The Rules
We would like to thank Terra Gerstner for her invaluable list of rules here. Developed because of a conversation between Terra and eeeks, they are a set of guidelines for the men of the world. Peruse them and, if you are male, memorize them. They will help you. We promise.
- You do not choose the machine, the machine chooses you.
- There are no refunds.
- 100% Satisfaction Guaranteed.
- Flowers, chocolate, and constant sweetness & loving are located near the "on" switch.
- The "wandering eye" and overall indifference is definitely right next to the "off" switch.
- What this machine is for: a supplier of complete joy, laughter, & overflowing fountains of love *if* all needs are fulfilled.
- Delicate & detailed structure: to be handed gently & tenderly.
- The machine does not have a lie detector, but not to speak your mind clearly & honestly to it results in a breakdown of the machine's functions and it becomes inoperable.
- Requires constant fueling of cuddling & kind remarks.
- Does not tolerate rough-housing unless it is either laughing or doing all the damage.
- CAUTION: May steal your heart and never give it back. If you feel you need some kind of heart in the meantime, you probably already have hers and didn't know it.
- The machine is never above hugs or other displays of affection within reason. An elbow bashed in your jaw is no encouragment for affection.
- Requires moments of blissful peace to watch the moon & stars. Company invited.
- Requires constant renewed assurance of love & devotion.
- Requires time with other female models of perfection.
- Perfection needs no upgrading, so don't look for a better model - There isn't one.
- Do not drag out anything with a fragile machine. If you want it to claim you, tell it the moment you think of it. If you particularly want it to either *not* ever claim you or disown you, again, tell it. ASAP.
- Pampering is permitted. And showing off amuses as long as it is kept within reason.
- Surprises are always welcome, no matter how simple yet thoughtful they are.
- One cannot urge its need for love enough!
A little more time was spent on creating this masterpiece. Handle with care.
"You break it, you buy it" does not apply. You break this, it breaks you back.