There's no place like home
It's just Tuesday, 0024, to be exact. I had a good day today! I am always so surprised when that happens! I met a very interesting person tonight in GayChat and I'm on a bit of a high from that! I hope we can keep in touch. I am buzzing, but very tired! I am really looking forward to Mardi Gras this year. I am going to revel in it, I think! Last year I was too depressed to notice or care, but this year I'm just gonna go out & have a whole lot of fun!
I must remember to wish Melissa a happy birthday later on today (at a reasonable hour!)
My car broke last night. I am getting a new Alternator today. $140 dollars I really didn't need to spend on my car right now. Oh well, I guess it could have been worse- I should be thankful for small miracles.
Work starts on Monday. I'm not feeling too bad about that, either. Maybe I'm in a good mood today!
I always miss Kate when she's not here. Even though she drives me crazy when she is! Mum is coming up tomorrow, so I might get to spend the day with her. Clance went to Bundanoon on Saturday! What a surprise- he actually made the effort for once in his life! Had to drive his mum's brand new car at 80k's all the way down! He never ceases to surprise me, I'll give him that!
Yesterday I had a really great day on the Net- met a few new people! I put one of those Ad's in (just for "friends", of course!), so it will be interesting to see if I get any replies. It's a bit scary, I'm not sure if I regret doing it yet or not.
I stayed in bed until midday today, because I had no reason to get up. I am so bored and lonely and depressed. It is true about Christmas, that it isn't good for so many people. I can really understand how people get suicidal at Christmas. I miss Kate, I think I will only let her stay for a week.
Not long to go now. It is so hot today, and I am so bored. I just want to sleep, yet I am not really tired.
I think Sandie and I are driving down to mum's late Christmas Eve, after I pick Sandie up from work at 10:00pm. Then we will come back the next day. I can't stay there any longer than that- it's too depressing.
Celeste is having a break at Christmas, only for one session.
I still have 2 weeks off before I have to go back to work at the Vacation centre. Even though I hate it there (and am dreading it!) I hate staying at home, too. I get so bored, especially as I have no money to actually do anything! I would like to go on a train somewhere, but I don't know where I would go. Maybe Canberra? Anywhere will cost me money to stay overnight. I don't think I could sit on the train all that way and then come straight back again. Still, I would like to use up my free passes before the end of the year.
Well, well. It's a week later and I haven't written anything. I don't know what happened to L; she just disappeared. I have no way of contacting her. Maybe she doesn't want to be contacted. Too weird. I certainly won't ever get involved with anyone online again!
Tomorrow is Kate's last day of School for this year. She won the award for Overall Academic Excellence. I was pretty proud of her. I will really miss Chris next year, even though she'll still be there it won't be the same.
Two weeks off now, then I have 3 weeks at that horrid vacation care centre. I am not looking forward to that at all. Then I have two weeks at School! Exciting and terrifying at the same time! I don't have to write a program or anything, but it's a bit more than just day- to- day filling in. Oh well, I hope this is the beginning of a fruitful relationship with the new school.
Today I feel too depressed to even write anything else in here.
I accidentally got up an hour earlier this morning. I must have pressed the hour button on my clock when I was setting the alarm last night. So I've actually been up since about 4:45. I thought it seemed a bit dark this morning.
(Later… same day) Had lunch with Melissa today, we haven't done that for a while.
I am still feeling sick, but am fighting it with lots of pseudoephedrine, codeine and paracetamol. I am managing to block it out, and hopefully it will go away. I am working tomorrow, and I cannot afford to be sick!
Pete is packing up his PC today- I will really miss him. I have started to miss his company already, as I haven't seen him online as much in the past week. I wonder how our relationship will change once he goes home and starts seeing the girlfriend. I guess I just won't 'see' him as much. Oh well, it's to be expected, I guess. He's probably paying me back for all those years I did it to him!
I am going to bed early tonight- I still can't believe I lost a whole hour of sleep last night!
I am feeling miserable today- I am not well. My head and ears and sinuses ache, and I just want to go to bed. I had to do the shopping & clean the house. As usual. I am feeling depressed too, but that's not that unusual. It just seems so much worse when I am sick as well. I really can't afford to be sick, anyway, not this close to Christmas. I am waiting for them to call me for tomorrow. Maybe they will call later this evening.
I haven't heard from L in 11 days. Oh well. It would never have worked anyway, living on the opposite sides of the globe.
Two more days 'till I see Celeste again.
Why is it that no matter how much sleep I get, I am always tired? Why can't I be one of those people that bounce out of bed?
It's been three days and I just haven't had time to update this journal. I worked Tuesday, yesterday, today and have to work tomorrow, too. I am exhausted. One more day then I can sleep in. I don't seem to be as stressed as I was before, and I am actually enjoying the work, except for the tiredness factor.
This afternoon I yelled at Kate because she started whingeing when I asked her to pack up her things in the lounge room. Why can't she learn not to whinge? It's the whingeing that pushes me over the edge- if she'd just learn to speak to me in a normal voice, I wouldn't get so angry, I wouldn't yell as much. Why can't she figure that out? I don't understand it. Then when I was yelling, mum knocked at the door and I asked Kate to open it and she bumped her nose on the ironing board as she got up, and started howling. Mum came in gave her heaps of sympathy, of course, and this just made me angrier. I was trying to get the dinner cooked, the washing needed hanging out, and I just wanted to cry. I hate that I have to do this. I hate coming home to a whingeing child. I hate cooking, and having to do the washing and all the other things. I am so tired. I am tired of having to do this on my own, I am tired of having no adult to come home to, and I am tired of the lack of affection. I am tired of being alone.
Monday morning, and I am already exhausted. I didn't go to sleep until late. I hate that. Not a good start to the week. Sandie is on her first trip today- she'd be there already. I missed her yesterday.
(Later…)
I just stayed at home today, and spent most of the day online. I didn't get anything done that I wanted to. Tomorrow I have to work- Kindergarten- Ugh!
There's no place like
home
October (15.10.97 to 31.10.97)
November (1.11.97 to 15.11.97)
November (16.11.97 to 30.11.97)
