhere and most importantly an internet connection. I am very pleased with myself. I thank God.


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