A comedy set in Slade Prison, starring:
PILOT EPISODE - PRISONER AND ESCORT
On New Year's Eve, Norman Stanley Fletcher is sentenced to prison for taking a fancy to someone elses lorry. He is escorted by two prison officers, Mr. McKay and Mr. Barrowclough. On the train, he manages to suck up to Barrowclough's soft points, but finds McKay doesn't seem to have any. After getting out of the train, Fletcher wants to go to the toilet before getting into the van, so he urinates into the petrol tank. As a result, the van breaks down, and he, along with McKay and Barrowclough, get stranded. While McKay goes to get help, Fletcher persuades Barrowclough to take shelter for the night in a cottage. There, they have a heart to heart, and Barrowclough tells Fletcher that he's never been able to open up to anyone before. Fletcher tries to run away, but ends up running back to where he began. When they arrive in prison, Fletcher puts in a good word to the governor for Barrowclough, and is able to get more or less what he wants from him. But he is in a bit of bother with McKay over the petrol tank.
(* Richard Beckinsale did not appear in this episode)
EPISODE 1 - NEW FACES, OLD HANDS
Fletcher has to share his cell with two others, Lennie Godber and Cyril Heslop, who lacks brains. Fletcher fails to pull one over on the doctor during his medical about bad feet, but manages to find out that the Governor likes fish, and one of his fish is suffering fin-rot. He uses this information to his advantage when meeting the governor, claiming he likes animals. So, when jobs are handed out, Godber ends up in the kitchen, Heslop in the library, and Fletcher with 'special duties'. Godber is given a single cell, whilst Evans, a razor-blade-eater, moves in with Fletcher and Heslop. Fletcher finds working on the farm with the pigs, and when the Governor enquires about his article for the 'Farmers Weekly', he claims Evans ate it.
EPISODE 2 - THE HUSTLER
As well as wanting to be moved to a single cell, Fletcher gets a bit obsessed with gambling, and ends up losing a bag of eggs to Ives. Good job he loses too, because McKay decides to search him, and Fletcher ends up telling Ives that the yolk is on him. When he arranges a gambling game with Lukewarm, Heslop and Evans, he bets Ives 8 ounces of snout he'll get away with it. Ives spills the beans to McKay and Barrowclough about it being in the coke store, so McKay orders some coke, and they soon come out with black faces. A fallen Fletcher has to be moved to a single cell, and when he pays off his debt of 8 ounces of snout to Ives, wqho boasts to Fletcher that the coke was on him this time, he claims he won that when he bet the entire landing he'd be in a single cell by Sunday.
EPISODE 3 - A NIGHT IN
Fletcher and Godber take up their only real choice of a night in, and discuss their relationship, their families, and women. It appears that Fletcher is a pornographic person, whilst Godber believes in God. The following day, Fletchger and Godber discussd their plans for the evening, and decide upon another night in.
(* Fulton McKay and Brian Wilde did not appear in this episode)
EPISODE 4 - A DAY OUT
Fletcher and Godber, amongst some others, including Ives, end up going out to dig drains for the council, but not before Godber complains to Fletcher that he eats with his mouth full. When Barrowclough is left in charge of the digging, his good nature is taken advantage of when Ives is stung, and Fletcher goes off to get some ointment for him, or so he tells Barrowclough. He actually goes to the pub for a pint or two, until Mckay comes in and nearly sees him. When it rains, they end up breaking into a church, and when McKay sees them not there, he calls in his superior, but when the re-appear, he is suspected of wasting time. Back in prison, Godber shows Fletcher a surplice he stole from church, claiming it's to protect him from Fletchers talking with his mouth full.
EPISODE 5 - WAYS AND MEANS
Fletcher ends up making fishing nets, along with McLaren, who makes himself his own worst enemy. It is Fletcher who knocks sense into McLaren, and persuades him to climb onto a roof, where Fletcher them climbs up to give him a talk, thus redeeming himself and McLaren. Having become good friends, Fletcher and Mclaren exchange books. Also, Fletcher shows Ives an obscene publication, which he claims he pinched from the Governors desk.
(* Richard Beckinsale did not appear in this episode)
EPISODE 6 - MEN WITHOUT WOMEN
After reading Warren's letter out to him, Fletcher decides to play the part of a prison welfare officer, and tells all the prisoners, who are worried about what their wives are up to, what to write in their (identical) letters. Even Barrowclough tells him that he sometimes wishes he lived in prison. On visitting day, Fletcher's daughter Ingrid visits, claiming his wife Isobel is seeing another man. Fletcher is given weekend parole to sort his problem out, whereupon Fletcher gets to spend time in his luxury home, watch Spurs play, and snuggle up with his wife as a result of his an Ingrid's con. He is given some fruit to take back to prison, and when one of the other prisoners asks how Fletcher's feeling, he boasts about his luxury weekend, and tells them to have a banana. Later, when McKay peeks into the cell, Fletcher is reading the paper, with his hands in the position of giving a V-sign.
(* Richard Beckinsale did not appear in this episode)
EPISODE 1 - JUST DESSERTS
When Fletcher discovers his pineapple chunks have been stolen, he calls a meeting with the other prisoners, and questions his trust in Godber. He admits to him that he knows he didn't steal them because he'd already gone through his things. Meanwhile, Godber is nearly caught stealing margarine from the kitchen. Fletcher meanwhile, discovers Barrowclough found the pineapple chunks, and 'accidentally' took them home to eat with gammon steak, and to avoid Barrowclough reporting it, Fletcher has to pay for a new one. In the kitchen, Godber again is nearly caught when he and Warren try to steal some more pineapple chunks for Fletcher, while Barrowclough sneaks in and replaces the tin. But before it is replaced, one of the officers thinks the last tin has just been stolen, and when McKay goes to check the stores, it's still there, whilst Warren thinks it's something to do with God. Godber leaves Fletchers present of the pineapple chunks on his bunk, but McKay sees them before Fletcher, who gets into trouble, whilst Godber goes scrounging for a tin opener, presumably to eat Fletcher's chunks.
EPISODE 2 - HEARTBREAK HOTEL
Godber has written to a radio show, requesting a song for his Denise, but it has been rejected because of being on prison notepaper. Meanwhile, Fletcher daughter Ingrid, on visitting, shows Fletcher up about whether or not she wears a bra. Later, while Fletcher has trouble with a squashed ping-pong ball, he learns from Barrowclough that Godber is in trouble for fighting, which Godber says is because he had some bad news - Denise has eloped with another woman. Later, after Fletcher has got a new ping-pong ball, he sees Godber writing another letter to the radio show, his time not on prison notepaper, and as Fletcher learns, to his Ingrid. Fletcher leaps at Godber, only to find he has crushed another ping-pong ball.
EPISODE 3 - DISTURBING THE PEACE
When Fletcher sees a transfer paper for McKay, he uses the information to his advantage, by betting with McKay he'll soon be gone, because it says so in his horoscope. of course, Fletcher wins the bet. Happy days are cut short, when 'Napper' Wainwright, who Fletcher knew from Brixton, is promoted to McKay's place, especially when Barrowclough gets moved to the farm, due to his incompetence as a prison officer. The prisoners arrange a kitchen riot, which Wainwright is unable to control, but Barrowclough is able to stop it (this was planned beforehand). Wainwright ends up resigning, Barrowclough back on the landing, and McKay also returns, claiming that with him back, life will be tough, but the prisoners respond to this by singing 'For He's A Jolly Good Fellow', as McKay feels the glory.
EPISODE 4 - HAPPY RELEASE
Fletcher is in hospital with a broken ankle, sharing a ward with old Blanco, and evil Norris, who has got hold of most of Blanco's stuff by gambling. Norris is due for release in a few days, and Fletcher and Blanco plan revenge. During the night, Blanco tells Fletcher about a secret map he has, of where he buried some money, in Leeds. He gives the map to Godber for safe-keeping. Norris, who has overheard the conversation, persuades Godber to give him the map, after giving back all Blanco's stuff, including a Japanese radio. Having been released, Norris immediately starts digging up the money, only to find himself taking the turf off a football pitch. While he gets arrested, Fletcher and Blanco enjoy hearing this news on the Japanese radio.
EPISODE 5 - THE HARDER THEY FALL
Godber has taken up boxing. On the night of his first fight, Harry Grout gives Fletcher the hard task of fixing the fight for him to win money. He tries softening Godber up with chocolate, but when he clearly won't lose, especially having been nobbled by Grout's rival to win, he demands it back. Fletcher faces a dilemma, until the actual fight, when a draw takes place, and all bets are declared null and void. The only person who comes out with anything, is Fletcher, who got some chocolate from a baker, after betting on a draw.
EPISODE 6 - NO PEACE FOR THE WICKED
Fletcher wants some peace and quiet, which is interrupted constantly, by people like McLaren wanting some chewing gum, Blanco showing his finished hobby-horse, Barrowclough wanting a chat with him, McKay showing in some prison visitors, and, eventually, a chaplain, whom he throws over the rails. In trouble with the governor, Fletcher is told he will be isolated for the next three days, to which he responds by asking if they can make it a fortnight.
1976 CHRISTMAS SPECIAL - NO WAY OUT
Fletcher and others have been fermenting wine for Christmas, which they keep chilled in a lavatory cistern. Unfortunately, the screws find out about this scam, and Fletcher looks set to be in solitary confinement. Meanwhile, some of the prisoners are planning to tunnel their way out, with a choir singing carols to drown out the noise of hammering and soforth. In order to redeem himself, Fletcher decides to accidentally-on purpose let Mr. MacKay discover the tunnel, preferably by dropping him in. However, it is Fletcher who falls in, and ends up in hospital. There, after discussing their relationship, Mr. MacKay gives Fletcher a present of a flask of brandy, hoping he'll tell how they disposed of the soil from the tunnel. He tells him that they dug another tunnel and filled that with the soil. Before he realises he's been done, Fletcher swigs the brandy and wishes MacKay a Merry Christmas.
EPISODE 1 - A STORM IN A TEACUP
Harris has stolen some pills, and when he disposes of them on the landing, they land in Fletcher's tea. No-one knows where they landed, and Fletcher has to replace them quickly, otherwise it could rumble one of Harry Grout's schemes. He tries to obtain some pilss from Barrowclough, but can't get the right size. Eventually, he manages to replace the pills, and after, finds the missing pills in his tea. Unable to dispose of them before MacKay enters his cell, he swallows them, but MacKay questions him when he finds the container. He asks what the pills Harris stole were for, and MacKay tells him they were for his the governors dog's bad breath. When he leaves, Godber asks Fletcher how he's feeling, and he barks.
EPISODE 2 - POETIC JUSTICE
Fletcher and Godber gain a third cell-mate, in spite of Fletcher's protests. Fletcher then discovers it's Judge Rawley, who sentenced him to prison. While people think he's being shown favouritism, Fletcher tries to get him to give some information on the governor, but he won't. Finally, he tells him how he wishes he'd known at his trial that he was a bent judge, because then he'd have bribed him.
EPISODE 3 - ROUGH JUSTICE
Rawley's watch goes missing, and after Fletcher, Godber and Warren accuse each other of pinching it, they then recall Harris visitting the cell. They decide to stage a mock trial, with Harris as the accused, Warren as the defence, McLaren as the prosecution, and rawley as Judge. This fails to work, however, they do manage to get the watch back by other means. After Rawley's appeal comes through, before leaving, he gives the watch to Fletcher as a thank you present for all the help he's been to him. Fletcher then claims he'll murder Harris, after finding there's no works on the watch.
EPISODE 4 - PARDON ME
Blanco, who is in prison for the alleged killer of his wife, claims it was really her lover that did it. So when he gets his parole, he rejects it, saying the only thing he'll accept is pardon. Fletcher decides to start a campaign for a re-trial, and when Barrowclough won't sign a petition, he forges his signature, and when Barrowclough is questionned by the governor about it, recognising his own handwriting, assumes he must have signed it. After worrying the governor there could be a hunger strike, affecting the reputation of Slade Prison, Blanco is soon given pardon. When Fletcher warns him not to go seeking revenge on her lover, he tells him it's alright because he died years ago. He then adds that he knows for sure because he killed him.
EPISODE 5 - A TEST OF CHARACTER
Godber is trying to revise for an 'O' Level Geography exam, and Fletcher decides to help him by stealing the question paper. After a a complex set up to get Barrowclough out of the room where the paper is stored, Fletcher, Warren and McLaren get hold of the paper. Godber however, refuses to cheat, but when the cell is empty, he takes a look at the paper, unaware that Warren is peeking through the door. While he and Fletcher discuss what they saw, Godber comes along, boasting that whether or not he passed, he did it honestly. When confronted about what Warren saw, he claims that Warren, who is illiterate, stole the Biology papers.
EPISODE 6 - FINAL STRETCH
Godber gets his parole. However, when Jarvis, an inmate picks a fight with him, it is put in jeopardy. He plans to fight him on the day of his parole, but Fletcher comes up with a scheme. He gives Jarvis an offensive joke to pass on to the other inmates, which soon gets him into a fight with one of Harry Grout's mates. So during Godber's parole, Jarvis is in the cooler, and Godber is released. Later on, MacKay tells Fletcher of a new prisoner who'll soon be joining him. Fletcher tells him he'll tell him three things, and as he counts on his fingers, he deliberately nearly forgets to put his third finger up, giving time for him to make rather a suggestive gesture.