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Mike's Dallas Cowboy Jokes Page
Albert Einstein wants to test the IQ of three men. He finds men with IQs of 250, 150, and 50. He asks the man with the 250 IQ, "What can you tell me about nuclear fission?" The man gives an answer appropriate to his 250 IQ, and Einstein moves on to the man with a 150 IQ. He asks him, "What can you tell me about Nuclear reactions?" The man gives him an answer appropriate for a 150 IQ. Einstein then asks the man with the 50 IQ, "HOW 'BOUT THEM COWBOYS?"
Why is it that you can't get through an episode of COPS without seeing a drunk unshaven guy in a dirty Cowboys t-shirt getting arrested?
Q: Why was Barry Switzer carrying a gun?
A: He was practicing the Run and Shoot.
A news reporter was sitting in Central Park on his lunch break. There were two teenage boys throwing the football around. A huge Rotweiler gets loose from it's owner and pounces on one of the boys. The other one, in a fit of panic, picks up the biggest stick he could find and smashes it aginst the dog's head, killing it. The reporter runs over to the boys. "Wow! That was great! I can see the headline now: Giants Fan Saves Life of Best Friend!" "I am not a Giants fan", the boy replied. "Well, who are you a fan of, then?" asked the reporter. "I am a fan of America's Team, the Dallas Cowboys!". The next day, the headline read "Redneck Punk Brutally Slays Beloved Family Pet".
Q: What do you call 47 people sitting around a T.V. watching the Super Bowl?
A.The Dallas Cowboys
Q: What's Jerry Jones biggest concern
A: Does Bail Money count against the Salary Cap?
Q: Did you hear, the Dallas Cowboys adopted a new "Honor System";
A: Yes your Honor, No your Honor.
Q: Why can't Michael Irvin get into a huddle on the field anymore?
A: It is a parole violation for him to associate with known felons.
Q: What do you call a drug ring in Dallas?
A: The huddle.
Q: Did you know the Cowboys had a 12 and 5 season this year.
A: 12 arrests, 5 convictions.
Q: How do you get a Cowboy to stand up?
A: Say "Will the defendant please rise."
Q: What do you say to a Cowboy in a suit?
A: Will the defendant please rise.
Q: Hey, did you hear who the Cowboys hired as their new defensive
A: Johnny Cochran.
Q: Four Dallas Cowboys in a car, who's driving?
A: The police.
Q: How do the Dallas Cowboys spend their first week at training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights.
Q: Did you hear about the fire at the Cowboys' library facilities?
A: Both books were burned, and one of them had not even been colored in yet.
Q: How many people does it take to beat the Cowboys?
A: Only 1 - Barry Switzer
Q: Why can't Micheal Irvin get into a huddle on the football field?
A: It's a parole violation to associate with known felons.
Q: What do you call it, when a Dallas Cowboy goes on vacation?
A: Time off for good behavior.
Q: Why does Texas Stadium have Astroturf?
A: To keep the fans from grazing during games.
Q: How do you make Deion Sanders slower than a snail?
A: Call a pass route through a metal detector and wait for him to remove him jewelry.
Jerry Jones was really upset with Irvin for the hotel room incident. After all, Irvin did get caught with coke instead of Pepsi.
Q: Why is Troy Aikman unable to answer a telephone?
A: He can't find the receiver.
None of the Cowboys have been able to go home. The last time they were out of town, someone painted goal lines across their driveways and they can't make it over them.
I heard a rumor that the Texas Department of Corrections plans to build a new prison in Irving, Texas in order to allow "Jerry's Kids" to walk to work.
John Madden was in Dallas covering a football game one Sunday. He was walking along the Cowboys' sideline when he noticed Barry Switzer standing next to an unusual phone. Madden asked Switzer about the phone, to which Switzer replied, "That's a hotline to God, and for $50 you can use it." Madden dug out $50 from his pocket and used the phone. The following week Madden was covering a game in Philadelphia. As he walked along the Eagles' sideline, he saw a similar phone next to Ray Rhodes. Madden asked if the phone was a hotline to God, and Rhodes replied, "Yes, and a call will cost you 50 cents." Madden then asked Rhodes why this phone cost so much less than the phone in Dallas. Rhodes replied, "It's a local call."
A man walked into a bar and sat down for a drink. He noted a dog intently watching an Eagles-Cowboys game. Whenever the Eagles scored, the dog would jump onto the bar and do an animated dance. This happened over and over as the Eagles scored again and again. At the end of the game, the dog let out a loud howl and ran out of the bar. The man thought this was pretty unusual and said to the bartender, "Gee, that's amazing. What happens when the Cowboys win?" The bartender replied, "I don't know- the dog's only four years old."
Q: What do you call a beautiful girl in Dallas?
A: A tourist.
Q: Why wasn't Jesus born in Dallas?
A: Because God couldn't find three wise men.
Q: What do you call a Cowboys fan with half a brain?
Q: How can you tell if a Cowboys fan has been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.
Q: Why did Michael Irvin get so excited when he finished his jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
Q: If you see a Cowboys fan on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?
A: It might be your bicycle.
Q: Why did the Cowboys fan climb the chain link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: How do you do the Dallas Cowboys' version of the Macarena?
A: Stand a foot away from the wall
Place one hand on the wall, and then the other.
Spread one leg, then the other.
Place one hand behind your head, and then the other.
Place one hand behind your back, and then the other.
Have the policeman handcuff one hand, then the other.
The Cowboys employ scouts. But to look out for cops, not to watch other teams.
The big joke in Dallas is that the Cowboys go out on the town wearing three championship rings and a home-confinement bracelet.
At Kennedy Airport, police confiscated $12 million worth of cocaine. The cops became suspicious when the saw a big box addressed to Michael Irvin.
I would like to thank the following people for sending me jokes: Timothy Imrick, Beardo, Stephen Bach, Chuck, Leonard Lau, John Steely, Kenny, Andrew Schultz, George Staigle, David Letterman, Bill Mahr, Dario Roas, and J. Kevin Adlam.
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