You're on the Internet Too Much:<bR> You need to Get A Life if ...
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You're on the Internet Too Much:
You need to Get A Life if ...

You know all the world news before it is ever announced on the TV or Radio.

You know nothing about world news because you haven't found a kewl news site.

Your television/vcr and/or automobile need repair but you don't bother to fix them because there is nothing you want to watch or no where you want to go.

Burglars stole everything in your house or apartment except the computer and you never noticed anything missing

You fell asleep while on the Internet.

You fell in love while on the Internet.

Your dog/cat dies of starvation while you are home. You never noticed it was hungry.

The battery for your PC clock died several years ago but you never noticed because the machine has never been turned off.

You don't know who Monica Lewinsky is!

You don't know who Bill Clinton is!

You think George Bush is still President.

You have all the plugins available for your browser.

Your wife says communication is important in a marriage... so you downloaded Netscape Communicator

Unless someone sends you an email, you ignore them.

If you are out and see a computer, you MUST check your Hotmail FREE email accounts.

Your business/calling cards have your ICQ number, your email address and your home pages listed but not your telephone number.

You are continuously connected to the Internet at work and stop what you are doing to toggle to the Net several times an hour.

You always give your pager number out because your telephone line is always busy.

In order to feed yourself, you just installed that NEW Grill Cheese Sandwich Maker Drive in your computer.

You buy a new computer but don't buy a word processor, because you code all your correspondence in HTML using Notepad.

Your dog, cat, children, husband or wife are named ISDN or HTML.

If you turn off your modem, your feel like you are killing one of your children.

Your monthly software, hardware and Internet access bills exceed your rent, mortgage or food bills.

Your Internet provider refuses to sell you the Unlimited Plan.

You work part-time at a computer store/or your Internet provider but never get paid in real money because your salary never exceeds your computer relate purchases from your employer.

Any conversation your have always ends with "Please sign my guest book."

Any conversation with you is sprinkled with the comment, "You will find a link on my homepage about that."

Your wife/husband and children never get to use the computer but they know your email and homepage addresses.

You are connected to the Internet and using Win 98's feature that allows you to use two modems and two Internet connections simultaneously.

You have ever been fired from your job because your were goofing off on the Internet.

You are unemployed, unsure if your will be able to pay for food and shelter but your Internet access is paid up for a year or more.

You have and use more than 10 free email accounts.

You often carry on 4 or more simultaneous separate conversations on ICQ.

You have your ICQ number memorized but not your phone number.

You format your hard drive more than once a month because of frequent new downloads.

Your closest friends all have "@" in their names.

You think using IRC is an intellectual activity.

You don't know the sex of your closest friends because they all have unisex nicknames and you have never bothered to ask.

You often access the Internet from 3 or more different locations.

You have several computers running and connected to the Internet at the same time so that you can do your many downloads faster.

Your signature appears in more than 50 guest books a day.

You have won awards for a home page from those people who give out awards so easily but you have never stopped surfing long enough to actually make a home page.

You setup your wife/husband, children and pets with home pages from the free providers but they have never seen them. You also applied for free email accounts for them so you could apply for more free home pages.

You maintain more than 3 personal home pages and keep them up to date at all times.

You have to fight with your wife/husband/kids over who can use the computer.

You feel that 64MB of RAM might be enough ram to surf the Net for now but may need more if programs become more demanding.

You actually have several browsers on your computer and think nothing of having two or more copies of them running at any one time.

You get/send more than 10 email a day for non-business purposes.

You place more than 50 postings to the Newsgroups a month.

Your hard drive is over 3GB in size and is always full.

You actually think Real Video provides an acceptable picture on a 28.8 Kbps modem.

Your bed, fridge, stove, food, dog/cat food, dog/cat dish are all in the same room as your computer so you don't have to leave the room.

You have a small intranet with a second computer in the bathroom networked to your main system so you don't miss anything.

You have never heard of Seinfeld.

You don't bother watching movies anymore, you just read the reviews on the IMDB (Internet Movie Database).

You have never actually met your (girl/boy)friend.

You have the delusion that Bill Gates should have given away Windows 98 to all his Windows 95 customers, because 95 never worked very well anyway.

You are on the Internet for more hours in a day than the total time you spend at (school/work) and asleep.

Your spouse has begged you to "Get off the Internet and come to bed."

You have ever played Quake or another Internet game for an entire night

You never have trouble logging on to the Internet because you never logoff.

You use a database to keep track of the URLs you collect.

Your spouse left you but you never noticed.

Your spouse left you but you didn't care.

You forgot you had spouse.

You actually visited and read all the pages at http://www.angelfire.com/me/marmalade/

You read all this hot air!

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Since February 2, 1998, page has been visited by
people who need to get a life.

ICQ UIN: 1308061

Email: marmalade_man@hotmail.com

Copyright (c) Vic Evans 1997, 1998