Life Of A Typical Malay - August 2000

Tuesday 1/8

Hmmm....it's a new month, month of August, hopefully this month will bring lots of interesting stuff to spice up my otherwise stressful boring life. I hope. But then again, if wishes and hopes were horses, the streets would be full of horseshit.

Yesterday was such a long day, after a brief site inspection (Block B 11th Floor) I drove straight to the office in USJ, logged on to the internet and surfed a few trading- related websites. By 8-00 pm everyting was in order, managed to have my reports done, etc. Seeing no one was at the office when exchange had already started, I called Kak Zainab only to learn they were on their way to our new office. So I packed my stuff and headed for SS15 only to take take a wrong turn and ended up driving to Subang Airport for the next U-turn.

The office was not totally ready, no chairs, no tables, just a computer connecting to New York Exchange. Tried to log on from there but the reception was pretty bad, only managed to connect at 28,800 kbp, awfully slow.

------------- It rained non-stop since 3-00 am this morning and as expected, Federal Highway became like a car park during morning rush hour. It was total chaos with lots of accidents (on both directions), flash flood, you just name it. Took me 3 bloody hours to get to the site (about 18 kms, roughly about 10 minute per km, or one minute per 100 m) and thinking I would be late for the meeting (and nothing much I could do about it), I dashed for a quick breakfast at Pantai Dalam. Meeting started at 11-00 am, everybody was late, "caught up in massive traffic jams" was in everyone's lips.

Zuraimi was at the site this afternoon, he looked so gloom, told me about his disappointment with the management (the CEO).

Nal, I work so hard for this company I basically am their slave, yet he accused me of being too slow, non-productive blah blah blah. Now that they want you to handle matters pertaining to KDN progress claim I think that's the latest blow.

Dear me, I can handle doing claims but I definitely don't want to be their office boy (or despatch clerk), you know, to go from one office to the other begging for endorsements/signatures etc. I have project to complete, besides I'm a Resident Engineer, I have to be at the site most of the time, not wasting times on the roads stuck in endless traffic jams.

Reached SS15 Subang Jaya office just before six, with the intention of having a quick nap but Kak Zainab and Abang Miza were there busy arranging furniture etc I just logged on to the internet and farted online for about an hour or so. Din and Yati arrived just before Maghrib and we decided to go to the Pasar Malam (Night Market) to buy some foods, Kak Siti called to let us know that our Principals from Singapore were on their way to our new office.

Our meeting with the Principles turned out to be such a good one, they promised to give their full cooperation and support.

We proceeded to Zainal S's office afterwards, it was a bit sad to leave them on their own, they have no new investors/brokers so it must be hard for them to start afresh. Well, that's life.

boo

Q - how many Traders does it take to assemble a small cabinet?

Wednesday 2/8

Called the office just now asking for my July salary and they told me that they will only pay at the end of this month because it's too late to issue payment now.

What a bunch of wankers!

Makan goreng pisang sajalah aku hari-hari nampaknya bulan ni...

Thursday 3/8

6-30 pm, SS15 Subang Jaya office

Here I am again, at the office, checking some trading websites and at the same time tracking visitors to my journal page. This page receives 30 to 50 unique hits a day but no one is kind enough to sign my guestbook. Maybe because I have ICQ Pager on this page (I get at least one message a day), so my guestbook has become a bit redundant.

Just now (while on the highway) I was thinking of having a quick nap at the office before the Exchange opens but now that I'm connected to the internet I don't feel sleepy anymore. A bit tired though after a stressful day at the site doing lots of paperworks. Infact I spent the whole day at the office today, did only one round of inspection.

Ok, so, coming back to the internet, I see how I've used it as an escape from real life. For reasons I won't go into here, when it comes to social functioning I've been a very frightened person for most of my life. My facade usually appeared at ease, but my insides were almost invariably filled with terror when faced with personal interactions.

Confessing this to you is embarrassing, but I don't believe I'm alone in using the Internet as an escape from real human interactions, so I'll go on with this analogy that fits so well for me:

Communicating online is like going on a long train ride. (The analogy's a teensy bit weak, since I can't stand talking to people most of the time while travelling.)

I get the benefit of not really knowing who it is I'm talking to -- there aren't the risks inherent in true, intimate face-to-face communications. I don't have the responsibility or, more importantly, the accountability online/on-a-train to continue the relationship in the ways I have in real life. And, I can delude myself into feelings of "knowing" others. And, there's a bit of truth to that delusion...we do get to know somethings about each other.

Ultimately, though, it's a very empty place, isn't it? (Onlining, or stranger-talking.) Even if our online buds do care, they aren't really here like real life people are. There can't be the deepest kinds of intimacy we find in real life -- in "meat space."

(Now, where's RiRi, my online sis, haven't seen her online for weeks now. I just want her to know this, just incase you ever feel you didn't make a difference in the world, remember, you made a difference in my life. And thanks for being "there" for me.)

The Internet offers a quick fix for normal human loneliness. The Internet offers me companionship via writing (this journal). And as I recognize my dependence on the Internet as way to escape real life, I've made conscious decisions about how much time I will spend online. Much like an addict, I've tried all sorts of methods of control almost always ending with me online "just to check this one thing" and spending hours posting to market forum discussion board or checking business websites. I don't visit personal homepages anymore now, I have no time, really. I used to check lots of online journals before, now that I have my own I don't do it anymore. My life is far more interesting I think...heh, just that I don't think it is, and that's the problem.

And I'll just write, and write, and write. No matter how long-winded I may sound, I'll keep on writing this journal. And it's all about me and my over-blown ego (that plain stupid guy doesn't come here anymore, can't stand me being Shah Rukh Khan?..lol..)

Hmmm...where was I? Through some successful limitations of time spent online, I'm discovering how much I now enjoy value real life, and how my fear of social interactions is being replaced by a peacefulness and serenity. These changes in how I feel about real-life interactions have been the key for limiting how much time I spend online. Recognizing what I've used the Internet for is also part of this process.

Limiting my time online has become less of a struggle and more of a relief. And I'm saying that with all honesty. Really. Just that sometimes I need to keep abreast with what's happening in Brazil, dammit.

And, I'd bet money I'll use the Internet again as a way to escape real life ..heh..-- I'm all about progress, perfection just isn't something I strive for -- but, us usual, moderation and balance are the answer.

I just happen to be someone who takes loopy, bumpy, silly, sometimes sick and twisted roads to finally reach that peaceful middle ground.

It's nice here, isn't it?

Friday 4/8

Rain, rain, rain. All it does these days is rain.

Rain, rain, go away. Come again another day. Rain, rain go away, little Johnny wants to play.....

I figured out the reason why Susie (now, who on earth is this Susie girl? Well, she's a long-lost friend of mine, we were coursemates at German Language Centre, Goethe Institut, KL for over 2 years. That was way back in 1994-1996, if my memory serves me well) was on my mind today.

Because I was standing out on the loading bay of Block B, and the rain was coming down gently. Just small nice misty drops, the kind you like to go out and walk in if the weather is good. It was coming off the brim of my white hard hat, this cool hat I have to wear at work, if you don't know what it is, just think of a safety helmet, it's kinda like that.

Anyway, some water had gotten on my glasses as I stood there, and when I took them off, I remembered the time when I was at my previous project, Kompleks Budaya Kraf, Jalan Conlay, KL.

I was at work, standing out by the gate to where we stored our materials and equipments, having a can of coke, and the rain was coming down just like that, she pulled up in her silver white Mazda Astina to pick me up to go see Hail Storm and Gold Rain (a comedy play) at Alliance Francais, Jalan Gurney, KL.

And she laughed at me , because I looked all funny, with raindrops on my glasses.

It's strange how small things bring back large memories that travel with the speed and accuracy of a freight train heading straight for your heart.

And I wonder where Susie is right now, last I heard her engagement to Robert, a Swiss, was called off.
Saturday 5/8
It rained non stop since morning I had to cancel my plan of going to Sungai Wang Plaza for one computer exhibition this afternoon. Another boring day at work today, spent my time doing some filing works and stuff. Saturdays I work from 9-00 am to 1-00 pm but I usually leave the site during lunch hour, at 12 noon.

Traffic was heavy too, probably because of the continous rain and partly because it's a Saturday. I don't feel that much pressure now driving in KL, it has become parts of my life. Life on the slow lane...*LOL*..

I came across this I-Poll: Stress Test conducted by Kensington Stress & Technology.

Which is more stressful: life on the information superhighway or life on the road.
How much anxiety do you feel as a result of using a computer?
How much anxiety do you feel as a result of sitting in traffic while driving?		10%
49%
How overwhelmed do you feel by information overload?
How overwhelmed do you feel when sitting in traffic?		26%
35%
How much stress does using a computer cause you?
How much stress do you experience sitting in traffic?		19%
51%


* Judging by the results, you should wear a Kevlar vest in your car rather than in the office.

-----------

Was at the SS15 Office from 2-00 pm until 4 something, just to check on some coffee websites. Nothing much going on as far as weather in coffee growing regions in Brazil is concerned. Mild weather for the next 10 days with possibility of cold air mass on August 14th, too weak to cause frost anyway.

Oh, I can no longer check my email box, track visitors to my page, surf some entertainment sites and stuff like that during trading hours. Last night, Halim suggested that I connect my laptop to one of the monitor screens at the office for all Traders to see. It worked so well they ask me (from next week onwards) to have the 2 screens connected during trading session. That means I'll be doing the navigation and they just watch the monitor.

I was a bit reluctant at first because I usually open a few windows and do a few things at the same time (checking emails & visitors to my site, surfing some non-trading related sites etc) and now I can't do that anymore, I can't even have my ICQ running.

--------later-----

11-00 pm

I just got home from dinner at En Ngah's Delapan Cafe, had chicken chop and a glass of iced tea. Ordered 150 pieces of roti jala and 2 loyangs of kueh kasui (Malay delicacies) for tomorrow night. We will be having a small khenduri doa selamat to mark the opening of our Brokerage House. I was asked to brings fruits and drinks tapi aku kata, kalau macam tu senanglah, saya bawak buah kelapa sajalah, dapat air dengan buah sekali...
Sunday 6/8
Another boring day, most part of it anyway. Did nothing all day long, surfed a few websites until late afternoon and took a spin around Shah Alam.

Drove to UiTM, Section 3, 4, 6, and ended up at the State Mosque for Asar. Then to En Ngah's Delapan Cafe but my kueh was not ready I had to help them doing the cooking. Tried my hands at roti jala, failed miserably they laughed at me.

By 7-00 pm everything was ready and I drove to the office at SS15 Subang Jaya only to find they were not there. The office was locked. Decided to say my Maghrib at Subang Jaya Mosque, stayed there after my prayers to listen to some weekly religious talk. The Imam talked about heaven and hell, enough to make teardrops gushing down my cheeks.

The Khenduri Doa Selamat turned out to be such a joyous affair, our guests complimented on the variety of foods, everybody was happy and full of determination to do good in trading.



next week