PLEASE BEAR WITH ME, THIS HAS JUST BEGUN.Things you probably won`t hear a red neck say: We don`t keep firearms in this house. Has anyone seen the sideburn trimmer? You can`t feed that to the dog. I thought Graceland was tackey. We`re vegetarians. I`ll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy. Deer heads distract from the decor.You might be a Redneck ifYou have more pink flamingos in your yard than you have flowersANDYou May Be a REDNECK if you LIKE this page. PERSONAL HYGIENE While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods. DINING OUT When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the wine. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label. ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table... no matter how good his manners are. DATING (Outside the Family) Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date. Be aggressive. Let her know you are interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the men's bathroom wall two years ago. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 pm; Others might say Monday. If it is the latter, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time. THEATER ETIQUETTE Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you. WEDDINGS Livestock is usually a poor choice for a wedding gift. Kissing the bride more than five seconds may get you shot. For the groom, at least rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cumberbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion. DRIVING ETIQUETTE Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight. When approaching a four way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way. Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring beer back. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession. TIPS FOR ALL OCCASIONS Never take a beer to a job interview. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-haul to the funeral home. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(Q) How is a tornado like a redneck divorce?( A.) Either way somebody's gonna loose a trailer. CHECK OUT THESE GREAT RECEPIES FOR VITTLES Orange Lake Frog Legs Wash frog legs thoroughly They should preferably be of the previous night's catch Place in deep pan, sprinkle with two tablespoons lemon juice or vinegar to every pound of frog legs, and cover with small pieces of ice Let stand in ice box from one to three hours Rinse Roll in lightly salted flour Dip in beaten whole egg, then roll in fine bread crumbs Saute, turning once, in one-half inch of Dora's butter, until a chestnut brown Serve at once, garnished with water cress or parsley; tartar sauce if desired Allow six small pairs of legs or three jumbo pairs per person Source: Cross Creek Cookery by Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings, published by Scribners in 1942 '....This is very similar to one way I have prepared frog legs ***************************************************************** Old Fashioned Coon Put one coon in salt water and let stand overnight Take out of water next morning and wash two times Put in kettle and boil until tender Put in bread pan and put pepper & sage on it and bake Serve with sweet potatoes Recipe submitted by Darlene on 12/14/97 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Possum Take a possum & parboil until tender Take out of water and put in bread pan Pepper to taste Take three large sweet potatoes and boil until tender Lay these around the possum in bread pan, put in oven & bake until brown Serve warm Recipe submitted by Darlene on 12/14/97 'It jest stands to reason thet if you're jest newly hitched, you might not know th' best way to fix possum (sum mothers fail to teach their youn'uns th' important things). So if you wants to weasel yore way into yore mans heart--spring this recipe on him' ###################################################### Hog Maw (stuffed pig stomach) This is a Pennsylvania Dutch dish that is delicious. It is difficult to find a diner with this on the menu, but, the effort is well worth. 1 Hog maw (cleaned pig stomach) 5 Cups finely diced raw potatoes 1-1/2 Cups celery, chopped Salt & Pepper Thyme Sweet marjoram THOROUGHLY scrub and de-fat the hog maw, turning it inside-out to do the inside. Combine potatoes, sausage, celery and bread crumbs; mix until well blended. Add seasonings to taste and use this mixture to stuff hog maw. Sew up the openings and prick it with a fork (do this about a dozen times, all over the stomach). Place on rack in a deep kettle with boiling water half-way up the sides of the hog maw. Boil for 1-1/2 hours; remove and place into baking pan. Pour some of the water into the pan. Bake at 300º for 1-1/2 hours, basting frequently. Turn it occasionally so that both sides brown nicely (or brown in a skillet, turning so that all sides brown nicely. To serve, place on platter and slice it. You may be able to use something other than a hog maw to hold the stuffing, but I don't know what that would be . Recipe submitted by Rich on 3/20/99 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Crow Casserole 'You have heard of eating crow. Well, here's the recipe for it!!....I can hear all of your printers humming now. This was in one of my favorite recipe books. At least, it used to be one of my favorites' Remove crow breasts Boil for 1/2 hour; remove Place butter in a pan and brown meat Place on top of sauerkraut in a casserole dish Put two strips of bacon on each crow breast Cover with sliced onions Pour sauerkraut juice over it Bake 2 hours at 350° Recipe submitted by Sylvia on 4/29/98 (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( Rattlesnake ( Dons) Skin & clean snake With a sharp knife, cut the belly open down to the tail end (where the rattles are) Coil the snake into a pot of 2 cans of boiling beer for 3 to 4 minutes Remove & let cool When it's cool enough to handle, scratch a little space between the vertabre and the meat, so you can hold onto both of them, and pull them apart (just like a zipper...) The vertabrae make nice Hat bands or necklaces when sun dried Cut across the snake in 1/2 inch cuts, the full length.....WAAAALLLLAAA...almost finished Serve cold, with a spicy cocktail sauce Recipe submitted by Don from Phoenix on 12/14/97 'It looks like, AND tastes like, boiled shrimp......' ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Or :Winston Cups recipie for Rattlesnake: 1 or more fresh rattlesnake(s) 1 or 2 eggs (depending on whether you have more than one snake) flour, salt & pepper Remove head & skin of snake Remove insides Wash the cleaned snake, pat dry & cut into sections 4 to 5 inches long Beat egg(s) with a dash of water, with salt and pepper to taste dip snake sections in egg mixture, then dredge in flour Place sections in small amount of hot oil in skillet Cover for about 3 or 4 minutes Uncover & turn Cover and cook another 3 or 4 minutes or until golden brown. Remove from skillet and drain. Use a little oil and the flour and a little chicken stock and canned milk to make a creamy brown gravy Serve with hot veggies and a fresh salad Note: The fried snake is also delicious with lemon juice instead of gravy Recipe submitted by Winston Cup on 12/15/97 'This seems to be the day for posting unusual recipes..Here's my offering. It is for real...and it is delicious.......Understand this: All the poison in a rattlesnake is in the head, and the head is removed...Also, a rattlesnake is not a scavenger. The meat is fresh & firm, and of a good color. There are two large strips of meat running along each side of bhe backbone...The ribs (and there are a lot of them) are covered with meat too, but not as much; the texture of the cooked snake is chewy, but not at all tough....The flavor is rather delicate'
