MEN ARE LIKE .....


1. Men are like department stores....

Their clothes should always be half off.
2. Men are like vacations....
They never seem to be long enough.
3. Men are like computers...
Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.
4. Men are like coolers...
Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.
5. Men are like chocolate bars....
Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like coffee....
The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.
7. Men are like horoscopes...
They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
8. Men are like plungers...
They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.
9. Men are like cement....
After getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.
10. Men are like laxatives..
They irritate the shit out of you.
11. Why did God create man?
Because vibrators don't mow lawns.
12. What are two reasons men don't mind their own business?
No mind - No business.
13. How are men and parking spots alike?
The good ones are taken and what's left is handicapped.
14. Why is it hard for a women to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
15. How is a man like a snowstorm?
You never know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
16. Why are men given larger brains than dogs?
So they don't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
17. Why can't men get mad cow disease?
Because they're all pigs.
18. Why is a hard man good to find?
You don't have to stay up half the night massaging his ego.
19. How is an ex-husband like an inflamed appendix?
It caused you a lot of pain, and after it was removed you found out you didn't need it anyway.
20. What do men and pantyhose have in common?
They either cling, run or don't fit right in the crotch!
21. How do we know men invented maps?
Who else would make an inch into a mile?
22. What's the definition of a man?
A life support system for a penis.
23. What is the difference between men and women:
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need...
A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need
24. How does a man keep his youth?
By giving her money, furs and diamonds.
25. Q: What's the most common cause of hearing loss amongst men?
A: Wife saying she wants to talk to him.
26. Where do you have to go to find a man who is truly into commitment?
A mental hospital
27. How are men like bank machines?
Once they withdraw they lose interest
28. How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
29. Q. Why do men prefer the woman to be on top?
A. Because men always screw up.
30. Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction_manuals"