I am an admitted gumball machine addict. Every time I walk past one of those plastic dispensing bandits, I must put a quarter into one. I usually get neat things.

A Key chain. A lucky rabbits foot. Once, in NYC, I even got a condom (glow in the dark even!)

But recently, I have decided that it is just not worth it to try and get my prize. It seems that now all I ever get is one of those stupid, brainless puzzle balls!

But even worse, the most annoying prize of all, the thing that made me actually FEAR those plastic and steel bandits, One time i got a rock.

Not any thing special. Just a rock. Oh, it was a polished one. It was green. But it was just a rock. It even came in a little plastic bag inside the plastic ball. But it was just a Rock.

I named him Tom. He's from Taiwan.

But, my question is, why put a rock into a gum-ball machine?

To improve a child's knowledge in volcan No.

To get him interested in Geology? Nine

How about to broaden his horizons? Nyet.

Now, think about this, what would ANY self-respecting six-year-old do with a rock?

Right. He would throw it.

He would throw it at either a girl, (because, as any six year-old boy knows, women are a sub-species of man, fit only for making mud pies), or throw it at a window,(because nothing excites a six-year old more than to watch something be destroyed.)

So who would put such a weapon of destruction into the hands of a six-year-old child?

Hasbro?

Tonka?

No, it's terrorists. Terrorist groups are trying to take over the world by giving these hand thrown missiles to the children of america.

Only a Terrorist would realize the wide spread destruction capable of a small group of six-year-olds with a hand full of rocks.

but why? Why would anyone do such a thing?

You might as well ask why god gave the platypus a beak and has it lay eggs, and then made it a mammal.

I say down with gumball machine terrorists! Do something about them before they do something about you!


Malkav, insane vampire, generation 3.