Life Of A Typical Malay - August 2000

Sunday 27/8

I was at the office until 5-00 am, no, I did not do any works, just farting online (checking some business-related sites etc) and doing some other personal things.

To Seven Eleven (Section 2, Shah Alam) and grabbed a packet of sandwich and a bottle of milk for breakfast. Then to the mosque for Subuh, it rained quite heavily I decided to take a quick nap, only to wake up at 12 noon. Went home for a shower, did my laundry too.

Zohor was at the state moque again. Shah Alam was quite busy today, full rehersal of Merdeka parade, street soccer tournament among others. Since I don't like crowd, I didn't go to any of those event. Parked my car within the mosque compound, took my sleeping pad and spent the next few hours reading Market Wizards - Interviews With World Top Traders, a very informative must-read commodity/stocks trading book. Then I heard someone honking continously, he even parked his car next to mine. A brand new Proton Iswara. I just ignored the driver, thinking....why must this guy park here? can't he see I'm having my lazy Sunday afternoon? I pretended to be too engrossed reading.

Nal, what are you doing here?

Tengok-tengok rupanya Teh, my brother. Kalau dah rezeki nak berjumpa tu, kat mana-mana boleh jumpa.

We chatted a bit, Teh then went for his Zohor, leaving me with Kak Teh and Balqis at the car park.

You look terribly sick Nal, what's eating you?

Lack of sleep I guess, I lost both my biological clock's arms. I'm doing 2 jobs now.

You what? You didn't tell us....

I'm sorry but I thought you two knew....

No, nobody told us. Why do you have to torture yourself Nal? Why don't you just concentrate on doing one job? I mean, do the work you like the most. Are you trying to prove something?

Kak Teh, you know how I love trading on New York Exchanges, tapi ramai orang yang suruh saya buat 9 to 5 job, after all I'm a qualified Engineer. I'm not trying to prove them wrong but I'm trying to prove that I'm right. That's all. No matter how hard it takes...

How's Rozita by the way? What are your preparations for the big day?

Haven't called her for weeks now. But don't worry. Everything's going to be just fine. I think.

Don't assume, Nal! Try to read her mind.

Been trying Kak Teh, been trying.......anyway, my wedding, it's long overdue...hahaha....it reaches the point where there's nothing much to celebrate about. I want it to be such a small, quiet affair. There's more to life than having a grand wedding.

Don't say that Nal, everybody is just too happy to see you settle down.

Nak happy apa lagi? I thought I've already made you guys happy....

Nal!!!......

hahahah.....gurau jer lah Kak Teh.....

You need someone who understands you. I know your pains, that's what marriage is all about, it's not just about both of you, it involves the whole family. You cannot run away from that fact. Anyway, I wish you luck in whatever you do.

Oh, I need that. Thanks Kak Teh, very sweet of you......( and I looked up to the sky....god, don't let me cry infront of my sister in law)

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After Asar, I was all over Shah Alam looking for pisang. First I went to Section 2, then to Section 3, then to Section 6, the market was closed. I ended up having lunch (lunch at 5-00 pm?) at Restoran Selendang something, Selendang Sutera if I'm not wrong, at Section 10.

Kak, kat mana kalau saya nak beli pisang? Dah puas saya pusing Shah Alam, biasanya kat kedai Mamak banyak jual pisang.

Nak beli banyak ker? Senang jer, kat Tops (Shah Alam Mall) , Kompleks PKNS, The Store (Alam Plaza) sure ada jual pisang.

Ha ah yek....apasallah saya tak terpikir langsung nak carik kat situ?

So, off I went to Tops (Shah Alam Mall) at Section 9. Bought a few kilos of bananas and oranges.

Banyak ni bang. Larat ker angkat? Apasal buang dia punya tanda harga? Abang bukak kedai ker?


Tak. Khenduri. (isshhh....banyaklah cekadak budak nih...)

Then I drove to UiTM and with the help of a few students, aku letak buah-buah tu atas meja, siap dengan beg untuk sampah sekali.

Aku terbaca dalam Mat Jan's Jongkang yang UiTM dah nak cuti, dan lah aku hantar lagi kot? Tengoklah, kalau malam esok aku
free sebelum pergi trading, aku hantar lagi. Lega sikit aku, at least sampailah niat aku.It wasn't a nazar, niat jer. Kalau aku mati, taklah ralat pulak nanti.

Sementelah lah (bahasa apa ni? ...heh...) aku cakap pasal Jongkang nih, aku tadi terbaca dia tulis macam ni dalam journal dia, zainal sindir-sindir jer aku, tak apalah asalkan dia ....
or something of that effect. Lah, kesian Mat Jan, sedihnya aku. Aku sikit pun tak ada niat nak perli dia, sometimes my sense of humor terlalu dry. Most of the time sickening. Aku tak tahu samada dia serious. But I am.

So, Mat Jan....(kalau hang dok baca ni) atau sesiapa yang datang dari dia punya page, tolong sampaikan pesan....

- aku mintak maaf di atas keterlanjuran aku tempohari (sedapnya bahasa aku...heh..)

sekiranya....

apa yang aku tulih tu menyakitkan hati hang. It wasn't my intention. It was pure humor. I didn't know it was a dry humor. Or even a sick one.

dan seandainya....

hang tak rasa apa-apa, hang tulih tu saja dengan niat melawak, saja nak buat aku rasa guilty (memang, memang aku rasa guilty), bravo, your reverse physcology worked wonderfully. Again. Jadi bodoh aku sekejap..heh..

[aku ni mudah sangat rasa guilty, contohnya, ituhari aku kutuk komen pasal ning baizura. sampai sekarang aku rasa bersalah jer. tapi nak buat macamana, memang aku ada cakap macam tu. takkan aku nak edit benda yang aku tercakap? nak padam? mana boleh, kalau aku pakai correction fluid nanti kotorlah computer screen aku kan?]

So, you all semua..heh....datanglah beramai-ramai melawat Jongkang sebab.....eh, sebab apa hah? Sebab....errr....sebab....tidak ada sebab kenapa you all semua tidak memvisit dia punya page. As simple as that.

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Eh, panjang entry ni, dah 40 minutes dah, tapi aku belum cerita habis lagi ni....malam ni aku pergi Tilawah AlQuran Peringkat Negeri Selangor kat Masjid, aku tak tahu pun ada event, tapi lepas sembahyang aku tengok ramai orang datang so aku tanya pak guard tu, dia kata ada tilawah, dah masuk malam kedua dah. aku duduk belakang sekali pasal aku tengok kamera tv banyak, aku taknaklah kena short circuit pulak nanti kalau cameraman tu fokuskan kat aku. tambah-tambah lepas aku pakai lab series for men by aramis ni, so aku duduk dekat tiang, bila cameraman tu fokuskan kat kitaorang aku tunduk buat pura-pura ambik pen jatuh. aku pikir jugak, kalau aku buat pura-pura tidur ke, korek hidung ke, sengih sampai ketelinga ker, sure aku jadi popular. tapi aku tak nak jadi popular. aku nak jadi aku.

Aku blah lepas qariah ke 5, mula-mula tu aku concentrate jugaklah tapi lama-lama fikiran aku melayang kat Johor, aku teringat Rozita. Apasal? Dulu aku ada kata Rozita tu cikgu sekolah menengah kan? Tapi cikgu mengajar apa? Tulah, you all tak tanya! Bila aku soal balik dah masing-masing tergagap nak jawab. No, lain kalilah aku tulis pasal Rozita, aku banyak benda nak tulis pasal bakal bini aku ni. Lain kalilah. Nanti lepas aku mengahwini Rozita aku tak boleh mengewhine macam selalu dah kan?..heh..

....syoknya hidup aku ni.

Pulak dah...

Aku rasa entry malam esok (InsyaAllah kalau panjang umur) aku nak buat pendek jer, in French or in German. So, tak payah datang sini lagilah, aku rasa kurang comfortable, dulu page ni masa tak ramai orang datang aku rasa ok, tapi sekarang ni lagi ramai orang datang aku rasa tak ok pulak. Bahasa aku kasar, aku kadang-kadang outspoken. Separuh orang boleh terima, separuh orang tak boleh terima.


Bottom line is...

I don't even have a life. I pretend to have a life, and other people seem to agree that I have a life, and they tell me I ought to be happy to have such a life, because most people don't have such a life. That's gibberish, but let it go.

So, boys and girls....go have a life! Yours is much more meaningful than mine.

Hah, fanyak aku fikir harini, fenin' kefala aku....

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Sender IP:*deleted*
Subject: From Your Web Page

Interesting....it's like reading my younger brother's diary. I read some of your current and past entries with the music background on full volume. I can't help but feelng sorry for you, we live in a very sick society I must admit. I divorced my wife after 2 years of nothingness, the love was just not there no matter how hard we tried. I found it a little difficult to settle down, after years of living abroad (Fiji Island). My world ended the moment I stepped out of the plane. I was unemployed for nearly a year, my parents wanted me to be a Doctor, I am running my own business now. It must be hard for you (being a Malay) but from your writings you seem like taking it easy by turning to religion. Too bad I don't read Bahasa very well. C S Kang

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Thank you Sir. As for me, I'll go with the flow.

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Sender IP:*deleted*
Subject:From Your Web Page

I'm glad to find this page, you are one interesting guy. Your writings show some kind of frustration/anger/hate though...some of your words....downright vulgar. I'm in love with your sense of humor. ...Macamana pun, be yourself, it's your life. Jangan dengar sangat apa orang kata, buat dak jer. I'm gonna stick around a little bit longer to see how you progress....no, I'm not going to stalk you....Anak Mami, Alor Star


Betui, betui, betui.....biaq pi depa nak kata apa pun, nooooooo?

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Sender IP:*deleted*
Subject:From Your Web Page

I don't quite understand you. Why make your life so complicated? Can't you just be like any other Malay? I mean, you think quite differently - Lil' Anne


I guess I am at the point where I have nothing left than writing my frustration in this journal, and no, I don't *beep* care if I'm flamed for being a pathetic whiner, I don't care if anybody reads this stuff, or if I'm just writing this for myself.

Lundi 28/8

Il n'y a rien à beaucoup écrire aujourd'hui, simplement parce que je suis très fatigué. Les dernières entrées étaient longues...... et enroulement.

Je pense qu'il est au sujet de temps où j'écris en français ou allemand, plutôt qu'en Malay ou anglais. Je le trouve difficile de composer des phrases, même en français simple.

Jusqu' à demain.

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Sender IP:*deleted*
Subject:From Your Web Page

saya tak pernah miss baca journal zainal since ter"jumpa" ruangan ini walaupun sesetengah perkara esp pasal trade tu saya tak paham ...... tapi yg lain lain nya.sometimes membuat kan saya terfikir tentang hidup saya yang kadang kadang kosong.....perlu kepada perubahan....but sometimes i wonder...adakah kebanyakkan org kat kl tu hidup macam zainal ni ker? sesetengah pe

wei, orang dong, okme buat mende datang sokmo ni? matnyer tak cakap dong nyer accent? kome ni gini lah weh.

tak, kebanyakan orang kl hidup macam cara dia oranglah. saya ni ikut cara sendiri saja. perubahan macamana tu? saya rasa duduk kat mana-mana pun sama saja, kalau dah nak "berubah" tu apa-apa boleh diubah.

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Tuesday 29/8

Wir hatten eine Sitzung heute morgen, es war solch eine kurze Sitzung - nicht viele Leute waren dort.

I was about to go for lunch when I "spotted" 2 chauffer-driven guys entering the site so I waited for them at the guard house. One of the guys turned out to be the Chairman of the company (and its subsidiaries). I don't really know him but he's a Chairman of a few listed companies, TV3 being one of them I guess. The other was one of the Directors.

Took them for a brief visit to Block A, they were a bit impressed with the sample unit.

To the post office later (Dayabumi) and then walked to Central Market to say my Zohor. Had lunch at Ginger Restaurant (on 1st floor), ordered Nasi Goreng Indonesia and a glass of iced-lemon tea.

I was so sleepy this evening I didn't even log on to the internet the moment I reached Subang Jaya office. Instead I took a nap until 7-45 pm. Coffee traded within a very tight range, playing dead cat bounce again after a sell-off last night.

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Sender IP:*deleted*
Subject: From Your Web Page

Assalamualaikum Zainal,
Saya suka baca diary you ni, I think you are one tough guy with a *very* soft heart. Not too scared to be serious and not too scared to be a gentleman (macam your reader cakap tu). By the way, tak ramai lelaki yang "berani" cakap pada orang yang dia menangis. Lelaki memang ego. I'll keep reading this diary, saya rasa macam saya dah kenal you. Wassalam - Nor S (KL)

It runs in the family, adik-beradik lelaki saya semuanya "mudah" menangis. Memang dari dulu lagi, ada apa-apa hal jer, mengalir air mata kitaorang, but we are one tough lot. Mentally.

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Sender IP:*deleted*
Subject: From Your Web Page

assalamualaikum,
monday entry in French? hehe.. macam taknak bagi baca jek.. anyway, i *think* i understood a little laa.. ;)- me,myself and i


Bukan tak kasi baca, boleh....bacalah, baca in French....

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Wednesday 30/8

Since I couldn't bring myself to sleep this morning, I continued surfing the 'net after trading hours. I decided to re-register with Dow Jones ICoffee for a 2-week free trial. A few months ago they barred me from coming to the site because I was kind of "abusing" the service. No, I did not! I was just being smart by registering using a few names, from different locations (cyber cafes, office etc) too. So I tried once again and registered myself by using almostbroke@financier.com and was given a few passwords to Dow Jones websites. Smart!

At 3-30 am I was still awake, drove to one burger stall near Inti College and bought american-style vege-burger. What I like about Subang Jaya SS15 is that this place offers almost everything , round the clock. Went back to the office and read back issue of Harakah. Lots of advertisements on Umrah and Ziarah, macamana ni? aku tahu, it's almost impossible aku boleh buat lagi satu Umrah bulan Puasa (what with my wedding yang aku rasa tak lama selepas Raya, tak ada cuti, fulus etc, banyaklah problems lain) ni tapi Allah punya kuasa memang besar. Sapa boleh tahu, kan? Aku memang tak nampak jalan tapi aku nak terus doa jugak. Sapa-sapa yang baik hati tu, tolong doakan aku biar dapat buat Umrah bulan Puasa ni, boleh tak? Aku kalau boleh nak puasa terakhir sebagai orang bujang dibuat kat Mekah, Ya Allah, tolonglah.....[tapi....macamana Allah nak terima doa aku? aku, kencing pun selalu berdiri....]

........dan seperti biasa, air mata Zainal pun mengalir lagi..........


Tomorrow's Malaysia's 43rd National Day, the theme for this year sounds a bit funny, or rather a bit centimeter sentimental, Kerana Mu, Malaysia (Because Of You, Malaysia). To me, it sounds a bit like a song title, I believe there are lots of songs with that same title, the one that strucks me the most is Because Of You by Shakin' Stevens. I wonder what will be next year's theme? If I were to choose, I'd pick another song by Shakin' Stevens titled You Drive Me Crazy because that is what Malaysia......Or maybe they'll go for another song title inspired theme? Dangdut theme? Ahh Ahh Ahh Malaysia for example.

So, kalau menjerit MERDEKA! MERDEKA! MERDEKA! malam karang, jerit bagi clear sikit, nanti kalau Bill Clinton dengar dia ingat you semua jerit, MONICA! MONICA! MONICA!.

I won't be going for the celebration in Shah Alam, I'll be trading tonight.

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Sender IP:*deleted*
Subject:From Your Web Page

Assalamualaikum Zainal,
Like you, I'm trying to "understand the facts of life" too, I come here quite often, just to read what you have to say, lots of your entries had me think deeply. My family, my friends etc seem not to understand me, they say I'm a bit too complicated, they say I do not really understand the meaning of life. I bet they don't either. I have to admit I find comfort reading your journal so far. I have to read between the lines sometimes though. So, keep it up and thanks for everything. -


- a piece of advice I got from the internet:
You can only understand life when you come to terms with the facts...

The great contain the less
When a tree is blooming with life it is actually a lack of life that drives the bloom
The more you strive for, the less you can enjoy
The more you have, the less it seems
The more you know, the less you become
The more you endure, the worse the trial
The quieter the fart, the worse it smells (ini aku tambah sendiri...heh..)

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Sender IP:*deleted*
Subject:From Your Web Page

assalamualaikum.. oklaa.. i pegi belajar french laa.. ;)


....maka tertanya-tertanyalah hati kecil ku ini, siapakah gerangannya si me,myself and i itu?.....

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Sender IP:*deleted*
Subject:From Your Web Page

Ack! You are writing your journal more and more in Malaysian. I cannot understand it .. *crying huge tears missing out on your life* also *laffin* I hope you are well and miss seeing you on ICQ. I think we cross paths and only catch up once or twice a month. I try to connect about 1 PM eastern USA time but cannot always be here. see you soon my Malay friend even if you are


I'm so sorry......men can get carried away so easily.....lol....I'm online during trading hours (8-00 to 2-00 am New York Time),if my ICQ shows offline mode it doesn't mean I'm not "there", just give me a buzz.

Happy Birthday to you, Happy Labor Day too (4/9/2000), I'll sing a birthday song when I sign your guestbook later.
Thursday 31/8
I slept through the whole trading hours last night - markets was a tad quiet, volume was thin indicating lack of participations, open interest was down showing no new positions being added - something to do with US Labor Day holiday next Monday I guess.

Bridgechannel was down too so there was no way I could get news updates, except from Dow Jones ICoffee. I'll have to subscribe to Reuters looks like but the subscription is a bit too high I can't afford to spend another few hundred US dollars a month. Maybe Bob has a solution, I'll ask him tonight.

Left for Shah Alam at 5 something, on the way out to the highway I saw a man pushing his Kancil, I wanted to stop but it was already late and I had to be at the mosque for Subuh. I honked at him though and slowed down a little bit. I should have stopped! I should have helped him! But I didn't! What a tube I was.

The mosques was packed, well, half-packed with people from all over the country, tapi bukan semua datang nak sembahyang, yang sembahyang ada dekat sepuluh saf jer, yang lain tu selamba jer buat saf pasal nak parade. So much of patriotism!

I caught the parade on telly while having breakfast at one mamak restaurant at Section 6. Took a spin around Shah Alam later on - ramainya orang, macam-macam ragam, yang kecik datang berpimpin, yang muda datang bergaya, yang hodoh datang bermake-up, yang botak datang bertopi, yang.....

Left for USJ just before noon when the celebrations was about to end. To HSBC and Standard Chareterd Banks to settle some of my bills. Then to the office to print some reports but felt a bit sleepy and hungry so I drove to Subang Jaya mosque for Zohor. Then it rained. Great!

Went back to the office after having lunch at one of the stalls near Inti College, surfed for about 2 hours and read some trading books.

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Sender IP:*deleted*
Subject:From Your Web Page

hahahaha.... zainal rasa guilty! hahahaha... woohoo!!! lebih baik hang tarik balik hang punya sorry tu!!! aku takder rasa apa-apa la. bila hang perli-perli aku tu, aku tersengih-sengih membacanya. aku suka. "sukati dia lah, asal dia bahagia sudah..." tu aku punya errr... ''frequently uttered phrase''. aku selalu cakap benda tu dalam kehidupan seharian. tak tau pasal - mat jan


...aku dah agak dah.....

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Sender IP:*deleted*
Random Message: Lengfan

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