Life Of A Typical Malay - April 2000
Friday 14/4
You better believe this....
..or rather I better believe this...
My bachelor days are numbered! I'll be getting married this year!
Oh no!
Oh yes!
I'm going hibernating ...*LOL*.. for a few days and I'll write more when I come back, I promise it'll be another special bumper entry...hehe...
I hate this anti-climax thing.
And I'm going to watch that Jerry MacGuire
movie again today.
My life is ending.....
Sunday 16/4
Yep, you heard me right. Straight from the horse's mouth.
I'm getting married this year, in November perhaps. I'm not in a good mood to go
into more details today,
that special bumper entry I promised you was not a lie.
Well, one of these days I'll just blurt it all out.
Not today though. Soon. Very soon.
In the meantime, listen (?) to this
altered version of Secret Garden (Bruce Springsteen) from the movie
Jerry MacGuire.
I'll let you in my house
If you come knockin' late at night
I'll let you in my mouth
If the words you say are right
If you pay the price
I'll let you deep inside
But there's a secret garden I hide
I'll let you in my car
To go drivin' 'round
I'll let you into the parts of myself
That'll bring you down
I'll let you in my heart
If you got a hammer and a vise
But into my secret gaden, don't think twice
You've gone a million miles
How far'd you get
To that place where you can't remember
And you can't forget
I'll lead you down a path
There'll be tenderness in the air
I'll let you come just far enough
So you know I'm really there
I'll look at you and smile
And my eyes will say
I've got a secret garden
Where everything you want
Where everything you need
Will always stay
A million miles away
* * * * * *
Went to KL this afternoon, couldn't face the thought of
spending my Sunday infront of the pc. Spent a few minutes
browsing some magazines at Central Market and Kota Raya Complex.
Then took a cab to Bukit Bintang Plaza, was so happy to
see .net magazine (March and April issues)
at my favourite bookshop. After saying my Asar at the plaza surau I went
window shopping for a good hour.
Decided to go to Salem Internet Station (on the ground floor).
Logged on to Dow Jones' ICoffee website and registered *my name* for a 2-week free trial.
My current trial expires tonight I guess
so I better be prepared, what with Green Coffee Association (GCA) report
tomorrow and Leon Yallouz's revised coffee crop estimate.
Last Friday coffee tanked again, technical looks set for a quick rebound and if not Monday,
coffee will plummet again Tuesday and Wednesday, ahead of May First Notice Day.
I know I sound Greek here but I can't help it. Sorry.
Reached Shah Alam just after Maghrib, then to Caltex Petrol Station (Section 3) for gas.
There was this guy (station helper) that caught my attention, he looked like my brother,
Pui. Smartly dressed. Intelligent looking. He then proceeded to my car and started
to wipe here and there. I said, "No, you don't have to do that"
. And he replied, "Well, this is my job". I then reached my
pocket and took a 2 dollar bill and said, "Take this"
, much to his surprise. Tak apalah bang (That's ok, brother),
he replied, without looking at me. In a friendly raised-voice tone I said,
Oh, c'mon, just
take this...
I managed to squeeze the money into his pocket
and patted him on the back. He said, "Thank you" .
He then moved on to another customer and from the corner of my eyes I could see him glancing
at me. I then drove off.
Then suddenly (oh, this is the embarassing part...*LOL*...) tears started rolling dowm my eyes.
It reached the point where I could'nt
see properly. I pulled over. There was I, sitting in the
car with tears in my eyes over nothing. I kept saying, Shit!
What's wrong with me? Shit! Why am I crying? No, I'm not crying,
just that I have tears in my eyes, dammit! over and over again.
Tak apalah, bang That's ok, brother...
the way he uttered that words. That melted my heart, really.
Hell. No. F***...I'm not sissy!
Yeah, tough men do cry (sometimes)....
It was already 8-00 pm when I reached the mosque,
after taking my ablution I went straight to the prayer hall.
Suddenly I heard someone giving salam...
Brother, brother...do you have a car? That guy is sick, could you please send him
to the clinic?
Yeah, ok then but I'm going to say my prayer first. I'll be right back.
The guy ( a Chinese convert) looked so frail, he was shivering and slowly
I guided him to the car. He suddenly went quiet. I was quiet too, I mean, I was scared
to death.
Is he dead? No, cannot be.
Took him to one private clinic at Section 2, waited there
outside the clinic for 10 minutes. " Severe asthma attack" said the
Doctor. Paid 90 dollar for 2 inhalers and took the guy back to the
mosque. He did not ask for money but I gave him 20 dollars.
But I think I've seen him before, looooong time ago. Almost exactly the same story.
No, that can't be him. Ah, I don't know.
My head is spinning....
Monday 17/4
Yeah, ramble on bradder!...ramble on!...Life's too short to not letting your feelings known...*LOL*..
My journal is full (half full/half empty ?) of contradictions and enigmas,
but isn't that how life is?? Life is a series of unresolved
conflicts...
This is a place where I could pour out my feelings and ramble on, though
not exactly able to say whatever I want. I still have to watch what
I say or write in here cause one day I might just be found out. But
that doesn't bother me that much now.
I bloody know that suppressing my feelings and emotions, and
not wanting to write or talk about them is a form of denial and
escapism. Denial and escapism may seem like the easy way out, but it'll only leave one feeling more miserable at the end
of the day.
So, I'm going to keep on writing....
I may appear cold on the outside, but burning inside my heart is
this fire which
I hope can bring warmth to as many people as possible.
Yeah, rock 'n roll man...
I may appear to be burning with rage at times, but I swear
I will never want to hurt anyone in anyway.
I'm blunt. Not as blunt as hell though. I'll say anything that comes
to mind. Some might see it as foolish but I see it as fearless.
I believe that by expressing all the things that I do or have
done or whatever and still being seen as a guy that people want
to be or look up to, helps others who aren't in my fortunate
situation to be more comfortable with themselves.
I am extremely (well, uhhh....never mind...)
logical. If it doesn't make sense, I don't do it. Everything goes
by logic for me.
Call me cynical, but I do think that life is fuNked up.
Once you have recognised and accepted that fact, then you
will be a happier person, I believe. When you believe that
life is fuNked up,
you will no longer spend many sleepless
nights haunted by people's vicious words or actions. You will
no longer be so upset over something which you worked so hard for,
but ultimately did not get what you deserve. You will no longer feel
so betrayed when someone whom you regard as your best friend for example
stab you
in the back.
A lot of unpleasant stuff happen in our lives, and most
of them are beyond our control, yet we are often traumatised
by such events. Why? Because we cannot accept the fact that life
is treating us so unfairly; we think that life owes it
to us to treat us better. But when we believe that life
is meant to be fuNked up, and such unpleasant things are meant
to befall on us, what's there to be so disappointed or upset
about when they do fall on us?
Instead, we will begin to
appreciate the good things that are happening to us,
things which we used to take for granted. Having things
go according to our wishes is the exception, not the norm.
But of course, I am not saying that just because life is fuNked up
means that we should go around acting like the devil. That is u
nacceptable because I only say that life is fuNked up, not us.
What we want to be is totally up to us.
So, Zainal, light up a smile and accept the fuN
ked up facts of life.
Tuesday 18/4
While filling in commodityexpert.com
subscription form tonight, I realized that its
main office is in Balygowan,
Northern Ireland. That's pretty close to David's (my old buddy) house.
He sure will be back visiting his parents this Easter holidays.
I'm thinking of ringing him up, just to surprise him.
Infact I'm checking some international telephone directories now
, lost Jonathan's number. Hope there
are not that many Dunbars in Newtownstewart.
Heck, some of these operators are dumb, I asked for N
ewtownstewart in Northern Ireland,
but they gave me list of Dunbars in Newtownstewart,
Scotland. That quaint little town, not far from Campbeltown, on the way to Mull Of Kintyre. Oh, Mull Of Kintyre.....what a
lovely place on earth. Paul Macartney has a house there.
Hmmm...what a boring entry....
Wednesday 19/4
Today was May First Notice Day for KCN Coffee Contract, lots of switching activities, from May to July. We did not do anything, had a small discussion during the first hour of morning session (New York time).
I brought up a few new findings which (as usual) did not go well with other traders. We argued a bit and market kind of proved them wrong. They expected the price to turn south. I said north. Based on past history during first notice days period.
Since Friday is a public holiday in the US and all exchanges are closed, we decided to go on a cruise. A 2D/1N cruise to nowhere. Leave Port Klang Friday afternoon and back the next day, too short a cruise but at least I'll be away. That's all that matters.
Friday 21/4
I'll be offline for the next 24 hours or so...
Rose....you are the most beautiful.... - Jack Dawson
next
(must be her...errr..legs...)
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