Life Of A Typical Malay - April 2000
Saturday 1/4
Left for Temerloh just after reading and printing some coffee reports, about 4 something in the morning. I didn't drive too fast, was a bit sleepy and hungry but too excited to be there before 8-00 am. Stopped at Genting Sempah Rest Area for Subuh. Reached Mentakab at 7-30 am, the town seemed
busier than usual. The main road leading to Temerloh was packed with cars, buses, van etc, all with either PAS, keADILan, DAP or UMNO/BN banners/flags and whatnots. Rang Dollah up but he was already out so I decided to try ringing Nadzmi. He was still in bed so I drove up to his rented house at Taman Temerloh Jaya. We chatted for about an hour, I tried to have a quick nap but was too tired and too sleepy I couldn't bring myself to sleep...heh..
We then went to Sri Malaysia Hotel (thought of having breakfast there) but it was packed with UMNO/BN supporters. We then settled for a plate of fried rice somewhere in town. Took a walk around while waiting for Nadzmi to settle some of his office works.
We decided to go to Sanggang first, the main village, but the traffic was unbearable heavy. So we took the old kampung road and after weaving in and out, we reached one of the polling stations. We had to walk for a distance of about 2 km actually. But it was fun, we managed to help PAS supporters
distributing some posters, banners etc.
We proceeded to Mentakab after spending nearly 2 hours standing in scorching sun watching people casting their votes. We took the highway instead, the main road connecting Temerloh and Mentakab was chock-a-blocked. It was heartening to see so many people from all over the country gather in this small sleepy town to give support to PAS.
We left just after Zohor, Nadzmi had to go to Kuantan to see his family.
Took a nap at Masjid Bukit Kemuning, woke up for Asar and took a shower there. Then to Dollah's house, had tea and chatted for a few minutes. At about 6-30 pm I drove to the town and parked my car within the mosque compound. Had dinner after Maghrib and right after Isyak we walked (while chanting takbir) towards
the town hall. It rained heavily but that did not dampen our spirit.
The result was announced at 9-00 o'clock, PAS lost to BN by 1980 votes.
Thought of driving straight home to Shah Alam but felt so dizzy I locked my car and in no time at all I was in the land of nod until about 2-30 am. That damn dog barking non-stop....
Reached Shah Alam just before Subuh (6-00 am) - tired, sleepy and disappointed.
Sunday 2/4
Woke up at 2-30 pm feeling extremely hungry. Dashed to Section 11 for a quick lunch. Then to PKNS Complex, looking for some birthday cards. Yeah, someone's celebrating her birthday soon. My mom.
The first thing that struck me was the cold attitude of the
salesgirls there. There was one girl standing at the end of the
shop, near where the birthday cards are displayed. I had some
difficulties locating the ones for mothers, and thought about
asking for her help. But a glance at her frosty stare was enough
to freeze my tongue.
The cashier, who was a middle aged woman, was
not much better. Saying a ‘thank you’ seem as difficult for her as
asking me to slap her on the face. I don't get it...getting a gift for someone is
supposed to be a joyous affair, but your enthusiasm will easily be
spoilt by their attitudes. I mean, they are not working in a morgue or something, so why pull the long face to dampen the
customers’ spirit?
I swear I shall never return to that shop ever
again.....
Monday 3/4
Have you ever had this kind of experience before whereby a song,
or just a tune, suddenly pops into your brain out of nowhere, and it
just stays there, playing itself over and over again, for some
reason which you have not the faintest idea of. And no matter how
hard you tried to shift your mind to something else, the tune will
still stubbornly be there, like a blot of ink on your favourite white
shirt.
Well, I had this experience this afternoon, as I was driving home from my lunch.
This song suddenly invaded my brain cells
and I was seemingly devoured by it, no way I could tear my mind away.
--
Gotta take
a little time
A little time to think things over
I better read between the lines
In case I need it when I'm older
This mountain I must climb
Feels like a world upon my shoulders
Through the clouds I see love shine
It keeps me warm as life grows colder
In my life there's been heartache and pain
I don't know if I can face it again
Can't stop now, I've travelled so far
To change this lonely life
I want to know what love is
I want you to show me
I want to know what love is
I want you to show me
I'm gonna take a little time
A little time to look around me
I've got nowhere left to hide
It looks like love has finally found me
In my life there's been heartache and pain
I don't know if I can face it again
Can't stop now, I've travelled so far
To change this lonely life
I want to know what love is
I want you to show me
I want to know what love is
I want you to show me
Lord help me to be strong
On this road I travel on
When I'm lost and lonely find me!
My journey's just begun
And I'm not the only me!
'Cause I wanna know
I wanna know
I want to know what love is
I want you to show me
I want to know what love is
I want you to show me
My mind was still playing the song as if it was a record player gone
haywire when I reached my apartment. Moments later, I heard the song being played
on the radio. I could hardly believe it! Weird!
Talking about music, the background song you are listening to now (if your plug-in works fine) is called Dust In The Wind by Kansas, an old song, before my time really..*LOL*..
The other song on my page is Cats In The Craddle by Ugly Kid Joe. I like these 2 songs, I do not just like the music
or lyrics, but I feel moved when I listen to these songs. They have become a part of me in a
sense. Listen to these two songs, and maybe you'll get a tiny glimpse into how I see things,
and hopefull they'll help you gain something also.
Tuesday 4/4
It's nice to have strangers (readers of this journal) saying hi,
taking the trouble sending me e-mails. I've never done that really,
I mean, if I stumbled upon some websites that I like I'll probably just sign the guestbook. Not more than that.
I usually just delete my emails after reading them but not the one I got today. I will definitely keep that email. Been reading it over and over again, not that I don't understand the words being written,
just that I still am trying to understand the whole issue, from a very different perspective.
Ok, I did reply to that email telling her I *might* put that in my journal,
without mentioning her name ( I respect her privacy).
Heck, I don't even know who the sender was, someone travelling incognito again? Hope not. Anyway, the email goes like this...
salam zainal
i can see u're doing time for being single or at least that's what u'v
been hurled into by families and friends...i can just see myself going
through the same trauma very soon...only worse because i'm a single
MELAYU FEMALE...i'm safe now cos' i'm very far from home...if only i
have
the choice of not having to go back and work at home...thus i
appreciate it
so much cos' u've voiced out my exact personal thought on this....
"We live in a society that holds so much expectations. Wealth, status,
fame
- these ultimate goals in life are drummed into our heads since
young.Conformity and expectations have long since been the name of the
game. And success in life is judged by who you are and what you own,
not
how happy you are. As you can see, it is not an easy world we live in "
.....so is it a sin not to conform even though one is happy...I have my
own
dreams and there is so much out there that i want to do...but being a
melayu female...why can't people in m'sia be more like people
here...(marriage?) kawin?..it's not a priority for me...not being arrogant or
anything
but to me if it happens it happens if it doesn't then it doesn't...but
how
can u make people understand and just be happy for u...?
sorry to impose on u but this is just my thought...
Hmmmm Stranger, I don't have much to say, really.
Anyway, I hope you'll be able to grapple with the obstacles
in life and continue to stay strong come what may.
I do believe that life is a mixture of sunshine and rain,
teardrops and laughter, pleasure and pain.
I guess we should all enjoy and treasure our ups and
learn to handle our downs when they approach. Sometimes,
sorrow, grief and woe are indeed sent into our lives to help our
souls to grow.
I think one of the main reasons for me to keep this journal is to make things more
honest. Truth is far stranger than fiction. A lot of people have a lot of
misconceptions about who I really am, what I really want blah blah blah...
I watch boring people every day live their boring lives and I'm envious.
They have no ambitions, no hopes, no talks above small talk, they just do what they do.
They have wives and homes and every Saturday, they play ball with the kids.
I could never subsist that way but there's some pacification to it all.
My life is quite different. My life is unstable, going from extreme to extreme,
trying to keep whatever little hold I have on it.
It's filled with people who can't keep up, people who go away,
and people I can't get to. It's trying to hold on to whatever
you can because in a few minutes you could wake up.
It's security in illusion and torment with everything in between. It's when people don't understand you. It's lonely. It's dark.
Funny. I intended this entry to be short and sweet, but it became slightly long-winded, hehe...
Oh, I do not plan to write many long-winded journal entries,
which is wierd because I am long winded. I have a tendency to say the same thing three times
in three different ways before moving to something else. Does that make me ambiguous? No.
I am quite blunt. I just have a tendency to repeat myself so that there is no mistake
in what I was saying and that people will not misinterpret what I said. It irks me sometimes when people
take something I say and put it into a different context, and assume that's what I meant.
Wednesday 5/4
That entry above was not meant to fish attention, no. Anyway,
I received quite a few mails today with headings like Thanks for the
thought, Interesting thought, You're not alone,
Just to get off my chest, Kita Serupa
(a song by Zainal Abidin of Headwinds I think), well, just five but more
coming in soon
...*lol*...Salut
to those who wrote me. You guys made my day.
But I'm a bit worried though, looks like all my journal readers are
girls, and to be honest I don't feel that
comfortable. Heh...my nose...*lol*..
Awwww!!! I tak rela, you!
So, where are the boys? Any guys reading this journal? Raise
your hands,please! Nope? Or maybe boys don't read (and write) journals?
Or maybe they only read journals written by girls?
Well, it seems silly to worry about something small like this, however
if people took the time to read my journal and leave notes,
then I will
make the time to acknowledge their kindness and add clarification or
detail to anything
required.
And to make it easier for you guys, from now on I'll have my ICQ panel installed at the bottom of the page.
Just one thing though, please do not ask for my authorization,
unless you have 20 10 good reasons why I
should have you on my ICQ list.
And again, I do not like being mis-interpreted. Gosh! I really am a loooooooooong-winded guy!
Call it a Pet Peeve if you will.
But I always have and always will make sure people understand what
I was trying to get at. Do not think it is because I worry about how people
think of me, but rather because I should be the person who best represents me,
and if I am mis-interpreted to others, then I am no longer being seen as I wish to be seen.
* * * * * *
Ok, on coffee front, tonight saw a very choppy session. It dived to 5-month low (97.10) and stayed on negative territory for about 2 hours and surged to 102-25 within 5 minutes towards closing time.
Apparently the ACPC (Association of Coffee Producing Countries) agreed to that Coffee Retention Plan. In other words, they agreed on a plan to withhold supply from the market. However, no details on the plan, including the crucial item of just how much coffee will be withheld, were disclosed.
Now, that's not too bullish. Heck, this coffee market is so unpredictable.
Thursday 6/4
A quick note as I'm not feeling too well, lack of sleep I guess. Blame it on New York Coffee
Exchange...*lol*...As I said yesterday, coffee market is so unpredictable. I stayed up all
night yesterday checking news on report of that ACPC meeting (ACPC = something like OPEC),
here's what Dow Jones' Icoffee.com reports today:
Coffee futures on the Coffee, Sugar & Cocoa Exchange settled lower Thursday as heavy near-term supply and skepticism over producer talk of withholding supply weakened the market, traders said.
"The general consensus, since you have stocks building and nothing new out of the (producers,) is bearish," said a commodity broker in New York.
The 11-member Association of Coffee Producing Countries, led by Brazil and Colombia, agreed Wednesday to a retention plan likely to begin June 1. No details of the plan were released, although Brazil and Colombia had been advocating keeping as much as 6.0 million bags of coffee from the market through July. Major non-ACPC producers Mexico and Guatemala also agreed to back a retention plan.
However, the lack of detail released by the ACPC and the historical ineffectiveness of retention plans have traders highly doubtful the plan can be a success. Adding to that is the fact that Vietnam, the world's largest non-ACPC exporter, isn't likely to join any retention plan and will sell heavily into any price rally, according to analysts.
On the other hand, some market participants suspect the low prices of coffee on the CSCE and the Liffe are enough to motivate producers to comply with their self-imposed caps, whatever they may be.
In the meantime, warehouse stocks continue to grow in the U.S., a sign of heavy supply that is keeping coffee in a downtrend, trader said. On Wednesday, CSCE certified stocks grew to 1.598 million 60-kg bags, with a hefty 98,212 bags pending grading, according to market watchers.
Technically, the market had an inside-day, its range falling within Wednesday's, and so forged little fresh ground. The weaker close did reinforce the downward trend, said traders, with support seen just above $0.9720 a pound, the five-month low set in Wednesday's session.
Called up Rozita this afternoon (now, who on earth is this Rozita girl?), chatted for about half an hour or so. Promised to call her again this weekend.
Ok, I'm off to bed, hope I will not miss Subuh. Ciao everyone.
Zainal, 3-45 am.
..next..
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