Life Of A Typical Malay - October 2000
Saturday 21/10
> I don't remember what I did this morning, maybe I did not do
anything at all [well, this photo shows, it was candidly
taken by Ah Heng].
Only in the afternoon was I a bit busy, concreting to Level 17, Block A, Zone B
started at 12.00 pm. Tukijan and Edward left shortly after leaving me alone at the office.
Bumped into Zuraimi and his family while going for lunch,
picked up the tab for them at that old stall. We didn't chat long because I had to get back to the site.
------------later-------
> I'm off to New York in a week. I'll have a few days to experience
the city that never sleeps, and to get to know NY CSCE better. I can't wait.
The problem is, I'm terrified of flying on those giant paperweights.
I know how the stay in the air; I also know that if
anything goes wrong, I'm sharkbait. I don't want to
think about being 30,000 feet in the air, but it's a more
pleasant thought than being 30,000 feet in the air, then 15,000,
then 5000...
But, I'm looking forward to it. I've worked too hard over
the last few weeks to get there. I've had to go farther
into convincing the guys at the Exchange, the guy at the Embassy etc,
I've had to make threats at work
(they can spare me for a day or two much easier than they can
release me), I've spent too much time looking for the best airfare.
Airfare. Flying. (I shouldn't have said that-- I reminded myself
that I'll be boarding a tin box for the first time in 10 months.)
Stephen King explained what holds the plane up. The fear
of the passengers. The flights that have crashed carried
overconfident passengers. This only serves to lessen my confidence.
I'll probably end up holding the thing in the air by the
armrests again...
(This was such a bad idea. I just need to keep reminding myself
why I'm going......I'm not at all scared of flying, but I'm scared of crashing...)
---------------later tonight perhaps-------
Sunday 22/10
> It was pretty quiet at the site today, most of the staff (the Contractors) was away for a (compulsary) training to get "green cards". From next year onwards those working at construction site must have this card, right from the labourers/workers to even the bosses. I don't know when will I be going for this training, it's a full-day training.
> Spent the whole day at the
office, didn't even go to the site. Installed AOL (AmericaOnLine)
30-day trial version, I'm thinking of bringing along my laptop to
New York - I need to be online quite a lot, I've checked lists of
cyber cafes in the big apple and was surprised to know that they
charge about USD 10-00 per hour, that's bloody expensive ma man!
And there are not that many cafes on the lists, and on average,
they only have about 10 terminals per cafe, that sounds
a bit nonsense to me. Anyway, even if I can't get to have
my laptop connected to the 'net, I still need my laptop to
upload photos from my digital camera, and for writing journal
entries too. I don't know, maybe I'll be too busy to even work
on my laptop.
> Left the site at 5-00 pm,
concreting to columns (Level 18) was about to finish.
To Kerinchi Carnival - not much of a carnival to me,
all they had were 2 rows of stalls selling local crafts and goodies.
> To Bangsar Night Market
after saying my Asar at Bangsar Mosque. Far too many people
selling pirated vcds, I almost bought Wonder Boys.
Didn't buy anything, except 2 ketuls of lemang, buang tebiat kot aku nih? Aku memang tak suka lemang, even masa raya pun aku buat tak pandang jer lemang, tup-tup harini beli lemang pulak. Aku makan seketul masa tengah drive.
> Was at MPH Bookstore for almost an hour, reading a
few mags/books on New York/New England. I didn't want to stay long but it rained so that was a perfect reason to be there that long.
> Stopped at Jalan Pantai
Baru for Maghrib at the surau there, and guess what? I
met that blind man again! Read a book titled Bagaimana
Meniti Siraat Al-Mustaqiim while waiting for Isyak.
Aku, seperti biasa, serba salah,
nak hantar Pakcik tu ker tidak. Dia buat apa kat
sini malam-malam macam nih? aku bertanya dalam hati.
Macamana dia nak balik? Masa aku tenung dia tuh,
baru aku terasa bodohnya aku, dia mana nampak apa-apa,
dunia dia sentiasa malam (gelap), so it doesn't
make any difference kalau dia
keluar siang atau malam kan? Kadang-kadang tuh
kebangangan aku nih 'ntah benda-benda.
At last, aku hantar dia balik, aku tanya jugak, kalau saya tak hantar macamana Pakcik nak balik? Dia kata,Pakcik naik bas LRT Kerinchi, dekat saja. Betul jugak, feeder bus punya station tu dekat jer, lalu betul-betul depan Kondo Rakyat. Aku rasa macam nak suruh Pakcik tu naik bas jer tapi tak sampai hati pulak.
Aku tak kasi duit pun, bagi dia lemang yang lagi seketul tuh...So, malam ni jadilah Rainman (Part 2)...tapi sequel biasanya tak berapa
seronok.
> Then drove to Pantai Internet Station (Jalan Pantai Baru) to update this journal.
Monday 23/10
> I wrote quite a long
entry for today just now and the moment I tried to upload it
the browser crashed and since New York CSCE is about to open I
think I'll just settle for these few lines....
> I've noticed that in my last few entries I generally didn't talk
about my feelings, thoughts and the little things in life
that matter - the small details... and the
whole point of my diary here was to do just that.
I don't know why... gotta work on that.
> By the way, thanks to
everyone who has left notes ("saying hello or something") on my ICQ panel.
It's strangely reassuring to know that I may be talking
crap but at least people take time out to read my journal -
even if they agree that it's crap!
> One last thing. I do go and read the homepages of
everyone who visits my page but I don't always
comment on theirs. It's not that I'm lazy or simply dont give a
shit. Somethings are better left unsaid kind of thing...
sometimes I just don't have anything to contribute and I don't
wanna just say "hi, I was here". Nevermind.
Udika [shhhh!!!! jangan beritau mat tu pasal conspiracy tu okay?],
your guestbook ain't working, I tried in vain for days
on end to have yours signed. Thanks for signing both my
guest & slam books.
Tuesday 24/10
> There are times when I feel like I'm drowning in air. I'm gasping
for breath, desparately reaching for something. The problem is,
it's always out of reach.
I have the reminders to keep myself from doing anything rash,
but there's a craving for the suffering.
> There are times that I almost miss my old life... But,
I guess that it's just part of the process of growing old...
--------------------
> Of all the messages
I got the last few days, I particularly like these 2
[I'm sorry but I'm just too lazy to "cut-and-paste" all the
messages I received lately, sometimes my ICQ works fine sometimes
it sucks big time]
:
Sender IP: 201 100 68 2
Subject: From Your Web Page:
Assalamualaikum, after reading some of your past entries,
I personally think that you should try to live in a society,
don't cocoon yourself within yourself, there's a life out there.
You need friends, you need company, you need someone to look
after you. Don't be afraid to let people get close to you,
you have all the externals. Sorry for sounding kasar but I hate
to see you suffer in silence. I'll talk to you via email. Cheers.
Have a jolly time in the big apple. I want a t-shirt too...
*smile*...
Waalaikumsalam, the reason I don't have any friends is that I'm
generally not willing to bother with people.
The reason I never get any email is because I'm
generally afraid to answer it.
I crave attention and I fear it. Approach-avoidance.
--------------------
Sender IP: 201 121 68 76
Subject:From Your Web Page
Man, you lead a shitty life, it amazed me when I
read your previous entries. Why torture yourself? And why on earth are you writing this journal?
I don' understand it, are you trying to prove something?
---jbs---
Yes, this is more or less about all of the crap that I've
been through (though there are things that I won't go into).
It's my life. This is the best way that I've found to
try to deal with the stuff that I have to deal with,
to get things out in the open, admit things to myself.
It has helped me to uncover things that I've tried to lock
away, find out who I am.
I'm sorry if it doesn't suit you. Move on,
forget it, get on with your own life.
But don't step on mine.
By the way, have the guts to at least say who you are.
-----------
2-15 am:
Oh dear me, I don't think I can sleep tonight now that I'm having open (long/buy) position in coffee. We decided to enter positions at the opening bell because of 2 reasons; London LIFFE was called to open lower by USD70 to 80 but instead it opened lower by only USD10 and towards the end of London morning session, Robusta traded at its highest level for the day.
New York CSCE was called to open higher by 100 to 200 points and we expected another dead cat bounce action tonight after a massive sell-off (funds and speculative liquidations) last night which we thought was a bit overdone.
No doubt weather forecast calls for shower until Saturday in coffee growing regions in Brazil, that news had been discounted yesterday and the downside move for sure would be limited - yet we went long at 79.30, at quite a lower range.
A few bearish news were posted but we just ignored them, we did not feel that much pressure because the prices we got were quite low and we were confident enough the prices to rebounce somewhat, if not today, at the end of the week.
And it closed just above our price levels after see-sawing a few times, playing within inside day range. Hope it goes up tomorrow, if it goes down by another point I have to liquidate my position, I only have a few more days to trade before I fly to New York.
Been trying to contact Dominic but the lne was answered by a Chinese-sounding voice.
Oh, I have to remember to buy 3 ekor ayam panggang tomorrow to bring to the office.
Good night, I'm off to sleep...on-line...heh..
Wednesday 25/10
> Zuraimi came to the site early in the morning, he wanted to
discuss about our next progress claim. He brought along my
letter of appointment, hah, strange and funny but I was not amused.
Went out
for breakfast with him later.
> Mushdi, the Architect dropped by, had to accompany him to
Block A & B, we did not use the passenger hoist, we used ladders
instead and we checked every single floor, right up to Level 17
(Block A) and Level 19 (Block B). For me it was a good excercise
because in a few days I'll be climbing that Statue of Liberty, yeah,
I don't care if I look like any other stupid tourists but I just
want to be there, at the top of that statue.
> Did some filing works later in the afternoon, worked on a few reports (Progress report
for next meeting), a few test reports etc, boy, I need
to have everything ready and in order before I leave for
the big apple.
Lagi tiga hari, ho!
> Concreting to Block B (Level 19 Zone A) to be postponed
until tomorrow, they are running out of cement, the
batching plant, said Ah Heng. So I have to be at the site tomorrow,
great, what a nice way to
spend my Deepavali Holiday! I need to go to KL to buy a few items
(1-day disposable contact lenses, a pair of sneakers and souvenirs
among other) for my trip.
Ah, I don't care anymore, all
I know is in a few days time I'll be in New York.
> Logged
on to the net every 3 hours to check sattelite photos of South
America, this morning patches of clouds was seen hovering Minais
Gerais, Esperito Santo and Bahia states but towards the afternoon
another polar air mass was formed . (4-40 pm: Site Office, Pantai Dalam)
------------------------
> Coffee on London LIFFE went down and New York CSCE gapped lower, much lower than its opening call. I did not liquidate my position, still holding it open, I do't know why I'm so confident it will bounce back. I'm just hoping for the best.....
Thursday 26/10
. . . . .
He's online right now but why doesn't
he update this
journal?
Ah...maybe he's busy...
What busy? That's just an excuse, I think he's lazy...
I seriously think he's busy, he's watching
the screen now I guess, remember, he's still having an open position in coffee, and the price is against him.
Well, he used to have open positions but still he managed to update this journal before 9 pm.
Or maybe he's too engrossed watching webcams? It's like watching telly you know....
Whatever it is, he's there and he's not
updating this.....argghhh....I hate waiting...
Calm down, I have the feeling he will, if not tonight, he will update this tomorrow, he's a very detailed man.
I have the feeling he doesn't like people to come here anymore, what say you?
You are right, he doesn't like to have too many people reading this journal. But I'm smart, I come in here thru' the back door, he doesn't know that.
Me too, I'm here thru' the back door too,
hehe...we both are smarter than him.
Hehe...by the way, can I ask you something?
Sure.
What brings you here? To this journal?
I have no idea, just checking on him I guess. I have no life.
That sounds familiar. I have no life too.
Well, I have to go.....see you around....
Bye
. . . .
Friday 27/10
> Sorry for not writing an entry
yesterday, I was not feeling too good. I'm still feeling dizzy
now infact.
I left the site at 4 something yesterday, drove to Taipan,
Subang Jaya to withdraw some money. Had lunch there too, later on
went to England Optic to buy contact lenses, I lost my only pair
of lenses last month. Tried to put on permanent lenses but the
salesgirl recommended me disposable lenses which to her is the
in-thing now. Looked fine on me so I decided not to take them off,
bought a pair of tinted lenses too for RM 350-00.
I then headed for SS15, Bob was at the office fixing his pc,
[ now that I'm taking my laptop (to New York)
along they have to make arrangement with him to have his
pc connected to the net ], well, until my return.
Had my hair cut (trimmed) and my face washed at Sizzlermagic,
muka aku berminyak jer pasal kena panas
kerja kat site,
itu yang suruh diaorang buat treatment sikit tuh,
banyak kolestrol muka aku nih...heh..,
too bad amoi yang buat, sexy nyer bukan
main lagilah. Dekat dua jam tuh aku dalam dosa, yerlah,
kitaorang bersentuh-sentuhan. Anyway, I felt really good
after that, it was such a relief sort of feeling.
All I have to do now is to shave my moustache, then my face
will look like bontot ayam again.
I started to feel dizzy so I took a quick nap after checking
London LIFFE. Woke up just before trading hours, coffee
tanked and made a new fresh life-of-contract low.
Then I realized I still had my contact lenses on me so
I tried to have them removed. Benda baru, licin,
nipis sangat pulak tu compared to ordinary lenses, so I had difficulty taking them off no matter how hard I tried. I started to get worried, my eyes became devilish red and after a few minutes of trying I managed to have both lenses taken off. Phew!!!
As I said, coffee made a new contract low but I escaped from being
called. Now, I just have to let it open, if I get margin calls
I have to put in some more money but that will be upon
my return from the big apple. Looks like coffee both on LIFFE and CSCE to plunge again, rains is expected this weekend in coffee growing regions in Brazi. Only next week will dry weather prevails, according to some weather sites.
> This morning aku rasa lemah jer, pinggang aku pun rasa sakit semula, 'ntahlah, makin dekat aku nak berangkat makin ada jer benda-benda yang memanikkan.
I still have some works to do, my progress reports. And the master
schedule. The cube-test reports. Minutes of meetings. Damn!
> It started
to rain masa aku nak pergi Sembahyang
Jumaat tadi, aku nampak ada dua oang budak sekolah rendah
berlari-lari pergi masjid, so aku berhenti kereta, hon, suruh dia
orang masuk. Diaorang buat tak tau jer, lepas tu terus lari. Terasa hati aku...
Aku pikir jugak, diaorang ni suspicious ker apa? Yerlah,
sekarang ni, banyak cerita jenayah rogol yang pelik-pelik kan?
Aku jeling kat cermin kereta, muka aku tak adalah gaya muka
penyodom sangat.
---------
> Was at the site until Maghrib, sorting out a few things, I didn't even log on to the net to check London LIFFE, no bullish news means price to keep heading south.
> 9-40 pm: At the office Subang Jaya now, watching this dumb screen, so far no drastic movements yet, still too early anyway. I have nothing much to say but I'll just keep typing this. In a few hours I'll be flying to New York, to be honest, I'm a bit scared. I don't know why but that's what I'm feeling now, a bit scared because I don't know what to expect. Besides, I'm going there not for holidays of sort but I'm with a mission, to help expedite the process of closing my account and have the money (in Singapore) transferred. Hope everything goes well, if not I'll be in deep trouble.
Well, I'm not going to babble, I have lots of things to do; I have yet to do my packing, I'll be working tomorrow until 3-00 and I will only have about an hour to pack my stuff. Not much anyway. I have to be in Shah Alam too , I need to send my car. Maybe I'll just take the train to Nilai and get a cab to the airport from there. Otherwise I'll just take a cab all the way from Shah Alam to Sepang. I need to be there about Maghrib, Ariffin promised to be there to send me off. I still have a few things to buy, a pair of sneakers etc. Maybe I'll do some shopping in Dubai, I don't know. I don't mind buying sneakers perbuatan Hong Kong atau perbuatan Thailand, I'm not that brand-minded when comes to sneakers, simply because I don't ususally wear sneakers.
Saturday 28/10
3-30 pm: Pantai Dalam Site Office
- just a quick one, in less than half an hour I'll be leaving the office for Shah Alam, then take a cab to Sepang Airport. Hope to be there before Maghrib, I'm starving and I need to do some shopping.
- my flight MH90 is scheduled to take off at 10-30 pm, hmmm....i'll be on the plane for more than 18 hours with a stopover in Dubai. Keraslah bontot aku nanti....
- i'll try to update this journal as soon as I get there, I'll be busy Monday, Tuesday and Thursday, I've already made appointments with some of the guys at the Exchange, maybe I'll upload a few pics from New York Stock Exchange and New York CSCE.
Ok, I better go now, please pray for my safe return.
Assalamualaikum.
--------------------
...start spreading the news
i'm leaving today
i want to be
part of it
new york new york
these vagabond shoes
are longing to stray
Or maybe I'll sing one of my fav Christmas holiday songs, Fairytale Of New York by The Pogues & Christy McColl. Well, never mind.....
. . . . . . . . .
New York - 31/10
Note: this is just a quick note, I'll have detailed entries later next week.
- arrived Newark Airport, New Jersey (not JFK Airport) Sunday morning (night time in Malaysia), damn, it was so cold, sleet actually fell (signs of snow to fall in a very near future), tempreture was 4 deg Celcius. Took a coach to JFK Airport and started my journey to Manhattan from there. To Times Square and a few other places after leaving my bags at the bagage counter.
Managed to find a cheap hotel (USD 45-00), didn't quite like it so I moved to Jazz On The park Hostel/Hotel near Central Park
(USD 35-00/night) Monday, the place looks fine just that it costs one dollar per 4 minutes to surf the internet. That's damn expensive, one thing I find it strange, I don't find any internet cafes around, I've checked lonelyplanet.com and it's true, there's only a handful cyber cafes in this city, and it costs a bomb to surf. They charge like 20 to 30 dollars per hour. I can't live like this, I need to be online a few hours a day, not a few minutes. Damn it! This internet station where I'm uploading this entry from is just a few minutes away from the hotel, I found it by chance, they charge 16 cents per minute, I don't have the time to do that simple calculation but I think it's cheaper than 1 dollar per 4 minutes. I think. Ahhh... I don't care, I'm just too happy to be online, too bad I'm using iMac for the very first time, I don't know iMac that much.
Been to a few places of interest, World Trade Center, Times Square, Rockefeller Center, United Nation Building etc. I will go to see Haloween Parade tonight, I'm on my way to the hotel for a short break, I've been wandering New York streets too much my feet hurt so goddamn much I can't walk.
...I'll update this later with stories about my visit to the Exchange and a few other places, well, maybe tomorrow, I'm off to the hotel. see you later alligator!
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