Life Of A Typical Malay - February 2000

Tuesday 8/2/2000

It's Tuesday but I'm writing yesterday's entry....

Left for Tanjung Malim at 8-00 am, stopped at Sungai Buloh Overbridge Restaurant for a quick bite.

Kak Siti TM was not home so I proceeded to Kampung Slim, Batu 8,to Haji Ramli's. He was away in Penang with the whole family. Mah was also not in, saw her car in the garage but my salams were not answered, so I left. Chatted with a few kampung guys at Bilal Ismail's stall.

So, looks like you are coming back for Proton City Project.

 No, the project is dead.

Halim called up asking me to go to the restaurant to make reservation for 6 people. Waited for them for nearly 2 hours, like a fool. Food was great though, wasn't that expensive either.

They (Haji Hashim, Kak Siti, Abang Wan and Kak Anis) invited me to their house in Ulu Yam, about 30 mins drive from Tanjung Malim, and I agreed. It was so peaceful, very kampung-like posh area.

Left for Shah Alam at 6-00 pm, took the old Rawang road because traffic was heavy along the exit to PLUS Highway.

Stopped at Ida's (Segambut) for 10 mins or so, dead tired. Reached home just in time for a quick shower, then sped off to the office.

Coffee played sideways within a very tight range again, with no clear directions I fell asleep on the sofa at the reception. Woke up just when the office was about to close.

Wednesday 9/2/2000

The number you've dialed is not in service. Thank You.

Nombor yang and dail tiada dalam perkhidmatan. Terima Kasih.

 I didn't know my mobile phone line was temporarily suspended until I got a call (house phone) from Ariffin at about 3-00 pm. I tried calling my own number and that was the answer I got, over and over again. I quickly drove to Celcom and settled my long-overdue bills. Ahhh... and if I can beat procrastination once, I can do it again. And again. And again. Until it's no longer a thorn in my life. Dratttttssss..

Now, let me see, I still have a few more bills to settle before it's too late, Citibank and Standard Chartered cards, electricity, maintainence fees (oh, this one I can delay for a few more months, PKNS are not that cruel to lock my grill, they can be sued if they do.)

Mak Chu, Pak Andak and Ida called a few times today - I have to be honest here, that really pissed me off. I know, my family, my relatives, they are planning "something big" (to me, it is) for me, and they have been in constant touch with other members of the family.

Amacam Zainal tu? Ada apa-apa perubahan tak sejak dia balik dari Umrah?
 {How's Zainal? Is he a changed-man now (since coming back from Saudi Arabia)?}

What perubahan?

I know, they want me to settle down, get married and start a family.

And I bloody know that too.

I know I want to settle down, get married and start a family.

SO ?

So what?

?????????

* * * * * * * *

What someone else thinks of me is none (?) of my business.

I often resist change because it takes me out of the familiar and into unknown territory. And I'm afraid of the unknown because I doubt my ability to cope. My fears convince me that change will be for the worst.

But maybe, change can create brand new and wonderful realities that expand and deepen my nature.

I have to face this--change is a constant in life. If I am not moving forward, I am falling behind. So it makes sense to embrace the change process, and to use it consciously to enrich my life. I need to understand that my attitude towards change determines the outcome. I can expect the worst and find it, or I can choose positive and abundant results for myself.

Maybe sometimes I am too excessively intellectual (hehe..) and get caught up in my own mental patterns. Sometimes I am more emotionally oriented and get caught in deep reactive emotions. So I tend to do things for others or to keep up appearances rather than doing things for my own reasons. These thoughts, feelings, and actions obscure my opportunity to express new thoughts and feelings and deeds that are genuinely mine.

The more I value myself and my life, the more discipline I bring to each moment. The more I understand my life purpose, the more I value my time for the opportunities it brings for authentic self-expression. And finally, the more I can surrender to divine will, the more I uncover my own will power.

The inner chatter in me is almost unconscious now. And much of it keeps me stuck. And I do recognize these words..

It's their fault. They did it to me.
It's the system. They do not understand me.
Why don't you...?
What about me?
I never do it right.
I am sick and tired of...
I can't...
They should..
Etc.

These simple phrases and thoughts seem so innocent to say, but they entrench more deeply my inability to respond. Just identifying them is half the battle to shifting to more empowering and supportive language and thoughts.

So I'm going to be more open, patient and accepting. I'm going to increase my awareness, consistency and persistence. Above all, I'm going to appreciate the journey.

I'm a big, big boy
In a big, big world
It's not a big, big thing
If you leaveeeeee me....

And I do do....

So, mum, I'm going to say YES soon.

Just that I don't want to look like Jerry McGuire on his ......


oooppssss!!!....

Friday 11/2/2000

Well I didn't get round to adding an entry yesterday. Not that I was busy. I just didn't feel like writing. Anyway I managed to finally hire Rouge Trader, a movie about the collapse of Barings Bank. I've seen this movie before, long before my trading days, and didn't quite enjoy it. So full of excitement I drove myself home and prepare to collapse with a glass full of iced-lemon tea and my video.

I'm still very puzzled by a phonecall that I had this morning. It must have come just after I left work and I missed it because I had my phone still switched to silent ring until I'd left the office. I called the number back several times before it was answered. It was a woman that happened to be passing a phonebox. I asked whereabouts the phonebox was but I'm no wiser. I don't know anyone that lives there that doesn't have a phone at home. Strange.

On my way to Sport Cafe for lunch today, I tuned in to Radio 4. There was a discussion about people being addicted to the net. What a load of rubbish! I think it's high time highly paid doctors and journalists stopped talking nonsense and started to do what they are getting paid for! Is there anything modern-day society cannot be addicted to?

I like the internet. I harm no one. I am happy downloading the odd program, listening to radio from around the world, finding new and interesting places and even getting into the odd discussion with someone. And then I have someone, who is supposedly educated, tell me I have a problem and may need counselling!

Rubbish!

Answer me this,boffins: how many man-hours are spent on watching that other form of entertainment, the television? Is that not addiction? Also, what do you get from the telly at peak times? Education? No, of course not, you get force-fed sex,violence and swearing, which I would say has more influence over young minds than the net will ever have.

So, just let people live a happy life, without trying to give us all something else to worry about.

The internet is the ultimate isolatinist medium, with each experience inherently unique to the user and to the moment. Okay, so no great revelation there then. In fact I'm not even sure I know what it means, sometime I really struggle to make sense of anything on the internet. It's all so bloody solitary to me. I can enter a chat room, hover unannounced, eavesdrop on any discussion and then leave, never having said a single word.

Imagine any other situation where you could do that. Picture walking in to the local pub, swinging up to a couple sitting in the corner and just pulling up a chair, munching on a bag of popcorn scratchings and picking your nose while listening to their intimate conversation and then simply sliding over to listen to the people at the next table. It's like being Patrick Swayze in Ghost.

Saturday 12/2/2000

I practically did nothing today, went to bed at 7-30 am, woke up at 2-00 pm, went out for lunch and was in bed again from 5-00 pm until 7 something.

Shame on me...

Took a spin around Shah Alam, wanted to see some cultural show at the Dataran Shah Alam (in conjunction with Visit Selangor Year 2000) but left after less than 5 minutes. The voice in me kept saying; What are you doing here?

Oh yea, I received another Valentine's card (e-mail) from someone,.... hmmm...3 so far, it has been a good year...*LOL*... No, I'm not taking that seriously, I don't even know who the sender was. I'm not going to reply either, I don't like people who travels incognito.
Sunday 13/2/2000
For the first time ever I bought something from Jaya Jusco (Kelang) today - does that make me a really sad person? Oh yea, it does ...*LOL*... I bought a nice-looking CD rack for RM 150-00.

Left for KL after Zohor, I didn't drive, took the train instead. Paid my Citibank visa and checked my mastercard account. Oh! My account showed I have about RM 5000 extra, surely they made a mistake there. What am I to do then? Maybe I'll just keep quiet, soon they will realise their mistake. Hope they will not. Really.

Took a cab to Bukit Bintang after spending about 20 minutes at Central Market (or is it Cultural Market? It is Cultural Market actually, the building previously was called Central Market).

Bought RM 300-00 worth of Jet Coupons, used a credit card instead (I didn't have enough money on me), checked the bill a few times, it had my name, card number and expiry date on it. Shit! I should have known better, never ever use credit cards when purchasing computer/internet-related items. Not that I have doubt with the guy behind the counter but...y'know, Malaysians are known for their "creativity". Malaysia is famous for this, most of the ringleaders behind credit card fraud are Malaysians.

Took a walk up to Starhill Center, a little bit crowded, that Bintang Walk proved to be so successful with lots of yuppie-looking and not-so-yuppie-looking locals. I didn't feel that comfortable though; I felt out of place.

Left for Shah Alam just after Maghrib.
Monday 14/2/2000
Valentine's Day. Wooo Hoooo. Just another day for me. It really sucks when you are single on Valentine's Day. Today wasn't really bad. I worked on a computer all day so I really didn't even have time to think about it. Unlike last year when I was in Cameron Highland...

In Cameron Highland? On Valentine's Day? Alone? Goodness gracious! .

The hotel I was staying in had all these couples coming in all smiling and smooching. Damn I hated it! Dont get me wrong. I am all about falling in love and all that, but when you are single the last thing you want to see is a very happy couple whispering sweet nothings into each others ears.

Well, Valentine's Day doesn't mean a thing to me - call me old-fashioned, call me conservative, nope, it still doesn't mean shit to me.

Valentine's Day, as we know it today, has grown from two basic roots: the Roman festival of Lupercalia and the sad story of a Christian doctor named Valentine. The Romans believed Juno was the guardian of women and marriage. Every year, on February 15, the Romans held a special festival to honour Juno. This festival was called the Festival of Lupercalia. The other one, St. Valentine. He was a Christian doctor who lived in ancient Rome. The Roman leaders did not like his religious beliefs, so they sent him to jail to be killed. In jail, Valentine made friends with the jailer's daughter. On February 14, before he was killed, he sent a special note of friendship to the girl. He signed it "From Your Valentine." This may have been the world's first Valentine's greeting.

See, I have a real valid reson why I don't celebrate Valentine's Day..hehehe I'm saying that with keegoan yang terserlah......hehehe..

While having lunch at Sport Cafe, I noticed an old issue of Q Magazine with Bryan Adams on the cover, once again. You might ask have I ever been a fan of someone and the obvious answer is yes. Obviously I'm a Bryan Adams fan, because I just had to read the article and see what it said. (And talking about Bryan, he's playing in Australia in Feb and March. Hmmm...Australia is just a few hours away.....)

Above that, the one singer that I "idolized" above everyone else for most of my student years was Chris De Burgh. Chris who? Hehe... Both Bryan Adams and Chris De Burgh were and stilI are my favourite singers.

(This is a little fact: The two of them, Bryan and Chris were at Princess Diana's funeral, she was Chris' greatest fan)

There are numerous reasons why I "like" them, which aren't important. But in all of that, I can't seriously say that I spend any real length of time trying to get to know every facet of their lives. That's just me. But, as I said, it seems to be a natural human thing, if you look at the explosive popularity of personal homepages for example.

Even on my little corner of the web, and my obscure journal, I've managed to rack in a fan or two (hehehe...) --literally-- and I can tell you who they are. Except one. (Please, glg-cache9.jaring.my, identify yourself! GLG, is that Gelugor? Can't think of any other places that starts with *G*)

Thankfully, they're pretty balanced people and haven't started building me shrines or any shit like that. Hehe...

I open my journal to show a part of myself few would ever see. Please don't judge me by my writings; I do enough judging for myself. I write primarily for myself and let everyone into the party.

And if it weren't for the fact that people are just natural interested in someone else's business, there'd be no readers of my journal at all. But if it ever got to the point of ridiculousness, I'd probably put a stop to it all.

* * * * * * *

Ok, trading-wise, coffee tumbled again tonight, really put us between the devil and the deep blue sea. We are waiting for opportunities to go long but price keeps sliding and we are scared to go short at this level- USD 1.05/lb. That's pretty darn cheap.

A few months ago coffee nose-dived to 80 cents/lb and within a month it skyrocketed to USD 1-49/lb. We don't want to get caught shorting at rock-bottom price but looks like coffee's heading down below one buck a pound.

Heck, how am I going to make money then? Ahh...There's no bullish fundemental news coming from Brazil and Colombia to keep price above 1.10/lb, and stocks in warehouses in the US has now reached that 1 million mark, that's very bearish.

And for the last few months, NYCSCE ( New York Cocoa Sugar & Coffee Exchange) has been following LIFFE (London Exchange, sorry, don't know what the hell LIFFE stands for but I know, it's London Exchange or something) market sentiment.



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