Akudia : Life Of A Typical Malay - Oct 2000
Sunday 1/10
> I was asked for id at one bar/cafe in Bangsar last night. She said that she had to check anyone
who looked under thirty. I said why not over thirty? After all,
never trust anyone
over thirty.
--Why not?
--They're evil, that's why.
--But I know people under thirty who are evil.
--Some people are just precocious. Some people are born evil.
--Oh....
--------------------
Location: Site Office, Pantai Hillpark/Pantai Dalam
Time : 12-30 pm
> There's this horrible work ennui lately, and I'm not sure why.
Deliriously happy for the first few months, I knew that such
satisfaction couldn't last. The honeymoon phase inevitably ends, and
what you're left with is what counts. So, what am I left with?
It's not as if the job is hateful. The work itself is interesting and
not overly demanding. The people are as tolerable as people ever are. I
work alone for the most part, as is my preference. I have no real
supervision. So why am I so apathetic?
At first, I credited my dissatisfaction to the fire. Too much personal
stress makes it hard to enjoy work. That made sense, but as the stress
has waned, my bad attitude has not.
I spent some time last night toying with the idea that
I'm unhappy here
because, for the first time in months, I'm alone at work.
This wasn't
a deliberate decision, nor is it a necessary one; it just
hasn't really
come up. But then I abandoned that notion as frivolous.
It would be
untrue to say that I genuinely want my coworkers
to know the real me.
As if. It could be a money thing, but I'd like to think not. I've
never much been fiscally motivated at work.
I don't know. It feels like I'm surrounded by baffles. Disconnected,
non-invested. I'd just like to give a shit again.
....later tonight perhaps...
Monday 2/10
> Received an email from RiRi, my online friend from the US,
one of my 2 favorite American women I must say..heh...my other favorite is Madleine Albright
- [ watched her on telly exchanging words with our International Trade Minister, Rafidah Aziz,
during Commonwealth Meeting or something last year. She won hands down, Rafidah looked
terribly embarassed by her amazingly quick, sharp and honest answers.
Al Gore was a hero too, he made a very "memorable" speech and later
snubbed the dinner party hosted by our "beloved" (..heh..bagus jugak aku nih...)
Prime Minister]
Well, I have a few other online friends but she's the one who is lucky enough
to be on my ICQ list, we have been exchanging messages for more than 2 years now
and I treasure every moment chatting with her. Of all the people in this world,
she's the only one who understands me. And I'm saying that with all honesty.
I don't see her online quite
often these days but she's always on my mind. She has a son (about my age) by the way.
Hi Zainal!
I just came from a visit of your site and want to present you with an award for
Outstanding Site. You have truly inspired me and made me think, cry and laugh
along with you in your daily jottings since the inception of your journal.
You are an inspiration, a man to be admired and I am proud to have you listed on
my Winners Page. You can view your link on the Winners Page.
I am so happy to present you with my award and only sorry I forgot to give it to you weeks ago. Please link it back to RiRi's Cyberhaven.
Congratulations!
RiRi
Always take time to stop and smell the roses and
sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee.
---------------
Oh, thank you
very much indeed RiRi....too bad the award doesn't come with a million dollars
checque (check)..heh...
> To Petaling to
collect my road tax this morning, reached the site just
before nine. Thank God, I can now drive again, last weekend
was a bit painful...aku pergi mana-mana
around Lembah Pantai/Pantai Dalam tak "bawak" kereta pun
(faham ayat tu betul-betul...heh) pasal
my road tax expired on Friday.
> Worked on the Progress
Report (for Thursday meeting) until 11-00 am, then to the site with
Chan to inspect the fire-fighting pump room.
Aku macam pandai jer, asked him lots of questions
about all those piping works, how the riser runs, the routes and stuff.
> To Bangsar after lunch hour,
managed to get a parking spot right infront of Kenny Rogers
Roaster, must be my lucky day hah? It rained and for
a very strange reason I took my brolly out.
I don't usually feel comfortable carrying an umbrella,
I'd rather walk in the rain soaking wet but since
Bangsar is such a trendy and happening place, I thought I'd look cool
with a brolly in my hand. After all I managed to get
a nice parking spot (if you know Bangsar then you understand
what I'm talking about). Saw Huzir Sulaiman (or Ismail?),
the actor, infront of Times Bookstore.
Buruknya dia pakai shorts.
Tuesday 3/10
> Argggghhhh......I'm tired,
damn tired, and I don't think I'll be at the Brokerage House
(Subang Jaya) tonight.
Started my morning with a detailed
site inspection
that lasted nearly 2 hours. I went checking almost every
single unit of Block A & B, I did not use the passenger hoist.
Then at 11-00 am when I was about to go for brunch, Zuraimi
arrived and we spent a few minutes at Level 3, Block B, checking
some handrailing works. Later on the Architect dropped by
and asked me to accompany him for
inspection to rectification works at various floors,
that was the most tedious of them all. Then the Quantity
Surveyor arrived for site valuation, I went thru'
the claims submitted by the Contractor in less than 10 minutes
and signed on the dotted line without hesitation.
Later in the afternoon I was at Block A & B again to take
photos of the project for my reporting purposes. I did not
even go up to 18th floor, I merely snapped some pics from
Level 3 and 4.
Mr Kong was at the site too, a new C-o-W will be
coming 9th Oct to assist you,
he said. Good.
> The
Main Contractor has been "camping" here at my office for the last few days,
asking me to check whether or not their last payment has been processed.
I've been making numeorus calls to the office but the guys
there at the main office don't seem to understand the urgency to issue a payment to
the Main Contractor. I spoke to En Roslan the MD yesterday
and asked him to expedite the issuance of payment voucher
because the works have been kinda slow the last few weeks,
and he promised to have the payment ready latest
by this morning.
I really hate it when the Main
Contractor comes to my office and starts his sentences with,
Zainal, boleh tolong sikit? (Zainal, do
me a favor will you?)....Apa?
Selama ni aku tak tolong diaorang ker? Yang aku kerja Saturdays,
Sundays tu bukan tolong diaorang? Yang aku buat inspections
ikut diaorang punya suka tu bukan tolong? Pagi-pagi bila aku
sampai office masing-masing berebut nak tengok
paper (nak check nombor ekor), bila ada apa-apa kerja extra
semua suruh aku sign cepat-cepat. Komputer, talipon kat office
aku dia orang pakai pun aku senyap jer, bila aku bukak
laptop semua ingat aku guna internet, semalam head office diaorang talipun
tanya aku pakai internet ker tidak, aku kata aku guna internet, aku tanya bil berapa,
dia kata about 15 ringgits, aku kata aku nak bayar pasal aku tak
suka dia talipun macam tuh, dia kata, no, I'm just checking. Nak check apalagi?
Memang dah ada tulis perkataan internet kat bil tu. Pasal 15 ringgit punya hal
sibuk sana sini.
Pundek!
Masalahnya kat sini, semua orang bangang pasal internet, diaorang ingat mahal
padahal 90 sen sejam jer. Apasallah aku dikelilingi manusia-manusia bangang?
Aku mudah jadi bengang dengan orang bangang nih...
Apasal aku harini hah? Melalut pulak dah ni....pasal aku letih kot?....
Hmmm...ada lagi nih, ada sorang tu kat bilik
tempat aku buat bilik sembahyang pun dia berani lepak tidur,
kalau Melayu tak apalah, ini ca-ya-nun-alif.
> Drove to Angkasapuri
commuter train station but couldn't find a parking spot
so I decided to drive to Plaza Putra.
Parked my car there and walked to Standard Chartered Bank, Jalan Ampang
and withdrew some money and deposited it into my HSBC Bank
account. I have to make sure my current bank statement looks good before I apply for visa for my trip to New York.
Hopefully I'll be able to send the application tomorrow or
Thursday, I have other documents ready except for 2 recent passport-sized photos. I have to shave my moustache and have my hair cut first I think.
Reliance Travel informed me the other day it takes up to 2
weeks for visa application. Strange, I thought it takes only
3 working days, even the US Embassy homepage says so.
-----------later tonight--------
Wednesday 4/10
> I did go to the office in
Subang Jaya yesterday, had to park my car at the basement carpark because all roads leading to the office were jammed with cars, SS15 night market. Logged on to the net and after checking London LIFFE I got bored. F
eeling tired, sleepy, restless (you name it...) I decided to go for a haircut at one newly-opened trendy hair salon a few doors away. I asked for a guy to wash and cut my hair, aku suka bapok....errr...aku suka bapok yang "main" kepala aku pasal satu, tak berdosa, dua, bapok pandai "main" kepala, aku selalu satisfy kalau bapok yang "mengerjakan" kepala aku. Felt a lot better after that, the bill was RM 45-00, after 10 % discount.
> Didn't go out for dinner because Kak Siti & Haji Hashim brought us some foods, such a nice home-cooked foods. CSCE Coffee traded in a small range after a sellf-off yesterday, there were at least 5 news regarding crop productions in Brazil for next calendar year (July-June), markets didn't react to any of the news.
Took a nap only to wake up at 6-30 am and suddenly I remembered
my car was still at the basement and the carpark only open
at 8-30 am. Had no choice other than to just wait,
logged on to the net and checked some market reviews and stuff.
Drove straight to the site, yeah, I didn't shower -
I always have spare shirts ready.
Ok, that was yesterday....
> arrggghhhhhh!!!!!...just don't bloody disturb me, i'm *beep* busy....12-50 pm
.........to be updated later perhaps.........
------------------------
3-05 am, Subang Jaya office
Ok, this is the way I see it.
- Either I am not getting enough sleep or I am using up all
my energy
on the works and there just ain't enough left for me.
All I know is that for the first time in a long time there
are actual
things that just aren't sitting well with my soul. Usually
things sit
well enough that they don't bother me, but as of late, this
isn't the
case.
I actually have angst! and I just cannot stand it. I
cannot stand that
there are actual things not sitting well with my soul.
It just doesn't suit me anymore. The guy
who could be negative for years on
end just can't bring himself to be that way any more, and as of
late I am
seeing the old negative me, and I just don't like it.
Its as if I don't have the energy to make things sit well with
my soul.
Or when I do find a glory, something new happens to
upset the balance. I
wake up each morning with a positive attitude, happy to be alive,
thankful for everything, etc. and usually by 7 p.m.
I am pissed off about
something.
I don't get pissed off anymore. This isn't me! Yet it is who I am
becoming.
Two changes in my routine: absence of smiles and absence
of words.
Point: I am fearful that I am taking a turn for the worst
because I am
feeling like a zombie. I don't want to admit this, and this
is the first time
I have pondered this link, but all I know is that there
is something
strange going on with me and that I am just not sure how much more
I can
take.
I think that what this really comes down to is that I am just not
resting enough. I cannot remember the last time I actually relaxed.
All I know is that I just can't stand this ME.
And there is no real
reason for this ME to be coming out to play.
I can't go on. This is daft.
Thursday 5/10
> A few readers commented me for using the word pundek, I know it's a swear word but I don't know what it means, really. Ok, I'm not going to
use the word pundek any more. Received a number of emails the last few weeks, I'm just too bad at emailing, I think I've replied to all mails
I received.
So some of the people think I'm wicked cool and some
of the people think I'm like the devil. Honest, I'll never understand that.
I was kinda surprised
because I think of myself as way too bland for either
label.
Really, there are people who believe I'm one of those bad guys
, because of stuff I write on the internet. How
could anyone think that? I'm such a modest, sometimes-happy-sometimes-sad,
peaceful man.
I'm developing a kind of wit, though. Wit is something
that develops with age. Like mold on cheese. Old people
are generally much wittier than young people. The wit of
young people tends to be obnoxiously lame.
> Me,myself & I called this morning, that surprised me, she's still on leave....syoklah kawin musim-musim hujan nih...heh...
> The KDN Meeting lasted for only half and hour but the we spent another 30 mins inspecting works at Sample Unit, Block B. Not many officers turned up for the meeting.
> To Sungai Wang Plaza (Reliance Travel)
to submit the documents for my visa application. It takes 10 working days, so said the ticketing officer. Hmmm...I'm a bit worried now, what if the Embassy rejects my application? Maybe my bank statement doesn't look good, heck, I don't know! I'm keeping my fingers and my toes and my....
crossed....
......later tonight......
--------------------------------------------
10-30 pm: Site Office, Pantai Dalam
I'm still at the site office, been "watching" CSCE and London LIFFE coffee since nine. I'm not going to drive to Subang Jaya office, I need to
have some rest. Maybe I just go for dinner or something at Samarkhand Restaurant and
come back here to see them doing concreting works to Level 16, Block A.
Good night, sleep tight....Assalamualaikum...
Friday 6/10
12-30 pm:
> Boy, why was the site so quiet this morning? Where was Edwards? Spent the morning in my office cabin doing "absolutely nothing" - rearranging drawings/plans, updating progress reports, transferring files to my zip drive etc - yeah, absolutely nothing.
> I came accross this
while reading old New Straits Times (while waiting for
the 'puter to boot);
Happiness isn't "getting what you want." Hmmm...cute!
That would be like falling endlessly. Or like driving a
car which only
accelerates, and has no brake peddle. It would be petrifying:
you'd have
to stear more and more quickly -- keep choosing new directions --
until
weariness overcame you and the crash occurred.
But I'm just thinking out loud. Perhaps a person might rest,
from time
to time, by wanting nothing at all -- imagine the ennui.
No, I really think I'm lucky to want things that I can't have. It
generates a peaceful lacitude. At the heights of my freedom,
I'm
largely indifferent to this whole material universe.
The longing blitzes
everything else out.
I sing songs to myself, as they come
into my head,
as I drift through the daily stuff of existence.
Change can strike me at
any time, as always, but the grief is a cosy constant,
and it overwhelms;
it can be relied upon.
I am wrapped up and safe.
.........I'll write again tonight, InsyaAllah...
-----------------------------------
10-15 pm: Subang Jaya
> Been on the net since 6-15 pm, not only
checking London LIFFE & New York CSCE but surfing some holiday pages, mainly
lonely planet. I'm off to have dinner at one
newly-opened restaurant/cafe next door, I know it's a bit expensive (they charged
RM5-80 for a small portion of nasi lemak the other night) but that the nearest , I'm
too tired to go to the hawker centre near Inti College.
Saturday 7/10
> My morning was spent reading back issues of National Geography Traveler I borrowed from Haji Hashim last night. I just read articles about New York, Virginia and a few other neighbouring states. Ah, so many interesting places but so little time - and I'm still keeping my fingers, my toes, crossed....and it's bloody difficult to type with crossed fingers...heh..
> I was supposed to leave at 1-00 pm but the Main Contractor submitted another concreting inspection form for Block B (Level 18, Zone A), soon the other Nominated Sub-Contractors submitted theirs. I merely said, inspection at 4 o'clock, I need to go for lunch in a minute and I'm sending my car for a wash.
After Zohor, I took a shower and drove back to the site office, they were busy preparing formworks, tightening the scaffoldings etc, I locked my room and took a quick nap until 3-00 pm. Then, together with Ah Heng (sub-contractor) and one electrical sub-contractor, we climbed Level 18 for final inspection.
It was okay the first 5 minutes, we joked and we laughed. But then Ah Heng said (in Malay), tak apalah Zainal, you kerja Sundays dapat overtime double, apa susah. (That's ok Zainal, you work Sundays then you're entitled for (double) overtime, what's the problem?)
No, I'm not entitled for overtime claims, I'm here just to help you guys, I just want this project to be completed on time, that's all.
Ah, come on....if not because of overtime claims (double) you wouldn't stay until night on a Saturday would you?
Ma ci**i...you don't understand... I'm not being paid for doing this, my bosses don't even know I work Saturdays and Sundays. I think you are missing the whole point...
No, I still don't believe you....
Fine, and since I'm not supposed to work Saturday evenings, I'll continue this inspection Monday morning.
They thought I was just pullimg their legs but when I started to descend, only then they realized I was dead serious.
I'll see you Monday, I said with a big grin on my face.
Oh come on....please.....
Ah Heng goyang scaffolding tu masa aku turun, aku panik gila, tapi aku buat selamba jer, aku turun cepat-cepat, then aku dengar benda jatuh, someone campak kayu kat aku, aku tak tahulah dia orang sengaja campak atau saja nak bagi aku takut, so aku pusing ikut exit lain, aku turun pelan-pelan. Panas. Dia kata aku kerja Saturdays, Sundays sebab duit, kalau betul aku dapat overtime tu memang aku tak marah, ini aku memang tolong diaorang, dia cakap macam tu pulak. Itu yang buat terbakar sangat tuh...
.....
to be continued tonight....I'm in KL now....panas sangat nih...
--------------------------
So, I walked back to my office fuming mad, I merely said, Monday, Monday, Monday to the other staff (the Contractor's). A few minutes later the DPM (Deputy Project Manager), Chong, asked me what went wrong. I said, no, nothing wrong, just that the work is not ready for inspection, let alone concreting works. I started to pack my stuff when the Project Manager (Tan) pleaded with me to do the inspection.
Please Zainal, do us a favor, give us another chance, we have already ordered 180 meter cube of concrete for tomorrow, everything has been arranged, this will only put us in deep trouble. We are behind schedule and we need to achieve our target to have to slab concreted this week.
Blah blah blah...
Blah blah blah...
I left the site without even locking my room, to hell with those guys, they have been riding on my back and now they are hurting my feelings.
Thought of driving home but I ended up driving to KL, stucked in a massive traffic crawl along Leboh Ampang, Jalan Munshi Abdullah, Jalan Tuanku Abdul Rahman etc, wasted more than an hour. I was sweating all over, tried to calm down by saying some zikir but my mind was somewhere else.
[Now, I'm a bit worried though....what if the Contractors back stab me by proceeding with the works? What if they just go on with concreting works, knowing the fact once it is done, it is done? Knowing the very fact that the slab won't be demolished? Arrgghhh....tomorrow I have to be there at the site first thing in the morning]
> Parked my car at Plaza Putra and headed straight for The Actor Studio, bought a ticket for tomorrow 3 o'clock show of From Table Mountain To Teluk Intan, a one-woman (Jo Kukhatas) show based on a true story about a South African woman's struggle after being knived while out shopping. Or something. More about that tomorrow perhaps.
> There was this cars/motor exhibiton at Merdeka Square but I did not even spend a minute there, I went straight to central market and spent about 30 minutes at Adzam Internet cafe uploading this entry.
> Thank you Farah for signing my guestbook, I don't usually check mine because I don't get many people signing it. I went to her site and was amazed by the design I spent more than an hour checking every single page. The most beautiful personal page I ever seen (by a Malaysian)- makes mine dead pale in comparison. Ah, never mind, I'm a working guy, I don't have the time to learn how to design a great website....heh...excuse, excuse...
So, you guys, go visit Farah and see for yourself how great the design is, and don't forget to sign her guestbook. Go! Go! Go!
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