Life Of A Typical Malay - February 2000

Thursday 3/2/2000

I guess I know why I don't write daily now. Usually, it seems like nothing happens that one day in particular and then the days become weeks and so forth. So...yesterday wasn't all that eventful.

I guess I got tired of whining and complaining about my life.

I did have my journal entries up a couple of days before, but then I accidentally deleted the entire thing because I was stupid. So everything's gone and I've had to start almost from scratch again.

My main journal page is using frame now but it doesn't work on Netscape. Prett...

I guess it didn't really bother me because I'm so bored and I really like doing this. I'm just finding it hard to write properly again. It's like I would write a sentence and read it and think to myself "who am I kidding?" ...which is pretty sad because like it's my life I'm writing about. Hehe..

* * * * * * *

Wow man, it's February already. Did you make any New Year resolutions, Zainal?

Nope.

It's not too late though.

Well, I was going to make a resolution to stop procrastinating, but I decided to put it off until later.

This New Year, as with others, I've decided not to make resolutions, as that's only setting myself up for failure, but instead I've made myself a few promises some of them very private (oh no, that Jerry McGuire thing is not considered private...*LOL*..) some of them not so private.

I also want to actually get some proper work done rather than just fiddling around all the time.

Good on ya mate.

I want to get my finances on the road to being sorted, too. I have to bear in mind though, that I've come a long way since a year ago - an awful long way - and that's something which I shouldn't forget.

Bless you...

So I think my biggest resolutions (promise ?) for 2000 will be to stop procrastinating so much and to try my level best to at least appear somewhat organized.

Okay, you can stop grinning now. Spare a thought for me, please...

Friday 4/2/2000

Friday night....early Saturday morning...

Insomnia , I actually like it. Now what sort of person would actually like insomnia? Me. Well, actually that's one of my (many) problems really.

And with a long weekend holidays (it's Chinese New Year holidays, so, Gong Xi Fa Chai everyone...) ahead, I'm really looking forward to have a quiet and peaceful time.

It’s really nice when everyone (my neighbours) is asleep and there’s no one (except that group of girly guys next door, they seem like night owls as well) or anything to interrupt me in anyway at all. I can read in peace, watch video in peace and do my thing on the web in peace.

I don’t have to do anything I don’t even vaguely want to do. And that is what I call nice. I can walk around the neighbourhood half-naked and no one would care, but then again, people wake up sometimes for some very strange reasons so I haven’t risked that one yet.

Oh, I'm not that stupid to even think of walking half-naked in the still of the night. Not here in Malaysia. I did that alot when I was overseas. During my student days for example. It was fun. Best years of my life, so far.

And it is also how everything is so calm, quiet, peaceful and still. How it is dark on the outside and you can hear the clock ticking really loudly, and how sometimes you can hear the cats having sex. Very unpleasant actually, that bit about the cats. Anyway, the point is, being the only one awake when the whole neighborhood is dead in sleep feels pretty powerful. It’s like being an awareness when everything else isn’t.

Saturday 5/2/2000

Saturday evening...

I have no other plans for the weekend, but tomorrow I'm going to have lunch with Mat (Pandan Jaya) and perhaps visit Ida, my sister, on my way home.

Monday, we (me, Kak Siti, Haji Hashim, Kak Anis, Abang Wan and Halim, fellow traders) plan on going to Tanjung Malim to have Nasi Ayam Kampung. If I have the time I'll visit Haji Ramli, Mah and the rest. I'm not going to call and tell them about my visit though.

Been a bit busy the last few days, collecting money..hehehe...A few friends (Ashari, Yati Kelang, Kak Siti Tanjung Malim etc) wanted to invest but I didn't have the heart to tell them that nothing much to be expected with 5 or 10 K (RM). I'm dealing with USD, I can't even buy "one lot" with 5K (USD 1315). So, what I'm trying to do now is to open another joint account.

Shah Alam was at a standstill today. Sort of. It was Stage Eleven of Le Tour De Langkawi, covering about 135 km. The routes taken were slightly different from the last major cycling event, 16 th Commonwealth Games. I spent a few hours watching cyclists from dozens of other countries racing in that not-so-gruelling stage.

Oh, I'm logging off now to watch live telecast of English Premiere League between Leeds United and Liverpool on telly.

Monday 7/2/2000

Yesterday, when I was about to upload my entry, I caught a guy stealing my homepage, I mean, he copied my index page, word for word. And the graphics too. The hit counter even.

He's now busy "creating" his homepage and everytime he clicks on the page, the link will take him to "my page" which is at "his address". He doesn't know this, obviously.

I was mad at first and tried to find his email address but failed. Maybe I have to wait until he finishes "creating" his homepage. The page still look the same when I last checked just now.

A couple of months ago, someone did the same but I managed to "scare him off" and he had no choice other than to abandon the site. Maybe he's still "alive", taking his loots to other sites.

I don't mind people stealing my graphics etc (simply because I steal too...now, that's a confession...lol..) but stealing someone else's ideas is really bad.

I went to have lunch with Mat yesterday afternoon, and we chatted until 2 something. Did not go visit Ida, wanted to spend another quiet day at home.

I was deleting some files on my pc and decided to check my old ICQ history folder. I came across this name (well, just call him XX) - wonder whatever happened to this guy. He's a Malaysian, a family-man, now working in the US. I'll email him one of these days, just to say hi. His website (his own domain name) has "Under Heavy ReConstruction" sign on it.

And I don't know why but I had the urge to "cut and paste" our conversations, so here it is...

NOTE:

1. Please bear in mind, our conversations took place about a year ago, so much had changed since then.

2. Those who are on my ICQ list, DON'T fret... hahaha...I won't be doing this again. Well, unless you disappear. By the way, I only have 3 (active) names on my ICQ list, Teh (my brother), RiRi and Mat.

-----------------------------------------------
ICQ History Log For:
<-name and number here->
Started on Mon Feb 07 20:35:51 2000
-----------------------------------------------

XX 1/11/99 12:57 AM I'm browsing through your homepage and laughing myself away. Thanks for authorizing me to be on your ICQ contact list.

Me 1/11/99 12:58 AM No problem, I visited yours just now, gosh, I'm so honored to have someone "famous" on my list. What made you laugh if I may ask?

XX 1/11/99 12:58 AM Famous? Haha... Having my website featured on TV does not make me famous. Maybe one day. You have such talent for writing -- and that euphoric attitude! I envy that.

Me 1/11/99 12:59 AM Such as?...... are you blond?....... hahahaha

XX 1/11/99 1:00 AM Hahaha .. yeah. What're you doing up here? Trading?

Me 1/11/99 1:01 AM What trading? It's Sunday, I'm taking a revenge... one "secret admirer" (...LOL...) sent me something..... netbus prog. My pc's in total mess...arrgghhh ...anyway, I have to go, nice having you onboard.

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XX 1/11/99 7:35 PM Hi Zainal, sorry I was just checking my guestbook and e-mail. Got to rush for prayers now. See you later. Cheerio!

Me 1/11/99 7:35 PM Me too, nak s'yang kejap.

Me 1/11/99 11:52 PM Hey friend, evening...... shhhhh..... I'm at the office now.

XX 1/11/99 11:56 PM How many millions are you making tonight?

Me 1/11/99 11:56 PM Oh, I'm not trading, I don't feel like entering market today, just looking at this silly screen. Coffee ain't moving tonight.

-----------------------

Me 1/12/99 12:09 AM Hey, when are you going to sign my guestbook?....... hahahaaha..

XX 1/12/99 12:11 AM Will do, will do. Don't worry.

Me 1/12/99 12:11 AM Thanks, I'll be your friend for life then..... hahahaha..

-----------------------

Me 1/17/99 11:45 PM Yo, thanks for the emails, I've already replied to your email #100...lol... a short one. I'm not good at emailing, if you want to ask anything, just give me a beep on ICQ. And I'm not good at giving advice either.

XX 1/17/99 11:46 PM Ahaa, you're welcome. How're you dialing in from Raub? They have a cybercafe already?

Me 1/17/99 11:46 PM No, I'm using my laptop, have to dial KL - (seven-digit numbers) to get connected.

XX 1/17/99 11:47 PM Haha -- wow! Why, couldn't 1511 work?

Me 1/17/99 11:48 PM Tried 1511 but it didn't seem to work, had no choice other than to dial KL.

XX 1/17/99 11:50 PM Hmm... that's odd, I only have to dial full-rate numbers when I get an engaged tone with 1511 or the nodes are too congested. I haven't been back to Raub for a real long time.

Me 1/17/99 11:51 PM Don't think we can call 4 digit number from here (outstation). Anyway, Raub kat mana?

XX 1/17/99 11:53 PM Oh.. well, it's supposed to be nationwide. Maybe you'd like to write to noc@jaring.my and have them investigate your account (wrong setting maybe). My mother's kampung is in Dong, I guess about 50 km away from the Raub town.

Me 1/17/99 11:54 PM I was with TM Nuts before, lasted only a month. My mum is from that area as well, about 30km from the town, not 50.... are you my long lost relative?........ hahahahha

XX 1/17/99 11:57 PM The good thing about Jaring (not that you have many other choices either) is you could top up the account online with a credit card -- or, use their autodebit feature. I keep my tm net account as a backup cos I hate to waste my cheques. Hey.. from what I know, Dong isn't that big a town. I heard everyone there's somehow related.

Me 1/18/99 12:00 AM I still have my TM Nuts account and I never called Jaring help desk or anything, I like to suffer in silence.......hahahaha.... and mengumpat at the back.....a very typical Malay I must say. Yea, all Dongites (?) are related somehow.

XX 1/18/99 12:02 AM Hahaha -- Dongites -- I like your term! In my visual memory, my mother's kampung sits accross a mosque and some wooden hostel. There's a little sundry shop nearby. Is that where you are, or is it at the other mosque? Gosh -- what am I talking about? My mum's kampung is Kg Durian Sebatang.

Me 1/18/99 12:04 AM No, my kampung's called Hulu Gali, somewhere near Sungai Ruan, about 15 km from Dong. Uh, I'll be going to that kampung tomorrow, visiting my former school friend.

XX 1/18/99 12:08 AM Why, that's great, seeing long-lost friend! Regretfully, I know nobody there except my aunt, my cousin and his family, and a certain Cikgu Ramnah. Wish I could drive there too and see them.

Me 1/18/99 12:11 AM Hey, I did ask you how to get my own domain name, I visited the link on your page but didn't have time (oh really...?) to go thru' all pages. Perhaps you could tell me shortcuts in getting one. I wanted to use your forum/message board to ask this but I've been going to your site almost daily I rasa malu pulaklah for you have that staistic/referrer counter to trace your visitors.

XX 1/18/99 12:41 AM Got cut off?

Me 1/18/99 12:42 AM Yea, got cut off...my mum was trying to use the phone, sorry about that...

------------------------------
XX left for USA a few days later......
------------------------------

Me 1/24/99 1:12 PM hello there!

XX 1/24/99 1:13 PM hi!

Me 1/24/99 1:14 PM How's life?

XX 1/24/99 1:15 PM Pretty busy finding an internet provider and setting up video conferencing on my notebook. You?

Me 1/24/99 1:16 PM Same old same old. Still in Oklahoma?

XX 1/24/99 1:18 PM Yeah, but I'll be flying again on Monday.

1/24/99 1:19 PM Have to go for a friend's Open House, catch you later.

XX 1/24/99 1:23 PM Enjoy yourself! Cheers.

--------------------

Me 1/25/99 2:32 AM yo

XX 1/25/99 2:33 AM Hi, what're you doing in this wee hour?

Me 1/25/99 2:34 AM Can't sleep....remember, I work at night.

XX 1/25/99 2:35 AM Ohh... yes, yes.. how're your stocks going? Any good hopes for Malaysia?

Me 1/25/99 2:35 AM I don't know about stocks, I am trading commodity (coffee and cotton).

XX 1/25/99 2:36 AM hmm? Oh, ok. I thought 'commodity' meant some stuff you trade over the stock market. Sorry. When did you return from Pahang?

Me 1/25/99 2:37 AM Wednesday, 2nd day of Raya.

XX 1/25/99 2:38 AM Aww.. so soon? I guess you had to go to work. I have something to tell, but it's probably not the right occassion. I just need to tell someone, I think you are that "someone". You seem decent enough, very open-minded too. I can't tell my wife, I need someone to understand me.

Me 1/25/99 2:39 AM Oh, don't babble. Just tell me now. I'm all ears. I smell something bad...

XX 1/25/99 2:40 AM I'm staying at my friend's apartment -- a long-time friend. Your advice (e-mails) somehow became appropriate.

Me 1/25/99 2:41 AM My God...what happened?

XX 1/25/99 2:42 AM He's been a good friend for many years so I doubtlessly took his invitation to stay over and share a bedroom.

Me 1/25/99 2:42 AM That's not a good start my friend, not at all a good sign. So?....

Me 1/25/99 2:42 AM I mean, sharing a bedroom.

XX 1/25/99 2:43 AM Not just shared a bedroom, shared a bed too. I mean, we've been good friends and we're both married men. I trusted nothing would happen.

Me 1/25/99 2:44 AM So it happened? I mean, what happened? Oh, what am I talking about?...Gosh...yuck !...

XX 1/25/99 2:46 AM While I was 'asleep' last night, he kissed me touched my genitalia. I pretended to be asleep and resisted ('menggeliat') but he was persistent.

Me 1/25/99 2:46 AM Did you enjoy it? Oh, what a question...I'm sorry but I feel like vomitting now, really...Sorry again...

XX 1/25/99 2:48 AM I can understand. No, I was uncomfortable about it. (an involuntary erection did take place, but overall I didn't like it). Touched, resisted, touched, resisted... sucked. I feel bad about this.

Me 1/25/99 2:50 AM So he obviously knew that you were not asleep,I mean we can't get erection while asleep, can we?.....hahahaha..

XX 1/25/99 2:53 AM Hmm.. not quite ( I don't know about you). Erections occur in all places, especially in a cold night and your bladder is full. But I certainly did not ask for it nor did I knew he was keeping a desire for me. I mean, we're married men.

Me 1/25/99 2:54 AM Oppsss....I'm sorry but I'm laughing real hard now, I mean that "erection" question, that was the "most stupid question" I ever asked someone....Oh, ok, I feel sorry for you. I really am.

XX 1/25/99 2:57 AM I understand..... But I can't believe my good friend was doing it to me. I have another night to stay here and it better not progress any worse. I'd put all my trust in him. I love my wife and what will I tell her -- some guy borrowed my tool?

Me 1/25/99 2:58 AM But I don't really understand it, it takes 2 to tango.... and talking about your wife, I have a personal question to ask you.

XX 1/25/99 3:04 AM No, you don't understand. This was not a mutual interaction thing. I was uncomfortable and I resisted him.

Me 1/25/99 3:04 AM Did your wife read your page? I strongly believe she would feel kind of hurt inside (if she understood what you wrote, unless she didn't really understand that much). Now, if she didin't read that part, you know, sooner or later ...... We live in a small conservative world with lots of nosey parkers.

Me 1/25/99 3:05 AM Ok, now I understand, sorry for jumping to wrong conclusion.

XX 1/25/99 3:05 AM My wife knows about it. I told her right at the beginning of our marriage. But what has passed, has passed.

XX 1/25/99 3:06 AM I don't know if I could bring this up, but I know our friendship (me and my friend's) will never be the same again after this. Pity all those years.

Me 1/25/99 3:06 AM Good, but we never know "hati perempuan"

XX 1/25/99 3:07 AM Yeah, I thought about it too. Perhaps I'm being too honest there in such a public place. Better edit it out.

Me 1/25/99 3:08 AM No, just tell your friend the truth.

XX 1/25/99 3:12 AM Yes, I should be frank about it. However, I'd better phrase my words correctly as this is a sensitive issue. I know our best times are over. The homepage? I've just edited out that small part you were talking about.

Me 1/25/99 3:14 AM Oh, you shouldn't edit that part out. Just rephrase it. Maybe I understood too much....... hahahaha

XX 1/25/99 3:25 AM Oh no, even if you didn't point it out, I thought it was a little prone to misinterpretation too. Anyway, my website isn't marred a single bit without that part. It's just a cameo that can be trashed out without sinking the show. I will talk to my friend at the earliest opportunity to do so. But I still regret deeply that he should do it on me. I vowed I wouldn't get into these things once I was married.

Me1/25/99 3:27 AM Good on you my friend, looks like you both are at the different ends of the same problem.....

XX 1/25/99 3:29 AM Different ends? (I don't understand the term in this context). It'll teach me to be more careful and assertive in the future. You wanted to ask something about my wife?

Me 1/25/99 3:32 PM I already did, about her reading your page.

XX 1/25/99 3:41 AM Anyway, once my mood lightens up later, I'll be looking for a car to drive. Makes me sad, but my days luxurious living were left back in Malaysia. Oh dear... an *apartment* the size of an aquarium!

Thanks for being there for me, also for being so understanding. Believe me, you'll be a good husband one day....and a good father too.

Me 1/25/99 3:44 AM Well, that's what cyber-friends are for although I only know you thru' your homepage. Hope you are real because I'm real too. Really.
Hmmm, just look on the bright side, in no times at all you'll be driving a porsche....


XX 1/25/99 3:49 AM I'm real. Oh yes, I just saw a very delicious Mercedes SLK (or CLK, I don't know) selling for $40K ... fuuh. But of course, I'm not targetting that high. I am rather drooling over the Ford Taurus (a Lynx lookalike, but Sedan). Quite popular around here, with a $17K price tag. ('less' than a Kancil, if you think about it in terms of their US$ salary!). However, I have to keep pinching my cheeks and be reminded to 'save the best for last'.

Me 1/25/99 3:51 AM Ford Taurus? Do they have Ford Mondeo over there? That car looks good, very popular in Europe.

XX 1/25/99 3:59 AM There're two Fords that I know, Escort and Taurus (there're more, but look too 'macho' for my liking. Might suit the average Marlboro cowboy though). Escort, the cheaper of the two, is their version of Ford Lynx Sedan. Taurus is a higher-end model. But to think of it, even the Escort should be adequate to drive, like a Wira. No frills, no status, but comfortable nonetheless. Do you buy a car for status?

Me 1/25/99 4:00 PM No, the car I'm driving now is my first, it's a Honda Civic DX. I don't buy car for status. If I had lotsa money (yeah, dream on...lol) I 'd buy a car of my dream and that'll be sign of achievement, but not to "show off" kind of thing. I don't like to make a statement by driving fancy car. Hehe... oh, my nose.... lol...

XX 1/25/99 4:04 AM Yeah, I've installed a video camera on my notebook (right here) and my PJ home PC. Still running into technical glitches, though. Picture doesn't appear and all that. I think I'll try a different program. Having visual interaction helps calm me down and make me feel right at home. If you're thinking about getting one, go to AMCORP MALL. Sells for less them RM400 all inclusive.

Me 1/25/99 4:06 AM 400? That's kewl. I thought it costs a lot more.

XX 1/25/99 4:09 AM No, in fact the videoconferencing software that's bundled inside easily costs US$70 if bought separately. The kit comes with a small camera that you park on top of your monitor (or wherever), and a PCI card that you slot into your PC. Of course, you'll need a full-duplex soundcard too. (not low-end please).

Me 1/25/99 4:12 AM Well I guess I don't need that gadget now. Maybe later.

XX 1/25/99 4:14 AM You can always wait for this type of technology to come down. No rush. Thanks for listening to me, you are such a nice friend. I need to go now. My friend's returned from the mosque and he's taking me to the mall. He just kissed my shoulders. Maybe there'll be an opening to talk about this phenomenon.

--------------
A few months later...
-----------------
XX 5/6/99 5:40 PM Hi

Me 5/6/99 5:41 PM Hey....how did you find me? What a dumb question....I mean, you're in the states now, right? New ICQ #?

XX 5/6/99 5:42 PM ......nice catching you again ... How did I find you? D-d-d-uuuuuuuh.. like, I couldn't like use the internet or somethin'? I want my tempoyaaaaaak! Please help my find a good substitute here. What? Parmesan + Japaleno?

----------------

Me 5/9/99 12:29 PM hey..

XX 5/9/99 12:29 PM Hiiiii How are you Uncle Agony?

Me 5/9/99 12:30 PM I'm fine son....lol.....just woke up actually.it's 12-30 now.

XX 5/9/99 12:31 PM Yeah, I know -- we're exactly 12 hours apart (can't get any further than this!). Maybe if I start diggin' a hole in my backyard I can get a free trip to KL.

Me 5/9/99 12:32 PM when are you back here in KL?

XX 5/9/99 12:34 PM InsyaAllah on 15/5 at around 2 pm. Precisely 2 weeks later, I'm back here. It's basically too short to do anything more than spending time with family, but that's the fact of life. How are you doing? Stockbrokers are millionaires again, or so I conclude?

Me 5/9/99 12:35 PM No,I'm not doing shares,I know nothing about shares.I trade commodity on New York Exchange

XX 5/9/99 12:37 PM Oh, *that* NYC that I went to last month (and got ripped-off by an Arab salesman)? Anyway, I heard stocks are soaring these days. Nearly back to those 'pre-Soros' days. True?

Me 5/9/99 12:38 PM yea,true. See how greedy people are. They are laughing all the way to the banks now. But not for long I guess.....talking about jealousy...lol..

XX 5/9/99 12:40 PM Where are you today? Shah Alam? I'm in my corporate home in Wilmington, Delaware. I finally got myself a car today.

Me 5/9/99 12:40 PM Shah Alam. Lemme guess...it looks something like Lantis, right? I don't like Lantis... really...lol..

XX 5/9/99 12:46 PM Nope -- I needed to get a bigger car, in case my wife and kids come here. I've got 3 of them now, remember. So, with all the mandatory children seats installed, a Lantis-sized toy, as lusciously tempting as it'd have been, would be out of question. I got myself a Ford Taurus -- not sold in Malaysia, but you can find it in Singapore. There it's probably targeted as a luxury car, like the Camrys, but over here it's just an average family car.

Me 5/9/99 12:50 PM Yea, I think I've seen one, not my type of car I guess, a bit too big. I like Ford Mondeo though..

XX 5/9/99 12:55 PM Aaahh....I think it's only made for Europe. Cars in America, for one reason or another, are h-u-g-e. I hardly find any less than 2.0L. Thank God they're relatively cheap! (if you don't go for anything too fancy, that is). I got mine for $11,000, and it's a 1997 model. A bit of scratches here, and a noisy suspension there; but for the price of an Iswara, who cares :)

Me 5/9/99 1:03 PM Arrrghhh....I got booted out....hate it when this thing happens. I'm on TMNuts now, my Jaring account has been suspended. If I got booted out again, sorry, I don't mean to be rude. This TMNuts really stinks.

XX 5/9/99 1:06 PM Hahahaha .. you're not the first one to give them the name of our reproductive organ. (or is it a type of plant taken from under the ground). Anyway, thanks so much for helping me out the other day. Not surprisingly, our friendship never quite remains the same anymore. Sometimes I kinda forgive him, but other times the rage erupts back. I guess, as the old saying goes, look before you suck.

Me 5/9/99 1:08 PM better be careful next time then. Remember, once bitten, twice shy, twice bitten forever shy...lol...

XX 5/9/99 1:18 PM Oh yes, at least I wasn't 'bitten' hehe.. Arrrrrrgggghhh. Anyway, it looks like the attacks are over for good. At least everyone in this home appears to be perfectly normal, and I'm not even sharing a room with a partner.
And now about your so-called problem, any sign when all that 'runaway from secret admirer' thing might finally come to an end?

Me 5/9/99 1:21 PM Hehe...I'm thinking of putting words like...Zainal's engaged or Toomany's getting married" or something on my page....They visit my site a few times daily, thru' the back door. I have taken my journal off the web.

XX 5/9/99 1:24 PM A 2-page spread in a national daily newspaper doesn't sound too bad either. :)

Yeah -- I guess that's the price we pay when our personal stuff is put up for the world to see. It's kinda spooky. You know no one, but everyone else knows you. Not just know, but know *inside out*.

Are you in any kind of relationship right now? When are you getting married then? Who's that lucky lady? Mind relating to me what it is you have that drives women crazy? hahaha....Is it the hair, the NY Cofee whatever job that's paying zillions? Your car? Whatt??? I want to know too.

Me 5/9/99 1:30 PM Sorry, got booted out just now. Oh puhleezee TMNuts....this is much too much...lol...

XX 5/9/99 1:31 PM Oh dear ... it's Saturday noon, mind you -- peak time. Funny I was never disconnected this often you know.

Me 5/9/99 1:33 PM This is nothing compared to about 3 or 4 am when I'm busy checking coffee quotes etc- I get booted out almost every 3 mins or so. Dammit.

XX 5/9/99 1:34 PM hmm.. so back to my question: what is it in you that drives these women so crazy? And I'm not even laughing now..hahaha..ooppss..

Me 5/9/99 1:34 PM Nothing, nothing at all. Yes, I "think" I have someone in mind, she's in the UK doing her Master Degree. Well, it's too early to tell anyway. I'm still counting the steps to her heart...

XX 5/9/99 1:36 PM That's pretty hard to believe. I mean, I can bet in 100 people, there'd be at most 4 people who're such a highly sought-after target.

Me 5/9/99 1:36 PM And that really makes me thinking. I was never that "popular" (no, that's not really what i meant...). This whole thing makes me "takut pada perempuan" more.....lol

Me 5/9/99 1:38 PM ..just because of that stupid homepage. That pretty well sums up the answer....lol....all of me is beautiful,even the stupid and the disgusting parts...lol..


XX 5/9/99 1:39 PM It's amazing how much a homepage can do to one's attraction! If you were to 'unplug' the homepage today, what would happen?

Me 5/9/99 1:40 PM Oh no....that's part of me, the beautiful part .....lol.....my online life is far more attractive than my real life....I can't do that....Well, to be honest, I'm still new at this webpage building, and it fascinates me. Since it's my only interest (at the moment), I'll make it more interesting. I hope.

XX 5/9/99 1:43 PM I remember it being witty, humorous and cunning; but I wouldn't take it further than it being the work of a good author. Don't you think? I mean, I probably would want to check the real person out first before going crazy over him/her.

Me 5/9/99 1:46 PM Yea, this internet thingy is so deceiving. I might be a real conman etc for all they know. And this cyber world is full of weird people and lonely souls too. Or maybe they are just plain naive,the girls I mean.

And I think I'm being too open on the 'net, I'm a very private person really.


XX 5/9/99 1:48 PM Open and honest, yes... But for a (beep) to be falling for the same naiveness, that's a different thing. I think they've been harboring some fantasy about a 'perfect man', and somehow your internet representation fits their fantasy.

Me 5/9/99 1:49 PM Or maybe the problem lies with me.....arrgghhh...Now look who's talking...lol....Oh Dear Uncle Agony...

XX 5/9/99 1:52 PM I'll never take the place of Uncle Agony. Too inexperienced for that sort of thing. You're the wise one here, o wise man in the cave. :) Exactly how many women/girls are you running from at this particular moment?

Me 5/9/99 1:54 PM 4 Malaysians, and one Minah Salleh who stumbled upon my page thru' Cari.com.my I think. That's all.

XXX 5/9/99 1:56 PM Hoooo!!! I can imagine how miserable your life is. How many of these hunt outside the cyberworld? I suspect e-mail spamming is pretty harmless, but do they ring you up or knock at your door? I stumbled upon yours through that site too.

Me 5/9/99 2:06 PM Look, if I get booted out again, that's it, I'll catch you later. Those girls sent me cards , they got my number and address from telephone directory. I don't reply to any of their mails. I got a few calls, lucky not on my mobile, but when I answered the caller just hung up. Life sucks to the highest heaven.

XX 5/9/99 2:10 PM Oh dear .. that's really pathetic. Kinda like losing your privacy altogether. Life's full of lonely souls, I'd say. Consider getting an answering machine for your phone, and pick it up only after hearing a recognizable voice. An Caller-ID device is not a bad idea either, but I won't know if it's already active in Shah Alam.

XX 5/9/99 4:54 PM Hello again Zainal, so, where were we?

Me 5/9/99 4:55 PM Hi, oh...but I kind of "like" it, the attentions and stuff......lol.....not that I lack attentions but this whole thing really gives some spice to my otherwise dull life. I always think that I'm strong in the sense that I'm very good at hiding my feelings.....oh my , that shows my insecurities...ahhh,what the heck...lol...

Me 5/9/99 4:58 PM Oh, I'm logging off now, have a shower, Sembahyang Asar and go for lunch. I smell rat, really. See you later alligator.


-------------

XX 5/11/99 10:35 AM Hi there -- don't get kicked out this time! I bought a videoconferencing telephone to bring back to Malaysia.

Me 5/11/99 10:36 AM Hi, what's up dude? Oh,good on you.

XX 5/11/99 10:39 AM I tried calling to California with it, and it actually works! Not very spectacularly, but considering it doesn't need a computer!

Me 5/11/99 10:40 AM Oh, I thought it's a camera that you connect to the 'puter. So this is a different kind of telephone? (Hmmm...why am I making myself sounds that old?)

XX 5/11/99 10:41 AM This one connects to the between a regular TV and a regular telephone unit. Nothing else to do. So, even granma (no puns intended) can do it! The call's made directly, not through the internet, so no chopped voice.

Me 5/11/99 10:42 AM Oh that sounds fun. Wonder if it works here in Malaysia. It sure does I think.

XX 5/11/99 10:44 AM I hope it does (at least that'll what I hope to find out soon!). People have reported it working in India (which has inferior telephone lines). Where're you now?

Me 5/11/99 10:45 AM Shah Alam, always in Shah Alam.

----------------

Me 5/17/99 11:53 PM Hey, you in PJ now?


XX 5/17/99 11:54 PM Nope, nope nope. Things took a sudden turn and instead of PJ, I'm now in Detroit. Will start work tomorrow.

Me 5/17/99 11:54 PM Oh dear....what went wrong?

XX 5/17/99 11:56 PM Things happen. Nothing much you can do about what's fated to occur anyhow.

Me 5/17/99 11:56 PM Nothing too personal I hope.

XX 5/17/99 11:57 PM No, what happenned was this: 2 days before my departure, a client called and interviewed me for their project in Detroit. My mind was halfway back in Malaysia, and I merely give the interview a so-so performance. No hard selling. Then, the next day, they called my boss. They wanted me. And they couldn't want to take me! I watched in despair as my 2-week vacation, first came down to 1 week. Then came down to 30 hours. At which point I said, forget it. Life's tough, but excellence comes at a price. True?

Me 5/17/99 11:58 PM True, it comes at a price, a very high price indeed. Does that mean you'll be moving to Detroit soon?

--------------

Me 6/1/99 1:49 PM Hey, Happy Memorial Day.....whatever that means...lol..


XX 6/1/99 1:55 PM Hahaha ... Happy Memorial Day too (something to do with war). How do you know? Hey, InsyaAllah I'm coming back 4 July to pick my family.

Me 6/1/99 1:56 PM Good on ya....hmm...I deal with NY Exchange, remember?

....and that was our last chat.

Ok, back to today.... As I said earlier on, the conversation took place a year ago, so much had changed since then. This much. No, that much. Ahh...whatever much - this is much too much.

I mean, I'm not running away from cyber-stalkers anymore. I think they have grown up . I have too.

And I lost count the steps to Rohaya's heart. She slammed the door on my face on the eleventh hour - or maybe I did not knock on her door, I don't remember it now. At first it was hard for me to swallow, coupled with the fact I spent a few thousand ringgit a month for about a year on telephone bills - y'know, just to get to know her better . Hmmm... another bad investment I guess. Well, c'est la vie....




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